Christian Counselor Directory Blog

My personal assessment of the Institution of Marriage

My assessment of the institution of marriage is buttressed on the foundation of my Christian faith. As such, my assessment of the institution of marriage is integrated, multidimensional, multilayered and interwoven with my marital philosophy and core values. These nuances are further ingrained within my belief systems and theology. The foregoing elements ultimately shape my biblical worldview of marriage. A biblical worldview is essential for followers of Jesus Christ to effectively live out their Christian faith (Dockery, 2007; Sire, 2009). My biblical worldview of marriage was framed from the construct that marriage is a covenant relationship established with God as opposed to the commonly held secular worldview that marriage is simply a contractual relational agreement entered into by two persons. According to Hill (2015), secularism is “a state of affairs and a state of mind in which the realities of life are considered to be without spiritual significance” (p. 311).

Theologically, the doctrines of Creation and the Trinity (Genesis 1:26- 30), the Fall of Humanity (Genesis 3:5-7), the Redemption of Humankind through the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ (Hebrews 9:15; Titus 2: 14; Revelation 1:5-6), the establishment of a New Heaven and Earth (Isaiah 65:17; Isaiah 66:22; Revelation 21:1) are foundational to my personal assessment of the institution of marriage. In addition, my biblical worldview supports the biblical view that the family was indeed the first institution created by God when He took one of Adam’s ribs and made Eve is wife (Genesis 2:21-23). I believe that a husband first responsibility is to his wife, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24, King James Version) and a wife’s first responsibility is to her husband: “but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:20b). My biblical worldview of marriage is not contingent of macroenvironmental factors such as: (a) secular legislative adaptations, (b) widely held secular view that cohabitation is a viable alternative to marriage for economic reasons or (c) cultural compromises that require Christians to “blend in” with contemporary culture.

What threats or risks do marriages face today that may undermine the stability of the relationship or increase stress for a couple?

Contemporary marriages face a plethora of stressors and risks that daily threaten the stability of marital relationships. I posit that threats or risks associated with marriages can be either (a) internal to the marital relationship and as such are contingent on how individual parties function within the marriage or (b) external to the marriage when, in many instances, the factors are not created by the couple. As it relates to individualistic marital influences, I posit that the character and virtues held by both husband and wife are pivotal to marital health and positive outcomes.

According to Goddard, Olson, Galovan, Schramm, and Marshall (2016), “Marital virtues and character strengths suggest that personal characteristics such as generosity, gratitude, positivity, forgiveness, and other-centeredness are related to positive relationship outcomes” (p. 425). When husbands and wives display such virtues, it is believed that the “self” becomes decentered and paves the way to more effectively overcome inherent attribution biases, achieved compromise in better understanding each other’s points of view to arrive at common ground (Goodard et al., 2016). Goodard et al., (2016)’s study, which focused on examining 1,513 respondents in three states and their effects of humility, positivity and compassion, revealed that “spousal reports of humility and compassion were positively associated with self-reported marital satisfaction among both husbands and wives” (p.433).

In other words, one can reasonably conclude that some level of emphasis should be given to character development and formation during premarital and remarital counseling.
In another study conducted by Ledermann, Bodenmann, Rudaz, and Bradbury (2010), 345 couples were examined using the Action Partner Interdependence and Common Fate Model. The authors hypothesized that “relationship stress mediates the association between external stress and marital functioning at the individual level, and that the association between relationship stress and marital quality is partially mediated by communication at the dyadic level” (p. 195). A key finding of the study was that both husbands and wives’ marital communication in conflict and wives’ marital quality “seem to be affected to the same degree by one’s own relationship stress and the partner’s relationship stress”(p.203). Based on this key finding, one could make a strong argument that counselors and marital therapist should devote some critical attention to: (a) psychoeducation during premarital and remarital counseling and (b) developing strategic therapeutic intervention approaches to help married couples cope with individual stress as well as external stressors. The findings of this study also may a good argument to support the view that interpersonal communication skill development could potentially be a pivotal factor aimed at improving marital satisfaction outcomes.

Within the culture?

Between 1980 and 2008 statistical data indicate that multicultural marriages are significantly on the rise. Given this reality, traditional approaches to premarital and remarital counseling may not be the most optimum therapeutic approach to achieve optimal couple satisfaction (Qian & Lichter, 2011). Arguably, one of the greatest influences on contemporary life shaping worldviews is the postmodern culture in which we live. Bond (2014), a social psychologist by profession, renders an in-depth description of a construct premise first elucidated by Cole (1996) referred to as “cultural-inclusive psychology” (p. 7). Bond (2014) provides the following comprehensive definition of this all-embracing cultural concept here:

I think of culture on both its senses – the repository of humankind’s fascinating output of cuisine, music, art, architecture, literature, philosophy and science on the life that teems around us, but also in the more esoteric sense of the residue from this legacy in the life-as-lived by each of us – our beliefs, our values, our worldviews, our talents, our vocations ad our relationships, their style and content, that structure of living from the cradle to the grave. (p. 27).

