I recall years ago going on trips to Coney Island in Brooklyn, New York. Back then that was a big deal, especially the anticipation of what was considered the most exciting roller coaster ride of that time, “The Cyclone”. For some reason anticipating tumbling from the top of a huge hill at record speed made the heart race, and actually doing it caused even more heart palpitations. I remember as that huge machine went creaking slowly up, what seemed like, an insurmountable hill. There was a deluge of thoughts that ran through my mind, from “Oh Lord this was a mistake”, or “Why did I let them talk me into this” or What if this thing gets to the top and I go flying off” or literally whispering prayers of repentance, just in case. Needless to say, this was always the anticipated and also dreaded ride of my life, but at the end I would utter a sigh of relief knowing ALL WAS WELL!!!
Over the years, the marriage union has been taking a severe bashing, as marriages go up and down a roller coaster ride. Marriage is under siege and the idea is to eradicate the family and bring complete destruction. Most research indicates that the marriage roller coaster ride is violently going up and down and the family is taking a beating on every relationship turf, starting with marriage. As a result of the ride, the Christian therapist bent on finding healing answers, stands on the sidelines waiting for couples to get off, take a deep breath, and put their hands in the air as they make their way down hill screaming HELP!!!
As one of those therapists waiting on the sidelines, when those seeking my help decide to schedule an appointment with me, my first question is usually “how can I help you”? That simple, yet riveting question, has managed to reap a colossal array of responses, one of which is usually “how can I save my marriage? I think my husband/wife hates me.” This response is most times followed by whimpering and sobbing from being on the ride of their lives for so long, as they try to figure out what they did wrong and why they ever got on the ride in the first place. The response to this ongoing ride is mind boggling, sometimes even for the therapist, bent on helping to repair the emotional and verbal bumps and bruises already suffered. While the desire is always to see the glass half full, some scars are very deep.
The hurt, discouragement and rejection that is felt during this life changing ride leaves one’s heart in a fright that is second to none. However, all should not be lost knowing there is an answer on the horizon that brings comfort and healing on every downward slope. It is up to the therapist to prescribe tools that bring comfort and release, especially when the ride seems unending. There is a remedy for this Gaslighting (form of emotional abuse) that has the potential to cripple one’s dreams, desires and hopes.
What or who is the answer that brings lasting hope?
Where can the couple find lasting peace when all they see is chaos?
Should the couple be seeking happiness or joy and where does this lie?
How can one find comfort in a devastatingly uncomfortable situation?
The voice of hope, peace, joy and comfort, beckons to the man/woman questioning why his/her husband/wife hates him/her, letting him/her know there is an everlasting love that can be realized even when all hell has broken loose in the once loving home, that was at ease on the upward slope. Despite the anguish that this ride sometimes causes, there is healing to be embraced as the victims, release themselves and victoriously scream as they get to the bottom of the ride ALL IS STILL WELL!!! “He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds” Psalm 147:3
Submitted by:
Dr. Sharon Arrindell
