Christian Counselor Directory Blog

A few weeks ago I attended a beautiful Christian wedding. The pastor did a great job because his message actually informed the couple that even though their celebration together on this day surrounded by family and friends was creating beautiful memories, they might experience some disappointing moments and those moments could possibly happen very quickly after the ceremony ended. He encouraged them not be caught off guard in those disappointing moments but to know this is normal and in these disappointments they should take a deep breath, seek wisdom and guidance and even ask the Lord in prayer to help them.

What wisdom! I'm afraid we've given couples a Hallmark version of marriage where there are no problems and everything turns out gloriously every single moment. We don't do newlyweds any favors to suggest that marriage is without disappointing moments and includes many times of working through tough hurts.

What you might not know is that the number one emotion that causes couples to be disconnected is disappointment. It is wise to inform couples that disappointment will come, but this doesn't mean that these disappointing interactions are deal breakers. Disappointment is simply an opportunity for couples to learn how to solve problems and to grow together in victory.

Many couples I work with are shocked to hear about the power of disappointment and how normal it is for married couples to be disappointed in their marriage. Couples witness others in church and other groups who never look disappointed. They wonder what is wrong with them, why they aren't thriving in their marriage.

Christian couples need to learn how to be married! Many couples never saw good examples of marriage and for the most part are expecting things "to just work out." For this reason I created a course they can work through watching videos and doing assignments from a workbook so they can have a better understanding of navigating marriage and improving the marriage relationship. Committing to improving their marriage with this training will definitely help couples create new habits, learn more about each other and marriage and escape being stuck in a disappointing marriage.

Is your mind filled with anxiety?
Maybe you’re suffering from sleepless nights and feeling nervous and upset all day…
Worrying all the time…
Imagining the worst-case scenario…
Maybe having an anxiety free mind sounds impossible.
Maybe you think anxiety is helpful and necessary.
That it helps you solve your problems.
But if you’re honest, what you really want is to relax and calm down.
You want to be free of anxiety.
It is truly possible to become anxiety free – no matter what your situation is.
A few years ago, I was an anxious mess. A family situation had me in knots. I hardly ate, couldn’t sleep, and was consumed with worry all day. In the midst of my miser

Here’s what I discovered…

1. DON’T BELIEVE EVERY THING your mind tells you!
It’s true! Thoughts are just thoughts! You don’t need to trust every one of them. Not all thoughts are equal.

2. Become AWARE of your thoughts.
This means pausing long enough to become mindful of the thoughts rolling around in your mind. Take a break from your whirlwind of thoughts. Stop long enough to sort out your thoughts and feelings. Identify the ones causing your anxiety.

3. ASK YOURSELF: Where do these thoughts come from?
This is a reflective process that takes a bit of time but helps you understand the root of your thoughts. Thoughts come from a lifetime of experiences that have formed impressions or unconscious ideas about how life works and your place in the world. For example, individuals with anxiety might have unconscious thoughts like…
I will always be a worrier.
Life is unsafe and scary.
Anxiety helps me cope with problems.
I’ll never be able to calm down.
Something must be wrong with me.

4. Identify CORE BELIEFS
Unconscious thoughts affect everything you do. They influence your thoughts, feelings, decisions and actions. Why? Because they form the foundational system of beliefs by which you live.
They are called CORE BELIEFS. For instance, someone living with the core belief that anxiety is the way to cope with problems, experiences a mind automatically filled with anxious thoughts and feelings when something happens.
An event could even be neutral but those of us with anxiety will interpret it as being negative and dangerous. While someone else operating from a different set of beliefs might interpret the event as a positive opportunity.

5. Accept and change LIMITING BELIEFS
Core beliefs become LIMITING BELIEFS when you trust and act on them. Hanging on to the core belief, for instance, that life is unsafe and scary, holds you back in life. Fear and anxiety control your thoughts, feelings, decisions and actions.
The key to reducing limiting beliefs that cause anxiety is to allow and accept them. Be aware of your limiting beliefs and decide to do something about the ones that cause anxious thoughts.
Remember: You don’t have to believe everything your mind tells you!

You always have a choice to change negative thoughts and limiting beliefs into positive thoughts and empowering beliefs.

Here’s how…

Replace old beliefs with new beliefs. For instance, someone with the old belief, “I will never be able to calm down,” could change it to the new belief, “I can calm down. I can do what it takes to calm down.”
Repeat the new belief to yourself every day! Even several times a day. Make it a habit. This will start to reprogram your mind and create new neural pathways in your brain.
You can reprogram your mind and become anxiety free!

I hope you can follow these 5 steps to become aware of your limiting beliefs, change them to new empowering beliefs and to repeat them often. Take this path to become anxiety free.

However, if you are truly struggling with anxiety that keep you nervous and troubled, watch my FREE 10 minute video on How to Stop Anxiety (https://janekcoaching.com/schedule-a-call/) to learn the exact 3 steps you can take to Become Anxiety Free.

Jane Kennard PhD, CPC is a Canadian born anxiety coach whose desire is to help women become anxiety free. Her purpose is to support women struggling with anxiety, overwhelm and worry and help them experience anxiety free living. She lives in Texas with her husband and Bishon pup, Toby. Find out more and sign up for a free consultation here.