Christian Counselor Directory Blog

Spring Toward Forgiveness

“You’re Bambi,” my dearly departed husband loved to tease when someone hurt my feelings or took advantage of me.

Not the most endearing of pet names, but Bambi accurately described my nature – vulnerable, sensitive, and a bit naïve to the predatory hunters of this world. And yet, like Bambi, I also returned into spring after surviving many winter tragedies, like my mother’s untimely death when I was a doe-eyed young adult.

Given the frequency and severity of many predators’ attempts to harm me (physically, emotionally, financially, and socially), I have developed a thicker hide and a greater capacity for forgiveness, a process that helps me find inner peace.

My Path to Forgiveness
Over the years, my Bambi nature has become both a blessing and a curse. On the blessing side, kindred spirits behold me as a safe confidante; on the curse side, malicious predators eye me as a bully target.

Don’t get me wrong. Like a deer, I can abandon my normal peaceful stance when I perceive a serious threat, particularly one I find morally objectionable. The deer hunter on my path usually freezes in the headlights because I don’t lash out in anger. Instead, I attack with cold logic and indisputable facts, generally resulting in the hunter’s quiet, unrepentant retreat – necessitating my need to forgive.

Fortunately, I am a psychologist who actively bucks mental health stigma and openly seeks counseling and spiritual direction. Consequently, I learned to let go of petty annoyances quickly so only the serious offenses rented space in my mind, and usually for only one winter season.
However, shortly after our wedding, my late husband and I were pommeled with assaults that ultimately contributed to his untimely death four years later.

Alone in the dangerous forest, my wounds from those assaults festered to the point of causing emotional distress, mental fog, physical ailments and crisis of faith. During the middle of a long “dark night of the soul,” I eventually discerned God’s call to forgive. “Here I am, Lord,” was my slow but steady response as I returned to regular faith practice, while seeking spiritual direction for help with forgiveness and grief counseling to address many losses.

After a year, my return to spring became evident. I lost 80 pounds, resumed writing, volunteered, made my stage debut in a community theater production and pursued a plethora of social activities. As a result, my functional depression lifted, my anger dissipated, and my spirit brightened – all because I actively pursued the practice of forgiveness. So, here I share tips on when and how to forgive.

When to Forgive
In my personal experience and professional practice, I have observed common signs when someone needs to forgive.

Rumination
Persistent focus on past grievances with no shift in attitude

Misplaced Anger
Also termed displaced anger, where a minor incident blows up into a horrible yelling match (or worse) while the real issue remains unaddressed, often fueling further incidents

Rage
Exploding with anger at the mere mention of the offending party

Prejudice
Generalizing one bad experience with one group member to an entire group

Low Self Esteem
Often indicative of the need to forgive oneself

Spiritual Problems
Impaired relationship with God and reduced/abandoned faith practices

Physical Ailments
Headaches, GI distress, back problems, heart palpitations, hypertension

Cognitive Impairments
Poor attention, memory lapses, disorganization, poor time management

Psychological Issues
Anxiety, addiction (substances or activities like work), depression, insomnia

How to Forgive
Here are tips on pursuing the forgiveness process.

Address the offense and grieve the related losses.
Often when others hurt us, we lose something – maybe our idealistic world view, our reputation, our supportive herd, our resources or our pride. It is important to clarify and acknowledge the suffering caused by the offending parties. Although this is best accomplished through talking to a trusted person or group, it can be achieved through writing or artistic expression.

Stand up to Predators!
We should never allow ourselves to be used or abused. If trapped in such a situation, please seek professional help. We all can call upon the power animal that resides within us. Remember that forgiveness is never about tolerating evil behavior. It is about letting go of the toxic remains from sinful transgressions we have suffered.

Always acknowledge, “There but for the grace of God go I.”
Conduct a moral inventory of your misdeeds and consider the reasons you caused harm to others in your past. Often, we may not be fully aware of the impact our actions have on others. Remember, we all have a predator within us. This can help us to view others with less judgment.

Put things in perspective.
Taking the plank out of our own eyes will help us to discern the speck in the other person’s eye. Perhaps physical pain or emotional upset distracted the party in the wrong. Not many of us humans can emulate Bambi’s mother’s altruism as she urged her beloved son to seek safety shortly before she got shot.

Ask if it is truly worth the upset?
Consider if this issue will matter in a week, month, or next spring. If not, let it go. Sometimes, a little humor can shed some light on the matter.

Communicate your hurt.
People often have little awareness of the impact their words and deeds have on others. Sometimes, a simple statement or request may resolve the problem. If the hunter persists, you know you took the high path and did your part, even if the relationship is too harmful to sustain.
Recognize other’s limitations.

So often, my clients complain about narcissistic family members or friends. By definition, people with this disorder are emotionally immature and lack the capacity to empathize or understand another person’s perspective. Unlike Bambi’s mother, they can only view situations from their own self-centered world view.

Lower the bar.
Not everyone will be as perfect as you perceive yourself to be. Cut them some slack. If the offenses are minor, consider sending them a card with words of endearment.

View the situation globally.
Often, hurtful situations may yield positive results in the long run. Getting fired from that dead-end job may be God’s nudge to pursue His work. Regardless, use the season of spring to seek new opportunities to serve Our Lord.

Note that forgiveness does not require reconciliation.
Some relationships are simply toxic and best avoided. If someone leads you astray from your sacred values, cut the ties. All God’s creatures thrive with loving, respectful and healing connections.
Pray for the people who hurt you.

Yes, yes – easier said than done. A good prayer formula is “I forgive (insert name) from the bottom of my heart, and I humbly ask God to bless them” You may need to repeat this prayer seventy times seven times before you can say it with the sincerity of a deer. Explore this website and read this excellent book for more ideas on forgiveness.

Start this season of spring with a mustard seed of forgiveness in your heart. Fawn over it and watch it grow into a dearly beloved bush of faith, hope and love, the true essence of Bambi.

Copyright © Jessica Loftus, 2025

Check out this upcoming workshop.
Shed Your Bad Habits for Good
https://www.easywaystoeasestress.com
Deer image is under license from Shutterstock.com

In the nuanced journey of human life, our spiritual beliefs often serve as the bedrock of our existence, influencing our perspectives, decisions, and coping mechanisms. For many, Christian faith is a source of strength, hope, and guidance through life's tumultuous seas. Simultaneously, the field of counseling has established itself as a crucial mechanism for addressing and navigating mental health challenges. When these two powerful forces—Christian faith and counseling—intersect, they create a profound synergy that can offer holistic healing and growth. This blog post explores the burgeoning relationship between Christian faith and mental health practices and the transformative potential it holds.

A Confluence of Faith and Therapy

The integration of Christian faith with counseling practices is rooted in the understanding that human beings are not just physical entities requiring psychological insight but are also spiritual beings with deep-seated beliefs and values. This approach does not dilute the significance of therapeutic principles. Instead, it enriches the counseling process by incorporating an individual's faith into their healing journey.

Holistic Healing: Mind, Body, and Spirit

One of the primary tenets of incorporating Christian faith into counseling is the acknowledgment of the person as a holistic being. This perspective aligns with the Christian view of the human person, intricately composed of mind, body, and spirit, all of which interact and influence one another. Counseling that incorporates Christian faith seeks to address and nurture each of these components, offering a more comprehensive form of healing and growth.

The Power of Faith-Based Coping

Christian faith introduces unique coping mechanisms into the therapeutic process. Prayer, meditation on Scripture, and the cultivation of a personal relationship with God can offer profound comfort and guidance. These practices do not replace therapeutic techniques but complement them, providing individuals with additional resources for dealing with life’s challenges.

Community and Connection

Another significant aspect of combining Christian faith with counseling is the emphasis on community. The Christian doctrine places a strong emphasis on fellowship and support among believers. This principle extends naturally into the counseling process, encouraging individuals to seek and offer support within their faith communities. This not only amplifies their support network but also reinforces the interconnectedness between personal healing and communal well-being.

Ethical Considerations and Client-Centric Approach

The intersection of Christian faith and counseling requires navigating with sensitivity and respect. It demands that counselors, whether they share the client's faith or not, approach each case with an open mind and a clear understanding of ethical boundaries. The goal is to support the client’s faith journey in a way that respects their belief system without imposing the counselor's own beliefs. Ensuring that the integration of faith is client-driven—aligned with their needs, consent, and comfort level—is paramount.

The Challenges Ahead

While the integration of Christian faith and counseling opens new vistas for healing, it also presents challenges. These include navigating the diverse expressions of Christian faith, respecting differing theological viewpoints, and continually balancing professional and spiritual insights. Ongoing education, both in theology and psychology, is essential for counselors walking this path, ensuring they are equipped to provide ethical, respectful, and effective support.

Empirical Support and Future Directions

Emerging research supports the efficacy of integrating Christian faith into counseling, highlighting improvements in emotional well-being, resilience, and personal growth. As this field grows, so does the need for a broader dialogue between mental health professionals and faith leaders, fostering mutual understanding and collaboration that can enhance the support provided to individuals navigating mental health challenges.

Conclusion: A Journey of Faith and Healing

The intersection of Christian faith and counseling represents a promising frontier in the pursuit of holistic healing. It acknowledges the complex, multifaceted nature of human existence, offering an approach that nurtures the mind, body, and spirit. For individuals rooted in Christian faith, this integration offers a path that aligns with their deepest values, encouraging healing and growth that resonates with their spiritual journey.

