There are many types of fathers and combinations of types that affect us still even today.This list can tell us a lot about our lives and relationships in the here and now.
The workaholic father: you don’t see this dad very much as a child. he believes that his family it’s best served by him working all the time. Sometimes this is how he expresses his love. But as King Solomon says, “Better is open rebuke than love that has concealed.” Frankly he is using work as a way of avoiding hard emotions. so, vulnerability with mom and closeness to his kids is something that doesn’t really happen. Unfortunately, he is modeling poor behavior for leaders and future workers
The silent father: Absent in spirit and in actions, this father lacks the ability to express thoughts or feelings with the mom and or children. Beyond what is standard in his culture this father lacks most expressions of any connection or love.
The alcoholic father: Alcohol and or drugs have taken over this man’s life. perhaps passive or perhaps aggressive, this father is irresponsible to his spouse and to his kids.
The abusive father: Using physical or verbal violence this dad tends to abuse his power or his children controlling them and helping them feel fearful and insecure.
The idealized father: Perhaps with image management or even absence this dad creates a fantasy for the children that misleads them into thinking that he’s all good.
The tyrannical father. Much like the abusive father, this dad frequently has personality characteristics that helped him act controlling and hostile towards the children and or mother. He has high desire to control
The seductive father: “Seductive” refers to a set of behaviors that do not include molestation. The key feature of a seductive father is that he has ill-defined personal boundaries—both his own and those of others. He exhibits a higher degree of intimacy toward people, especially his children, than they are comfortable with, or that matches the relationship, and often expects the same in return. In many ways, the seductive father is too open with his nurturing feelings.
The competitive father. This dad cannot let his children win and he sees them as competition and consistently one down from him even as they grow into adults. He is hyper masculine and inside very insecure.
The triangulating or fusing father: This dad redirects emotions and thoughts meant for the mother to one or more of the children. these thoughts or emotions can be negative or positive or some combination of the two. Children usually get mad or confused when they observe this in their relationship with their parents. Sometimes he invites the children into the middle of the relationship with his spouse or sometimes even his own parents.
The Good- Enough father. This is the father that does just about everything right. He’s not perfect but he’s faithful and the children know that he’s trying hard. He is a servant leader while holding his children accountable with good boundaries and lots of grace. He understands what developmental stage his children are in and acts accordingly.
The Doubly Dangerous Father.
Some people experience an abusive father where they must eject the father object. They are deprived of the presence of the healthy, supportive father who should have been there, but they also sustained the damage inflicted by the abusive father who was there. Thus they experienced fathers that were absent with additional consequences besides.
The Physically Abusive Father: Driven by rage, alcohol, or drugs or all three this father uses physical discipline way above what is needed.
The Molesting Father: With poor generational and sexual boundaries this father takes out his relational and sexual desires on the child instead of the spouse.
The Terrorizing Father: Possibly addicted to rage and sometimes physically abusive, this father terrorizes his children and uses fear to control them.
The Weak Father: Low boundaries, weak leadership and a one up-one down relationship with the mother creates a father that seems powerless and ineffectual.
Now put the word leader, boss or manager where the word father is. I guarantee you this will tell you a lot about your own leaders as well as about yourself as a leader. Many of us are leaders by default: we are parents! Before that we were followers as children. We modeled and internalized how our parents led. All of us bring our parents and families of origin to our workplace as well as to our families of present. We bring our script and expectations (positive and negative) to our relationships and unconsciously try to play out our script with people.
The Father Wound and Blessing: Imago Work. Write a letter to your father with your non dominant hand telling him what you missed and needed as a child. You do not have to send this letter but you may find that it will tell you a lot about your relationship with your boss, with your spouse, your kids and how you see God. Mentoring coaching counseling as well as discipleship and accountability will do much to help you work on issues with your father. See Making Peace With Your Father by Dave Stoop
