WHAT COULD WE HAVE DONE DIFFERENT...WHAT DID WE DO WRONG?
We tend to ask ourselves these and similar questions when things don’t go well, or the outcomes are considered unacceptable.
It is not the time during the actual event that presses upon me, it is my interpretation of it afterwards that strengthens vulnerability. In order to function, God empowers us with the ability to separate our emotions from the moment at hand. While en route to a confirmed fire, we heard over the radio that there were three people confirmed to be trapped in the building. This infallibly triggers a conditioned mindset response that there is no room for mistakes and that risks will be maximized. No longer are we more worried about the dangers of the fire or the integrity of the structure, we now shift into managed fear. This is what we signed up for.
This was a three-story brick apartment building with fire fully involving the front enclosed stairwell and starting to push into the cockloft. Efforts were being made to knockdown the fire from the outside. My partner and I were assigned to go to the rear and as we approached the backyard, I noticed a group of firefighters waiting for a charged-line before entering the back porches. Heavy smoke filled the enclosed back porches presenting a situation requiring a risk/benefit analysis. Having the confirmation of civilians being trapped inside, raised the benefits well above the risks and too much time had gone by already leaving no time for a charged-line. My partner and I quickly entered the back door to the first-floor apartment while four other members split-off to search the upper two units. Visibility was zero and the heat was rising as we made our way closer to the front of the apartment. In order to get to the bedrooms, making it challenging to complete a search, we had to first reach the entrance to the bedroom located near the front of the apartment and then work our way back through to the other bedrooms which were all joined together. As we made our way to the front, fire began breaking through the front door climbing across the ceiling. Knowing our time was limited, we split up while staying in voice distance. Governed by the growth of the fire and increasing heat, we searched as much of the bedrooms as we could before having to retreat. It was at that moment when we heard over the radio that the three victims were found on the upper units. We then quickly made our way to the back door to help with removing the victims. Unfortunately, all three victims perished two of them being a pregnant woman along with her young daughter found lying next to her. One the members, during his remarkable effort of removing the pregnant mother, suffered burns and later received a high honors award.
My intent for sharing this, one of many stories, is definitely not to encourage rescue efforts without a charged-line, which is quite circumstantial and difficult to delineate between when and when not to, but rather to bring to the surface incidences where we tend to blame ourselves. Self-blame can lead to unnecessary guilt and reoccurring negative thoughts. Remember, we are not mindless machines, we are not designed to carry our yesterdays, and nor do we have full control over the outcomes of our efforts.
“We may throw the dice, but The Lord determines how they fall.” (Proverbs 16:33, NLT)
If you can relate to this story and want to talk about it, feel free to email me.
Brett Snow, PhD.
survivinglifem@gmail.com
