Christian Counselor Directory Blog

Hey mama, does the idea of making one more decision make you want to crawl back under the covers? The nonstop choices we have to make—big ones, small ones, and the endless in-between—can leave us feeling like our minds have simply checked out. And it’s no wonder. Between managing the house, caring for kids, and keeping up with everyone’s needs, it’s as if our mental energy gets zapped from morning to night.

If you’re feeling this way, it’s not because you’re doing anything wrong. It’s because motherhood is hard, and the pressure to make endless decisions, often perfectly, is exhausting. So let’s talk about what mom decision fatigue is, why it hits us so hard, and how we can take that mental load down a notch.

P.S. If you’re new here, you might be wondering, who is this person acting like they know? Hi, it’s me—mom of four, and I’ve been through it all, from mental overload to the bone-deep exhaustion. I’ve had my share of days where I just wanted to pause all the “what’s next” questions. So trust me, I get it, and I’m here to help you find some calm in the chaos. Let’s dive in.

What Is Mom Decision Fatigue?
Mom decision fatigue is what happens when you feel like you’re running on empty from making decision after decision. It’s that “I just can’t decide” feeling, even about simple stuff, because your brain is done with thinking. And while all moms experience some level of mental exhaustion, decision fatigue becomes real when you’re juggling everyone’s needs and constantly making calls on things like what’s for dinner, scheduling, and yes, even big life choices.

The Weight of Constant Choices
Motherhood is a marathon of choices. When we’re not deciding what to cook or whether we should sign up for the latest after-school activity, we’re juggling our own work, the household, and our relationships. All that deciding can lead to overwhelm and burnout, making even simple choices seem impossible.

If your mental load feels like it’s weighing you down, you’re not alone. And if you’re struggling with that nagging need to get it just right, check out The Pressure to Be the Perfect Mom: How to Embrace Being Good Enough for tips on releasing that perfectionism.

Signs You’re Dealing with Decision Fatigue
How do you know if you’re caught in the cycle of decision fatigue? Here are a few tell-tale signs that your mental energy may be running low:

Procrastination on Small Choices
When you’re so drained that even tiny decisions feel monumental, it’s a strong sign you’re dealing with decision fatigue. Suddenly, picking a show to watch, deciding on a snack, or choosing what to make for dinner becomes exhausting. These small choices usually require minimal effort, but when you’re burnt out, even thinking about them can feel like one choice too many. You’re not being lazy or indecisive—it’s just your brain asking for a break.

Feeling Overwhelmed by Simple Tasks
Tasks that used to be quick and easy now seem like a mountain to climb. Folding laundry, prepping school lunches, or tackling a basic errand may feel like it requires way more energy than you can give. It’s like each task holds a hidden weight, and rather than taking action, your brain hits pause. Sound familiar? You’re not alone—decision fatigue makes even the smallest tasks feel like big asks because your mental reserves are running on empty.

Irritability and Emotional Exhaustion
Ever notice yourself snapping over something minor or feeling waves of frustration out of nowhere? When your mental bandwidth is maxed out, it often shows up in your emotions. Little things that wouldn’t normally bother you become the tipping point, and you may find yourself more emotional, irritable, or just worn out. It’s as if your tolerance for stress shrinks, and it’s not your fault—it’s your brain’s way of saying, “I’ve had enough!”

Avoidance or Decision Paralysis
Sometimes, decision fatigue shows up as avoidance or an overwhelming feeling of paralysis. You might find yourself putting off decisions that need to be made—like booking appointments, handling emails, or even making a simple phone call. It’s not that you don’t know what to do, but that your mind is so worn out it can’t handle another choice right now. Instead, you might avoid the decision entirely, hoping it’ll become easier tomorrow (spoiler alert: it usually doesn’t).

If these signs feel all too familiar, know that you’re not alone. Decision fatigue is part of the “too much” that comes with modern motherhood, and it doesn’t mean you’re failing or that something is wrong with you. It just means you’re human, doing the best you can. The good news is, there are ways to ease this load and reclaim some much-needed mental space.

How to Ease Mom Decision Fatigue
Let’s talk solutions, because while it may not be possible to skip the decision-making, we can definitely make it easier. These strategies will help lighten the mental load, freeing up space for you to breathe and actually enjoy the moments that matter.

1. Simplify Your Routines to Remove Unnecessary Choices
Routines can be a sanity saver for moms. When you know what’s coming and don’t have to decide in the moment, your mind gets a little break. Mornings are a perfect example—if you can create a flow that feels good, you’ll find that “what’s next” doesn’t seem so hard to tackle.

Simplify Your Mornings
Building a simple morning routine can be life-changing, especially when you’re burnt out. And don’t worry; it doesn’t have to be a strict, all-or-nothing process. Just having a few key things in place can make mornings feel less chaotic. For more on creating an approachable morning routine, check out How to Create a Simple Morning Routine That Works for Burnt-Out Moms.

2. Set Boundaries to Protect Your Mental Space
Saying “no” can feel hard—especially when it’s to something you think you “should” do. But boundaries are the real MVP when it comes to lightening your load. The truth? You don’t have to make every decision or do it all. Setting boundaries lets you focus on what actually matters, which can help calm your mind.

Practice Saying No Without Guilt
Start small by practicing saying no to things that drain you. If an extra activity or commitment feels like too much, let it go. Creating space isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. Need a guide on saying no? How to Set Boundaries and Find Peace: A Guide to Saying No Politely and Maintaining Healthy Relationships has practical ways to start.

3. Use Simple Systems to Cut Down on Choices
No need to dive into elaborate organization methods here; small, simple systems can ease the choice overload without adding complexity to your life. Think about the areas that usually trip you up—like meals or getting out the door. Then put a small system in place to remove some of those micro-decisions.

Meal Planning (Without the Overwhelm): Even a rough meal plan for the week can save you daily decisions on what to eat. Nothing fancy needed—just jot down a few go-to meals.

Clothing Choices: Set out your outfit the night before, or pick one for each day at the start of the week. Every decision you remove frees up a little more mental space.

4. Let Go of “Perfect” and Trust Yourself
When every decision feels monumental, it’s often because we’re putting too much pressure on ourselves. It’s okay to choose “good enough.” Embrace imperfection and know that every decision doesn’t have to be the “best” one.

It might be helpful to think of each choice as an experiment instead of a definitive answer. This mindset shift can make decisions feel less loaded and more like learning moments.

Finding Energy and Peace Amidst Decision Fatigue
When decision fatigue hits hard, self-care is one of the best ways to refuel. Give yourself permission to step away from the constant mental load, even if it’s only for a few minutes. Take a breather, journal, or just close your eyes and sit in quiet. Even small pauses can make a difference.

And if you’re looking to add more small moments of joy and self-connection, try exploring What Are Glimmers? Small Moments of Joy to Lighten Your Day as a Mom to find ways to reclaim little pockets of happiness amidst the daily hustle.

Ready to Ditch Decision Fatigue and Simplify Your Mental Load?
If you’re feeling worn out by the constant decision-making, know this: you don’t have to keep doing it all alone. Decision fatigue is real, and the mental load of motherhood can feel heavy. But there are ways to make it lighter and bring back some ease to your daily life. Let’s recap the key takeaways from today:

Recognize the Signs: When small choices feel monumental, when simple tasks feel like too much, or when irritability sneaks in, it’s time to give yourself grace and acknowledge that decision fatigue is playing a role.

Simplify Routines and Choices: Creating streamlined routines around meals, mornings, and daily tasks takes some of the thinking off your plate and gives you breathing room.

Set Boundaries to Protect Your Energy: Saying “no” or creating space around things that drain you can help lighten the mental load and preserve your energy for what really matters.

Embrace Imperfection: Let go of the pressure to make perfect choices. Choosing “good enough” can be a freeing and powerful way to reduce decision-making stress.

But here’s the thing: knowing these strategies is one thing; putting them into practice is another. That’s where coaching comes in.

If you’re ready to turn these insights into real, lasting changes, I’m here to help…
If you’re finding yourself exhausted by the constant mental juggling act of motherhood, you’re not alone. As a mom of four and someone who’s walked this path, I know just how heavy the daily decisions can feel, from small choices to the big ones. It’s easy to get overwhelmed, wondering if you’re doing enough or if you’re handling things “right.” But here’s a bit of relief: motherhood doesn’t have to mean carrying every choice and task alone, and it definitely doesn’t have to mean perfection.

That’s why I became a mom life coach. In our sessions, I work with moms like you to lighten that mental load, let go of the “shoulds,” and find an approach to daily life that feels supportive, realistic, and just right for you. If you’re ready to feel more calm, more present, and more in tune with what matters most, we’ll tackle it together with practical, down-to-earth strategies that work with your unique life.

