Christian Counselor Directory Blog

In this month of love I thought it might be helpful to talk a little bit about leadership and love. Turning to Scripture, I thought a good trick would be to substitute the word "love" in 1 Corinthians 13 with the word "leadership". Love here is an act of the will or committment. This sort of compassion is needed in romantic relationships, relationships with your children and of course your relationships with your staff. Sit back and see if this makes a difference in how you view leadership.


" Leadership is patient, Leadership is kind, It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs, leadership does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."


When you read this what do you get? It seems to me at first glance this makes leadership very vulnerable and too trusting. But if we take the whole counsel of God's Word we know that things like truth, integrity, and congruency as well as boundaries are very important parts of God's ways, these balance out love and vulnerability. Read my version again and see how this compares to your leadership.

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The apostles returned to Jesus and told him all that they had done and taught. And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest awhile.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat. And they went away in the boat to a desolate place by themselves (Mark 6:30-32).

After the apostles had been ministering, caregiving, discipling, teaching, praying, and healing, Jesus encourages them to come away and rest. Those of us who have been called into helping, teaching, caregiving roles often have no leisure. Yes, some take vacations and set aside one day of rest each week. Yet, our minds and hearts fight, without success, to surrender thoughts of the responsibilities we harbor.

I'd imagine the apostles struggled with the same inability to surrender. Picture Peter trying to rest on the Sabbath. He’s drifting near the shore in his boat. Peter leans back with his head resting on a rolled-up pile of net. In the distance he sees a blind man, begging on the shore. A burly, bully of a fisherman pushes the blind beggar around and calls him names. He takes the blind man’s walking stick and tosses it in the water. Peter groans and says to himself, “On the Sabbath? I’m not even supposed to row!” He looks toward shore and sees the man stomping on the beggar’s stomach. “HEY!” He calls out. “Leave that man alone!” The bully sneers and walks away. Peter leans toward shore and his boat obeys. He fishes the blind man’s walking stick out of the water and brings it to him. His touch on the man’s arm revives the man’s spirit. Peter helps the man stand and hands him his walking stick. He knows if he doesn’t heal the man, thoughts will plague him all day. “Lord, which more distracts me from devoting my day to you – the time it will take me to trust in you to heal this man through me, or the hours I will spend wondering and concerning myself over his fate?” After receiving his answer, Peter placed his thumbs on the man’s eyes, pressed gently, told him, “In Jesus’ name you now see.” The man praised Jesus and followed the apostles, learning about Jesus and serving others.

Rest for a Christian leader, caregiver, counselor, or minister proves difficult even today. We set aside a day, fully intending to surrender our burdens, and connect with the Lord. Our quiet place puts us to sleep due to mental and emotional exhaustion from failing to surrender the burdens of others. If we don’t find, don’t have, or avoid a quiet place, distractions pummel us until that day of rest becomes another day of work.

We can instead unburden or recharge by spending time with a trusted friend or friends to share our troubles by talking it out. This sounds nice, but most caregivers, counselors, and Christian leaders are talented listeners. We have very few balanced friendships where we are able to successfully unencumber ourselves by sharing our burdens without instead becoming dedicated listeners.

Jesus told the apostles to come away to a desolate place. I invite you to come away every other Tuesday evening at 6:30 p.m. for a Mountainside Restoration Experience via Zoom. Meet with other listeners -- Christian counselors, caregivers, ministers, and those called to compassionate caring. We will come alongside each other to listen, pray, share a Word, and be Restored through the Lord.
For more information or to sign up for the first meeting, follow this link:

As we approach Valentine’s day, it’s important for us to acknowledge the love in our lives, as well as self-love. “Belonging” is innate, or something that we’re born wanting and needing. Relationships and connections define us from the time we’re born until we take our last breath. It forms us as children and marks the path to who we are when we take our first steps toward independence from family and friends. The wrong connections can forever change our lives and this is why it’s so important to choose our interpersonal relationships wisely.