As we continue to explore this intersection, we embrace not only the potential for profound personal transformation but also the opportunity to deepen our collective understanding of what it means to live well. In grounding counseling practices in the rich soil of Christian faith, we open the door to a form of healing that is both deeply personal and expansively communal, offering hope and renewal to those on the journey toward wholeness.

When healing from addiction or betrayal trauma feels impossible, God makes a way. This Bible study, 'A Way Where There Seems to Be No Way,' offers scriptural encouragement and practical reflection for those struggling with sexual addiction or the pain of betrayal. Designed for individuals and couples, this resource provides guided questions, biblical wisdom, and hope-filled insights to help navigate the journey of recovery with faith. Perfect for counselors, churches, and support groups looking for a Christ-centered approach to healing. New bible studies/reflections are posted weekly on Landmark Christian Counseling's website.

Acorn clinicians provide high quality, trauma informed care for adults, families, and children. What is trauma informed counseling? It means our clinicians have advanced education and supervision to address the yucky things that have happened to you and your family.

Dr Pam provides Safe and Sound protocol which enhances feelings of safety at home and in session. Christy provides EMDR treatment which helps to decrease the distress caused by the negative experiences.

Learn more about each modality by clicking on the pictures!

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https://drive.google.com/file/d/1XFs5zQ3A_EVDFusYS3PPwd8T6vIjwiUX/view?usp=sharing
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1IG4Pl6872JsQmGNSvFwqG_YdM0GGuxBB/view?usp=sharing
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-84KGGhXLCwazy8u1gt_nlaW8skn_CpU/view?usp=sharing

Do you know you are a triune being?
Just as God is a triune being—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—we, too, are created in His image with three parts: spirit, soul, and body (1 Thessalonians 5:23). Each part plays a unique role in our lives and must be nourished properly.
1. Spirit – This is the eternal part of us that connects with God. When we accept Christ, our spirit is made alive, and we are in communion with Him (John 3:6).
2. Soul – This includes our mind, will, and emotions. It is where we make decisions, process thoughts, and experience emotions.
3. Body – This is our physical vessel, the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). It allows us to interact with the physical world.
Just as God’s three persons work in harmony, our spirit, soul, and body must be aligned under God's will for us to live a balanced and fulfilled life. That’s why it’s so important to feed each part with the right nourishment.
How do you ensure all three parts are healthy and in alignment with God's will?
Just as we are called to be mindful of how we nourish our spirit, soul, and body, we should aim to "feed" each of these areas in ways that align with God's Word. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Feeding My Spirit (Connection with God)
• Prayer & Worship – Spending time in conversation with God through prayer and worshiping Him strengthens our spirit. It is important to note this needs to be individual as well as in a corporate setting
• Reading Scripture – The Bible is my spiritual food (Matthew 4:4). It provides wisdom, encouragement, and truth, and the truth sets us free.
• Fellowship – Engaging with other Godly believers who are strong in the Lord helps keep our spirit strong (Hebrews 10:25).
2. Feeding My Soul (Mind, Will, and Emotions)
• Renewing My Mind – Filter what you read, watch, and listen to, making sure it aligns with God’s truth (Romans 12:2).
• Managing Emotions Through God’s Peace – Instead of letting emotions control me, we need to surrender them to God in prayer (Philippians 4:6-7).
• Lifelong Learning – Reading books, listening to sermons, and learning new things keep our minds sharp.
3. Feeding My Body (Physical Health)
• Eating Healthy Foods – Aiming to eat foods that give us energy and strength to do God's work.
• Exercise & Rest – Moving our bodies and getting enough rest ensures we have the stamina for life’s demands.
• Respecting My Body as God’s Temple – Avoiding harmful substances and habits that could damage my body (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).
When all three—spirit, soul, and body—are properly nourished and aligned with God's will, we experience peace, joy, and purpose.
How are you feeding each of these areas in your life? 😊
Not sure what to do? You can reach out today for a free 15-minute phone consultation (772-446-1922) or check out my website at https://caterpillarcounseling.webflow.io/therapy

It's a quiet struggle, often hidden behind half-smiles and hollow greetings — depression. The whispers of this unseen burden travel far beyond the confines of our minds, infiltrating every part of our being, including our physical health. As Christians, we stand on the promises of God to guide us through the shadowy valleys, yet we sometimes wonder, can depression indeed make us sick? This is a question that beckons for understanding, compassion, and the wisdom of the Lord.

The Weight of Depression

The Psalmist writes in Psalms 42:11, "Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me?" These words echo across time, resonating with many who suffer in silence. Modern research confirms that the impact of depression can transcend mental anguish to manifest in physical ailments. The mind and body are intricately woven together by God's design, and when the spirit is heavy with sorrow, the body may also bear the burden.

The Physical Symptomatology of Depression

Proverbs 17:22 tells us, "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." Indeed, a spirit oppressed by depression can lead to a host of physical symptoms that compound our daily challenges. Digestive issues, headaches, chronic pain, and even heart disease have been linked to long-term depression. The stress hormones released during depressive episodes can suppress the immune system, making the body more susceptible to infections and illnesses.

Embracing God’s Promise of Healing

In the midst of this, it is vital to remember the promises God makes to us. Jeremiah 17:14 pleads, "Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise." As Christians, we acknowledge that we are not immune to suffering, but we are reassured that the Lord stands with us in our darkest moments. In seeking treatment for depression, we are not exhibiting a lack of faith; rather, we are taking concrete steps towards the healing that God desires for us.

Seeking Help as a Step of Faith

James 5:14-15 encourages us, "Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up." We can take these verses both literally and figuratively. It is both a call to seek God's direct intervention and an encouragement to reach out for help within the body of Christ, which can include the assistance of medical professionals. Utilizing therapy, medication, or counseling alongside prayer and spiritual support can be a holistic approach to tackling the symptoms of depression.

Lifestyle Changes Inspired by Scripture

Adopting a healthier lifestyle can be one approach to mitigating the physical effects of depression. In 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, we are reminded that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. Ensuring adequate rest, nutrition, and exercise not only honors this temple but can also improve mood and reduce stress. Balancing our lifestyle with time for meditation on God's word, fellowship with believers, and personal rest can lead to a stronger, healthier state of being.

Community and Connection

Galatians 6:2 says, "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ." By sharing our struggles with trusted members of our congregation or support groups, we can alleviate the weight of depression. The understanding, companionship, and shared prayers can be a balm for both the soul and the body.

An Ever-Present Hope

As we navigate the ebbs and flows of mental health, let us not lose sight of our ever-present hope in Christ. Romans 15:13 blesses us with this assurance, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Our faith informs us that with God, there is always a path through the wilderness of depression, a path that leads to restoration and health.

Enduring Through Faith

To our brothers and sisters in Christ who wonder if depression can make you sick, the answer is yes — but this is not the end of your story. With faith as our cornerstone and our belief in a God who restores, we find the strength to seek healing in all its forms. Remember, you are never walking alone; through the darkest valley, His rod and His staff, they comfort us. Together, let us strive forward in faith, affirming that our God is greater than any affliction, and in Him, we find the ultimate comfort and cure. Amen.

Unlock your inner strength! Join our Resilience and Empowerment Counseling Group Therapy. It's a safe space where you're listened to, understood, and empowered to overcome. Let's grow together.

Starts Tuesday, February 25,6-7:30 pm EST

10-week program

6-8 participants

Weekly meetings, 90 minutes per session

Virtual Meetings

Call 443-860-6870 or email elishaslee@counselingmail.com for more information

To help you decide here are a few questions: Feeling off? Lacking motivation? Not being heard? Unsure of your feelings? If you answered yes to any of these questions therapy may be for you.

Seeking help can give you the tools and support to navigate life's challenges. It offers a safe space to explore your feelings, work through personal issues, and develop strategies to improve your overall well-being.

Therapy can help with stress, anxiety, depression, relationship issues, and other concerns. It is also useful for major life changes of self-understanding. Therapy provides a safe confidential space to explore your thoughts and feelings.

If you would like more information please book a free 15-minute consultation with me, a therapist who specializes in transformation and healing. (772-446-1922)

It is the inevitable by-product of living in a technologically-dependent, socially-connected, and minute-managed world that peace and calm get left in the wake. Texts, emails and cell-phone calls fly in faster and more frequently than a speeding bullet. It seems there is hardly a moment in the day when we’re not busy managing the demands of work, family and our increasingly larger social world that no longer can be shut out of our lives even for a few minutes. We can no longer close the door behind us and expect that the world will be left outside. Though staying connected is important, it is no more valuable than time alone to calm our thoughts and our bodies, to restore energy and peace, and to reduce the ravages of stress. And, you have a right to a few minutes to yourself! You can decide to make time alone an equal priority. Try this 15-minute a day refresher:
First: Establish a quiet place in your home. Use a candle, a cross, icon or other meaningful symbol for focus. Pick a book of short devotional thoughts or spiritual / Scriptural readings. Decide if you want to sit or kneel and prepare your place accordingly with a pillow, mat or stool. When it is time, go to your quiet place and wait silently for a moment; breathe…relax…gently focus or close your eyes. After awhile read your devotion then be quiet again and let the thoughts settle in….pray….don’t leave quickly, but quietly move back into your day.
1. 5 minutes in the morning: How you begin your day is most important! Almost every important religious tradition speaks to the necessity of starting the day correctly. After one of the busiest days recorded in Jesus’ ministry, the next morning the disciples found him out alone, having risen early to pray. Get up just 5 minutes earlier and spend it in quietude and you will come to see what a difference it will make!
2. 5 minutes at lunch: If at home, go to your quiet place again or find some place at work where you can retreat for just 5 minutes. Go there around noon and shut out all thoughts of work. Sit quietly, eyes closed, and body relaxed. Breathe gently and just think about your breath. Recall, if you wish, the truths of your early morning devotion. Keep your thoughts away from work, problems, or “to-do”s. For a few minutes, just be at peace. End with a simple prayer of thanksgiving and then resume your day’s activities.
3. 5 minutes to end the day: As the day ends, return for just a few moments to your quiet place. After your few moments of relaxing, focusing and breathing you may want to give thanks as you recall the day just past. Briefly examine your conscience and pray, clearing it of all that disturbs you.
Try using this 15-minute a day refresher for a month and see if your sense of peace and calm have increased and stress decreased. You’re worth it!

