Christian Counselor Directory Blog

Emotions can feel overwhelming—for both parents and kids. But you don’t have to navigate them alone.

This book offers practical tools and biblical wisdom to help you build deep emotional connection and raise children who thrive—both psychologically and spiritually.

In moments of calm and in times of big feelings, sit with your child and explore the pictures, stories, step-by-step conversation guides, and psalms together.

You don’t need to read another parenting manual.
Just open this book and reclaim your confidence in the sacred work of parenting.

Discover the incredible power of faith and resilience at our enlightening webinar, *Women of Faith – Overcoming Adversity*. This captivating event brings together a diverse group of inspiring women who share their personal journeys of overcoming life's challenges through faith and perseverance. Whether you're seeking motivation, guidance, or a sense of community, our webinar offers valuable insights and strategies to help you navigate your own path to triumph. Reserve your spot and join us for an uplifting experience that will empower your spirit and inspire your journey.

Gratitude: A Divine Design for Wholeness
It's easy to overlook the simple yet transformative power of gratitude. Beyond being a polite response, gratitude is a profound spiritual practice that aligns our hearts with God's will and brings about peace.
The Biblical Foundation of Gratitude
The Bible tells us the importance of thankfulness. In 1 Thessalonians 5:16–18, Paul writes, "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." This passage reminds us that gratitude isn't contingent on our circumstances but is a continual place we are to live in.
The Psalms are filled with calls to be thankful. Psalm 100:4 encourages us to "Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name." This demonstrates that gratitude is not just a response to blessings but a gateway into deeper communion with God.
The Science Behind Gratitude
Modern research corroborates what Scripture has long taught: gratitude has benefits for our mental, emotional, and physical health.
• Mental Health: Research has shown that practicing gratitude can lead to increased happiness and a reduction in depression.
• Physical Health: Grateful individuals often experience better sleep, lower blood pressure, and improved heart health. dralamountain.org
• Social Connections: Expressing gratitude can strengthen relationships, fostering a sense of community and belonging.
These findings reveal that gratitude is more than a spiritual discipline; it's a holistic practice that nurtures every aspect of our being.
How to Have Gratitude in Daily Life
• Gratitude Journaling: Each day, jot down three things you're thankful for. This practice shifts focus from what's lacking to what's abundant.
• Prayer and Meditation: Begin and end your day by thanking God for His blessings, both big and small.
• Acts of Kindness: Express appreciation to others through kind words or deeds, reflecting God's love in tangible ways.
So, what are you grateful for today?? God is listening, and so is your brain. 😊

According to a 2023 Gallup survey, 47% of Americans identify as “religious”, and 33% as “spiritual”. And a 2003 report issued by the National Library of Medicine reported that members of the clergy, across religious and denominational lines, were contacted by persons with mental health issues in higher proportions (23.5%) than were psychiatrists and general medical practitioners (16.7% each).

A 2023 article in the American Psychological Association publication Monitor on Psychology asserts: “Myriad studies show that religious or spiritual involvement improves mental health and can be useful in coping with trauma.” The article also suggests that when clergy don’t know enough about psychology and clinicians not enough about spirituality, they can inadvertently do harm to those who seek their help. Therefore, how religious leaders, who are generally untrained or under-trained in clinical psychology, respond to such persons may require careful discernment to ensure that it helps and does not unintentionally harm. Likewise, it is also incumbent on mental health clinicians to possess a good working knowledge of how spirituality can be embedded into clients’ narratives about self, others, and the world.

On the clinical side, I have sometimes stumbled in this regard. For instance, I used to blanketly impart to my clients the virtues of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, a theory grounded in Western “bootstrap” individualism in which one is supposed to achieve what Maslow called “Self-Actualization”: by devoting their life to ascending the pyramid via achievement and individual growth until, if fortunate, one makes it all the way to the top (a pinnacle that even Maslow admitted few ever reach). Maslow, it turns out, co-opted his model from the Blackfoot Nation term niita ‘pitapi, which means “someone who is completely developed, or who has arrived.” Blackfoot spirituality perceives niita ‘pitapi as a birthright and not something to be gained through individual effort. Blackfoot culture, like that of many other indigenous communities throughout the world, is collectivist rather than individualistic, and grounded in mutual cooperation and sharing of resources. To paraphrase a Blackfoot saying, the wealthiest person in the community is the one with the least material possessions, because they gave most of them away to others who needed them more.