In other words, several of today’s marriages are exposed to the fault lines created by today’s postmodern culture. As such, if they are not built on a solid foundation, they become extremely susceptible to suffering from the devastating effects caused from marital earthquakes. The influences of postmodern culture of today’s society including the church are staggering. Rosenbaum and Weathersbee (2013), in a study conducted among 151 newly married couples at nine Texas Southern Baptist churches, reported that, “More than 70% of the respondents reported having had premarital vaginal or oral sex, but more than 80% regretted premarital sex” (p. 263). I would argue that similar statistics may also be unveiled if other denominations were investigated, thus illustrating the intensive impact that postmodernism is having on the Church in general, and more specifically, on the institution of marriage.

Through legislative or other initiatives?

Perhaps the most important legislative impact that has impacted both marriages and the Church is same-sex marriages. Again, postmodernism has played, and continues to play, a significant role in the significant rise in public support for what is termed marriage equality. This nomenclature which was birthed in the Western hemisphere and has since expanded at the global level. According to Kirby, Mckenzie-green, Mcara-couper, & Nayar (2017) a growing sub-section of the Church has been advocating support for same-sex marriages. Kirby et al., (2017) point out another pivotal initiative emanating from the therapeutic field:

Originally listed as a “sociopathic personality disturbance,” homosexuality was “upgraded” to a mere “sexual deviation” in 1968, and finally in 1973 delisted altogether from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-II) of the American Psychiatric Association; a decision followed by the American Psychoanalytic Association in 1975. (p.907).Given the pivotal therapeutic postures adopted by some segments of the Church coupled with those elucidated by leading and respected mental health authorities in the United States, it is not difficult to comprehend why the battle against same-sex marriages remains as fierce as it is.

From economic pressures?

The are several factors that impinge economic pressures associated with couples considering marriage. Arguably one of the most common factors that arise for couples contemplating marriage is that of cohabitation. As it relates to cohabitation the question therefore arises, should Christians decisions be influenced by the culture in which we live to justify cohabitation, or should the Word of God take precedence? Should consideration be given where extenuating circumstances arise? According to Hohmann-Marriott (2006), “Cohabiting couples and couples who cohabit prior to marriage have less stable relationships than married couples who did not cohabit, and these differences may be linked to processes within the relationships” (p. 1015). In addition, nontraditional beliefs held by cohabiting partners appear to make the less committed and more susceptible to divorce should they eventually decide to get married (Hohmann-Marriott, 2006).

I happen to know of a situation with a godly couple who were engaged when the husband moved from Canada to Florida to take up a youth pastor’s position at his mentor’s church. He did not have the financial resources at the time to buy a home for his family. Based on the Senior pastor’s knowledge of his youth pastor’s character he allowed his youth pastor and his fiancée to live with them for a short time before they got married and the shortly after purchased their own home. In my view, these were extenuating circumstances and a judgement call was made based of knowing both individuals’ characters. I posit that while this is not a situation that would normally be encouraged, it had economic implications and required much payer before making a decision based on the character of the individuals involved. Of course, the couple were not allowed to sleep together while making the life transition. Was there sin involved because of temporarily living under his mentor roof? In my view, steps were taken to avoid obvious temptation and sin. Based on the character of the Senior Pastor, whom I personally know to be a very godly man, I feel he made a decision based on the character of someone he has known for several years and knew that trusted him to not violate God’s standard of holiness.

What resources and/or support systems are available to couples today? And what role, if any, should the Church play?

In my view, the Church has a pivotal role to play as a major support system to couples considering both first time marriages as well as remarriage. I posit that pastoral counselors, Christian counselors, professional counselors and licensed marriage and family therapists also should be used as resource mechanisms to assist in bringing stability, transformation and restoration to marriages. I hasten to add that this issue is not a simplistic as it may appear on the surface. Roskit, Griffith and Cruz (2007) posit that religious conservative communities may be the only identifiable group still advocating coherent beliefs regarding the same-sex marriage agenda. In other words, the evidence strongly supports a continued rising tide that favors the same-sex marriage agenda. In my view, there is also a major role that can be played by the nuclear family as a support system. Specifically, behavior modification, as a therapeutic intervention, I posit could be synergistic. According to Besharat (2003) behavioral therapists focus more directly on behavioral alterations primarily in couples that are moderately distressed. Arguably one of today’s most used therapeutic intervention modalities is Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). Systems therapists, on the other hand, would perceive the marital dyad as a system or sub-system of the larger family system. As such, the systems approach lends a sense of homeostatic underpinning (Besharat, 2003). Lastly, in my view, the church leaders need to conceptualize initiatives that promote unity on this life-changing issue by becoming much more vociferous on every conceivable front. I contend that such advocacy is urgently needed to oppose the ungodly initiatives unleashed in our postmodern culture and to defend traditional marriage as created and instituted by God.

References

Besharat, M. A. (2003). What are the main difference between behavioral and systems therapy with couples? A critical account. Journal of Contemporary Psychology, 33(2), 109-127. Retrieved from htpps://doi.org/0022-11603/0600-0109/0

Bond, M. H. (2014). How I am constructing culture-inclusive theories of social-psychological process in our age of globalization. Journal for the Theory of Social Behavior, 45(1), 26-36. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1111/jtsb.12053

Cole, M. (1996). Cultural psychology: A once and future discipline. Harvard University Press.

Dockery, D. S. (2007). Renewing minds: Serving church and society through Christian higher education. Nashville, TN: B & H Academic

Goddard, H. W., Olson, J. R., Galovan, A. M., Schramm, D. G. & Marshall, J. P. (2016). Qualities of character that predict marital well-being. Family Relations, 65(3), 424-438. Retrieved from https://doi:10.1111/fare.12195

Hill, J. L. (2015). Secularization: A New Testament Perspective. Evangelical Review of Theology, 39(4), 311-323. Retrieved from Ebsco.