Christian Counselor, Clifton Fuller, recently published his second book about the narcissistic personality which is available on Amazon. It's entitled, "The Narcissist: When Dreams Become Nightmares." It discusses the deception of an NPD, the conmen they are, and how to recognize their warning signs. From 'closet narcissists' to 'malignant' (dangerous) narcissists, their behaviors must be honestly observed for our own protection.

Whereas Fuller's first book ("The Marriage Vampire") was written for Christian women and has many scriptures that warn Christians about narcissism, the second book takes a more clinical approach, sharing the different types of NPDs and why we must approach them in very different ways.

Find out more by visiting https://www.cliftonfuller.com/books and other publications by FullerPublishing.com

The Anchor of Hope Counseling Support Group offers a sanctuary for individuals coping with depression, providing a compassionate and nurturing environment for shared healing and personal growth. We are committed to fostering resilience, understanding, and wellness through community support, educational workshops, and evidence-based practices. We aim to empower each member with the tools and confidence needed for managing their mental health, promoting a journey of recovery anchored in hope and solidarity.

This 12-week program begins Dec 9 from 5 p.m. to 6:30 p.m. The cost is $35 per session or $420 for the full program. Financing is available. To register, call 443-860-6870 or email elishaslee@counselingmail.com.

Hey mama, does the idea of making one more decision make you want to crawl back under the covers? The nonstop choices we have to make—big ones, small ones, and the endless in-between—can leave us feeling like our minds have simply checked out. And it’s no wonder. Between managing the house, caring for kids, and keeping up with everyone’s needs, it’s as if our mental energy gets zapped from morning to night.

If you’re feeling this way, it’s not because you’re doing anything wrong. It’s because motherhood is hard, and the pressure to make endless decisions, often perfectly, is exhausting. So let’s talk about what mom decision fatigue is, why it hits us so hard, and how we can take that mental load down a notch.

P.S. If you’re new here, you might be wondering, who is this person acting like they know? Hi, it’s me—mom of four, and I’ve been through it all, from mental overload to the bone-deep exhaustion. I’ve had my share of days where I just wanted to pause all the “what’s next” questions. So trust me, I get it, and I’m here to help you find some calm in the chaos. Let’s dive in.

What Is Mom Decision Fatigue?
Mom decision fatigue is what happens when you feel like you’re running on empty from making decision after decision. It’s that “I just can’t decide” feeling, even about simple stuff, because your brain is done with thinking. And while all moms experience some level of mental exhaustion, decision fatigue becomes real when you’re juggling everyone’s needs and constantly making calls on things like what’s for dinner, scheduling, and yes, even big life choices.

The Weight of Constant Choices
Motherhood is a marathon of choices. When we’re not deciding what to cook or whether we should sign up for the latest after-school activity, we’re juggling our own work, the household, and our relationships. All that deciding can lead to overwhelm and burnout, making even simple choices seem impossible.

If your mental load feels like it’s weighing you down, you’re not alone. And if you’re struggling with that nagging need to get it just right, check out The Pressure to Be the Perfect Mom: How to Embrace Being Good Enough for tips on releasing that perfectionism.

Signs You’re Dealing with Decision Fatigue
How do you know if you’re caught in the cycle of decision fatigue? Here are a few tell-tale signs that your mental energy may be running low:

Procrastination on Small Choices
When you’re so drained that even tiny decisions feel monumental, it’s a strong sign you’re dealing with decision fatigue. Suddenly, picking a show to watch, deciding on a snack, or choosing what to make for dinner becomes exhausting. These small choices usually require minimal effort, but when you’re burnt out, even thinking about them can feel like one choice too many. You’re not being lazy or indecisive—it’s just your brain asking for a break.

Feeling Overwhelmed by Simple Tasks
Tasks that used to be quick and easy now seem like a mountain to climb. Folding laundry, prepping school lunches, or tackling a basic errand may feel like it requires way more energy than you can give. It’s like each task holds a hidden weight, and rather than taking action, your brain hits pause. Sound familiar? You’re not alone—decision fatigue makes even the smallest tasks feel like big asks because your mental reserves are running on empty.

Irritability and Emotional Exhaustion
Ever notice yourself snapping over something minor or feeling waves of frustration out of nowhere? When your mental bandwidth is maxed out, it often shows up in your emotions. Little things that wouldn’t normally bother you become the tipping point, and you may find yourself more emotional, irritable, or just worn out. It’s as if your tolerance for stress shrinks, and it’s not your fault—it’s your brain’s way of saying, “I’ve had enough!”

Avoidance or Decision Paralysis
Sometimes, decision fatigue shows up as avoidance or an overwhelming feeling of paralysis. You might find yourself putting off decisions that need to be made—like booking appointments, handling emails, or even making a simple phone call. It’s not that you don’t know what to do, but that your mind is so worn out it can’t handle another choice right now. Instead, you might avoid the decision entirely, hoping it’ll become easier tomorrow (spoiler alert: it usually doesn’t).

If these signs feel all too familiar, know that you’re not alone. Decision fatigue is part of the “too much” that comes with modern motherhood, and it doesn’t mean you’re failing or that something is wrong with you. It just means you’re human, doing the best you can. The good news is, there are ways to ease this load and reclaim some much-needed mental space.

How to Ease Mom Decision Fatigue
Let’s talk solutions, because while it may not be possible to skip the decision-making, we can definitely make it easier. These strategies will help lighten the mental load, freeing up space for you to breathe and actually enjoy the moments that matter.

1. Simplify Your Routines to Remove Unnecessary Choices
Routines can be a sanity saver for moms. When you know what’s coming and don’t have to decide in the moment, your mind gets a little break. Mornings are a perfect example—if you can create a flow that feels good, you’ll find that “what’s next” doesn’t seem so hard to tackle.

Simplify Your Mornings
Building a simple morning routine can be life-changing, especially when you’re burnt out. And don’t worry; it doesn’t have to be a strict, all-or-nothing process. Just having a few key things in place can make mornings feel less chaotic. For more on creating an approachable morning routine, check out How to Create a Simple Morning Routine That Works for Burnt-Out Moms.

2. Set Boundaries to Protect Your Mental Space
Saying “no” can feel hard—especially when it’s to something you think you “should” do. But boundaries are the real MVP when it comes to lightening your load. The truth? You don’t have to make every decision or do it all. Setting boundaries lets you focus on what actually matters, which can help calm your mind.

Practice Saying No Without Guilt
Start small by practicing saying no to things that drain you. If an extra activity or commitment feels like too much, let it go. Creating space isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. Need a guide on saying no? How to Set Boundaries and Find Peace: A Guide to Saying No Politely and Maintaining Healthy Relationships has practical ways to start.

3. Use Simple Systems to Cut Down on Choices
No need to dive into elaborate organization methods here; small, simple systems can ease the choice overload without adding complexity to your life. Think about the areas that usually trip you up—like meals or getting out the door. Then put a small system in place to remove some of those micro-decisions.

Meal Planning (Without the Overwhelm): Even a rough meal plan for the week can save you daily decisions on what to eat. Nothing fancy needed—just jot down a few go-to meals.

Clothing Choices: Set out your outfit the night before, or pick one for each day at the start of the week. Every decision you remove frees up a little more mental space.

4. Let Go of “Perfect” and Trust Yourself
When every decision feels monumental, it’s often because we’re putting too much pressure on ourselves. It’s okay to choose “good enough.” Embrace imperfection and know that every decision doesn’t have to be the “best” one.

It might be helpful to think of each choice as an experiment instead of a definitive answer. This mindset shift can make decisions feel less loaded and more like learning moments.

Finding Energy and Peace Amidst Decision Fatigue
When decision fatigue hits hard, self-care is one of the best ways to refuel. Give yourself permission to step away from the constant mental load, even if it’s only for a few minutes. Take a breather, journal, or just close your eyes and sit in quiet. Even small pauses can make a difference.

And if you’re looking to add more small moments of joy and self-connection, try exploring What Are Glimmers? Small Moments of Joy to Lighten Your Day as a Mom to find ways to reclaim little pockets of happiness amidst the daily hustle.

Ready to Ditch Decision Fatigue and Simplify Your Mental Load?
If you’re feeling worn out by the constant decision-making, know this: you don’t have to keep doing it all alone. Decision fatigue is real, and the mental load of motherhood can feel heavy. But there are ways to make it lighter and bring back some ease to your daily life. Let’s recap the key takeaways from today:

Recognize the Signs: When small choices feel monumental, when simple tasks feel like too much, or when irritability sneaks in, it’s time to give yourself grace and acknowledge that decision fatigue is playing a role.