When we don’t properly understand a client’s particular cultural and spiritual background and if it is not like that of Western culture, espousing Maslow’s Pyramid as a self-help tool can be an afront. This is where we as clinicians have the obligation to become spiritually and culturally informed.

Those who serve their religious communities have a similar obligation. As I sat in church one recent Sunday morning, the music director introduced a worship song. “If this song does not grip your heart,” she said, “I don’t know if you’re a Christian.” The song, living up to her promise was indeed gripping and inspirational. Later our pastor, in his sermon, spoke on how, if you can’t push past your guilt, grief, pain and brokenness in order to embrace the idea that God has His hand on your life, then you, as a believer, must change your way of thinking.

Those messages brought me back to a young client I’d seen a few days earlier. Just 24 hours prior, their spouse had died suddenly and unexpectedly. My client was understandably still in shock and disbelief. “I feel numb,” they said. “I don’t know why I can’t cry right now, although sometimes I spontaneously have been. I just don’t know what I feel.”

As Sunday services continued, I thought to myself, what if any emotions would my client (also a Christian) be able to feel were they sitting with me at that moment? What would they be thinking about God and eternal life, and how would they perceive the comments that if they weren’t feeling “gripped” by the song then they might not be a Christian, that if they can’t at that point cast aside their devastation and feel the spirit of God, then they must change their mindset?

To be clear, I do not question the good intentions of the music director and the pastor any more than I question my own good intentions when I preached Maslow. Their mission is to inspire and equip the congregation to get closer to God and spread the Good News of Jesus Christ. The problem, however, is that too often such messages are geared toward people in relatively good mental health. But for persons struggling with depression, grief and loss, trauma, and other issues, such words can cut like a knife and increase distress rather than soothe it.

Let’s take trauma for example. Research shows that traumatic experiences, such as sexual assault, alter the synaptic functions in the brain, particularly what is called fear circuitry to where the victim can experience distressing nightmares, hyper-arousal and hypervigilance, avoidance of certain places, people and activities, and even flashbacks (where they actually relive the event as if it were happening all over again in real time). Trauma is existential: it challenges our erstwhile narratives of self, other people, and the world. This can alter, either temporarily or permanently, our concept of how our God or higher power loves us, protects us, and nurtures us. It may even challenge our belief altogether.

This is not a sign of weak faith. Fr. Francis P. Duffy, the iconic chaplain of the 69th New York Infantry Regiment (165th U.S. Infantry), served valiantly with his men in the trenches of World War I, regularly venturing into No Man’s Land to minister to wounded and dying soldiers and assisting stretcher bearers in bringing the casualties back to aid stations. While he was never known to have suffered what was then called “shell shock” (now PTSD), on at least one occasion he was reported to have sobbed uncontrollably upon finding the body of a soldier he’d mentored.

So how can we bridge the gap between religion and mental health, especially now when so many people need hope, assurance, and healing? I suggest that clinicians and clergy begin to more proactively reach out to one other for better mutual understanding, to exchange clinical and spiritual insights, and to collaborate in serving our clients and congregants. Here’s how we might do this:

1. Establish connections with ministers, priests, rabbis, imams, and other religious leaders, to discuss our common interest in helping those we serve to heal and to live a more balanced and satisfying life.

2. Cross-refer with them, when indicated.

3. Learn as much as we can about our own religion and other religions, particularly those that are most prevalent within our catchment areas. And make ourselves available to educate clergy members on the basic neuropsychology of depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, trauma, and other mental health conditions.

4. Adopt a faith-based component to our services, and promote it in our social media, websites, and other communication platforms.

Imagine the possibilities that might arise from such a synergy between psychology and spirituality in helping our clients to overcome their challenges.

We praise people for their strength.
For being high-achieving, dependable, composed.

But what happens when those traits are rooted in trauma—not wholeness?

This is what I call the Trauma of Functioning (TOF).