Hohmann-Marriott, B. E. (2006). Shared beliefs and union stability of married and cohabiting couples. Journal of Marriage and Family, 68(4), 1015-1028. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2006.00310.x

Kirby, A., Mckenzie-green, B., Mcara-couper, J., & Nayar, S. (2017). Same-sex marriage: A dilemma for parish clergy. Sexuality & Culture, 21(3), 901-918. Retrieved from https://doi:10.1007/s12119-017-9414-1

Ledermann, T., Bodenmann, G., Rudaz, M., & Bradbury, T. N. (2010). Stress, communication, and marital quality in couples. Family Relations, 59(2), 195-206. Retrieved from htpps://doi:10.1111/j.1741-3729.2010.00595.x

Lorber, M. F. (2004). Psychophysiology of Aggression, Psychopathy, and Conduct Problems: A Meta-Analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 130(4):531-52. Retrieved from https://doi: 10.1037/0033-2909.130.4.531

Qian, Z., & Lichter, D. T. (2011). Changing patterns in interracial marriage in a multicultural society. Journal of Family and Marriage, 73(5), 1065-1084. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2011.00866.x

Rosenbaum, J. E. & Weathersbee, B. (2013). True love waits: Do Southern Baptist? Premarital sexual behavior among newly married Southern Baptist school students. Journal of Religion and Health; New York, 52(1), 263-275. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1007/s10943-010-9445-5

Roskit, C., Griffith, L., & Cruz, Z. (2007). Homophobia and conservative religion: Towards a more nuanced understanding. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 77(1), 10-19. Retrieved from https://doi.10/1037/0002-9432.77.1.10.

Sire, J. W. (2009). The universe next door: A Basic worldview catalog (4th ed.). Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic.

Imagine this: You’re trying to finish an important work email, your toddler is tugging at your leg demanding a snack, the laundry is piling up, and you just realized you forgot to defrost tonight’s dinner. Sound familiar? If you’re nodding your head, you might be experiencing what many of us know as mom burnout.

Hi there! I’m Kelly, a mom of four amazing (and let’s be honest, sometimes exhausting) kids, with a master’s degree in counseling and over 15 years of experience working with wonderful moms like you. I’ve been in the trenches, juggling school drop-offs, work deadlines, and everything in between. That’s why I’m passionate about helping other moms recognize and overcome the symptoms of burnout.

In this blog post, we’re going to dive into the 10 clear signs of mom burnout and practical ways to tackle them. Because let’s face it – you deserve to feel happy, healthy, and fulfilled. So, grab a cup of coffee (or tea), find a cozy spot, and let’s get started!

Understanding Mom Burnout: What It Is and Why It Matters

Mom burnout is more than just feeling tired—it's a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion caused by the relentless demands of motherhood. Whether you're a stay-at-home mom, working mom, or somewhere in between, the pressures of juggling family responsibilities, work, and personal needs can take a significant toll. Understanding what mom burnout is and recognizing its symptoms are crucial steps toward reclaiming your well-being.

When left unaddressed, burnout can impact not only your health but also your relationships and overall quality of life. By identifying the signs early and implementing strategies to manage stress, you can break free from the burnout cycle and find a healthier, more balanced approach to motherhood.

Top Indicators of Mom Burnout: Recognize These 10 Key Signs

1. Constant Fatigue
Feeling exhausted all the time, even after a full night's sleep? This isn’t just about being tired—it's a sign your body is overworked and your mind is overwhelmed. When you’re constantly on the go with little time to rest, fatigue can creep in and become a constant companion.

Quick Tip: Try setting a consistent bedtime, sneak in short naps when possible, and don’t hesitate to ask for help to lighten your load. (P.S. please do not feel guilt for taking naps…it took me YEARS to ‘allow’ myself to do this and that is such a waste of self-love).

2. Irritability and Mood Swings
Finding yourself snapping at your kids or partner over minor things? Mood swings and irritability are common signs of burnout. The stress and lack of downtime can make you feel like you’re on edge, leading to emotional outbursts.

Quick Tip: Practice mindfulness or deep-breathing exercises to help manage your emotions. Even a few minutes a day can make a significant difference.

3. Feeling Overwhelmed
Does your to-do list feel never-ending? Feeling overwhelmed is a major indicator of burnout. When every task seems monumental and you’re struggling to keep up, it’s a clear sign that you’re stretched too thin.

Quick Tip: Ever heard of brain dumping? It has been a LIFE SAVER for me. Break tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. Prioritize what truly needs to be done and don't be afraid to delegate or let go of less critical tasks.

4. Lack of Interest in Activities
Remember those hobbies and activities you used to love? If they no longer bring you joy or you can’t find the motivation to engage in them, this could be a sign of burnout. Losing interest in things that once made you happy is your mind's way of signaling that it’s overwhelmed.

Quick Tip: Schedule time for yourself, even if it’s just 10 minutes a day. Rediscover old hobbies or explore new ones that make you feel good.

5. Physical Symptoms
Burnout doesn’t just affect your mind—it takes a toll on your body too. Common physical symptoms include headaches, muscle tension, and frequent illnesses. Your body is trying to tell you that it needs a break.

