How does a person heal from the betrayal of a friend, loved one, or a close relationship? I hear this question often in my office. I also have had to struggle with this in my personal life. I have had individuals and even churches talk about me to others instead of coming to me and finding out the truth. I can tell you it hurts. Even as I write this, it is in the middle of the night; I cannot sleep because of the betrayal of someone close to me. The first step of moving on from betrayal is searching yourself to see if the betrayal is because of something you did to the other person and if you need to apologize for something and seek forgiveness. Having a trusted advisor, your spouse, or a pastor work you through this process can be helpful. It is a good idea to have someone look at the situation from their point of view and see if you did anything that could have resulted in the other person betraying you. If you identify something you did, this is not betrayal, it could be retribution, but that is for another blog! If the answer is no, nothing you did was malicious or ill intent; then it is time to start your inside healing from betrayal.
First, we need to know that giving to others, providing our time, money, emotional support, wisdom will in itself open us up for betrayal. Psalms 41:1 King David says, "Oh, the joys of those who are kind to the poor! The LORD rescues them when they are in trouble." This entire chapter of Psalms talks about the person who gives to the poor. That person is rescued from the LORD when they are in trouble. The next verse states that God will provide them with prosperity and rescue them from their enemies. David understood that giving to those who are poorer than himself is a good thing, but he also knew that God would rescue him when it goes sideways (notice I said when it goes sideways, not if). Amid a betrayal, we must remember that the joy of giving to others does not come from the giving; it is directly from God. We gain supernatural joy from God, so we can still find joy and know that God will rescue us in times of trouble and betrayal!
Secondly, in verse 9 of chapter 41, David says, "Even my best friend, the one I trusted completely, the one who shared my food, has turned against me." You need to understand that it is those closest to us that can hurt us the most. They know the right words to say to cut us to the bone! This is so hard because we believe that those closest to us will never let us down, I am sorry to tell you this, but that is just downright false! Yes, you heard me correctly; those closest can hurt us the most, so what do we do? Do we stop letting others close to us? I would say NO! I have far more friends that have not betrayed me than those who do. So, what do we do? We accept it. We will be let down, but we also will be cared for by our true friends.
Third, remember your position. Verse 11-12, "I know you are pleased with me, for you have not let my enemies triumph over me." Being a follower of Jesus, we can know absolutely that God is pleased with us. We can go into his presence, and in God's eyes, we are innocent, even from the most significant betrayal our enemy can try to throw at us. They will not triumph over you, remember this, pray this and live your life knowing that whatever others say about you, God, the creator of everything, is pleased with you! “You have preserved my life because I am innocent; you have brought me into your presence forever."
If you are struggling with the pain of betrayal, pray this prayer, "God help me to see the joy that you give to me and to stop focusing on the pain this person has caused me. Father, open my eyes to the love I receive from you and my friends who genuinely care for me. Bless my enemies Father, and may they find joy and happiness in their life! Would you please help me to focus on you and not the betrayal? I know you are pleased in me, and you will make me prosper. I love you, God, Amen.