Simplify Routines and Choices: Creating streamlined routines around meals, mornings, and daily tasks takes some of the thinking off your plate and gives you breathing room.

Set Boundaries to Protect Your Energy: Saying “no” or creating space around things that drain you can help lighten the mental load and preserve your energy for what really matters.

Embrace Imperfection: Let go of the pressure to make perfect choices. Choosing “good enough” can be a freeing and powerful way to reduce decision-making stress.

But here’s the thing: knowing these strategies is one thing; putting them into practice is another. That’s where coaching comes in.

If you’re ready to turn these insights into real, lasting changes, I’m here to help…
If you’re finding yourself exhausted by the constant mental juggling act of motherhood, you’re not alone. As a mom of four and someone who’s walked this path, I know just how heavy the daily decisions can feel, from small choices to the big ones. It’s easy to get overwhelmed, wondering if you’re doing enough or if you’re handling things “right.” But here’s a bit of relief: motherhood doesn’t have to mean carrying every choice and task alone, and it definitely doesn’t have to mean perfection.

That’s why I became a mom life coach. In our sessions, I work with moms like you to lighten that mental load, let go of the “shoulds,” and find an approach to daily life that feels supportive, realistic, and just right for you. If you’re ready to feel more calm, more present, and more in tune with what matters most, we’ll tackle it together with practical, down-to-earth strategies that work with your unique life.

In our sessions, we’ll go beyond the basics to get at the heart of what’s causing your decision fatigue. Together, we’ll work on practical, personalized strategies tailored to your unique life and goals, so that you can free up more mental energy, gain clarity, and find a rhythm that truly feels manageable. Here’s how we can tackle decision fatigue together:

Create Custom Routines That Work for You: We’ll look at your daily patterns and build routines that make your life easier—not more rigid. Imagine a morning routine that feels calming, or a simplified meal plan that doesn’t require daily decision-making.

Learn Boundaries and Time-Saving Techniques: We’ll work on learning to say “no” without guilt, identifying time-wasting traps, and creating boundaries around your mental space. Together, we’ll create “buffer” times for decompression that feel doable and nourishing.

Develop Realistic Self-Care Habits for Recharging: Forget the all-or-nothing self-care approach. We’ll find ways for you to recharge in small, realistic ways that fit into your daily life, even with a full schedule and family needs to juggle.

Reframe and Let Go of Perfectionism: If fear of making the wrong choice is fueling your fatigue, we’ll work on releasing that pressure. We’ll build your confidence to make choices that feel right without the weight of “getting it perfect.”

You deserve to feel more present, less stressed, and more at ease in the choices you make each day. If you’re ready to step into a version of motherhood that feels lighter and more aligned with what you truly need, let’s work together to make it happen.

Imagine what it would be like to wake up feeling a bit more energized, knowing you have a toolkit that helps you face the day with more peace and less overwhelm. Ready to find that balance? I’d love to support you on this journey.

Here’s to simplifying, reclaiming your headspace, and finding joy in the little moments. Let’s connect and get started.

-Kelly Mynatt, MA, BCBA, Mom Life Coach

Hey Mama, Feeling Like You’ve Lost Yourself? You’re Not Alone

Let’s be real—becoming a mom changes everything. Suddenly, your entire world revolves around making sure everyone else is taken care of, and somewhere in the middle of that, you’ve probably lost touch with yourself. It’s like you woke up one day and realized, “Wait...who am I beyond all the diapers, school runs, and snack requests?”

If you’ve ever caught yourself feeling like you’ve disappeared into the role of “mom,” know this: you’re not alone, and it doesn’t have to stay that way. There’s a way to rediscover who you are, find joy in the things you love, and feel more like you again. Ready to start? Let’s dig in together.

Why Feeling Lost as a Mom Is Totally Normal

Let’s just say it—motherhood is intense. The moment you become a mom, life changes in ways you can’t really prepare for. Suddenly, your time, energy, and focus are all directed toward caring for someone else. You’re managing nap schedules, grocery lists, school pickups, and all the things—and somewhere in the middle of that chaos, it’s easy to lose sight of who you are beyond the “mom” role.

But here’s the thing: you’re not the first mom to feel this way, and you certainly won’t be the last. So, if you’re feeling like you’ve lost a little (or a lot) of yourself since having kids, know this: it’s completely normal.

The Mental Load of Motherhood Is Real

One of the big reasons moms feel lost is because of what we call the “mental load.” You know, the invisible list of everything you’re responsible for? From remembering your kid’s favorite snacks to keeping track of doctor’s appointments, school events, and making sure everyone has clean clothes—it’s a lot. And when you’re constantly juggling this mental checklist, it’s easy for your own needs and identity to get lost in the shuffle.

And let’s not forget the pressure. Society has created this ideal of the “perfect mom”—the one who manages to do it all without breaking a sweat. But trying to live up to that image is exhausting and unrealistic. The reality is, motherhood is messy, and it’s okay if you don’t have it all figured out.

You’re Evolving, Not Losing Yourself

Another thing to remember is that motherhood doesn’t erase who you are—it just adds new layers to your identity. The person you were before kids is still in there, but now, you’ve evolved into someone who’s balancing a lot more. You’ve learned how to care for others in ways you probably never imagined, and that’s something to be proud of. However, it’s also important to make sure that “mom” isn’t the only part of your identity.

You’re still a person with dreams, interests, and passions outside of raising your kids. And while those things might get buried sometimes, they don’t disappear. The goal isn’t to go back to who you were before kids—it’s about rediscovering who you are now, with all the wisdom and experience you’ve gained as a mom.

It’s Okay to Miss “You”

It’s also completely okay to miss your old life sometimes. Missing your pre-kid freedom, your hobbies, or even just having time to sit down and think doesn’t make you a bad mom—it makes you human. In fact, it’s a sign that you need to reconnect with yourself, which is exactly what this journey is all about.

Feeling lost after becoming a mom is a normal part of the transition into this new chapter of your life. The key is giving yourself permission to take up space again—to find the balance between being a great mom and being the you that you miss.

How Motherhood Shifts Your Identity—And Why It’s Okay

From “Who I Was” to “Who I Am Now”

When you become a mom, life changes in ways that no one can really prepare you for. Suddenly, you go from having your own routines, goals, and interests to being completely immersed in your kids’ lives. It’s no wonder you sometimes feel like the old you has been replaced by...well, someone who hasn’t had a hot cup of coffee in years!

But here’s the good news: just because you’re a mom now doesn’t mean you’ve lost the person you were before. In fact, she’s still in there—she just might be a little buried under the chaos (and maybe some Goldfish crackers). The trick is learning how to dig her out.

Reconnect with What Brings You Joy—Even If It’s Just for 10 Minutes

Remember What Made You Feel Like You Before Kids?
Think back to the days before your life revolved around nap schedules and dishes. What did you love doing? Reading? Painting? Dancing like no one was watching? Whatever it was, it made you feel like you, and that’s exactly what we need to tap back into.

Bringing That Joy Back—No Matter How Busy Life Gets

Now, I know what you’re thinking—“Who has time for that anymore?” But here’s the thing: it doesn’t have to be a huge time commitment. You don’t need a whole day to yourself (though wouldn’t that be amazing?). Even carving out 10 minutes can make a difference. Love reading? Start with a chapter at night. Miss getting creative? Grab some markers and doodle while the kids are coloring. It’s about taking those small steps to reignite the things that make you feel like you again.

Set Boundaries—And No, You Don’t Need to Feel Guilty About It

Why Boundaries Are a Mom’s Best Friend
Here’s a little secret: you don’t have to do it all. Seriously. Part of reclaiming your identity is learning how to protect your time and energy, which means saying no sometimes. And before you feel guilty about it—let me tell you, it’s not selfish. It’s necessary.

How to Start Setting Small, Guilt-Free Boundaries

Boundaries don’t have to be big, dramatic lines in the sand. Start small—like carving out 20 minutes of quiet time in the evening or telling your partner you need an hour on Saturday morning to recharge. The more you practice, the easier it gets. Trust me, once you start saying “no” to the things that drain you, you’ll have so much more room for the things that lift you up.

Make Time for Self-Reflection—You Deserve It

Why Checking In with Yourself Is Key to Finding You Again
It’s hard to rediscover who you are if you never give yourself a minute to think about it. Taking time for self-reflection isn’t just a luxury; it’s a way to figure out what you actually need and want. So grab a cup of tea (or wine, no judgment), and ask yourself: What’s been missing from my life? What would make me feel more like me again?

Easy Ways to Build Self-Reflection Into Your Day

Self-reflection doesn’t mean you need to journal for hours (unless that’s your thing!). It can be as simple as taking 5 minutes before bed to jot down your thoughts, or just having a quiet moment in the shower (those shower thoughts are magic, aren’t they?). The more you check in with yourself, the clearer your path to reclaiming your identity will become.

Key Takeaways for Moms Ready to Rediscover Their Identity

Feeling lost is normal: Motherhood changes you, but it doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself.

Reconnect with joy: Start bringing small moments of happiness back into your routine, even if it’s just for 10 minutes.

Set boundaries: Protect your time and energy without guilt. You deserve space for yourself.