In our sessions, we’ll go beyond the basics to get at the heart of what’s causing your decision fatigue. Together, we’ll work on practical, personalized strategies tailored to your unique life and goals, so that you can free up more mental energy, gain clarity, and find a rhythm that truly feels manageable. Here’s how we can tackle decision fatigue together:

Create Custom Routines That Work for You: We’ll look at your daily patterns and build routines that make your life easier—not more rigid. Imagine a morning routine that feels calming, or a simplified meal plan that doesn’t require daily decision-making.

Learn Boundaries and Time-Saving Techniques: We’ll work on learning to say “no” without guilt, identifying time-wasting traps, and creating boundaries around your mental space. Together, we’ll create “buffer” times for decompression that feel doable and nourishing.

Develop Realistic Self-Care Habits for Recharging: Forget the all-or-nothing self-care approach. We’ll find ways for you to recharge in small, realistic ways that fit into your daily life, even with a full schedule and family needs to juggle.

Reframe and Let Go of Perfectionism: If fear of making the wrong choice is fueling your fatigue, we’ll work on releasing that pressure. We’ll build your confidence to make choices that feel right without the weight of “getting it perfect.”

You deserve to feel more present, less stressed, and more at ease in the choices you make each day. If you’re ready to step into a version of motherhood that feels lighter and more aligned with what you truly need, let’s work together to make it happen.

Imagine what it would be like to wake up feeling a bit more energized, knowing you have a toolkit that helps you face the day with more peace and less overwhelm. Ready to find that balance? I’d love to support you on this journey.

Here’s to simplifying, reclaiming your headspace, and finding joy in the little moments. Let’s connect and get started.

-Kelly Mynatt, MA, BCBA, Mom Life Coach

Hey Mama, Feeling Like You’ve Lost Yourself? You’re Not Alone

Let’s be real—becoming a mom changes everything. Suddenly, your entire world revolves around making sure everyone else is taken care of, and somewhere in the middle of that, you’ve probably lost touch with yourself. It’s like you woke up one day and realized, “Wait...who am I beyond all the diapers, school runs, and snack requests?”

If you’ve ever caught yourself feeling like you’ve disappeared into the role of “mom,” know this: you’re not alone, and it doesn’t have to stay that way. There’s a way to rediscover who you are, find joy in the things you love, and feel more like you again. Ready to start? Let’s dig in together.

Why Feeling Lost as a Mom Is Totally Normal

Let’s just say it—motherhood is intense. The moment you become a mom, life changes in ways you can’t really prepare for. Suddenly, your time, energy, and focus are all directed toward caring for someone else. You’re managing nap schedules, grocery lists, school pickups, and all the things—and somewhere in the middle of that chaos, it’s easy to lose sight of who you are beyond the “mom” role.

But here’s the thing: you’re not the first mom to feel this way, and you certainly won’t be the last. So, if you’re feeling like you’ve lost a little (or a lot) of yourself since having kids, know this: it’s completely normal.

The Mental Load of Motherhood Is Real

One of the big reasons moms feel lost is because of what we call the “mental load.” You know, the invisible list of everything you’re responsible for? From remembering your kid’s favorite snacks to keeping track of doctor’s appointments, school events, and making sure everyone has clean clothes—it’s a lot. And when you’re constantly juggling this mental checklist, it’s easy for your own needs and identity to get lost in the shuffle.

And let’s not forget the pressure. Society has created this ideal of the “perfect mom”—the one who manages to do it all without breaking a sweat. But trying to live up to that image is exhausting and unrealistic. The reality is, motherhood is messy, and it’s okay if you don’t have it all figured out.

You’re Evolving, Not Losing Yourself

Another thing to remember is that motherhood doesn’t erase who you are—it just adds new layers to your identity. The person you were before kids is still in there, but now, you’ve evolved into someone who’s balancing a lot more. You’ve learned how to care for others in ways you probably never imagined, and that’s something to be proud of. However, it’s also important to make sure that “mom” isn’t the only part of your identity.

You’re still a person with dreams, interests, and passions outside of raising your kids. And while those things might get buried sometimes, they don’t disappear. The goal isn’t to go back to who you were before kids—it’s about rediscovering who you are now, with all the wisdom and experience you’ve gained as a mom.

It’s Okay to Miss “You”

It’s also completely okay to miss your old life sometimes. Missing your pre-kid freedom, your hobbies, or even just having time to sit down and think doesn’t make you a bad mom—it makes you human. In fact, it’s a sign that you need to reconnect with yourself, which is exactly what this journey is all about.

Feeling lost after becoming a mom is a normal part of the transition into this new chapter of your life. The key is giving yourself permission to take up space again—to find the balance between being a great mom and being the you that you miss.

How Motherhood Shifts Your Identity—And Why It’s Okay

From “Who I Was” to “Who I Am Now”

When you become a mom, life changes in ways that no one can really prepare you for. Suddenly, you go from having your own routines, goals, and interests to being completely immersed in your kids’ lives. It’s no wonder you sometimes feel like the old you has been replaced by...well, someone who hasn’t had a hot cup of coffee in years!

But here’s the good news: just because you’re a mom now doesn’t mean you’ve lost the person you were before. In fact, she’s still in there—she just might be a little buried under the chaos (and maybe some Goldfish crackers). The trick is learning how to dig her out.

Reconnect with What Brings You Joy—Even If It’s Just for 10 Minutes

Remember What Made You Feel Like You Before Kids?
Think back to the days before your life revolved around nap schedules and dishes. What did you love doing? Reading? Painting? Dancing like no one was watching? Whatever it was, it made you feel like you, and that’s exactly what we need to tap back into.

Bringing That Joy Back—No Matter How Busy Life Gets

Now, I know what you’re thinking—“Who has time for that anymore?” But here’s the thing: it doesn’t have to be a huge time commitment. You don’t need a whole day to yourself (though wouldn’t that be amazing?). Even carving out 10 minutes can make a difference. Love reading? Start with a chapter at night. Miss getting creative? Grab some markers and doodle while the kids are coloring. It’s about taking those small steps to reignite the things that make you feel like you again.

Set Boundaries—And No, You Don’t Need to Feel Guilty About It

Why Boundaries Are a Mom’s Best Friend
Here’s a little secret: you don’t have to do it all. Seriously. Part of reclaiming your identity is learning how to protect your time and energy, which means saying no sometimes. And before you feel guilty about it—let me tell you, it’s not selfish. It’s necessary.

How to Start Setting Small, Guilt-Free Boundaries

Boundaries don’t have to be big, dramatic lines in the sand. Start small—like carving out 20 minutes of quiet time in the evening or telling your partner you need an hour on Saturday morning to recharge. The more you practice, the easier it gets. Trust me, once you start saying “no” to the things that drain you, you’ll have so much more room for the things that lift you up.

Make Time for Self-Reflection—You Deserve It

Why Checking In with Yourself Is Key to Finding You Again
It’s hard to rediscover who you are if you never give yourself a minute to think about it. Taking time for self-reflection isn’t just a luxury; it’s a way to figure out what you actually need and want. So grab a cup of tea (or wine, no judgment), and ask yourself: What’s been missing from my life? What would make me feel more like me again?

Easy Ways to Build Self-Reflection Into Your Day

Self-reflection doesn’t mean you need to journal for hours (unless that’s your thing!). It can be as simple as taking 5 minutes before bed to jot down your thoughts, or just having a quiet moment in the shower (those shower thoughts are magic, aren’t they?). The more you check in with yourself, the clearer your path to reclaiming your identity will become.

Key Takeaways for Moms Ready to Rediscover Their Identity

Feeling lost is normal: Motherhood changes you, but it doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself.

Reconnect with joy: Start bringing small moments of happiness back into your routine, even if it’s just for 10 minutes.

Set boundaries: Protect your time and energy without guilt. You deserve space for yourself.

Self-reflection matters: Take time to check in with yourself and rediscover what lights you up.

Ready to Reclaim Your Identity?
If you’re feeling lost in the chaos of motherhood, I’m here to help.

Together, we’ll work on practical steps to reconnect with who you are beyond the role of “mom” and create space for the things that light you up.

It’s time to rediscover you—connect with me and let’s see what we can do together!

~Kelly, MA, BCBA, Mom Life Coach

What Does the Term “Worldview” Mean?

A worldview is a conceptual framework of how an individual perceives the world and is shaped by the individual core beliefs, values and cultural experiences which ultimately guide their behavior (Esqueda, 2014). According to Duckham and Schreiber (2016), “Worldviews are mediated by beliefs, and specifically by what one believes is true (ontology). One’s ontology leads to specific ways of going about knowing and perceiving the world (epistemology)” (p. 57). How individuals perceive truth and go about confirming their perception of truth has changed dramatically through the course of history (Duckham & Schreiber, 2016). Perceptual bifurcations as to what constitutes truth has resulted during the evolution of postmodernism, from the previously widely held ideology of modernism, resulting in paradigm shifts in believe systems (Kuhn, 1970).