What Is TOF?
TOF is when your productivity, people-pleasing, or perfectionism isn’t coming from a place of joy—but from unresolved trauma.

You show up.
You get things done.
You look like you’re thriving on the outside.

But inside?

You’re tired.
Disconnected.
Running on survival.

And often, no one knows—because your “high-functioning” self hides it so well.

How TOF Shows Up
– You feel guilty for resting
– You overthink everything
– You keep saying “yes” to avoid conflict
– You’re great at holding it together, but not being held
– You can’t remember the last time you felt joy without exhaustion

Sound familiar?

This isn’t weakness.
It’s wiring.
And it’s more common than you think.

The Neuroscience Behind It
When you’ve experienced ongoing stress, trauma, or emotionally unsafe environments, your nervous system adapts.

Your amygdala (fear center) stays on alert.
Your prefrontal cortex (decision-making) gets overloaded.
Your vagus nerve struggles to signal safety.

So you stay “on.” Even when you want to rest.

You Don’t Have to Perform to Be Worthy
Healing the Trauma of Functioning doesn’t happen through more doing.
It starts with awareness, nervous system regulation, and self-empathy.

You get to:

✅ Set boundaries without guilt
✅ Feel instead of fix
✅ Learn to rest without panic
✅ Redefine what strength means

You don’t need to fall apart to prove you're hurting.
And you don’t need to prove your worth through exhaustion.

Ready to Begin?
If this blog resonated with you, I invite you to download my free workbook:
“Surviving Mode: What’s Really Happening & What Healing Looks Like.”

It’s designed for high-functioning professionals like you who are ready to move from survival to sustainable healing.

http://trauma.la/newsletter/

Let’s unlearn survival and build something softer, stronger, and more sacred.

Written with care,
Krystal Boothe, LCSW
Founder, Wings of the Future

Today, I want to take some time to explore mental health diagnoses. Many individuals often sense that something feels “off” or “wrong” and, after researching their symptoms, may have come across a diagnosis that resonates with them. They might have turned to Google or social media, only to identify with a specific condition. This identification can lead to the embodiment of the symptoms they read about or hear associated with that diagnosis.

For some, the next step happens quickly, while others may mull over it for months or even years. Often, people visit a healthcare provider to validate their self-diagnosis, seeking confirmation through an assessment, follow-up questions, and ultimately a formal diagnosis. This validation can bring a sense of relief. But then, what happens next?

In many cases, the individual is referred to a specialist who prescribes medication, offers therapy, or sometimes both. While this approach addresses the symptoms and may provide temporary relief, it doesn’t always focus on the root cause of why these symptoms emerged in the first place.

Take, for example, someone diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. They might feel overwhelmed, disorganized, or unable to manage day-to-day responsibilities. These challenges can create significant disruptions in their life—such as struggles with punctuality, relationships, and keeping up with responsibilities. But is anyone asking deeper questions? For instance, have they been taught organizational skills? Are we exploring how diet and factors like food additives (e.g., Red #40) impact their cognitive functioning?

While it's true that those who suffer from ADD/ADHD face real struggles, sometimes medication becomes a necessity. However, my approach goes beyond just treating symptoms. I aim to support the individual as a whole, helping them explore the root causes of their symptoms. More often than not, factors like diet and lifestyle play a much bigger role than we often acknowledge. This quick-fix, “band-aid” approach is no longer enough in a rapidly changing world. We need a more comprehensive way to teach people how to function, cope, and truly support their body—the body that God has given them.

When you're feeling anxious, depressed, or struggling to concentrate, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by your daily life. These symptoms can severely impact your ability to function and find joy. It's understandable why people are eager to take medication prescribed by someone they trust, hoping it will provide relief. For some, it works, while others might find it frustrating that medication often seems to be the only option available.

Medications can be helpful for many, but they should always be a choice made with informed consent, where all options are considered.

What often goes unaddressed, however, are the significant lifestyle factors—such as diet and overall well-being—that contribute to mental health struggles. For instance, why is a person staying up until 2 or 3 in the morning, only to get four hours of sleep? Could their excessive caffeine consumption—three, four, or even five cups a day—be playing a role in their symptoms?