Quick Tip: Incorporate regular exercise into your routine, maintain a balanced diet, and ensure you’re staying hydrated. Simple self-care practices can significantly improve how you feel physically.

6. Difficulty Concentrating
Struggling to focus on tasks or forgetting important details more often than usual? Difficulty concentrating is a hallmark sign of burnout. When your brain is overloaded with stress, it becomes harder to focus and retain information.

Quick Tip: Take regular breaks to give your mind a rest, practice brain exercises like puzzles or reading, and reduce multitasking to improve focus.

7. Feeling Numb or Detatched
Do you feel emotionally numb or disconnected from your loved ones? Burnout can cause you to shut down emotionally as a coping mechanism, making it hard to connect with your feelings and those around you.

Quick Tip: Engage in activities that foster emotional connection, such as meaningful conversations with loved ones, practicing gratitude journaling, or seeking professional help if needed.

8. Increased Cynicism or Resentment
Have you noticed a growing sense of cynicism or resentment towards your parenting role or family responsibilities? Feeling negative or bitter about your daily tasks is a strong indicator of burnout.

Quick Tip: Focus on the positive aspects of your life (this will take a lot of practice and consistency), set realistic expectations for yourself, and consider joining a supportive community or mom group to share experiences and find encouragement.

9. Decreased Performance
Are you finding it harder to complete tasks or feeling less productive than usual? Burnout can significantly impact your efficiency and performance, making it difficult to keep up with daily responsibilities.

Quick Tip: Set achievable goals, establish a consistent routine, and celebrate small victories to boost your sense of accomplishment and motivation.

10. Isolation
Do you find yourself withdrawing from social interactions and feeling isolated? Burnout often leads to social withdrawal as you try to conserve energy and cope with overwhelming stress.

Quick Tip: Make an effort to reach out to friends, join mom groups or online communities, and schedule regular social activities to stay connected and supported.

Navigating Burnout in Moms: What’s Next??

Did you check off most, if not all, of the signs of burnout? Take a deep breath, Mama. Feeling overwhelmed is more common than you think. You’re in good company—we’ve all been there. Now, let’s talk solutions!

1. Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings
You’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed. Many moms experience burnout, and it’s okay to admit it. Take a deep breath and recognize that your feelings are valid.

2. Prioritize Self-Care
Remember the oxygen mask analogy on airplanes? You need to take care of yourself first before helping others. Prioritize self-care—whether it’s a quiet cup of tea, a walk, or a few minutes of meditation. You deserve it.

3. Seek Support
Reach out to fellow moms, friends, or family members. Share your feelings and ask for help. Sometimes, just talking to someone who understands can make a world of difference.

4. Embrace Imperfection
You don’t have to be a supermom. It’s okay if the laundry piles up or if you order takeout for dinner. Embrace imperfection—it’s part of being human.

5. Consider Professional Guidance
As a mom life coach, I’m here for you. Let’s work together to create a personalized plan. Whether it’s setting boundaries, rediscovering your passions, or finding joy in small moments, coaching can make a difference.

Conclusion: Mom Burnout Solutions and Reclaiming JOY

Mama, if you’ve nodded along to most of these signs, you’re not alone. Burnout isn’t a badge of honor—it’s a wake-up call. So, what’s the key takeaway?

Acknowledge It: Constant fatigue, irritability, and feeling overwhelmed? Recognize these signs as your body’s SOS.

Self-Care Matters: Prioritize yourself guilt-free. Set bedtime routines, sneak in naps, and ask for help. Remember, self-love isn’t selfish.

Brain Dump Your Tasks: That never-ending to-do list? Break it down. Prioritize. Delegate. Let go of non-essentials.

Rediscover Joy: Hobbies collecting dust? Revisit them. Even 10 minutes a day can reignite your spark.

Listen to Your Body: Headaches, muscle tension, and frequent illnesses? Your body’s pleading for a break.

Focus, Mama: Difficulty concentrating? Take breaks, solve puzzles, and declutter your mind.

Connect Emotionally: Feeling numb? Engage in meaningful conversations. Journal. Seek professional help.

Flip the Script: Cynicism and resentment? Shift focus. Find the silver linings. Join a supportive community.

Prioritize Well-Being: Decreased performance? It’s okay. Prioritize well-being over perfection.

Remember, you’re not just a mom—you’re a whole universe of strength and love. Reach out, seek support, and consider professional guidance. You’ve got this….and I am here with you!!

With Love and a Whole Lot of Imperfection,
Kelly

In today's interconnected world, social media has become a vibrant part of our daily lives, offering new opportunities and challenges for families navigating its influence. As parents raising daughters in this digital age, we strive to ensure that our faith informs and guides their experiences online. Social media can test our values, but it can also be an avenue for positive growth if used mindfully. Here are practical, faith-based parenting tips to help you mentor your daughters on their social media journey.

1. Anchoring in Faith

Start with Scripture

Teach your daughters to use scripture as their guiding compass. Quotations like Philippians 4:8, which exhorts believers to focus on whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable, can be a powerful standard for assessing social media content.

Prayerful Approach

Before they post, ask, or interact online, encourage your daughters to consider taking a moment for prayer. This brief pause can give them time to reflect on whether their actions represent their faith and values.