It's important to recognize that we teach people how to treat us. When you allow small acts of disrespect, it should come as no surprise that larger ones will follow. This can be a problem when a person comes from a dysfunctional or abusive childhood because this kind of environment can teach us that disrespect is normal. Often, my point in therapy is to realize that if this kind of emotional pain hurts as a child, it’s going to create the same harm as an adult. Such pain doesn’t change just because you’ve become an adult. This is why therapy is important.

A person once told me that if you want to change the people around you, you have to change the people around you. She was essentially saying that if you want change, start with who you have around you. However, this change starts with ‘self’. You have to be willing let people walk away and be okay with it. Think of it as choosing fruit in the grocery store. You don’t want the ones that are bruised, rotten, or wormy because you see signs that it may not be good for you. Well... This is easy in the grocery store because you don’t have an emotional connection to a piece of fruit.

Part of developing a good relationship is that it’s up to you to decide whether that person will be a part of your future. It’s emotional connections that cause a lot of people to stay in dysfunction. Some people think that a person won’t like them if they set interpersonal boundaries but finding that out is the whole point of respecting yourself and the person you’re in the relationship with. Boundaries and those tough discussions will provide signs as to whether you can both work through the tough moments life will present. These discussions contribute to the emotional foundation that form the rest of the relationship. Working through those moments will also show you “who” you’re going to have during tough times. That also goes both ways.

I say all of this to say that love is important. Love that’s good for you can make the sun seem brighter. It can make a headache go away. Good love can heal the body and the mind. Bad “love” can make nights seem deadly. It can contribute to bad physical health. It is the stress in the stroke just like it’s the worm in the apple. It’s not good for you and we shouldn’t ignore the warning signs.

I’m not saying don’t give people a chance but it’s like that Maya Angelou quote, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” Once a person has gotten comfortable in a relationship, you really begin to see them for who they are and you get to decide how or if you move forward. That goes both ways.

So, for this upcoming Valentine’s Day, it may be time to start some heart-to-heart discussions, or it may be time to take a look at who’s in your network and work on setting up a good support system for yourself. Good change takes time and perhaps it’s time to address some of our physical health concerns with some therapeutic conversations.

Proverbs 19:8 says is whoever is sensible loves his own soul and in that understanding we will discover good. Lastly, in that good, let’s define the love we want and the love we give by 1 Corinthians (1 Corinthians 13:4-8), which leads such understanding to a good and perfect love for everyone involved.

When The Roller Coaster Never Stops

There’s an old adage, “Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair; you’re moving, but you’re not getting anywhere.” Comforting, maybe, but not very helpful when the sense of worry won’t go away, when you can’t get out of the chair. Even worse, anxiety is less like a rocking chair, and more like a Roller Coaster, terrifying and stressful, and to those that suffer from it, it never seems to stop.

Now, imagine trying to write a letter on a roller coaster. Or cook a meal. Or sleep.

Anxiety is much more common than you might think.

We all have stress, especially after the past couple of years living through a worldwide pandemic. Whenever we’re faced with stress, a challenge or a threat, our brains release the hormone cortisol, what we used to call adrenaline, which floods the nervous system with the chemical message “you’d better get ready to fight or run away.”

Read more by clicking on link below to learn how anxiety impacts your health, your mental health, and what the Bible says about ways to address anxiety.

Let’s talk about “New Year, New Day, New Change.”

We all know the drill by now…a New Year, New Resolutions.

If you’re older, especially, you may still feel the pressure to make a big, sweeping change in your life, to finally fix the ONE THING that’s been holding you back from success, or money, or love. Buuuuut, we’ve also done this before, where we set goals for ourselves and bail on them in a month or two. Too hard. Too painful. Too tiring. Too much rejection.

Now, there’s a whole philosophical debate about the cultural importance of the New Year, but we’re going to skip all of that today.