A historical paradigm shift has occurred over time leading to the development of the scientific worldview. Heineman, Tyson and Pieper (2002) posit three paradigms that can be integrated within social contexts like in the case of a marital relationship namely: (a) logical empiricism which is based on an assumption that there is truth that can be uncovered, (b) relativism (or constructivism) which assumes that all truth is based on contextualization and (c) heuristics, which is described as “ways of perceiving, knowing, and solving problems” (p. 15). The nuance of critical realism features prominently, and has been incorporated, in the construct of the scientific worldview based on one’s personal perception of what constitutes realism. According to Duckham and Schreiber (2016) critical realism is defined as, “The real what exists in the world, the actual is what is knowable, and the empirical is what has been scientifically described” (p. 57).

The Secular Worldview versus The Biblical Worldview

Another prominent paradigm that exists is the secular worldview. According to Beeke (2015) secularism originates, “From the Latin word saecula, meaning this present age, or the fashion of the world around us” (p. 274). Hill (2015) introduced an interesting relationship between secularization and secularism, noting that secularization is a process that leads to adherence to the secular worldview. According to Hill (2015), secularism is “a state of affairs and a state of mind in which the realities of life are considered to be without spiritual significance” (p. 311). At its corpus, secularism (sometimes referred to as humanism) engenders a cultural milieu and mind-set that excludes religion and any doctrine of faith. As such, the institution of marriage would be governed by human desires and wishes as opposed to the biblical narrative of inerrant Scripture.

A biblical worldview is essential for followers of Jesus Christ to effectively live out their Christian faith (Dockery, 2007; Sire, 2009). At the corpus of shaping my biblical worldview is my Judeo-Christian faith. The Jewish worldview held the belief that there were two ages of redemption. The ages were segregated into the former age and the latter age. The former age was expected with special intervention by God within a period of history and the latter age was the final period and ending of God’s struggle against hostile forces (Scott, 1995). My Christian faith is rooted on three fundamental pillars as well: monotheism, the covenant, and God’s grace superseding the law (Scott, 1995).

My Personal Biblical Worldview of Marriage

My biblical worldview of marriage was framed from the construct that marriage is a covenant relationship as opposed to the commonly held secular worldview that marriage is simply a contractual relational agreement entered into by two persons. Willard (1998) captures the essence of how one’s belief system shapes one’s biblical worldview, “We always live up to our beliefs – or down to them, [sic] as the case may be. Nothing else is possible. It is the nature of belief” (p. 307). There are different schools of thought on marriage based on one’s biblical theology, specifically based on how one interprets what the bible has to say about marriage. Fundamental to the shaping of my biblical worldview of marriage are the doctrines of Creation and the Trinity (Genesis 1:26- 30), the fall of humanity (Genesis 3:5-7), the redemption of humankind through the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ (Hebrews 9:15; Titus 2: 14; Revelation 1:5-6), the establishment of a new heaven and earth (Isaiah 65:17; Isaiah 66:22; Revelation 21:1) and the biblical narratives that support these doctrines.

Based on my belief in Trinitarian theology, I believe the husband and wife were created in the image and likeness of God (Genesis 1:26). As such, I posit that we are spirit beings with a soul (mind, will and emotions) embodied in a physical body which will at death return to dust. My biblical worldview has been further shaped by my belief that the family was the first institution created by God when He took one of Adam’s ribs and made Eve is wife (Genesis 2:21-23). I believe that a husband first responsibility is to his wife, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24, King James Version) and a wife’s first responsibility is to her husband: “but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:20b).

From Theory to Christian Practical Application

In conclusion, my biblical worldview has been shaped by my relationship with the Trinity. However, a revelation of the power to live the Christian life through intimacy with the Holy Spirit has been a major contributor. Based on this relationship, I have learned how to be dependent on Him as opposed to my flesh. As such, experiential theology has, and continues to, guide my martial relationship through a daily life of payer, study of God’s Word and worship. I rely heavily on God’s grace, wisdom, and the Fruit of the Spirit (James 4:6; 2 Corinthians 8:7; Proverbs 1:7; Proverbs 4:6-7; Galatians 5:22-26) to guide my marriage and my life in general. I also subscribe to the view that the husband is the priest of his home and has a responsibility to love his wife as Christ loves the Church (Ephesians 5:25-33) and not to provoke our children t wrath, “but to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Galatians 6:4b). It is impossible to explicate the full extent of my biblical worldview of marriage in this discussion. However, I have used the biblical narrative to highlight some of the key features that have impacted my marriage and life over the past 28 years and helped shape my biblical worldview of marriage. Lastly, there are a plethora of worldviews that have evolved, and paradigm shifts that take have taken place, particularly in today’s postmodern culture, yet I unreservedly submit God’s Word will stand the test time regardless of continuously evolving worldviews or paradigm shifts.

References

Beeke, J. R. (2015). How to battle hostility and secularism. Puritan Reformed Journal, 7(1), 269-284.

Dockery, D. S. (2007). Renewing minds: Serving church and society through Christian higher education. Nashville, TN: B & H Academic.

Duckham, B. C. & Schreiber, J. C. (2016). Bridging worldviews through phenomenology. Social Work and Christianity, 43(4), 55-67.

Esqueda, O. J. (2014). Biblical worldview: The Christian higher education foundation for learning. Christian Higher Education, 13(2), 91-100.

Heineman-Pieper, J., Tyson, K. & Pieper, M. H. (2002). Doing good science without sacrificing good values: Why the heuristic paradigm is the best choice. Families in Society, 83(1), 15-28.

Hill, J. L. (2015). Secularization: A New Testament Perspective. Evangelical Review of Theology, 39(4), 311-323.

Kuhn, T. S. (1970). The structure of scientific revolutions: Chicago, IL: University of Chicago Press.

Scott, J. (1995). Jewish backgrounds of the New Testament. Grand Rapids: Baker Academic.

Sire, J. W. (2009). The universe next door: A Basic worldview catalog (4th ed.). Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic.

Willard, D. (1998). The divine conspiracy. New York, NY: HarperOne.

TCC Reflection Studies -> Grace -> Ephesians 2:1-10

Below is a "Reflection Study". I provide these to clients in session when they are wanting to work on a specific faith concern. We create them in-house. Enjoy!

1 "And you were dead in the trespasses and sins
2 in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—
3 among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.
4 But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us,
5 even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—
6 and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus,
7 so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.
8 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,
9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast.
10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

Reflection Questions on Ephesians 2:1-10:

1. Verse 1-3 (Dead in Sin):
A. What fears or anxieties arise for you when you reflect on your past or current struggles with sin?

B. How does acknowledging that all of us were "dead in transgressions" make you feel about your own spiritual journey?


C. Do you find yourself overly focused on your failures or mistakes? If so, why do you think that is?

2. Verse 4-5 (Made Alive in Christ):
A. How does it feel to read that God made you alive with Christ while you were still dead in sin? What does this say about God’s view of you?

B. What worries do you have about God’s love or forgiveness that make you feel anxious about your salvation?


C. When you hear the phrase, “It is by grace you have been saved,” what emotions or doubts come up for you?


D. How do you reconcile God's rich mercy with the times you fall short?

3. Verse 6-7 (Raised with Christ):
A. How does the idea of being "raised up with Christ" shift your perspective on your identity and worth in God’s eyes?

B. Do you struggle to believe that God’s grace is enough to cover your sins? What might be contributing to that struggle?

C. How does your anxiety about sin affect your relationship with God on a daily basis?

4. Verse 8-9 (Salvation by Grace through Faith)
A. What concerns or doubts arise when you consider that salvation is a gift from God, not something you can earn through good behavior or works?

B. How does anxiety about “being caught sinning” impact your trust in God’s grace?

C. In moments when you feel overwhelmed by fear of judgment, how can the truth that salvation is "the gift of God" bring peace to your heart?

D. What would change for you if you accepted that nothing you do can add to or take away from the grace God has already given you?

5. Verse 10 (Created for Good Works):
How does understanding that God has prepared good works for you help ease anxiety about needing to “prove” your worth?

A. When you think about the "good works" God has planned for you, does it bring excitement or pressure? How can you trust God to lead you in these works without feeling overwhelmed?


B. How can you find balance between striving for spiritual growth and resting in God’s grace, especially when anxiety tempts you to do more to earn His love?

THEREPEUTIC FOCUS
1. Identify Core Fears: What specific fears are driving your anxiety about being "good enough" for God?

2. Explore Self-Worth: How does your view of yourself align with what God says about you in this passage?

3. Grace vs. Perfectionism: In what ways do you feel that perfection is required for God's acceptance? How can embracing grace change this perspective?

4. Safety in God's Grace: How can meditating on God’s mercy and grace calm your fears about judgment or failure?

COPING STRATEGY
Meditation on Grace: Practice daily reminders that you are saved by grace, not by works. When anxious thoughts arise about sin or salvation, pause to repeat Ephesians 2:8 to yourself: "It is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God."