2. Foster Open Dialogue

A Culture of Conversation

Create a space where your daughters feel comfortable discussing anything they come across online. Approach these conversations with empathy and without judgment, providing wisdom and understanding.

Share Testimonies

Share stories of how faith has positively influenced online and offline lives. Let these stories inspire your daughters to view their social media interactions as an extension of their witness.

3. Teach Digital Discipleship

Positivity in Posting

Guide your daughters to be digital disciples, using their online presence to spread kindness, positivity, and the love of God. Remind them that their words and actions, even on digital platforms, reflect their beliefs.

Set Forth Examples

Suggest following faith-based accounts that provide uplifting content that aligns with your family's values. These can serve as inspirational examples of what to emulate.

4. Encourage Modesty and Discretion

Modesty Online

Discuss the value of modesty, not just in dress but in what they share and how they present themselves on social media. Highlight that modesty is a form of self-respect and dignity that honors God.

Privacy as a Virtue

Teach your daughters about the virtue of prudence as it pertains to privacy. Encourage them to maintain private accounts and be selective about whom they allow into their digital circles.

5. Establish Boundaries

Age-Appropriate Guidelines

In line with faith-based principles and social media age requirements, establish clear boundaries about the right age to join these platforms. Explain why these limits are in place and how they serve to protect them.

Create a Family Media Plan

Work together to create a family media plan that includes what platforms are appropriate, daily screen time limits, and what types of interactions are acceptable. This plan should be rooted in the values you cherish as a family.

6. Promote Real-world Relationships

Foster Community Involvement

Encourage your daughters to be active in your faith community, forming friendships and seeking mentorship. These real-world relationships can provide support and perspective that counterbalance online interactions.

Balance Online and Offline

Emphasize the importance of balancing time spent on social media with face-to-face connections and family activities. Initiatives like volunteering offer hands-on ways to live out faith in the real world.

7. Model Behavior

Lead by Example

Let your own social media use be an example for your daughters to follow. Display integrity, wisdom, and discernment in your interactions.

Witness through Action

Remember that your daughters are watching not just what you post, but how you embody your faith in daily life. Be the living example from whom they can learn the most.

Conclusion: Nurturing through Wisdom and Love

Parenting daughters in the social media age poses unique challenges for faith-based families. However, with clear communication grounded in love and scriptural wisdom, and with boundaries rooted in respect for God's teachings, you can help your daughters navigate the virtual world. The aim is not to instill fear in this digital landscape but to empower them to engage with it in a manner that reinforces their faith. By providing them with the tools they need to recognize and reflect divine love online, you are equipping them to shine their light in the digital sphere. Social media, used in this way, becomes an extension of their journey with faith—a space where they can express their identities as children of God.

If you have ever experienced any of the following, you have had a career crisis:
• Losing your job
• Being fired
• Burning out
• Not wanting to do your job for one more day
• Redefined job or seismic shift in career. (Staff quits/Kids go away to college)

A career crisis can be caused either by someone else (being laid off) or by your own feelings (burning out).

Common Causes of Career Crises
There are many reasons why people experience career crises. Here are a few:
• Corporate downsizing
• Burnout
• Relocating for your spouse’s career
• Being fired
• Making the wrong career move
• Corporate politics
• Not fitting in
• Lost calling

Why a Career Crisis Is So Devastating
A career crisis is almost always devastating because it can impact your life in so many ways. Here are a few examples:
1. Money: Losing your income with no warning can be financially devastating.
2. Status: If your job gives you status or a professional identity, you may feel devastated without it.
3. Surprise: If the job loss happens without warning, you will probably feel shocked.
4. Self-esteem: You may feel embarrassed by what has happened.
5. Feeling alone: You are likely to lose friends and companions when you no longer work in the same place.
6. Feeling out of synch: Your regular routine may be disrupted.
7. Confusion: If the crisis happens because of burnout or for reasons inside yourself, you may feel confused about what to do next.
8. Effect on others: If people around you depend on your income and need you to be predictable, they may react negatively to your crisis.

9. Loss of Identity: Many times a career will help define who you are as a person especially if you see it as a calling. “ 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.” – Ecclesiastes 3:12 – 13. The loss can create a lack of interest, satisfaction and enjoyment in life.

Career Crisis: Who It Hurts the Most
A career crisis hurts you because it is devastating to your ego. The hurt tends to be greater when one gets a sense of identity and self-esteem from his or her job title, status, and income.
A crisis hurts your family because they must experience the emotional fallout that follows a crisis. Your family may also experience a feeling of lost self-esteem and status, especially if you were fired or laid off.

The Flashback Effect
A major loss like this sometimes can cause you to reach back into the past and reactivate unfinished business from a major loss, or a crisis from an earlier time.
For example, when Sharon was terminated after seven months at her dream job, she became very depressed. While depression is a normal reaction to such a loss, Sharon was reacting to losing her job and the similar feelings she had when she flunked out of a top university 12 years earlier. When she finally saw a therapist after a few weeks of depression following the job loss, she saw that she had never fully resolved her feelings about failing in college.