Self-reflection matters: Take time to check in with yourself and rediscover what lights you up.

Ready to Reclaim Your Identity?
If you’re feeling lost in the chaos of motherhood, I’m here to help.

Together, we’ll work on practical steps to reconnect with who you are beyond the role of “mom” and create space for the things that light you up.

It’s time to rediscover you—connect with me and let’s see what we can do together!

~Kelly, MA, BCBA, Mom Life Coach

What Does the Term “Worldview” Mean?

A worldview is a conceptual framework of how an individual perceives the world and is shaped by the individual core beliefs, values and cultural experiences which ultimately guide their behavior (Esqueda, 2014). According to Duckham and Schreiber (2016), “Worldviews are mediated by beliefs, and specifically by what one believes is true (ontology). One’s ontology leads to specific ways of going about knowing and perceiving the world (epistemology)” (p. 57). How individuals perceive truth and go about confirming their perception of truth has changed dramatically through the course of history (Duckham & Schreiber, 2016). Perceptual bifurcations as to what constitutes truth has resulted during the evolution of postmodernism, from the previously widely held ideology of modernism, resulting in paradigm shifts in believe systems (Kuhn, 1970).

A historical paradigm shift has occurred over time leading to the development of the scientific worldview. Heineman, Tyson and Pieper (2002) posit three paradigms that can be integrated within social contexts like in the case of a marital relationship namely: (a) logical empiricism which is based on an assumption that there is truth that can be uncovered, (b) relativism (or constructivism) which assumes that all truth is based on contextualization and (c) heuristics, which is described as “ways of perceiving, knowing, and solving problems” (p. 15). The nuance of critical realism features prominently, and has been incorporated, in the construct of the scientific worldview based on one’s personal perception of what constitutes realism. According to Duckham and Schreiber (2016) critical realism is defined as, “The real what exists in the world, the actual is what is knowable, and the empirical is what has been scientifically described” (p. 57).

The Secular Worldview versus The Biblical Worldview

Another prominent paradigm that exists is the secular worldview. According to Beeke (2015) secularism originates, “From the Latin word saecula, meaning this present age, or the fashion of the world around us” (p. 274). Hill (2015) introduced an interesting relationship between secularization and secularism, noting that secularization is a process that leads to adherence to the secular worldview. According to Hill (2015), secularism is “a state of affairs and a state of mind in which the realities of life are considered to be without spiritual significance” (p. 311). At its corpus, secularism (sometimes referred to as humanism) engenders a cultural milieu and mind-set that excludes religion and any doctrine of faith. As such, the institution of marriage would be governed by human desires and wishes as opposed to the biblical narrative of inerrant Scripture.

A biblical worldview is essential for followers of Jesus Christ to effectively live out their Christian faith (Dockery, 2007; Sire, 2009). At the corpus of shaping my biblical worldview is my Judeo-Christian faith. The Jewish worldview held the belief that there were two ages of redemption. The ages were segregated into the former age and the latter age. The former age was expected with special intervention by God within a period of history and the latter age was the final period and ending of God’s struggle against hostile forces (Scott, 1995). My Christian faith is rooted on three fundamental pillars as well: monotheism, the covenant, and God’s grace superseding the law (Scott, 1995).

My Personal Biblical Worldview of Marriage

My biblical worldview of marriage was framed from the construct that marriage is a covenant relationship as opposed to the commonly held secular worldview that marriage is simply a contractual relational agreement entered into by two persons. Willard (1998) captures the essence of how one’s belief system shapes one’s biblical worldview, “We always live up to our beliefs – or down to them, [sic] as the case may be. Nothing else is possible. It is the nature of belief” (p. 307). There are different schools of thought on marriage based on one’s biblical theology, specifically based on how one interprets what the bible has to say about marriage. Fundamental to the shaping of my biblical worldview of marriage are the doctrines of Creation and the Trinity (Genesis 1:26- 30), the fall of humanity (Genesis 3:5-7), the redemption of humankind through the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ (Hebrews 9:15; Titus 2: 14; Revelation 1:5-6), the establishment of a new heaven and earth (Isaiah 65:17; Isaiah 66:22; Revelation 21:1) and the biblical narratives that support these doctrines.

Based on my belief in Trinitarian theology, I believe the husband and wife were created in the image and likeness of God (Genesis 1:26). As such, I posit that we are spirit beings with a soul (mind, will and emotions) embodied in a physical body which will at death return to dust. My biblical worldview has been further shaped by my belief that the family was the first institution created by God when He took one of Adam’s ribs and made Eve is wife (Genesis 2:21-23). I believe that a husband first responsibility is to his wife, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24, King James Version) and a wife’s first responsibility is to her husband: “but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:20b).

From Theory to Christian Practical Application

In conclusion, my biblical worldview has been shaped by my relationship with the Trinity. However, a revelation of the power to live the Christian life through intimacy with the Holy Spirit has been a major contributor. Based on this relationship, I have learned how to be dependent on Him as opposed to my flesh. As such, experiential theology has, and continues to, guide my martial relationship through a daily life of payer, study of God’s Word and worship. I rely heavily on God’s grace, wisdom, and the Fruit of the Spirit (James 4:6; 2 Corinthians 8:7; Proverbs 1:7; Proverbs 4:6-7; Galatians 5:22-26) to guide my marriage and my life in general. I also subscribe to the view that the husband is the priest of his home and has a responsibility to love his wife as Christ loves the Church (Ephesians 5:25-33) and not to provoke our children t wrath, “but to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Galatians 6:4b). It is impossible to explicate the full extent of my biblical worldview of marriage in this discussion. However, I have used the biblical narrative to highlight some of the key features that have impacted my marriage and life over the past 28 years and helped shape my biblical worldview of marriage. Lastly, there are a plethora of worldviews that have evolved, and paradigm shifts that take have taken place, particularly in today’s postmodern culture, yet I unreservedly submit God’s Word will stand the test time regardless of continuously evolving worldviews or paradigm shifts.

References

Beeke, J. R. (2015). How to battle hostility and secularism. Puritan Reformed Journal, 7(1), 269-284.

Dockery, D. S. (2007). Renewing minds: Serving church and society through Christian higher education. Nashville, TN: B & H Academic.

Duckham, B. C. & Schreiber, J. C. (2016). Bridging worldviews through phenomenology. Social Work and Christianity, 43(4), 55-67.

Esqueda, O. J. (2014). Biblical worldview: The Christian higher education foundation for learning. Christian Higher Education, 13(2), 91-100.

Heineman-Pieper, J., Tyson, K. & Pieper, M. H. (2002). Doing good science without sacrificing good values: Why the heuristic paradigm is the best choice. Families in Society, 83(1), 15-28.

Hill, J. L. (2015). Secularization: A New Testament Perspective. Evangelical Review of Theology, 39(4), 311-323.

Kuhn, T. S. (1970). The structure of scientific revolutions: Chicago, IL: University of Chicago Press.

Scott, J. (1995). Jewish backgrounds of the New Testament. Grand Rapids: Baker Academic.

Sire, J. W. (2009). The universe next door: A Basic worldview catalog (4th ed.). Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic.

Willard, D. (1998). The divine conspiracy. New York, NY: HarperOne.

TCC Reflection Studies -> Grace -> Ephesians 2:1-10

Below is a "Reflection Study". I provide these to clients in session when they are wanting to work on a specific faith concern. We create them in-house. Enjoy!

1 "And you were dead in the trespasses and sins
2 in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—
3 among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.
4 But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us,
5 even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—
6 and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus,
7 so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.
8 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,
9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast.
10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

Reflection Questions on Ephesians 2:1-10:

1. Verse 1-3 (Dead in Sin):
A. What fears or anxieties arise for you when you reflect on your past or current struggles with sin?

B. How does acknowledging that all of us were "dead in transgressions" make you feel about your own spiritual journey?


C. Do you find yourself overly focused on your failures or mistakes? If so, why do you think that is?

2. Verse 4-5 (Made Alive in Christ):
A. How does it feel to read that God made you alive with Christ while you were still dead in sin? What does this say about God’s view of you?

B. What worries do you have about God’s love or forgiveness that make you feel anxious about your salvation?


C. When you hear the phrase, “It is by grace you have been saved,” what emotions or doubts come up for you?


D. How do you reconcile God's rich mercy with the times you fall short?

3. Verse 6-7 (Raised with Christ):
A. How does the idea of being "raised up with Christ" shift your perspective on your identity and worth in God’s eyes?

B. Do you struggle to believe that God’s grace is enough to cover your sins? What might be contributing to that struggle?

C. How does your anxiety about sin affect your relationship with God on a daily basis?

4. Verse 8-9 (Salvation by Grace through Faith)
A. What concerns or doubts arise when you consider that salvation is a gift from God, not something you can earn through good behavior or works?

B. How does anxiety about “being caught sinning” impact your trust in God’s grace?

C. In moments when you feel overwhelmed by fear of judgment, how can the truth that salvation is "the gift of God" bring peace to your heart?

D. What would change for you if you accepted that nothing you do can add to or take away from the grace God has already given you?

5. Verse 10 (Created for Good Works):
How does understanding that God has prepared good works for you help ease anxiety about needing to “prove” your worth?

A. When you think about the "good works" God has planned for you, does it bring excitement or pressure? How can you trust God to lead you in these works without feeling overwhelmed?


B. How can you find balance between striving for spiritual growth and resting in God’s grace, especially when anxiety tempts you to do more to earn His love?