Ah, motherhood—the beautiful, exhausting, ever-complicated job that you didn’t exactly get a full description of when you signed up. Sure, there were the basics: feed them, love them, make sure they wear shoes in public. But what about everything else? Like the endless to-do list that lives in your brain, the mental catalog of every family member’s needs, and the sheer amount of logistics management that goes into daily life. That’s what we call the “invisible load.” And if you’re feeling completely wiped out most days, this invisible load is likely why.

Let’s be real: the invisible load isn’t something you can cross off a list. It’s more like an endless, looping list of all the things you remember at 2 a.m. but wish you didn’t. It’s the reason you can mentally scroll through every item in your fridge but can’t remember the last time you had ten minutes to yourself. So, if you’re constantly on the brink of burnout, you’re not alone—and it’s not “all in your head.” Let’s unpack what this invisible load is and, more importantly, how you can start making it a little less, well, invisible.

What Is the Invisible Load?

The “invisible load” is basically all the behind-the-scenes work that goes into running your family’s life. It’s the unseen tasks that no one talks about but can’t live without. Think of it as the software that keeps the whole family operation running smoothly, except you’re the one doing all the processing—and it’s totally draining your battery.

From remembering who needs a lunch packed to keeping track of birthdays to silently monitoring everyone’s mood to make sure no one is about to explode—you’re managing a million tiny details that are easy to miss but hard to let go of. And here’s the kicker: most people don’t see this work because it’s not about physical tasks. It’s about the mental gymnastics you do to keep life functioning. You’re not just “thinking ahead”; you’re practically running an emotional control center for everyone in the house.

Signs You’re Carrying an Invisible Load

So, how do you know if you’re carrying the invisible load? Here are some telltale signs:

You’re the Go-To for Everything:

Can’t find the socks? Need to know where that one green crayon went? You’re the default search engine for all lost items. Somehow, it’s assumed you have a mental catalog of every item in the house.

Your To-Do List is a Never-Ending Scroll:

You’re constantly adding things—book the dentist, remember teacher gifts, update the family calendar—and never really checking them off because, surprise, more stuff just keeps piling on.

3 a.m. Wake-Up Calls (Courtesy of Your Brain):

You’re suddenly awake at odd hours, mentally rehashing what you forgot to do yesterday and pre-planning for tomorrow. It’s like having a little alarm in your brain that goes off whenever you finally get a chance to rest.

You’re Always a Little Tired (Even After You “Rest”):

Even after a full night’s sleep (or what counts as one), you’re still tired. It’s not a physical tiredness—it’s that drained feeling that comes from having too much on your mind all the time. The invisible load weighs on you in ways a nap can’t fix.

If any of these sound familiar, congratulations—you’re officially carrying an invisible load. But don’t worry; now that we’ve put a name to it, we can start tackling it.

The Common Types of “Invisible” Tasks Moms Handle

There’s no one-size-fits-all version of the invisible load, but most of us have a few categories that we handle day in and day out. Let’s break them down:

Household Management:

Keeping the house running is a feat, even if you have help. The mental checklist for everything from laundry to bills to the recycling schedule often lives squarely in your head. And let’s not even start on meal planning—it’s like a never-ending episode of Chopped, but with picky eaters and zero prep time.

Emotional Labor:

You’re not just responsible for your own feelings, you’re the emotional thermostat for everyone in the house. You notice when one of the kids seems sad, when your partner’s stressed, and when you’re dangerously close to snapping (again). Your job is to keep everyone balanced, calm, and comforted—even if it means putting your own needs on the backburner.

Social Calendar Keeping:

Birthday parties, dentist appointments, school events, family gatherings—it’s all somehow coordinated and remembered by you. You’re not just a mom; you’re practically a part-time event planner, minus the paycheck.

These invisible tasks aren’t just chores; they’re mental and emotional energy drains that add up over time. Recognizing what kinds of invisible tasks you’re managing is the first step to reducing them—and maybe even sharing the load.

Why Is the Invisible Load So Exhausting?

Carrying the invisible load isn’t just about doing a lot of stuff—it’s about thinking about doing a lot of stuff. And all that mental juggling has a real impact on your energy and mental well-being. Think of it as decision fatigue. From the moment you wake up until you finally collapse into bed, you’re not just managing your day—you’re making hundreds of tiny decisions, calculations, and adjustments.

Research even shows that this kind of ongoing mental load can lead to stress and burnout over time. You’re not only thinking about what’s happening now, but you’re also planning ahead, anticipating issues, and managing emotions—all on autopilot. No wonder you feel wiped out, even after a “break.” The invisible load doesn’t stop just because you’re sitting down—it’s always running in the background like an app you can’t close.

Tips for Lightening the Load Without Letting Everything Fall Apart

Alright, now for the part you’re probably waiting for—how to make this load a little lighter. Spoiler alert: the goal here isn’t to get rid of every single mental task. Some of it is part of life, and some of it is just plain necessary. But there are ways to ease up and share the burden, so it’s not all falling on you.

Delegate Like a Boss

First up, delegation. And before you roll your eyes, hear me out. Delegating doesn’t mean just assigning tasks—it’s about sharing the mental load, too. Kids, even young ones, can handle some responsibility. And as for your partner? They may need a nudge, but they’re more than capable of stepping in.

Consider getting everyone on board with age-appropriate responsibilities. Young kids can help with simple things like setting the table or tidying up, while older kids can take on chores that actually free up your mental space. If it feels awkward at first, just remind yourself that you’re teaching them life skills—and that by lightening your load, you’re making more room for quality time together.

Let Go of Perfection

Let’s be honest, sometimes the biggest reason we can’t let go of a task is because we want it done a certain way (aka, the “right” way). But embracing a “good enough” mindset can do wonders for your sanity. The world won’t end if the laundry isn’t folded Marie Kondo-style, or if your kid’s lunch doesn’t look Pinterest-perfect.

Start by giving yourself permission to let some things slide. Embrace mismatched socks, or that store-bought birthday cake. Allowing a little imperfection is a small but powerful way to take some pressure off your plate and keep your energy for things that truly matter.

Use Tools for Mental Load Relief

You don’t need to carry everything in your brain—technology can be your friend here. Consider using family calendar apps, meal-planning apps, or even good old-fashioned lists to get those endless to-dos out of your head and into a system. Even a shared digital calendar can help everyone see what’s happening and eliminate at least a few of those “What’s for dinner?” or “What are we doing this weekend?” questions.

Automating or simplifying repetitive tasks can work wonders too. Meal-prep hacks, chore charts, or setting up auto-pay for bills can make a huge difference in what you’re mentally keeping track of each day.

Say “No” More Often

Saying “no” can feel a little uncomfortable, but it’s one of the best ways to protect your energy. The next time someone asks you to volunteer for yet another school event, plan a family gathering, or take on a new project, give yourself a pause. If you’re already stretched thin, it’s okay to say no or to ask for help. Remind yourself that by saying no, you’re actually creating space for things that matter most to you.

Creating a “Mental Load” Balance in Your Relationship

This one’s big, because the invisible load often becomes an unspoken issue in relationships. If you feel like the bulk of mental labor falls on you, it’s time to have an honest conversation with your partner about it. And the goal here isn’t to assign blame—it’s to work together as a team.

Start by explaining what the invisible load looks like for you. Sometimes, partners don’t even realize the extent of what you’re juggling. Then, talk about ways to split or share tasks more equitably. Maybe one of you handles meal planning while the other manages the kids’ schedules. Or, you might agree to alternate certain responsibilities week by week. The important thing is to make the invisible load visible, so it’s something you can both work on together.

How to Lighten the Invisible Load of Motherhood: Key Takeaways

If there’s one thing to remember, it’s that the invisible load doesn’t have to be your invisible burden. Here are the main points to help you lighten the load:

1. Recognize the Load: Understand that it’s not “just you.” The mental and emotional labor you’re carrying is real, and acknowledging it is the first step to making changes.

2. Share the Responsibility: Delegate tasks and responsibilities, not just physically but mentally. You don’t have to carry the whole operation in your head alone—everyone in the family can pitch in.

3. Embrace Imperfection: Give yourself permission to let go of the “perfect mom” myth. Allowing some things to be “good enough” frees up energy for what truly matters.

4. Use Tools and Systems: Leverage family calendars, apps, and chore charts to help offload repetitive mental tasks and keep everyone on the same page.

5. Communicate with Your Partner: Open up about the invisible load. By bringing it to light, you give your partner a chance to step in and help make things more manageable.

6. Practice Self-Compassion: Remember, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, and it’s okay to need support. Your well-being is crucial, both for you and for your family.

Carrying the invisible load is something no one should have to do alone. If you’re feeling burnt out or stuck, I’m here to help you find strategies that make life feel lighter, more organized, and full of joy again. Through my coaching services, we’ll work together to uncover what truly works for you, so you can reclaim your energy, find balance, and rediscover your identity in motherhood.