A New Year IS an opportunity, and we like to strike when the iron is hot! The New Year is as good a time as any to make a change in your life, and vice versa. We’ll have a little more on that later, but this is the important part; Don’t wait for an event to start changing; START NOW.

We are constantly making changes, whether we identify them as resolutions or not. Why not take today, this minute, this hour, to make positive changes intentionally that help you become a better person, have a happier life, and fulfill the purpose God has given to you?

Read more about tiny steps, done consistently, and how they are really the resolutions that make change!

How to hunker down and not lose your cool when the everyday routines in life change or are turned upside down!

It might be fun for a few days, almost like a mini-vacation, but when the isolation drags on and on, it quits being so much fun. When we are forced to spend time together, without our usual structure, or alone in isolation, it is easy to feel a little lost, become more irritable, and even feel overwhelmed.

Children accustomed to structured class time may have a hard time switching over to online learning or switching from being in school to being on summer break. It may even be taking the family on vacation, and even though it is fun and exciting, it can also be stressful.

We may want to ‘lay around’ and watch TV, play on our phones rather than interact with each other. Some have an extensive online social structure, while others are not really ‘connected’ in that manner.

The way we communicate with one another will be vital as we take on new roles.

During the pandemic, parents suddenly had to become teachers. Parents who are usually at work are now childcare providers, have unexpected interruptions (even while trying to do their former job from home), and may have little experience addressing daily issues unrelated to their work skillsets. They developed an appreciation for the skills teachers provide daily to students.

Throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, we’ve certainly had to make adjustments. We lost our structures: We were suddenly forced to enter unfamiliar new roles, blend work and home in ways we couldn’t anticipate, find new methods to manage social interactions and friendships, fight boredom, and even change the context in which we spend time with those we love.

Most tragically, we suffered loss…the deaths of friends, family, coworkers, public figures we admired, and acquaintances. Over two years of isolation have stripped away the markers that we used to track the passage of time, the holidays, birthdays, and special events that we treasured. The hardest pill to swallow is that we’re not out of the woods yet. Another hard pill to swallow is the divisions this pandemic has caused in our nation, among fellow believers, neighbors, family, and friends. We have seen Satan's power in his lies, splitting efforts, and efforts to separate us from doing what is right and good, as Christ would have us to do.

I know you’re tired. We all are. We’ve been fighting the same struggle, missing our children's birthdays, celebrating Christmas over video calls, eating Thanksgiving alone. But we can do this.

This is the crucial part. There is good news, so listen up.

There is Hope! And even through difficult times, Christians can shine as 'lights to the world,' affirming that no matter what happens in this world, we can serve as His disciples by the good we do and show others, even during difficult times.

Read more by clicking on the link below...

As the days shorten and the holidays draw to a close, we have the opportunity to take stock of our past and future, examine the events of the past year, and prepare for the new.

It is almost impossible not to collectively have the past few years right in our faces by the holidays.

During what is supposed to be a time of celebration, we feel pain and loss even more sharply, and the past year has had a lot of it. Old hurts compound with the new, and the heartache that we thought was behind us rises back to the surface. This is especially true as all the ‘norms’ suddenly are no longer norms...and even that unsettling realization increases our feelings of helplessness and grief.

But the Bible teaches us that there are ways, people, and beliefs that will help us address those griefs. No one has greater grief than another person, and we don't weigh the seriousness of grief felt, as each person feels their grief deeply.

Christ understood that, felt and suffered grief himself. God provides tools to help ourselves, and others, through the grief process.

Read more by clicking on the link below.

As beautiful as becoming a parent is, it can take a huge toll on the mental health of both mom and dad. That’s why it is so important to focus on how to support one another and build each other up through the perinatal period–the period of time beginning in pregnancy up until the baby is two years old, when both partners (but especially mom) are particularly vulnerable to mental health and mood disorders, such as postpartum depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress. So, what are some ways we can nurture our relationships after kids? Click link to read full blog