THEREPEUTIC FOCUS
1. Identify Core Fears: What specific fears are driving your anxiety about being "good enough" for God?

2. Explore Self-Worth: How does your view of yourself align with what God says about you in this passage?

3. Grace vs. Perfectionism: In what ways do you feel that perfection is required for God's acceptance? How can embracing grace change this perspective?

4. Safety in God's Grace: How can meditating on God’s mercy and grace calm your fears about judgment or failure?

COPING STRATEGY
Meditation on Grace: Practice daily reminders that you are saved by grace, not by works. When anxious thoughts arise about sin or salvation, pause to repeat Ephesians 2:8 to yourself: "It is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God."

Ah, motherhood—the beautiful, exhausting, ever-complicated job that you didn’t exactly get a full description of when you signed up. Sure, there were the basics: feed them, love them, make sure they wear shoes in public. But what about everything else? Like the endless to-do list that lives in your brain, the mental catalog of every family member’s needs, and the sheer amount of logistics management that goes into daily life. That’s what we call the “invisible load.” And if you’re feeling completely wiped out most days, this invisible load is likely why.

Let’s be real: the invisible load isn’t something you can cross off a list. It’s more like an endless, looping list of all the things you remember at 2 a.m. but wish you didn’t. It’s the reason you can mentally scroll through every item in your fridge but can’t remember the last time you had ten minutes to yourself. So, if you’re constantly on the brink of burnout, you’re not alone—and it’s not “all in your head.” Let’s unpack what this invisible load is and, more importantly, how you can start making it a little less, well, invisible.

What Is the Invisible Load?

The “invisible load” is basically all the behind-the-scenes work that goes into running your family’s life. It’s the unseen tasks that no one talks about but can’t live without. Think of it as the software that keeps the whole family operation running smoothly, except you’re the one doing all the processing—and it’s totally draining your battery.

From remembering who needs a lunch packed to keeping track of birthdays to silently monitoring everyone’s mood to make sure no one is about to explode—you’re managing a million tiny details that are easy to miss but hard to let go of. And here’s the kicker: most people don’t see this work because it’s not about physical tasks. It’s about the mental gymnastics you do to keep life functioning. You’re not just “thinking ahead”; you’re practically running an emotional control center for everyone in the house.

Signs You’re Carrying an Invisible Load

So, how do you know if you’re carrying the invisible load? Here are some telltale signs:

You’re the Go-To for Everything:

Can’t find the socks? Need to know where that one green crayon went? You’re the default search engine for all lost items. Somehow, it’s assumed you have a mental catalog of every item in the house.

Your To-Do List is a Never-Ending Scroll:

You’re constantly adding things—book the dentist, remember teacher gifts, update the family calendar—and never really checking them off because, surprise, more stuff just keeps piling on.

3 a.m. Wake-Up Calls (Courtesy of Your Brain):

You’re suddenly awake at odd hours, mentally rehashing what you forgot to do yesterday and pre-planning for tomorrow. It’s like having a little alarm in your brain that goes off whenever you finally get a chance to rest.

You’re Always a Little Tired (Even After You “Rest”):

Even after a full night’s sleep (or what counts as one), you’re still tired. It’s not a physical tiredness—it’s that drained feeling that comes from having too much on your mind all the time. The invisible load weighs on you in ways a nap can’t fix.

If any of these sound familiar, congratulations—you’re officially carrying an invisible load. But don’t worry; now that we’ve put a name to it, we can start tackling it.

The Common Types of “Invisible” Tasks Moms Handle

There’s no one-size-fits-all version of the invisible load, but most of us have a few categories that we handle day in and day out. Let’s break them down:

Household Management:

Keeping the house running is a feat, even if you have help. The mental checklist for everything from laundry to bills to the recycling schedule often lives squarely in your head. And let’s not even start on meal planning—it’s like a never-ending episode of Chopped, but with picky eaters and zero prep time.

Emotional Labor:

You’re not just responsible for your own feelings, you’re the emotional thermostat for everyone in the house. You notice when one of the kids seems sad, when your partner’s stressed, and when you’re dangerously close to snapping (again). Your job is to keep everyone balanced, calm, and comforted—even if it means putting your own needs on the backburner.

Social Calendar Keeping:

Birthday parties, dentist appointments, school events, family gatherings—it’s all somehow coordinated and remembered by you. You’re not just a mom; you’re practically a part-time event planner, minus the paycheck.

These invisible tasks aren’t just chores; they’re mental and emotional energy drains that add up over time. Recognizing what kinds of invisible tasks you’re managing is the first step to reducing them—and maybe even sharing the load.

Why Is the Invisible Load So Exhausting?

Carrying the invisible load isn’t just about doing a lot of stuff—it’s about thinking about doing a lot of stuff. And all that mental juggling has a real impact on your energy and mental well-being. Think of it as decision fatigue. From the moment you wake up until you finally collapse into bed, you’re not just managing your day—you’re making hundreds of tiny decisions, calculations, and adjustments.

Research even shows that this kind of ongoing mental load can lead to stress and burnout over time. You’re not only thinking about what’s happening now, but you’re also planning ahead, anticipating issues, and managing emotions—all on autopilot. No wonder you feel wiped out, even after a “break.” The invisible load doesn’t stop just because you’re sitting down—it’s always running in the background like an app you can’t close.

Tips for Lightening the Load Without Letting Everything Fall Apart

Alright, now for the part you’re probably waiting for—how to make this load a little lighter. Spoiler alert: the goal here isn’t to get rid of every single mental task. Some of it is part of life, and some of it is just plain necessary. But there are ways to ease up and share the burden, so it’s not all falling on you.

Delegate Like a Boss

First up, delegation. And before you roll your eyes, hear me out. Delegating doesn’t mean just assigning tasks—it’s about sharing the mental load, too. Kids, even young ones, can handle some responsibility. And as for your partner? They may need a nudge, but they’re more than capable of stepping in.

Consider getting everyone on board with age-appropriate responsibilities. Young kids can help with simple things like setting the table or tidying up, while older kids can take on chores that actually free up your mental space. If it feels awkward at first, just remind yourself that you’re teaching them life skills—and that by lightening your load, you’re making more room for quality time together.

Let Go of Perfection

Let’s be honest, sometimes the biggest reason we can’t let go of a task is because we want it done a certain way (aka, the “right” way). But embracing a “good enough” mindset can do wonders for your sanity. The world won’t end if the laundry isn’t folded Marie Kondo-style, or if your kid’s lunch doesn’t look Pinterest-perfect.

Start by giving yourself permission to let some things slide. Embrace mismatched socks, or that store-bought birthday cake. Allowing a little imperfection is a small but powerful way to take some pressure off your plate and keep your energy for things that truly matter.

Use Tools for Mental Load Relief

You don’t need to carry everything in your brain—technology can be your friend here. Consider using family calendar apps, meal-planning apps, or even good old-fashioned lists to get those endless to-dos out of your head and into a system. Even a shared digital calendar can help everyone see what’s happening and eliminate at least a few of those “What’s for dinner?” or “What are we doing this weekend?” questions.

Automating or simplifying repetitive tasks can work wonders too. Meal-prep hacks, chore charts, or setting up auto-pay for bills can make a huge difference in what you’re mentally keeping track of each day.

Say “No” More Often

Saying “no” can feel a little uncomfortable, but it’s one of the best ways to protect your energy. The next time someone asks you to volunteer for yet another school event, plan a family gathering, or take on a new project, give yourself a pause. If you’re already stretched thin, it’s okay to say no or to ask for help. Remind yourself that by saying no, you’re actually creating space for things that matter most to you.

Creating a “Mental Load” Balance in Your Relationship

This one’s big, because the invisible load often becomes an unspoken issue in relationships. If you feel like the bulk of mental labor falls on you, it’s time to have an honest conversation with your partner about it. And the goal here isn’t to assign blame—it’s to work together as a team.

Start by explaining what the invisible load looks like for you. Sometimes, partners don’t even realize the extent of what you’re juggling. Then, talk about ways to split or share tasks more equitably. Maybe one of you handles meal planning while the other manages the kids’ schedules. Or, you might agree to alternate certain responsibilities week by week. The important thing is to make the invisible load visible, so it’s something you can both work on together.

How to Lighten the Invisible Load of Motherhood: Key Takeaways

If there’s one thing to remember, it’s that the invisible load doesn’t have to be your invisible burden. Here are the main points to help you lighten the load:

1. Recognize the Load: Understand that it’s not “just you.” The mental and emotional labor you’re carrying is real, and acknowledging it is the first step to making changes.

2. Share the Responsibility: Delegate tasks and responsibilities, not just physically but mentally. You don’t have to carry the whole operation in your head alone—everyone in the family can pitch in.

3. Embrace Imperfection: Give yourself permission to let go of the “perfect mom” myth. Allowing some things to be “good enough” frees up energy for what truly matters.

4. Use Tools and Systems: Leverage family calendars, apps, and chore charts to help offload repetitive mental tasks and keep everyone on the same page.

5. Communicate with Your Partner: Open up about the invisible load. By bringing it to light, you give your partner a chance to step in and help make things more manageable.

6. Practice Self-Compassion: Remember, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, and it’s okay to need support. Your well-being is crucial, both for you and for your family.