Ready to make some meaningful changes? Reach out for a free consultation, and let’s start this journey together.

With Love and Real-Life Imperfection,

Kelly, MA, BCBA, Mom Life Coach

Saving your Marriage before it Starts: Robert Sternberg's Triangular Model of Love

The triangular model of love, as explained by Sternberg, invokes considerable thought and reflection. According to Parrott and Parrott (2006) “Consummate love results from the full combination of love’s three components: passion, intimacy, and commitment. Consummate love is the goal toward which every marriage strives” (p. 43). In other words, the model can be perceived as having fundamental building blocks, ingredients, or constituents, if found to be lacking, resulting in instability.

The Apostle Paul, in his epistle to the church at Corinth, took great pains to emphasize the need to exercise love in the execution of the ministry gifts. Paul notes, “And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing” (Scofield, p. 1526). Given the foregoing insights, how might one best frame love? From a purely definitive perspective, the Oxford reference dictionary gives one some additional building blocks. Consummate love is defined as, “A type of love characterized by erotic passion, commitment, and intimacy. See under love. [From Latin consummate, consummatum to perfect, from con with + summus the highest, from summa a sum]” (Oxford University Press, 2013).

The consummate nature of love is further supported by Worthington’s (2005) thesis on what constitutes a hope-focused approach to marriage. The author asserts,
Changes in the field of couple’s therapy suggest that more attention is being paid to the emotional climate of troubled couples. In keeping with this trend, feedback on practitioners’ use of hope-focused marriage counseling suggests that most have found my emphasis of love and forgiveness to be most helpful (xxxi).

Evidently, triangular can be extrapolated to diverse situations such as discipleship ministry and marital therapy. Needless to say, Sternberg’s model can by no means be considered flawless, but certainly gives some meaningful insight from which to construct an approach to consummate love.
The Gospel Model to a healthy, vibrant love that will stand the test of time and trials
Jesus in his teaching s to His disciples also emphasized the foundational nature of love in the Christian Walk. He commanded us to love our enemies (Matt 5:44, Luke 6:27). In John 15:12, Jesus uses the metaphor of the vine and the branches to vividly illustrated the interdependence of love to humanity,

This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I loved you” Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends, Ye are my friends, if ye do whatever I command you (p. 1412-1413).

In summary, based on these referenced biblical truths, it becomes abundantly evident why both Jesus and Sternberg provide perspectives that fuse secular and Christian worldviews on consummate love.

References

Oxford reference (2013). Retrieved March 28, 2013, from http://www.oxfordreference.com/view/10.1093/oi/authority.20110803095634413.

Parrott, L. & Parrott, L. (2006). Saving your marriage before it starts. Grand Rapids: Zondervan.
Scofield, G. I. (1917). The Scofield reference bible. New York: Oxford University Press.

You love your teenager, but let’s face it—sometimes it feels like you’re trying to bond with an alien from another planet. One day, they’re chatty and sweet, and the next, you’re getting nothing but grunts and eye-rolls. If you’re feeling disconnected, don’t worry—you’re not alone. Let’s dive into why it’s so hard to connect with your teen and what you can do about it.

WHY CONNECTING WITH YOUR TEENAGER IS SO DIFFICULT

Remember when your kid actually wanted to talk to you? Yeah, those were the days. But now that they’re older, things feel… different. And by “different,” I mean wildly confusing. The truth is, teenagers are navigating a complex mix of emotions, hormones, and newfound independence, which makes connecting with them a little like trying to tune a radio station in the middle of a thunderstorm.

Here’s what’s going on behind the scenes:

• HORMONES GALORE: Puberty isn’t just tough on them—it’s tough on everyone. If your once-happy child now has the emotional range of a moody TV drama character, you can thank their hormones for that.
• BRAIN UNDER CONSTRUCTION: Did you know that the teenage brain is still developing? No wonder it feels like you’re talking to a completely different person some days. Their emotional regulation, decision-making, and even social skills are all in flux.
• SEEKING INDEPENDENCE: One minute they need you, the next they want nothing to do with you. Teens are figuring out how to be independent, which often means pulling away from the people they love most (that’s you!).
• SOCIAL PRESSURE: On top of everything else, they’re trying to navigate friendships, school drama, and social media. Your attempts at connection can sometimes feel like just another pressure for them.

HOW DISCONNECTION AFFECTS YOUR RELATIONSHIP

It’s frustrating when you’re trying to connect and they shut you out. And honestly, it can hurt. You might start questioning your own parenting skills, or worse, feeling like you’ve somehow failed. But disconnection isn’t a sign that your relationship is doomed; it’s just a natural phase.

Still, if left unaddressed, this gap can widen, leading to:

• COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWNS: Conversations become strained, with a lot of “How was your day?” met with “Fine.” Or worse—no answer at all.
• INCREASED CONFLICT: The less connected you feel, the more tension builds. What starts as a harmless disagreement can quickly snowball into shouting matches.
• EMOTIONAL DISTANCE: Over time, you may find that emotional closeness dwindles, and you’re left feeling like strangers living under the same roof.

But fear not—there are ways to rebuild connection, even when it feels like you’re speaking different languages.

STRATEGIES FOR CONNECTING WITH YOUR TEENAGER

1. DON’T FORCE IT (EVEN IF YOU REALLY WANT TO)
I know, you want to pull your teenager aside and have a heart-to-heart, but the last thing they want is a forced conversation. Let them come to you when they’re ready. Being available and patient is more effective than trying to force a connection. Trust me, nothing sends a teen running for the hills faster than “We need to talk.”
2. MEET THEM WHERE THEY ARE (YES, EVEN IF IT’S AWKWARD)
Connecting with your teen might mean meeting them halfway—literally. If they’re into video games or social media, learn a bit about what they enjoy. Even if it feels like you’re speaking a foreign language, showing interest in their world can open up lines of communication. And who knows? Maybe you’ll end up bonding over Minecraft (hey, stranger things have happened).
3. PICK YOUR BATTLES
Not every eye-roll or “whatever” is worth a showdown. Pick your battles wisely. If you engage in a power struggle over every little thing, you’ll quickly wear them—and yourself—out. Instead, let the small stuff slide and focus on the important issues, like their emotional well-being or schoolwork.
4. LISTEN (LIKE, REALLY LISTEN)
It’s tempting to jump in with advice (we’ve all done it), but sometimes, your teen just wants to be heard. Try asking open-ended questions and letting them vent without judgment or offering solutions. For example, instead of saying, “You should really study more,” try, “What do you think would help you feel less stressed about school?” Spoiler alert: you may be surprised how much more they open up when they’re not being told what to do.
5. SPEND TIME TOGETHER (WITHOUT EXPECTING A HEART-TO-HEART)
Sometimes the best bonding happens when you’re not focused on bonding at all. Go for a drive, cook a meal together, or watch a movie. These shared moments can build connection without the pressure of having to talk. Your teen might just surprise you by opening up when you least expect it.
6. DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY
Here’s the hard truth: When your teenager shuts you out, it’s not about you. They’re figuring out who they are, and pulling away is part of that process. So when they snap at you for asking a simple question, try not to take it to heart. Easier said than done, right? But remember, they still need you—probably more than they’re letting on.

PRACTICAL TIPS FOR REBUILDING CONNECTION

• KEEP IT LIGHT: Sometimes humor is the best way to break through the walls. A funny comment or shared inside joke can remind them that you’re not just “the parent,” but someone who gets them (or at least tries to).
• SHOW UP CONSISTENTLY: Even if they don’t always engage, just being there—whether it’s at dinner, during homework time, or at their soccer game—lets them know you care.
• FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE: Compliment them when they do something right, even if it’s as simple as cleaning their room (hey, it’s rare enough to celebrate!). Positive reinforcement goes a long way.
• LET THEM MAKE MISTAKES: Part of being a teenager is making bad decisions. Unless it’s dangerous, let them figure things out on their own sometimes. It’s tough, but those mistakes are where they learn the most.

WHEN TO SEEK HELP

If you feel like the disconnection is too deep to handle on your own, consider reaching out for support. Family counseling can provide a neutral space to work through these struggles and rebuild your relationship. There’s no shame in asking for help—if anything, it shows your teenager that relationships are worth fighting for.

CONCLUSION

Let’s be real—connecting with your teenager can feel like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube with your eyes closed. It’s frustrating, confusing, and sometimes downright impossible. But remember, this is a phase, not a permanent state. With patience, understanding, and a lot of deep breaths, you can bridge the gap and rebuild that connection.

Everyone has struggles in life, and counseling is a powerful tool to realize health and wholeness in their life. It’s never too late to start, and a problem is never too small to not benefit from counseling.

a. The names of people used in articles and stories on this website are entirely fictional and do not represent any real individuals or experiences.
b. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or deceased, is purely coincidental.
c. The purpose of using fictional names and stories is to provide examples and illustrate situations in a hypothetical context for informational or educational purposes.

