This blog is going to focus on what steps to take to feed your marriage. However, I would like to begin with an analogy of what will likely happen to your marital relationship if you don’t spend time nourishing it. Think of your indoor/outdoor plants…if they are not watered, fed, clipped, trimmed, pruned, transplanted, etc., what is likely going to happen to them? Simply put…they will begin to wither and eventually die. That’s exactly what happens in a relationship that is not fed with healthy nourishments. I don’t mean to sound harsh when I say this, but excuses of not having enough time are just that, EXCUSES. Think of your professional career, if you begin to neglect your duties and responsibilities, it may lead to your termination.
From personal experiences, I understand that ‘Life’ can get busy and chaotic. As child-rearing parents of three, from infancy to adulthood, my husband and I found it challenging to just keep up with fulfilling our children’s basic needs, desires, schedules, and spending quality time with them. Over time, we noticed that we both became too comfortable in our marriage and shifted priority to our children. This was a very dangerous situation we found ourselves in. As our marriage was dwindling, we found that our children were suffering due to increased bickering, disagreements, and arguments causing familial distress. Hence, after becoming aware of our shortcomings, we became intentional to carve out alone time spent with each other. This took a lot of concerted effort on both of our parts as we were very busy raising our children.
As a result of my personal and professional experiences, I am providing suggestions of how to feed your marriage, surrounding chaotic and busy schedules.
• Schedule daily 20-30 minutes to engage in stimulating conversations with your spouse; no complaining about each other
• Plan and execute caring behaviors (make your spouse his/her favorite meal once a week)
• Coordinate a babysitter to have weekly date nights
• Surprise your spouse with a Because I Love You gift (monthly or bi-monthly)
• Initiate sexual intimacy when your spouse least expects it
• Show physical affection (i.e. holding hands, hugging, kisses, and cuddling) in front of your children
• Leave loving post-it notes for your spouse (weekly or monthly)
These are just some suggestions; however I am sure that you can come up with a few on your own. Stay focused on doing or saying something that will put a smile on your spouse’s face. Please do not keep score on who does what; this is called Quid Pro Quo and will NOT work. This will likely cause you both to feel discouraged and disappointed. Be intentional to feeding your marriage with positive contributions that will last a life time.