Carrying the invisible load is something no one should have to do alone. If you’re feeling burnt out or stuck, I’m here to help you find strategies that make life feel lighter, more organized, and full of joy again. Through my coaching services, we’ll work together to uncover what truly works for you, so you can reclaim your energy, find balance, and rediscover your identity in motherhood.

Ready to make some meaningful changes? Reach out for a free consultation, and let’s start this journey together.

With Love and Real-Life Imperfection,

Kelly, MA, BCBA, Mom Life Coach

Saving your Marriage before it Starts: Robert Sternberg's Triangular Model of Love

The triangular model of love, as explained by Sternberg, invokes considerable thought and reflection. According to Parrott and Parrott (2006) “Consummate love results from the full combination of love’s three components: passion, intimacy, and commitment. Consummate love is the goal toward which every marriage strives” (p. 43). In other words, the model can be perceived as having fundamental building blocks, ingredients, or constituents, if found to be lacking, resulting in instability.

The Apostle Paul, in his epistle to the church at Corinth, took great pains to emphasize the need to exercise love in the execution of the ministry gifts. Paul notes, “And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing” (Scofield, p. 1526). Given the foregoing insights, how might one best frame love? From a purely definitive perspective, the Oxford reference dictionary gives one some additional building blocks. Consummate love is defined as, “A type of love characterized by erotic passion, commitment, and intimacy. See under love. [From Latin consummate, consummatum to perfect, from con with + summus the highest, from summa a sum]” (Oxford University Press, 2013).

The consummate nature of love is further supported by Worthington’s (2005) thesis on what constitutes a hope-focused approach to marriage. The author asserts,
Changes in the field of couple’s therapy suggest that more attention is being paid to the emotional climate of troubled couples. In keeping with this trend, feedback on practitioners’ use of hope-focused marriage counseling suggests that most have found my emphasis of love and forgiveness to be most helpful (xxxi).

Evidently, triangular can be extrapolated to diverse situations such as discipleship ministry and marital therapy. Needless to say, Sternberg’s model can by no means be considered flawless, but certainly gives some meaningful insight from which to construct an approach to consummate love.
The Gospel Model to a healthy, vibrant love that will stand the test of time and trials
Jesus in his teaching s to His disciples also emphasized the foundational nature of love in the Christian Walk. He commanded us to love our enemies (Matt 5:44, Luke 6:27). In John 15:12, Jesus uses the metaphor of the vine and the branches to vividly illustrated the interdependence of love to humanity,

This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I loved you” Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends, Ye are my friends, if ye do whatever I command you (p. 1412-1413).

In summary, based on these referenced biblical truths, it becomes abundantly evident why both Jesus and Sternberg provide perspectives that fuse secular and Christian worldviews on consummate love.

References

Oxford reference (2013). Retrieved March 28, 2013, from http://www.oxfordreference.com/view/10.1093/oi/authority.20110803095634413.

Parrott, L. & Parrott, L. (2006). Saving your marriage before it starts. Grand Rapids: Zondervan.
Scofield, G. I. (1917). The Scofield reference bible. New York: Oxford University Press.

You love your teenager, but let’s face it—sometimes it feels like you’re trying to bond with an alien from another planet. One day, they’re chatty and sweet, and the next, you’re getting nothing but grunts and eye-rolls. If you’re feeling disconnected, don’t worry—you’re not alone. Let’s dive into why it’s so hard to connect with your teen and what you can do about it.

WHY CONNECTING WITH YOUR TEENAGER IS SO DIFFICULT

Remember when your kid actually wanted to talk to you? Yeah, those were the days. But now that they’re older, things feel… different. And by “different,” I mean wildly confusing. The truth is, teenagers are navigating a complex mix of emotions, hormones, and newfound independence, which makes connecting with them a little like trying to tune a radio station in the middle of a thunderstorm.

Here’s what’s going on behind the scenes:

• HORMONES GALORE: Puberty isn’t just tough on them—it’s tough on everyone. If your once-happy child now has the emotional range of a moody TV drama character, you can thank their hormones for that.
• BRAIN UNDER CONSTRUCTION: Did you know that the teenage brain is still developing? No wonder it feels like you’re talking to a completely different person some days. Their emotional regulation, decision-making, and even social skills are all in flux.
• SEEKING INDEPENDENCE: One minute they need you, the next they want nothing to do with you. Teens are figuring out how to be independent, which often means pulling away from the people they love most (that’s you!).
• SOCIAL PRESSURE: On top of everything else, they’re trying to navigate friendships, school drama, and social media. Your attempts at connection can sometimes feel like just another pressure for them.

HOW DISCONNECTION AFFECTS YOUR RELATIONSHIP

It’s frustrating when you’re trying to connect and they shut you out. And honestly, it can hurt. You might start questioning your own parenting skills, or worse, feeling like you’ve somehow failed. But disconnection isn’t a sign that your relationship is doomed; it’s just a natural phase.

Still, if left unaddressed, this gap can widen, leading to:

• COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWNS: Conversations become strained, with a lot of “How was your day?” met with “Fine.” Or worse—no answer at all.
• INCREASED CONFLICT: The less connected you feel, the more tension builds. What starts as a harmless disagreement can quickly snowball into shouting matches.
• EMOTIONAL DISTANCE: Over time, you may find that emotional closeness dwindles, and you’re left feeling like strangers living under the same roof.

But fear not—there are ways to rebuild connection, even when it feels like you’re speaking different languages.

STRATEGIES FOR CONNECTING WITH YOUR TEENAGER

1. DON’T FORCE IT (EVEN IF YOU REALLY WANT TO)
I know, you want to pull your teenager aside and have a heart-to-heart, but the last thing they want is a forced conversation. Let them come to you when they’re ready. Being available and patient is more effective than trying to force a connection. Trust me, nothing sends a teen running for the hills faster than “We need to talk.”
2. MEET THEM WHERE THEY ARE (YES, EVEN IF IT’S AWKWARD)
Connecting with your teen might mean meeting them halfway—literally. If they’re into video games or social media, learn a bit about what they enjoy. Even if it feels like you’re speaking a foreign language, showing interest in their world can open up lines of communication. And who knows? Maybe you’ll end up bonding over Minecraft (hey, stranger things have happened).
3. PICK YOUR BATTLES
Not every eye-roll or “whatever” is worth a showdown. Pick your battles wisely. If you engage in a power struggle over every little thing, you’ll quickly wear them—and yourself—out. Instead, let the small stuff slide and focus on the important issues, like their emotional well-being or schoolwork.
4. LISTEN (LIKE, REALLY LISTEN)
It’s tempting to jump in with advice (we’ve all done it), but sometimes, your teen just wants to be heard. Try asking open-ended questions and letting them vent without judgment or offering solutions. For example, instead of saying, “You should really study more,” try, “What do you think would help you feel less stressed about school?” Spoiler alert: you may be surprised how much more they open up when they’re not being told what to do.
5. SPEND TIME TOGETHER (WITHOUT EXPECTING A HEART-TO-HEART)
Sometimes the best bonding happens when you’re not focused on bonding at all. Go for a drive, cook a meal together, or watch a movie. These shared moments can build connection without the pressure of having to talk. Your teen might just surprise you by opening up when you least expect it.
6. DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY
Here’s the hard truth: When your teenager shuts you out, it’s not about you. They’re figuring out who they are, and pulling away is part of that process. So when they snap at you for asking a simple question, try not to take it to heart. Easier said than done, right? But remember, they still need you—probably more than they’re letting on.

PRACTICAL TIPS FOR REBUILDING CONNECTION

• KEEP IT LIGHT: Sometimes humor is the best way to break through the walls. A funny comment or shared inside joke can remind them that you’re not just “the parent,” but someone who gets them (or at least tries to).
• SHOW UP CONSISTENTLY: Even if they don’t always engage, just being there—whether it’s at dinner, during homework time, or at their soccer game—lets them know you care.
• FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE: Compliment them when they do something right, even if it’s as simple as cleaning their room (hey, it’s rare enough to celebrate!). Positive reinforcement goes a long way.
• LET THEM MAKE MISTAKES: Part of being a teenager is making bad decisions. Unless it’s dangerous, let them figure things out on their own sometimes. It’s tough, but those mistakes are where they learn the most.

WHEN TO SEEK HELP

If you feel like the disconnection is too deep to handle on your own, consider reaching out for support. Family counseling can provide a neutral space to work through these struggles and rebuild your relationship. There’s no shame in asking for help—if anything, it shows your teenager that relationships are worth fighting for.

CONCLUSION

Let’s be real—connecting with your teenager can feel like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube with your eyes closed. It’s frustrating, confusing, and sometimes downright impossible. But remember, this is a phase, not a permanent state. With patience, understanding, and a lot of deep breaths, you can bridge the gap and rebuild that connection.

Everyone has struggles in life, and counseling is a powerful tool to realize health and wholeness in their life. It’s never too late to start, and a problem is never too small to not benefit from counseling.

a. The names of people used in articles and stories on this website are entirely fictional and do not represent any real individuals or experiences.
b. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or deceased, is purely coincidental.
c. The purpose of using fictional names and stories is to provide examples and illustrate situations in a hypothetical context for informational or educational purposes.

UNDERSTANDING AND OVERCOMING INTIMACY ISSUES IN MARRIAGE

INTRODUCTION

Marriage is a beautiful journey… until it’s not. There are few things more awkward than realizing that the person you vowed to share everything with feels like a distant roommate. Intimacy issues are more common than you think, but they don’t have to be the death of connection. Let’s dive into why this happens and—more importantly—how you can fix it.