UNDERSTANDING AND OVERCOMING INTIMACY ISSUES IN MARRIAGE

INTRODUCTION

Marriage is a beautiful journey… until it’s not. There are few things more awkward than realizing that the person you vowed to share everything with feels like a distant roommate. Intimacy issues are more common than you think, but they don’t have to be the death of connection. Let’s dive into why this happens and—more importantly—how you can fix it.

WHAT ARE INTIMACY ISSUES IN MARRIAGE?

So, what exactly are “intimacy issues”? It’s not just about physical affection (although that’s part of it). We’re talking about emotional closeness, vulnerability, and the general feeling that you’re still each other’s person. If you’ve ever felt like you’re both living parallel lives under the same roof, you know exactly what I mean.

Here’s how intimacy struggles usually show up:

• Emotional disconnection: When you can barely muster a “How was your day?” (Hint: You’re not the only one who dreads it sometimes.)
• Physical intimacy problems: The “cuddle drought” you both tiptoe around but never quite address.
• Communication roadblocks: Trying to open up emotionally but it feels like you’re just banging your head against the metaphorical wall.

Of course, these issues don’t just pop up out of nowhere. Life, with all its wonderful messiness, has a way of getting in the way.

COMMON CAUSES OF INTIMACY ISSUES

1. LIFE STRESSORS
You know how life keeps throwing one thing after another at you? Work, kids, bills… it’s all a glorious cocktail of stress that makes wanting to connect with your partner feel like just another item on your never-ending to-do list. For instance, poor Jim* drags himself home after a day of soul-crushing meetings only to find that—surprise!—he doesn’t feel like talking to anyone, least of all his wife, Sarah*.
2. EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE
Remember all that stuff from childhood you thought you’d “dealt with”? Yeah, not so much. Unresolved issues can pop up in your marriage like an unwelcome guest at a party. Erin*, for example, grew up in a family where nobody talked about feelings. So, of course, now when her husband, Adam*, tries to talk about theirs, she freezes up like a deer in headlights.
3. DIFFERENT COMMUNICATION STYLES
Ah, communication—the thing everyone says is important but no one really knows how to do. One of you talks in metaphors and subtle hints while the other is all about directness. It’s like trying to navigate a conversation in two different languages. When neither of you is understood, frustration (and more distance) builds.
4. PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL TRAUMA
Trauma has a knack for planting roots in your most personal spaces—your marriage included. For example, after a traumatic childbirth experience, Emma* feels emotionally and physically distant from her husband, Kevin*. Neither of them quite knows how to bridge the gap, but pretending it’s not there isn’t helping either.

HOW INTIMACY ISSUES AFFECT MARRIAGE

If you let intimacy issues fester, they’ll eventually start infecting the entire relationship.

Here’s what happens:

• More fights: Those little annoyances (“Why can’t you ever put the cap on the toothpaste?”) suddenly turn into full-blown wars.
• Feeling alone: It’s possible to feel lonely sitting right next to someone, and if the intimacy tank is running on fumes, you will.
• Looking elsewhere: I won’t sugarcoat it—emotional and physical disconnection can sometimes make people look for connection outside the marriage.

But here’s the kicker: You can fix this. It’s not easy, but it’s totally doable.

OVERCOMING INTIMACY ISSUES IN MARRIAGE

1. TALK ABOUT IT—EVEN IF IT’S PAINFUL
You know that awkward, gut-churning moment when you know you need to talk about something, but you’d rather eat a bowl of nails? Yeah, that’s the moment. The only way to fix intimacy issues is to talk about them. Set aside time when neither of you is exhausted (I know, easier said than done) and actually listen. Use “I” statements, like “I feel distant when we don’t spend time together,” rather than “You never do anything romantic anymore” (because nothing says romance like thinly veiled accusations).
2. CARVE OUT TIME FOR EACH OTHER
No, seriously. I don’t care how busy you are—put your phones down, send the kids to bed (or to the neighbor’s if necessary), and reconnect. Jordan* and Leah*, for instance, started setting aside 15 minutes before bed just to talk (no phones allowed). Was it awkward at first? Sure. But eventually, they started feeling like partners again instead of cohabitants.
3. CONSIDER COUNSELING BEFORE YOU HIT ROCK BOTTOM
Look, no one’s saying you can’t solve this on your own… but if it’s been months (or years) of the same struggles, what have you got to lose by seeing a professional? Relationship counseling helps couples unravel years of miscommunication, baggage, and “you never told me that’s what you needed!” moments. There’s no shame in asking for help before your marriage becomes the subject of a Nicholas Sparks novel gone wrong.
4. EASE BACK INTO PHYSICAL INTIMACY
Let’s be honest: jumping straight into the deep end of physical intimacy after months (or years) of distance feels awkward at best, terrifying at worst. So, start small. Hugs, hand-holding, sitting next to each other on the couch. Stacy* and Matt* found that even small gestures of affection—like holding hands on their evening walk—eventually paved the way for more intimacy. And no, it doesn’t have to be sexy right away. Give it time.
5. DO SOME PERSONAL WORK
Sometimes, intimacy struggles aren’t just about the relationship. If you’re carrying unresolved insecurities, traumas, or just a general lack of self-worth, it’s hard to connect with someone else. Working on your own mental well-being makes you a better partner (and, frankly, a better person for yourself). Therapy, mindfulness, or even just talking it out with a trusted friend can help you move forward.

PRACTICAL STEPS TO REKINDLE INTIMACY

• Create Little Rituals: Something as simple as sharing your morning coffee or taking a short walk after dinner can bring you closer.
• Say Thank You (Like, Out Loud): Gratitude goes a long way, even if it’s just for mundane things like taking out the trash.
• Try Something New Together: If the old stuff isn’t working, why not inject some excitement by doing something completely out of your comfort zone? Cooking class, anyone? You’d be surprised what trying something new can spark.
• Be Patient—With Yourself and Each Other: Rebuilding intimacy takes time, and there will be days when it feels impossible. That’s okay. Keep showing up.

WHEN TO SEEK HELP

If your attempts to fix intimacy issues feel like hitting a brick wall, it might be time for professional help. Couples counseling offers a neutral space to work through deep-rooted issues and rebuild emotional and physical connection. Remember, it’s not about “fixing” each other; it’s about rediscovering your partnership.

CONCLUSION

Marriage is hard. (There, I said it.) Intimacy issues make it even harder, but they’re not a death sentence. With communication, commitment, and a lot of awkward conversations, you can rediscover the closeness you once had. And remember:

Everyone has struggles in life, and counseling is a powerful tool to realize health and wholeness in their life. It’s never too late to start, and a problem is never too small to not benefit from counseling.

a. The names of people used in articles and stories on this website are entirely fictional and do not represent any real individuals or experiences.
b. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or deceased, is purely coincidental.
c. The purpose of using fictional names and stories is to provide examples and illustrate situations in a hypothetical context for informational or educational purposes.

A few weeks ago I attended a beautiful Christian wedding. The pastor did a great job because his message actually informed the couple that even though their celebration together on this day surrounded by family and friends was creating beautiful memories, they might experience some disappointing moments and those moments could possibly happen very quickly after the ceremony ended. He encouraged them not be caught off guard in those disappointing moments but to know this is normal and in these disappointments they should take a deep breath, seek wisdom and guidance and even ask the Lord in prayer to help them.

What wisdom! I'm afraid we've given couples a Hallmark version of marriage where there are no problems and everything turns out gloriously every single moment. We don't do newlyweds any favors to suggest that marriage is without disappointing moments and includes many times of working through tough hurts.

What you might not know is that the number one emotion that causes couples to be disconnected is disappointment. It is wise to inform couples that disappointment will come, but this doesn't mean that these disappointing interactions are deal breakers. Disappointment is simply an opportunity for couples to learn how to solve problems and to grow together in victory.

Many couples I work with are shocked to hear about the power of disappointment and how normal it is for married couples to be disappointed in their marriage. Couples witness others in church and other groups who never look disappointed. They wonder what is wrong with them, why they aren't thriving in their marriage.

Christian couples need to learn how to be married! Many couples never saw good examples of marriage and for the most part are expecting things "to just work out." For this reason I created a course they can work through watching videos and doing assignments from a workbook so they can have a better understanding of navigating marriage and improving the marriage relationship. Committing to improving their marriage with this training will definitely help couples create new habits, learn more about each other and marriage and escape being stuck in a disappointing marriage.