Here are some other points about recovery:
1. The process of recovering from a career crisis will happen on its own schedule. It can’t be rushed.
2. Every person responds to a career crisis differently. There is no right way to respond or to deal with it.
3. Depending on the circumstances, processing a career crisis can take years.
4. Build and use a support system. People need other people when they are experiencing such a crisis. A group of people who have experienced similar losses is especially helpful.
5. It is a good idea to find support outside of your family and friends. Even the most supportive may grow tired of hearing about your situation, or you may find yourself censoring your behavior to avoid alienating them. However, you still need help and a place to let your feelings out.
How to Help Someone in a Career Crisis
Here are a few ideas for being helpful to people going through career crises:

1. People need support when they are having a career crisis, even though they may seem to push you away.
2. Ask how you can help.
3. Don’t give advice unless asked. Listen, listen, and listen some more!
4. Check in regularly with the crisis victim; let him or her know you’re there.
5. Remind the crisis victim of what a good person he or she is, even without the identity and status that the job provided.
6. Sometimes a career crisis sends a person into a serious depression for which help is needed. If you sense danger, urge the crisis victim to seek help.

How to Turn a Crisis into a Victory

Here are some suggestions for turning a career crisis into a victory:

1. Give yourself time to heal. If recovery is rushed or interrupted, the crisis victim will not fully heal and a victory is not possible.
2. Remind yourself as often as necessary that your pain will end and you will eventually feel happy again.
3. Avoid jumping into something new on the rebound; let yourself experience all the stages of grief.
4. Accept that many people will not understand the depth of your grief. They will not understand why this is so difficult for you, and they will say stupid things.
5. Use the opportunity to stop and consider other options.
6. Explore what meaning your feelings have for you. If we pay attention to them, our feelings can lead us places we would otherwise never visit.
7. Keep a journal of your experiences. Make it your intention to see what there is to be learned from this experience.
8. A loss such as a career crisis can be viewed as both a door-closer and a door-opener. Start thinking about what you are learning and gaining from this experience.
9. Create a ceremony of letting go. Yours will be as unique as your experience.
10. Despite some people's misunderstanding do find people that are safe to share with where you can talk about your feelings and beliefs.

The Career Crisis Recovery Exercise
Write out your answers to the following questions. This self-help exercise can help you process your feelings about what has happened to you.
1. Describe what happened when your career crisis happened.
2. Describe the job or career. Where did you work? What was it like? Who did you work with? What do you miss the most? What do you not miss at all?
3. Describe your feelings about the loss of the job or career to others.
4. What has the impact of this crisis been on your life? What else have you lost because of your career crisis?
5. What barriers stop you from moving on?
6. What are 10 things you can do starting today to continue the recovery process?

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Suggested Reading

Cloud, Henry, Necessary Endings: The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward Harper Business, 2011

William Bridges, Job Shift: How To Prosper In A Workplace Without Jobs. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley, 1994.

Barry Glassner, Career Crash: The New Crisis—and Who Survives. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1994.

Ayala Pines and Elliot Aronson, Career Burnout: Causes and Cures. New York: The Free Press, 1988.

Las relaciones románticas son uno de los aspectos más cautivadores de la experiencia humana, mezclando alegría, inspiración y desafíos. Basado en casi dos décadas de experiencia como terapeuta, este libro ofrece profundos conocimientos y una guía práctica para ayudar a las personas a mejorar sus relaciones consigo mismas y con los demás. Se enfoca en superar las luchas con el amor propio, a menudo enraizadas en traumas o sentimientos de indignidad, y proporciona herramientas para construir conexiones más fuertes y satisfactorias.

En La increíble influencia de los pensamientos y emociones positivas: Un manual para cultivar vínculos románticos más fuertes, descubrirás cómo cultivar la confianza, la positividad y la intimidad en tus relaciones románticas.

Este libro ofrece herramientas y estrategias prácticas para situaciones de la vida real, ayudándote a crear conexiones duraderas con tu pareja. Ya sea que estés soltero, comenzando un nuevo romance, navegando una relación a largo plazo, o reavivando una conexión existente, la sabiduría dentro de estas páginas te guiará. Este libro explora el impacto duradero del optimismo, la inteligencia emocional y la autocompasión, recordándonos que podemos moldear nuestras historias de amor a través de nuestros pensamientos y emociones. Aprenderás a fortalecer las bases de tus relaciones, trayendo vitalidad y alegría a tu viaje de amor. Se enfatiza el autodescubrimiento como un componente vital para crear vínculos románticos más fuertes, fomentando una comprensión más profunda y el cultivo de nuestras conexiones más profundas.

Aborda este viaje con un corazón abierto y una mente curiosa, y permite que estos conocimientos te empoderen para crear historias de amor florecientes en medio de las complejidades de la vida. Abraza el impacto profundo de los pensamientos y emociones positivas en la construcción de relaciones románticas sólidas y satisfactorias.

amazon.com/author/dr.remy.nelson 
https://youtu.be/PK5AgXUVFnA

Romantic relationships are among the most captivating aspects of the human experience, blending joy, inspiration, and challenges. Drawing on nearly two decades of experience as a therapist, Dr. Remy Nelson offers profound insights and practical guidance in this book to help individuals improve their relationships with themselves and others. It focuses on overcoming struggles with self-love, often rooted in trauma or feelings of unworthiness, and provides tools to build stronger, more fulfilling connections.
In The Incredible Influence of Positive Thoughts and Emotions: A Handbook for Cultivating Stronger Romantic Bonds, you will discover how to cultivate trust, positivity, and intimacy in your romantic relationships. This book offers practical tools and strategies for real-life situations, helping you create lasting connections with your partner. Whether you are single, beginning a new romance, navigating a long-term partnership, or rekindling an existing connection, the wisdom within these pages will guide you.
This book explores the lasting impact of optimism, emotional intelligence, and self-compassion, reminding us that we can shape our love stories through our thoughts and emotions. You will learn to strengthen the foundations of your relationships, bringing vitality and joy to your journey of love. Self-discovery is vital in creating stronger romantic bonds, fostering a deeper understanding, and nurturing our most profound connections.
Approach this journey with an open heart and a curious mind, and let these insights empower you to create thriving love stories amidst life's complexities. Embrace the profound impact of positive thoughts and emotions on building solid and fulfilling romantic relationships.

