People who are unhappy in their marriages tend to believe that the reason they are unhappy is because of their marriage. But, the research shows that people who are unhappy in their marriages are not any happier after a divorce.
Happiness is tied to circumstances. Sometimes, being in the center of God’s will means we are in a difficult and painful circumstance. God has never promised us happiness. He does, however, promise His peace. In the bible Stephen wasn’t happy when he was being stoned to death. Paul wasn’t happy when he was in prison. But, they both had God’s peace. We don’t always need to leave a situation because we’re unhappy. Sometimes God is working in the situation to grow us, teach us, or prepare us.
Being unhappy in your marriage is an opportunity to learn to depend more on God and to focus more on healing and growth than on happiness. Even if your spouse is unwilling to go to counseling for their own issues or is unwilling to do marriage counseling, you can still go to counseling on your own. You can learn how to create healthier boundaries in your marriage, deepen your relationship with God, and establish healthy relationships with friends and family who can support and encourage you. Growth is not only possible during a difficult situation-that’s the time that it is most likely to occur.
Also, if unhealed emotional wounds from your past are what lead you to choose your current spouse, they are influencing your behavior in the marriage, and if you leave the marriage without dealing with these wounds—the unhealed wounds go with you and lead to more unhealthy choices in the future.
Ultimately, your marriage may not survive, but don’t give up until you have done everything you can to change the dynamics in the relationship including starting the process of your own healing from the past.