Is your mind filled with anxiety?
Maybe you’re suffering from sleepless nights and feeling nervous and upset all day…
Worrying all the time…
Imagining the worst-case scenario…
Maybe having an anxiety free mind sounds impossible.
Maybe you think anxiety is helpful and necessary.
That it helps you solve your problems.
But if you’re honest, what you really want is to relax and calm down.
You want to be free of anxiety.
It is truly possible to become anxiety free – no matter what your situation is.
A few years ago, I was an anxious mess. A family situation had me in knots. I hardly ate, couldn’t sleep, and was consumed with worry all day. In the midst of my miser

Here’s what I discovered…

1. DON’T BELIEVE EVERY THING your mind tells you!
It’s true! Thoughts are just thoughts! You don’t need to trust every one of them. Not all thoughts are equal.

2. Become AWARE of your thoughts.
This means pausing long enough to become mindful of the thoughts rolling around in your mind. Take a break from your whirlwind of thoughts. Stop long enough to sort out your thoughts and feelings. Identify the ones causing your anxiety.

3. ASK YOURSELF: Where do these thoughts come from?
This is a reflective process that takes a bit of time but helps you understand the root of your thoughts. Thoughts come from a lifetime of experiences that have formed impressions or unconscious ideas about how life works and your place in the world. For example, individuals with anxiety might have unconscious thoughts like…
I will always be a worrier.
Life is unsafe and scary.
Anxiety helps me cope with problems.
I’ll never be able to calm down.
Something must be wrong with me.

4. Identify CORE BELIEFS
Unconscious thoughts affect everything you do. They influence your thoughts, feelings, decisions and actions. Why? Because they form the foundational system of beliefs by which you live.
They are called CORE BELIEFS. For instance, someone living with the core belief that anxiety is the way to cope with problems, experiences a mind automatically filled with anxious thoughts and feelings when something happens.
An event could even be neutral but those of us with anxiety will interpret it as being negative and dangerous. While someone else operating from a different set of beliefs might interpret the event as a positive opportunity.

5. Accept and change LIMITING BELIEFS
Core beliefs become LIMITING BELIEFS when you trust and act on them. Hanging on to the core belief, for instance, that life is unsafe and scary, holds you back in life. Fear and anxiety control your thoughts, feelings, decisions and actions.
The key to reducing limiting beliefs that cause anxiety is to allow and accept them. Be aware of your limiting beliefs and decide to do something about the ones that cause anxious thoughts.
Remember: You don’t have to believe everything your mind tells you!

You always have a choice to change negative thoughts and limiting beliefs into positive thoughts and empowering beliefs.

Here’s how…

Replace old beliefs with new beliefs. For instance, someone with the old belief, “I will never be able to calm down,” could change it to the new belief, “I can calm down. I can do what it takes to calm down.”
Repeat the new belief to yourself every day! Even several times a day. Make it a habit. This will start to reprogram your mind and create new neural pathways in your brain.
You can reprogram your mind and become anxiety free!

I hope you can follow these 5 steps to become aware of your limiting beliefs, change them to new empowering beliefs and to repeat them often. Take this path to become anxiety free.

However, if you are truly struggling with anxiety that keep you nervous and troubled, watch my FREE 10 minute video on How to Stop Anxiety (https://janekcoaching.com/schedule-a-call/) to learn the exact 3 steps you can take to Become Anxiety Free.

Jane Kennard PhD, CPC is a Canadian born anxiety coach whose desire is to help women become anxiety free. Her purpose is to support women struggling with anxiety, overwhelm and worry and help them experience anxiety free living. She lives in Texas with her husband and Bishon pup, Toby. Find out more and sign up for a free consultation here.

Attending church regularly, praying, Bible-reading, and devotionals are worthwhile activities, but activity alone does not make a relationship.

Kingdom Blueprint takes a deep dive into what it looks like to be called into a relationship with the Living God--and how to allow that relationship to transform our relationships with ourselves and others.

Relationships explore how to
See and embrace God's invitation to relationship
Overcome resistance to the invitation
Stop sabotaging relationship with God and others
Accept God's invitation to enter into our true selves
Sit in the presence of God
Actively participate in intentional spiritual formation and transformation
Use seven disciplines to orient yourself to the presence of God

Alright, mama—let’s get real for a minute. How many times have you said yes to something (you didn’t really want to do) just to avoid feeling guilty? Yup, same. But here's the thing—saying no doesn’t have to feel like you’re stepping on someone’s toes or sending out a breakup text. Nope! You can protect your time and energy without all the guilt or awkwardness.

Saying no can be tough, especially when you're juggling relationships, family, and life’s never-ending demands. But guess what? There’s a secret sauce to saying no nicely that’ll leave you feeling empowered and keep your relationships intact. Whether you’re turning down a PTA project, rejecting an invite, or just trying to carve out some me-time without offending anyone, I’m here to help you master the graceful (and totally doable) art of saying no—without feeling like a jerk.

Let’s dive in and learn how you can say no without sacrificing your sanity or your relationships.

Why You NEED to Learn How to Say No

Listen, I know you want to be there for everyone. But trying to keep all those plates spinning is going to lead you straight to Burnout City—and nobody wants that. Here’s the truth: when you say yes to everything, you’re actually saying no to yourself. And trust me, saying no every now and then is the best form of self-care you can give yourself.

Learning how to say no is like reclaiming your power. When you start setting those boundaries, you’re protecting your peace and energy. You’ll be more present when you do say yes because it won’t come with all that resentment and exhaustion.

What Happens When You Don’t Say No? (Spoiler: It’s Not Good)

Ever found yourself knee-deep in something you wish you could bail on? Maybe it’s volunteering for that bake sale you never had time for, or attending that social event that’s draining your already-limited energy. Here’s what happens when you don’t say no: you stretch yourself too thin, and eventually, you’ll snap. And mama, that’s no good for you or anyone else.

When you’re always saying yes, you’re giving up the time you need for yourself. Eventually, resentment sneaks in (and we all know that’s a recipe for disaster). Your relationships suffer, your mental health takes a hit, and worst of all, you start to lose you. Saying no allows you to say YES to things that fill your cup instead of emptying it.

The Art of Assertiveness (AKA Standing Your Ground Without Being Mean)

Saying no doesn’t mean you’re suddenly going to become the “mean mom” (don’t worry, you won’t!). It’s all about being assertive—which is basically just a fancy way of saying you’re confident in expressing your needs. And guess what? You can do it kindly without being aggressive or cold.

Think of assertiveness like this: It’s about setting the tone, drawing your boundaries in the sand, and letting people know what you need, all while keeping things cool, calm, and respectful. No drama, no attitude—just clear communication. You’re saying, “This is what I can handle, and I’m sticking to it.” It’s that simple.

You’re allowed to say no—and when you do it confidently, people respect you more for it. The truth is, people often take their cues from you. When you approach something with confidence and calmness, they’ll pick up on that and respond accordingly. They may even admire you for being clear and firm about what works for you.

The key here is balance. Assertiveness isn’t about being harsh or cold; it’s about valuing yourself enough to speak up. It’s about finding that sweet spot between being overly passive (saying yes to everything and drowning in commitments) and being too aggressive (snapping and shutting people down). Instead, assertiveness is your power tool for saying no in a way that respects both you and the other person. You can say no to that extra task, the social invitation, or the favor, and still keep the relationship intact. It’s about honesty, and honesty—when paired with kindness—is always a win.

How to Say No Without the Awkwardness: Communication 101
Okay, so you’re ready to say no, but how do you do it without feeling like you’re letting someone down or coming off as rude? It’s all in how you communicate. Let’s break it down:

1. Be Honest but Brief (and Skip the Novel-Sized Explanation)
Here’s the thing—most people don’t need a long, drawn-out explanation when you’re saying no. In fact, over-explaining can sometimes make things more awkward. For example, you don’t need to go into detail about your laundry list of reasons why you can’t do something. A simple, “I’d love to help, but I’m not able to commit right now” works like a charm. It’s honest, respectful, and best of all—it leaves no room for guilt.

The truth is people appreciate when you’re upfront. Being honest shows you’re genuine, and they’ll respect your boundaries more. And bonus: You’re not left scrambling to come up with excuses or get caught up in a web of unnecessary explanations.

2. Use “I” Statements to Keep it Personal, Not Blamey
One of the best ways to soften a no is by framing it in terms of your own needs. Using “I” statements is a simple yet powerful tool. Saying things like, “I’m feeling overwhelmed and need to take a breather” or “I don’t have the capacity to take this on right now” focuses on your feelings and circumstances, instead of making the other person feel at fault for asking.

Compare these two examples:

“You always ask me to do too much!” (Aggressive, right?)

“I’m really stretched thin right now, and I need to focus on other priorities.” (So much kinder!)

The key here is ownership. When you focus on your limits and needs, it’s clear that your no isn’t personal—it’s about managing your own well-being.

3. The Power of the “No, But...” Approach
If you’re worried about saying no completely and want to keep the door open for future possibilities, the “No, But...” strategy works wonders. Let’s say a friend invites you to a last-minute brunch, but your Sunday morning is already booked with errands and a rare moment of relaxation. Instead of feeling pressured, you can say, “I can’t make it this Sunday, but how about next weekend instead?”