amazon.com/author/dr.remy.nelson

In the Christian faith, parents are often seen as stewards of their children, tasked with fostering a loving, nurturing, and supportive environment for their offspring to grow and flourish. But what happens when a parent’s actions are driven by narcissism? A narcissistic parent, characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance and a profound lack of empathy, can cast long shadows on the family unit and the spiritual well-being of their children.

Emotional Turmoil

Children of narcissistic parents may grapple with emotional turmoil. Due to their parents' need for admiration and a lack of respect for boundaries, these children often feel under constant scrutiny, overshadowed by their parent's imposing egos. Their mercurial temper can create a household atmosphere that lacks the stability and peace championed in Philippians 4:7. Children, striving for the elusive approval of a narcissistic parent, may end up feeling unworthy and question their value, a feeling contrary to the Christian teaching that every individual is uniquely created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27).

Impaired Sense of Self and Identity

In navigating the turbulent waters of growing up with a narcissistic parent, children might struggle to develop a healthy sense of self and identity. The parent’s manipulation can lead children to doubt their own experiences and perceptions, hampering their ability to trust themselves and others – a trait that can lead them astray from the authentic relationships to which Christ calls us (Ephesians 4:15).

Challenges in Forming Relationships

Intimacy and trust are at the core of any meaningful relationship, virtues constantly encouraged in the Bible (1 John 4:7). However, the offspring of narcissistic parents might find these to be foreign territories. A child raised in the shadow of narcissism might become either excessively pleasers, seeking validation in all the wrong places, or conversely, they might become withdrawn, fearing the vulnerability that comes with close relationships.

Spiritual Struggles

Spiritual life can also become a battleground for those with narcissistic parents. The parent’s self-centered behavior may distort the child's perspective of God as a loving and sacrificial Father, as portrayed in scriptures like 1 John 3:1. Moreover, the parent’s disregard for empathy and humility can be at odds with the fruits of the Spirit outlined in Galatians 5:22-23.

Consequences of Conditional Love

Narcissistic parents often express 'conditional love' – affection based on the child’s ability to meet the parent's expectations. This transactional nature of love is discordant with the principles of unconditional love woven throughout the Christian narrative (Romans 5:8). As a result, children might grow to view God’s love through the same skewed lens, imagining it must be earned rather than freely given.

Path to Healing and Recovery

While the effects of having a narcissistic parent are profound, the Christian community provides many avenues for healing and restoration. The church can serve as a sanctuary, a place of unconditional love and acceptance. Engaging with a spiritual family allows for the experience of genuine relationships, fostering recovery and growth. Scripture and prayer can offer immense comfort and guidance; for instance, Psalm 34:18 proclaims that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted.

Christian counseling can be a powerful tool for healing, providing a safe space to untangle the knots of one’s upbringing with a professional who understands the religious context of the individual's struggles. Support groups within the church community can also offer a collective shoulder to lean on – individuals who can empathize and share in the journey toward healing.

Conclusion

Growing up with a narcissistic parent can cast long shadows through a person's life, impeding their emotional, relational, and spiritual development. However, amidst these challenges, the Christian community stands as a beacon of hope, offering tools for healing and the assurance of God's unwavering love. Through faith, prayer, and the support of the church, individuals can overcome the shackles of their past and step into the light of a life defined not by their parent's narcissism, but by their own relationship with God.

Key Strategies to Help in Family Crises

The demands for effective crisis management manifest in myriad situations. In this article I present a vignette regarding a how crises may be presented in a familial situation. I further outline some of the methodologies, suggests strategies for alleviating the crisis, offer teachable coping skills the therapist may share with in familial crisis situations to provide a greater resiliency.

The Crisis Vignette

Debra is a 13 year who was raised by her parents in a very upscale neighborhood. The family is well known in the community, attends church regularly, and is perceived by many as the perfect family. Her dad is a deeply involved in politic and is a high ranking official in government, an ardent community activist, and an outspoken individual who prides himself and being a great father and faithful husband. Her mum is a pediatrician and enjoys a phenomenally successful private practice and is a highly sought after speaker at youth development conferences. This week a call was received by Debra’s mother informing her that Debra was 6 weeks pregnant.

The crisis in this scenario is that of teenage pregnancy. Debra’s parents are church goers, but not practice or live out their faith. They are seeking therapy to determine what may have caused Debra to get involved in a sexual relationship with a 15-year boy from her high school. They have also indicated that they would like to abort the pregnancy, since in their opinion, Debra’s life would be over if she brings a child into the world at such a tender age. In today’s culture the topic of abortion has become one of the most controversial topics of the present age.

