How to Be a Better Spouse

I often get asked questions about couples, marriage, and divorce. How do one time happily married couples end up divorced? Is divorce preventable? Unfortunately the only true way to prevent divorce is to not get married in the first place. Love, relationship, and marriage is always going to be a risk. For those ready to risk love its important to know who you are and where you come from. What was the model I had of marriage growing up? What did I learn about how men and women communicate? Am I repeating negative patterns from my past? How can I unlearn them and have a more healthy relationship and marriage?   

Many times divorce simply comes down to selfishness. Its either from the husband, the wife, or both. When couples are not willing to compromise or consider each other it will spell trouble.  

So what can we do? One thing is to realize that we married a flawed human being who is going to make mistakes. Now some of us may have a habit of pointing this out yet doing so in negative ways is not going to change this reality. Research has shown that being a criitcal spouse is a sure ticket to divorce court. Acceptance is very important. Now we never accept abuse of course but compromise must be sought and found daily. You might not always agree but when you can let your spouse know through your actions that you value his/her opinion it goes a long way. It starts with humility and valuing your spouse. It starts with striving to be a better listener, not interrupting, and not reacting defensively. It starts with coming to grips with your own flawed past and relearning how to be a healthy spouse today. Lastly it starts with inviting God into your marriage and modeling Christ to your spouse through unconditional forgiveness and self sacrifice.

 

David Mora LPC