Christian Counselor Directory Blog

We all have them in our lives...difficult people.  We hear messages like " Love is all you need" or "love will make a way" but what happens when your best effort to love that difficult person in your life fails? What if you believe you are even loving beyond your own capacity, tapping in to God's supernatural love and STILL--there is no reconciliation or restoration of that relationship? Love is never FULLY realized if it isn't received. Many times, the difficult people in our lives allow pain, anger, bitterness, grief, envy, and/or fear to stand in the way of them receiving our love--and even the love of God. Pop psychology calls these folks "toxic." Their unhappiness and negativity spills over in their words and actions leaving those they care about the most, in the wake of their emotional spew. Galatians 5:21 spells out this toxicity of the sinful nature as reaking of hostility, quarreling, jealousy, angry outbursts, selfishness, dissension, division and envy (to name a few!). Yet we are called as receivers of God's grace to produce the fruits of HIS spirit even amid the toxicity of others. Let's face it, though-- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness,and self-control can seem so out of reach when dealing with these difficult, unhappy people.

Have you ever asked yourself, how are my boundaries? Better yet, what are boundaries? The Merrian-Webster Dictionary defines Boundaries as, “something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent.”

 Synonyms for the word boundary found in the Merriam- Webster Dictionary include; line, limitation, confines, and end. Too much of a boundary, can leave us isolated and disconnected from authentic feelings and other people in our lives. Often individuals who have experienced repeated hurts in life; emotionally, physically, and or sexually, feel safer using walls as a defense to protect them selves. The cost of living life in an impenetrable wall destroys authentic communication and honesty with self and other’s. It steals the potential for relational intimacy. 

 Do you ever have a difficult time saying “No” in your life? Are you so busy taking care of everything and everyone that you have no time for yourself? Does your mind race with all the to-do’s or the details of a stressful situation. These thoughts steal your attention and focus.  Not having a boundary system to protect or help contain you will rob you of being present at work, at home, and with your family. It may create a decreased sense of self, leaving you at the mercy of everyone else.

 Boundaries are an important part of our lives. Boundaries serve to protect us physically, sexually and emotionally. Having healthy intact boundaries gives us the gift of knowing who we are; what I need, who I am, and what I believe. Intact boundaries allow us to be both open and vulnerable, in addition to protection and containment. According to Pia Melody, author of Facing Codependency, “Protection keeps us from being a victim, which is an act of self-esteem. Containment keeps us from being offensive to others we are interacting with.” The practice of healthy boundaries strengthens ones self-esteem, teaches one how to communicate without being offensive and it separates one’s thinking and feeling from another’s.

Discovery and Wellness PLLC

Heidi Brouelette

It's time to move past the no-brainer New Year's resolutions whether it's quit smoking, or lose ten pounds or some other deprivation-based resolution. My gift to you is a cheat-sheet of some resolutions that are more  'Yes' than 'No', and will improve your happiness, instead of making you grumpy and irritable. Here you go.

1. Take more risks. Yes. Being controlled by fear and anxiety is not life! Get out there and get messy, and make mistakes. Fail a few times. Learn from the failure and grow in character through the process. 

2. Slow down and smell the coffee or the roses or whatever you find. 
Stop being too busy to taste the flavors in your food, to hear yourself think, to watch the sunset or to listen to the words of your favorite song. Adrenaline addiction is a thing - and not a good thing.

3. Be honest and open with yourself.
Taking some time to have an honest heart-to-heart with yourself about what do you really want in life is a good thing.Are you heading in the right direction? Or have you been pulled along with the current of other's expectations and good ideas? 

4. Say 'No' to time-sucks. 
Time is the one non-renewable resource, so don't squander it. That doesn't mean packing your days to the max. That means making intentional choices, saying Yes intentionally and sometimes saying No to time-sucks intentionally.

5. Assess your 'people'.
Are your relationships life-giving? Hopefully most of your people are giving you life. Of course, we also need to be giving sometimes to others. Are you engaging with people intentionally, or because you don't know how to extricate yourself from them? It is key to be receiving from others and giving to others - intentionally.
 
6. Accept the past.
Seriously. The past is not going to change by ruminating over it some more. It didn't work out for a reason. Take the lesson from it and find comfort in knowing that you are a wiser person for the things that were difficult.

7. Stop making excuses for not living out your dream.
You've read about, maybe you know personally people who just went for it and pursued their dream. Make sure you won't be upset and disappointed with yourself a few years from now for all the time you wasted and find yourself stuck dwelling on what could have been.

8. Share others' good fortune.
When life goes well for someone around you, enter into their joy instead of being jealous or envious. Genuinely be happy for others' success because you'll want them to be happy for you when you share your good news.

9. Pay positive emotion forward.
If you're seeking compassion, show it to others. What goes around, always comes back around.

10.  Find the time to help someone in need. 
At your discretion, be that supportive, empathetic person to another who needs it.You'll feel better about yourself as a result.

11. Validate yourself.
Live before an audience of one. You get to decide who will be your judge. Don't worry about what others think or don't think of you. Think highly of yourself and give yourself permission to be great.

12. Respect your private property.
Your emotions and your inner experience are yours- they are your property. You may share your property with others. However, not everyone needs to know every detail about your life, your relationship or whatever else is going on for you. Savor certain moments by yourself as precious.

Donald Russell

 For several years, I have noticed the increase of television commercials promoting low testosterone medications in many forms--patches, tablets, creams, and even, injections.  Without a doubt, a variety of factors involved with taking the drug exists, such as long-acting, short-acting doses, differing prices, and,  most certainly, the possible side effects.  Naturally, what I did not hear mentioned were some common life circumstances or behaviors attributed to lowering testosterone levels.  Would not that information come in handy?