These are essential conversations to have. Caffeine, for example, is a drug. When used in moderation, it can be beneficial, but overuse can lead to negative side effects. Our modern, fast-paced lifestyle often encourages overreliance on caffeine, especially when trying to keep up with the demands of daily life. But it’s crucial to ask, what’s going on beneath the surface? Why is this person relying on five cups of coffee? Are there lifestyle changes that could support better sleep, self-care, and natural energy sources like nutrition and sunlight?

Taking a whole-body approach to health is critical. If someone’s diet is poor and they're not getting essential nutrients, their body might interpret it as being in danger and try to conserve energy. By supporting the body through diet, lifestyle, and natural methods, we can often uncover a clearer picture of the root causes behind these symptoms.

I don’t want to undermine the validity of any diagnosis; rather, the key is what we do with that diagnosis and how we support the individual to make sustainable, lasting changes. True healing involves more than just addressing symptoms. It's about helping people find joy, peace, and a deeper connection to their purpose and spirit.

Spiritual Health and Mental Well-being

It’s also important to recognize how mental health impacts our spiritual connection. Many people find it difficult to feel connected to the Holy Spirit when they're overburdened by physical or mental stress, like excessive caffeine consumption. While this is just one example, it highlights a broader truth: our bodies and spirits are interconnected, and one can deeply influence the other.

When we begin supporting the body in a way that honors its design, we can create space for God to dwell more fully within us. As we address the physical symptoms, we can make room for spiritual healing, inviting the Holy Spirit to work in and through us. God created our bodies with a specific purpose, and when we honor that purpose, we can live the life we were meant to.

The holistic approach is about supporting the body naturally, in a way that respects how God created us. For some, that might mean reducing caffeine, eating cleaner, or even getting off medications if they’re no longer serving the body’s true needs. It's about using the tools God gave us—like whole foods, herbs, and nature’s energy sources—to nourish and strengthen our bodies.

Sustainable Changes for a Healthier Life

In my work, my goal is to help individuals improve their “temple” and create a space for spiritual growth and healing. This often involves eliminating distractions—whether they’re physical, emotional, or spiritual—and making intentional changes that align with God’s design for our bodies. Taking time for self-care, getting outdoors, eating nourishing foods, and connecting spiritually are essential parts of this process.

It’s important to start small. Make one change at a time. Start with a minute of sunshine, one healthy meal a week, one belly breath a day, or an extra hour of sleep. These small steps can build momentum and lead to sustainable changes that promote long-term well-being.

If you're not currently praying or connecting with God regularly, I encourage you to start. Take five minutes each day—whether during your commute, while doing dishes, or even in the shower—to offer your time to God. Those five minutes might feel small, but they can unlock powerful spiritual growth and provide the strength needed to overcome physical and emotional struggles.

Supporting Your Journey

Remember, the goal isn’t to completely overhaul your life overnight—it’s about making gradual, sustainable changes that support your overall well-being. If you need help navigating these changes or exploring your mental health journey, I am here to support you. I can help you create a plan, connect with professionals, and walk alongside you on this healing path. Don’t hesitate to reach out—together, we can work toward a healthier, more fulfilled life.

Marriages are a union of two unique individuals with separate interests, goals, and perspectives. While merging lives is a beautiful and intimate experience, maintaining individuality and personal space within this union is critical. This balance can be achieved through establishing certain boundaries. Here are seven important boundaries that every marriage needs to ensure a healthy and respectful relationship.

1. Emotional Boundaries

One of the most crucial boundaries to set in a marriage is emotional ones. These are essential to protect your emotional health and maintain a sense of individuality. Emotional boundaries serve as an understanding between partners on how to handle each other's feelings.

Respect each other's feelings: It's vital to acknowledge that your partner's feelings are just as valid as yours. This means refraining from dismissing or invalidating their emotions, even if they differ from yours.

Allow space for individual emotions: Each person has the right to feel different emotions, even at the same situation or event. It's important not to impose your feelings on your partner.

Communicate openly about emotional needs: Transparency about emotional requirements allows both partners to understand what they need from each other.

Remember, setting emotional boundaries doesn't mean shutting off emotionally from your spouse; instead, it involves communicating openly about your feelings and respecting one another's emotional needs.