How should a Christian professional therapist manage such a crisis from moral, ethical and theological perspectives? Support groups are often a means through which difficult crises may sometimes be navigated. In this case, the support group consists of a combination of parents who are in a similar position as well as those who have overcome similar challenges. According to Jacobs, Masson, Harvill and Schimmel (2012), “Support groups enable members to learn that other people struggle with the same problems, feel similar emotions, and think similar thoughts” (p. 15). With respect to Debra, a therapist may propose to facilitate a combination of individual and group counseling sessions for teenage mothers as well as those teenage girls who are pregnant.

Alleviating the Crisis

The initial individual counseling sessions conducted with Debra revealed she was suffering from depression and engaging in attention seeking behavior. According to Wright (2011), “Acting out in an attempt to deal with depression has purposes for the teenager” (p. 398). In short, Debra’s decision to get involved in a sexual relationship stemmed from a desire to get greater attention from her parents. It was a cry for help. Wright (2011) further notes concerning such behavior, “The behavior may also be manifested by a person who does not have much impulse control, and this in itself is a cry for help” (p. 398).

So, what are some of the possible interventions to be taken aimed at alleviating these crises? Primarily is the need to create a safe environment for Debra, one in which she feels comfortable communicating with her therapist. In this regard, her earlier sessions, letter writing may be used to draw out Debra’s inner wounds and pain. Creative exercises that also engage in narrative therapy and journaling her thought s and feelings. Such exercises may ably be supported with soft voice tones, intentional non-threatening eye contact, and body movements which encourage intense sharing.

Lastly, a number of key group counseling skills may be utilized in both the parent and teenage sessions. However, working with adolescents requires considerable empathy and authenticity. Jacobs et al. (2012) assert, “A group leader working with adolescents should like and respect teenagers, want to learn more about their immediate world, and understand the kinds of struggles they go through while trying to grow up” (p. 422). In this regard, group members may engage and be drawn out more through “the use of therapeutic rounds” (p. 352), specifically by allowing Debra, the working member, to use the other group members as sounding boards. In essence, all group sessions may be used to support and encourage.

Teaching Coping Skills

A number of coping skills come into focus for both pregnant teenagers as well as their parents. Having conducted individual and group counseling sessions with Debra, it became evident that Debra and her parents had some major interpersonal communication issues. In this situation, the therapist should take time and patience to teach them about effective communication. The therapist may also let them know that it is imperative that they all focus less on being heard and give greater attention to developing their listening skills. For example, they may be coached not to be prepared to respond to a statement too quickly, but to seriously ponder on what Debra is speaking in the present moment.

Debra and her parents may be coached on two key communication nuances namely empathetic listening and dialogic listening, which indirectly promote heightened sensitivity and empathy. In short, can be coached on how to improve their focus and to shift their focus away from self to the person or persons communicating the message. As adults, Debra’s parents may also be coached on how to help Debra cope with her pregnancy, considering that such a young pregnancy constitutes trauma. Wright (2011) advises, “An abundance of them need to be encouraged, just to be patient with themselves” (p. 340). “They need to know it’s all right to feel and express feelings” (p. 340).

Debra’s parents may also be coached about the importance giving Debra a voice. In other words, questions such as, “How does Debra feel about her pregnancy? Does she think she can cope with the pregnancy at this time and resume her education later? What are the spiritual implications of abortion?” Posing such questions to Debra’s parents may allow the therapist to offer some crisis counseling from a ministerial perspective? In fact, this crisis situation may create an opportunity for Debra’s parents to rekindle their Christian faith.

Developing Resiliency

Developing resilience is a critical aspect of crisis counseling, even more so in children and adolescents. According to Floyd (2008), “Children are both fragile and resilient. Caregivers and adults who work with children must recognize the importance of the love and care given to children following a crisis or traumatic event” (p. 205). In Debra’s crisis, she needs the love, care, and support of her parents now more than ever. God, having providentially created the opportunity to share the love of Christ with Debra’s parents, may move in their hearts to change their minds about insisting that Debra have an abortion. In fact, the Holy Spirit may move in their hearts to such an extent to shoer their daughter with unconditional love and affection.

Identity Formation

Identity formation is a critical component of teenage overall development. Floyd (2008) agrees, “One of the main tasks of the adolescent years is developing a sense of identity” (p. 209). A strong and vibrant self-concept buttresses the development of resiliency. Introducing Debra’s parents to the writings of child development expert David Elkind may be another option. Floyd (2008) discusses two nuances touted by Elkind as pathways to adolescents” “the first is the pathway of integration” and "the second is one of substitution” (p. 210). Developing resilience from crisis or trauma requires above average commitment, a secure self-concept, and a purpose-driven philosophical approach to life. Wright (2011) surmises it this way, “When youth are disillusioned by a crisis, they need to reestablish commitment bonds, increase their self-esteem and find purpose in life” (p. 403). Likewise, Floyd (2008) contends, “Identity development is thus a central task of adolescents, and it may be affected when a teen experiences a crisis or trauma” (p. 210).

Reference

Floyd, S. (2008). Crisis counseling: A guide for pastors and professionals. Grand Rapids: Kregel Publications.

Jacobs, E. E., Masson, R. L., Harvill, R. L., Schimmel, C. J. (2012). Group counseling: Strategies and skills. (7th ed.). Belmont: Brooks/Cole.

Wright, H. N. (2011). The complete guide to crisis & trauma counseling: What to do and say when it matters most. Ventura: Regal.