This approach shows that you’re still interested in maintaining the relationship, but you’re prioritizing your time in a way that works for you. It softens the blow of a no and gives both you and the other person an alternative to look forward to.

Here’s how it could work in other situations:

At work: “I’m swamped with deadlines right now, but I’d be happy to review the project next week.”

With a friend: “I’m not up for a big night out, but I’d love to catch up over coffee soon.”

With family: “I can’t host the holiday dinner this year, but I can help with the planning and decorations.”

4. Use Humor to Lighten the Mood
Sometimes, when things get tense or awkward, a little humor can go a long way. If saying no feels uncomfortable, injecting a bit of lightheartedness can make it feel less heavy for both you and the person asking. For example, if someone asks you to do something that’s just not feasible, you could say something like, “I’d love to, but I’m already trying to figure out how to clone myself to get through this week!” It keeps the mood friendly while still delivering your no.

Of course, this tactic only works if humor feels natural for you and the relationship. If the vibe is more formal, stick with a polite decline. But don’t be afraid to let a little personality shine through—saying no doesn’t have to feel like a legal proceeding!

5. Be Consistent and Firm (Without Wavering or Backtracking)
When you say no, stand by it. Often, the guilt that follows makes us second-guess ourselves, and before we know it, we’re adding qualifiers like, “Well, maybe I can make it work…” No, mama, hold your ground! Being consistent is key. If you say no but start to backtrack, it sends mixed signals and weakens your boundary.

Example: A friend asks you to volunteer for the school bake sale, and you’ve already got too much on your plate. You say no politely, but then start wavering with something like, “Well, I suppose I could make a few cupcakes…” Suddenly, you’re right back to feeling overcommitted. Instead, stick to your original no and keep it firm. “I wish I could help, but I’ve got too much going on this week. I’ll have to pass this time.”

It’s about being kind but standing your ground. You deserve to protect your energy.

6. Timing Is Everything
Believe it or not, when you say no can matter just as much as how you say it. If possible, deliver your no sooner rather than later—dragging it out only adds to the awkwardness. If you know you can’t commit to something, don’t wait until the last minute to let the person know. For example, if someone asks for your help next week but you already know your schedule is jam-packed, it’s better to give a polite no early on: “I won’t be able to help next week, but I wanted to let you know now so you can find someone else.”

Being timely not only keeps things smooth and respectful, but it also shows you’re considering the other person’s needs by giving them ample notice.

7. Acknowledge the Other Person’s Feelings, but Stay Focused on Your No
Sometimes, the hardest part of saying no is worrying about how the other person will react. While you want to acknowledge their feelings, remember that you don’t need to bend your boundaries to protect them from disappointment. Saying something like, “I understand this might be tough to hear, but I can’t commit to this right now” shows empathy without sacrificing your own needs. It’s okay to recognize that your no might not be what they wanted to hear, but that doesn’t mean you need to change your answer.

Setting Boundaries with Confidence

Boundaries are your best friend. They’re not about pushing people away; they’re about protecting your energy. When you set clear boundaries, you’re telling the world, “Hey, this is what I can handle, and I’m sticking to it.” Boundaries are essential for your mental health and your relationships, and the more you practice them, the easier they become.

It’s okay to say, “I need some time for myself,” or “I can’t make it to that event.” You’re allowed to protect your peace, and trust me, the people who respect you will respect those boundaries too.

Here are a few more ways to frame your no:
“I’d love to help, but I’ve got too much on my plate right now.” This keeps things honest and clear without over-explaining.

“I appreciate the invite, but I need a quiet night in to recharge.” Saying no to social events is totally valid, especially when you’re prioritizing self-care.

“I can’t take on anything else this week, but let me know how it goes!” It’s a great way to show support without stretching yourself thin.

“I’m flattered you asked, but I have to say no this time.” A polite decline that shows you appreciate being included, but you’re still standing by your limits.

“I have too many commitments right now to give this my full attention.” This emphasizes that your no is about protecting the quality of your time and energy, not about rejecting the person.

The bottom line: You don’t need to justify or apologize for protecting your boundaries. The right people will understand that saying no is a form of self-respect, not rejection.

Saying ‘No’ Without Guilt or Apology

Now, here’s the real kicker: the guilt. I know it’s there—the little voice telling you that saying no is selfish or rude. But guess what? That voice is wrong. Taking care of yourself and setting limits isn’t selfish; it’s survival. The more you say no to things that don’t align with your needs, the more you’re saying yes to the things that truly matter—your health, your sanity, and your happiness.

Let’s say goodbye to guilt once and for all. The more you practice saying no, the easier it becomes. And here’s a secret: you’ll actually feel better knowing you’re taking care of yourself first.

When “No” Feels Complicated: Dealing with Pushback

Let’s face it—sometimes, saying no doesn’t end with a simple, “Okay, I understand.” In reality, people might push back or try to change your mind, and that’s when it gets a little more complicated. But here’s the thing: standing firm in your boundaries is crucial for your well-being. And often, pushback has more to do with the other person than with your no.

Why Do People Push Back?
They’re Not Used to Hearing No from You
If you’ve always been the one to say yes—whether it’s taking on extra tasks, lending a hand, or just always being available—people get accustomed to it. So, the first time you set a boundary, it can catch them off guard. They may not know how to react because they’re used to you bending over backward. But guess what? That’s their issue, not yours. Their surprise doesn’t mean your no isn’t valid.

They’re Prioritizing Their Own Needs Over Yours
Some people push back because they’re thinking about how your no affects them—their plans, their workload, or their convenience. It’s natural for people to react this way, but it’s important to remember that you’re not responsible for their expectations. Your needs are just as important. If they guilt-trip you or push harder, stay firm. Acknowledge their feelings but stand by your decision. For example, “I understand this is important to you, but I’m still unable to commit.”

They Don’t Realize They’re Crossing a Boundary
Sometimes, people aren’t even aware that they’re overstepping. They might be so used to leaning on you that they don’t see your yes as something that might drain you. When you set a boundary, it may feel like a sudden shift to them. If this happens, you can offer a gentle reminder: “I know I usually help with this, but I need to take a step back for my own well-being.” Over time, they’ll get the message.

They’re Trying to Test Your Limits
Let’s be real: some people don’t like hearing no because it challenges the dynamic they’ve come to expect. These individuals might push back to see if you’ll crack. They may guilt-trip you with phrases like, “But I really need you,” or “You always do this for me.” It’s critical to hold your ground in these moments. You can say something like, “I hear you, but I’m still not able to help right now.” It’s calm, clear, and keeps you in control.

Preparing Yourself for Pushback
Knowing that pushback is a possibility is half the battle. Here are some ways to prepare yourself and deal with it effectively:

Stay Calm and Collected
When people push back, it’s easy to feel flustered or even guilty. But here’s the secret: keep your response short and steady. Repeat your original no without wavering. For example, “I understand where you’re coming from, but I still can’t commit to that right now.” You don’t need to get defensive or apologize. Just stay calm and firm.

Don’t Over-Explain
There’s a temptation to start justifying your no, but resist the urge to go down that path. Over-explaining opens the door for more pushback because it gives the other person something to argue against. The more you explain, the more they may try to poke holes in your reasoning. A simple, clear no is more powerful: “I can’t take that on right now, but I appreciate you thinking of me.”

Hold Your Ground with Empathy
It’s possible to say no while still acknowledging the other person’s feelings. This doesn’t mean you’re backing down—it means you’re showing empathy while maintaining your boundaries. Something like, “I get that this might be hard to hear, but I’ve made my decision and it’s what’s best for me right now” lets them know you care, but you’re still standing firm.

Prepare for Reactions
People react in all kinds of ways when faced with a no. Some might try to guilt-trip you, others might act hurt, and a few might get defensive. The key is not to take their reactions personally. Their feelings aren’t your responsibility, and it’s okay if they need time to adjust to the new dynamic. Keep reminding yourself: you are allowed to say no. You don’t owe anyone an immediate yes.

Know That It Gets Easier

The more you practice saying no, the easier it gets—and the less pushback you’ll face over time. People who push back are often testing whether you really mean it. If you hold your ground consistently, they’ll learn to respect your boundaries. Eventually, the pushback will diminish, and people will come to understand that when you say no, you mean it.

Conclusion: It’s Time to Take Your Power Back

It’s time to stop feeling bad about saying no. You deserve to prioritize yourself and protect your energy. Saying no doesn’t mean you’re letting anyone down—it means you’re showing up in a healthier, more balanced way.

Ready to master the art of saying no without feeling guilty? I’m here to help. Together, we’ll work on setting boundaries, protecting your peace, and finding that sweet spot where you can be a total rockstar at life without burning yourself out.

Schedule your free consultation today, and let’s start creating the balance you deserve!

-Kelly, MA, BCBA, Mom Life Coach