2. Physical Boundaries

Physical boundaries are not limited to issues of intimacy but also include personal space and comfort levels in various scenarios.

Personal Space: Every individual has their comfort levels when it comes to physical touch and personal space, which should be respected by the spouse.

Non-Sexual Touch: Non-sexual touch like holding hands, hugging etc., can be equally important as sexual intimacy in building connection.

Intimacy Level: Conversations about comfort levels regarding intimacy should be ongoing in any marriage.

3. Digital Boundaries

In the age of social media and constant digital connection, setting digital boundaries is also significant.

Privacy: Respecting each other's digital privacy is as important as physical privacy. For instance, it is inappropriate to read your partner's messages or emails without their consent.

Online Interaction: Discussing comfort levels for online interactions with others, the content shared and hours spent on digital platforms can prevent disagreements later.

4. Time Boundaries

Time is a precious commodity and how it's spent within a marriage is key to maintaining balance.

Individual Time: Each partner should have time to pursue their interests or simply be alone.

Couple Time: Set aside regular time for activities that you both enjoy.

5. Social Boundaries

Social boundaries refer to interactions with family, friends, colleagues and other social circles.

Family Interactions: It's important to negotiate how much time you spend with each partner's family.

Friendships: Both partners should have the freedom to maintain individual friendships while also respecting the relationship.

6. Financial Boundaries

Money can often become a contentious issue in marriages if not handled properly.

Budgeting: Regular discussions on budgeting and expenditure are crucial in managing financial stress in a marriage.

7. Environmental Boundaries

These include decisions about your shared environment like home organization or lifestyle choices such as choosing eco-friendly alternatives like bamboo straws.

Financial Boundaries in Marriage

One of the most common sources of conflict in marriages is finances. From differing views on spending to keeping secrets about personal debts, financial issues can create wedges in even the strongest relationships. Establishing clear financial boundaries is a vital part of maintaining a healthy marriage.

Open Communication About Finances

Couples should make it a habit to discuss their financial situation regularly. Such conversations might include income, debts, savings, and individual spending habits. Open communication about finances can prevent misunderstandings and conflicts later on.

Discuss your individual money philosophies and try to reach a mutual understanding.

Be honest about any debts or liabilities you may have.

Share your financial goals and work together to achieve them.

Joint Decision-Making on Major Purchases

Major purchases or investments should always be a joint decision. This boundary ensures that both parties feel valued and involved in the family's financial health.

Set an agreed-upon amount for what constitutes a "major purchase." This could be anything from $100 to $1000, depending on your financial situation.

Always consult each other before making such purchases.

Discuss potential investments together and agree on an investment strategy.

Separate or Joint Accounts

Decide whether you want to combine all your finances into joint accounts, keep everything separate, or have a mixture of both. There is no one-size-fits-all answer; it depends on your personal preferences and what works best for your relationship.

Consider having joint accounts for shared expenses such as rent/mortgage, utilities, groceries while having separate accounts for personal expenditure.

Having some level of financial autonomy can contribute positively to individual self-esteem and relationship harmony.

Budgeting Together

Creating a budget together helps ensure that everyone's needs are met within the constraints of what you can afford. It can also help prevent disagreements about money.

Sit down together and outline your income and expenses.

Prioritize spending based on your collective needs and wants.

Regularly review your budget to adjust for changes in income or expenditure.

Transparency About Financial History

All marriages are built on trust, which includes being honest about your financial history. If you have substantial debts or bad credit, it's important to let your partner know before these issues affect your joint finances.

Balancing Equality and Fairness

Ideally, both partners should contribute equally towards shared expenses. However, when there is a significant income disparity between partners, a fair approach may not be an equal one.

For instance, rather than splitting expenses 50/50, consider each contributing a percentage of their income.

Discuss and agree on what feels most comfortable and fair for you both.

Remember that communication is key in setting financial boundaries. Always keep an open mind and be ready to compromise when necessary. Incorporating the use of household items such as bamboo straws into your budgeting can also contribute to reducing costs while promoting sustainable living – more evidence that successful budgeting needs creative thinking too!