WHAT ARE INTIMACY ISSUES IN MARRIAGE?

So, what exactly are “intimacy issues”? It’s not just about physical affection (although that’s part of it). We’re talking about emotional closeness, vulnerability, and the general feeling that you’re still each other’s person. If you’ve ever felt like you’re both living parallel lives under the same roof, you know exactly what I mean.

Here’s how intimacy struggles usually show up:

• Emotional disconnection: When you can barely muster a “How was your day?” (Hint: You’re not the only one who dreads it sometimes.)
• Physical intimacy problems: The “cuddle drought” you both tiptoe around but never quite address.
• Communication roadblocks: Trying to open up emotionally but it feels like you’re just banging your head against the metaphorical wall.

Of course, these issues don’t just pop up out of nowhere. Life, with all its wonderful messiness, has a way of getting in the way.

COMMON CAUSES OF INTIMACY ISSUES

1. LIFE STRESSORS
You know how life keeps throwing one thing after another at you? Work, kids, bills… it’s all a glorious cocktail of stress that makes wanting to connect with your partner feel like just another item on your never-ending to-do list. For instance, poor Jim* drags himself home after a day of soul-crushing meetings only to find that—surprise!—he doesn’t feel like talking to anyone, least of all his wife, Sarah*.
2. EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE
Remember all that stuff from childhood you thought you’d “dealt with”? Yeah, not so much. Unresolved issues can pop up in your marriage like an unwelcome guest at a party. Erin*, for example, grew up in a family where nobody talked about feelings. So, of course, now when her husband, Adam*, tries to talk about theirs, she freezes up like a deer in headlights.
3. DIFFERENT COMMUNICATION STYLES
Ah, communication—the thing everyone says is important but no one really knows how to do. One of you talks in metaphors and subtle hints while the other is all about directness. It’s like trying to navigate a conversation in two different languages. When neither of you is understood, frustration (and more distance) builds.
4. PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL TRAUMA
Trauma has a knack for planting roots in your most personal spaces—your marriage included. For example, after a traumatic childbirth experience, Emma* feels emotionally and physically distant from her husband, Kevin*. Neither of them quite knows how to bridge the gap, but pretending it’s not there isn’t helping either.

HOW INTIMACY ISSUES AFFECT MARRIAGE

If you let intimacy issues fester, they’ll eventually start infecting the entire relationship.

Here’s what happens:

• More fights: Those little annoyances (“Why can’t you ever put the cap on the toothpaste?”) suddenly turn into full-blown wars.
• Feeling alone: It’s possible to feel lonely sitting right next to someone, and if the intimacy tank is running on fumes, you will.
• Looking elsewhere: I won’t sugarcoat it—emotional and physical disconnection can sometimes make people look for connection outside the marriage.

But here’s the kicker: You can fix this. It’s not easy, but it’s totally doable.

OVERCOMING INTIMACY ISSUES IN MARRIAGE

1. TALK ABOUT IT—EVEN IF IT’S PAINFUL
You know that awkward, gut-churning moment when you know you need to talk about something, but you’d rather eat a bowl of nails? Yeah, that’s the moment. The only way to fix intimacy issues is to talk about them. Set aside time when neither of you is exhausted (I know, easier said than done) and actually listen. Use “I” statements, like “I feel distant when we don’t spend time together,” rather than “You never do anything romantic anymore” (because nothing says romance like thinly veiled accusations).
2. CARVE OUT TIME FOR EACH OTHER
No, seriously. I don’t care how busy you are—put your phones down, send the kids to bed (or to the neighbor’s if necessary), and reconnect. Jordan* and Leah*, for instance, started setting aside 15 minutes before bed just to talk (no phones allowed). Was it awkward at first? Sure. But eventually, they started feeling like partners again instead of cohabitants.
3. CONSIDER COUNSELING BEFORE YOU HIT ROCK BOTTOM
Look, no one’s saying you can’t solve this on your own… but if it’s been months (or years) of the same struggles, what have you got to lose by seeing a professional? Relationship counseling helps couples unravel years of miscommunication, baggage, and “you never told me that’s what you needed!” moments. There’s no shame in asking for help before your marriage becomes the subject of a Nicholas Sparks novel gone wrong.
4. EASE BACK INTO PHYSICAL INTIMACY
Let’s be honest: jumping straight into the deep end of physical intimacy after months (or years) of distance feels awkward at best, terrifying at worst. So, start small. Hugs, hand-holding, sitting next to each other on the couch. Stacy* and Matt* found that even small gestures of affection—like holding hands on their evening walk—eventually paved the way for more intimacy. And no, it doesn’t have to be sexy right away. Give it time.
5. DO SOME PERSONAL WORK
Sometimes, intimacy struggles aren’t just about the relationship. If you’re carrying unresolved insecurities, traumas, or just a general lack of self-worth, it’s hard to connect with someone else. Working on your own mental well-being makes you a better partner (and, frankly, a better person for yourself). Therapy, mindfulness, or even just talking it out with a trusted friend can help you move forward.

PRACTICAL STEPS TO REKINDLE INTIMACY

• Create Little Rituals: Something as simple as sharing your morning coffee or taking a short walk after dinner can bring you closer.
• Say Thank You (Like, Out Loud): Gratitude goes a long way, even if it’s just for mundane things like taking out the trash.
• Try Something New Together: If the old stuff isn’t working, why not inject some excitement by doing something completely out of your comfort zone? Cooking class, anyone? You’d be surprised what trying something new can spark.
• Be Patient—With Yourself and Each Other: Rebuilding intimacy takes time, and there will be days when it feels impossible. That’s okay. Keep showing up.

WHEN TO SEEK HELP

If your attempts to fix intimacy issues feel like hitting a brick wall, it might be time for professional help. Couples counseling offers a neutral space to work through deep-rooted issues and rebuild emotional and physical connection. Remember, it’s not about “fixing” each other; it’s about rediscovering your partnership.

CONCLUSION

Marriage is hard. (There, I said it.) Intimacy issues make it even harder, but they’re not a death sentence. With communication, commitment, and a lot of awkward conversations, you can rediscover the closeness you once had. And remember:

Everyone has struggles in life, and counseling is a powerful tool to realize health and wholeness in their life. It’s never too late to start, and a problem is never too small to not benefit from counseling.

a. The names of people used in articles and stories on this website are entirely fictional and do not represent any real individuals or experiences.
b. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or deceased, is purely coincidental.
c. The purpose of using fictional names and stories is to provide examples and illustrate situations in a hypothetical context for informational or educational purposes.

A few weeks ago I attended a beautiful Christian wedding. The pastor did a great job because his message actually informed the couple that even though their celebration together on this day surrounded by family and friends was creating beautiful memories, they might experience some disappointing moments and those moments could possibly happen very quickly after the ceremony ended. He encouraged them not be caught off guard in those disappointing moments but to know this is normal and in these disappointments they should take a deep breath, seek wisdom and guidance and even ask the Lord in prayer to help them.

What wisdom! I'm afraid we've given couples a Hallmark version of marriage where there are no problems and everything turns out gloriously every single moment. We don't do newlyweds any favors to suggest that marriage is without disappointing moments and includes many times of working through tough hurts.

What you might not know is that the number one emotion that causes couples to be disconnected is disappointment. It is wise to inform couples that disappointment will come, but this doesn't mean that these disappointing interactions are deal breakers. Disappointment is simply an opportunity for couples to learn how to solve problems and to grow together in victory.

Many couples I work with are shocked to hear about the power of disappointment and how normal it is for married couples to be disappointed in their marriage. Couples witness others in church and other groups who never look disappointed. They wonder what is wrong with them, why they aren't thriving in their marriage.

Christian couples need to learn how to be married! Many couples never saw good examples of marriage and for the most part are expecting things "to just work out." For this reason I created a course they can work through watching videos and doing assignments from a workbook so they can have a better understanding of navigating marriage and improving the marriage relationship. Committing to improving their marriage with this training will definitely help couples create new habits, learn more about each other and marriage and escape being stuck in a disappointing marriage.

Is your mind filled with anxiety?
Maybe you’re suffering from sleepless nights and feeling nervous and upset all day…
Worrying all the time…
Imagining the worst-case scenario…
Maybe having an anxiety free mind sounds impossible.
Maybe you think anxiety is helpful and necessary.
That it helps you solve your problems.
But if you’re honest, what you really want is to relax and calm down.
You want to be free of anxiety.
It is truly possible to become anxiety free – no matter what your situation is.
A few years ago, I was an anxious mess. A family situation had me in knots. I hardly ate, couldn’t sleep, and was consumed with worry all day. In the midst of my miser

Here’s what I discovered…

1. DON’T BELIEVE EVERY THING your mind tells you!
It’s true! Thoughts are just thoughts! You don’t need to trust every one of them. Not all thoughts are equal.

2. Become AWARE of your thoughts.
This means pausing long enough to become mindful of the thoughts rolling around in your mind. Take a break from your whirlwind of thoughts. Stop long enough to sort out your thoughts and feelings. Identify the ones causing your anxiety.

3. ASK YOURSELF: Where do these thoughts come from?
This is a reflective process that takes a bit of time but helps you understand the root of your thoughts. Thoughts come from a lifetime of experiences that have formed impressions or unconscious ideas about how life works and your place in the world. For example, individuals with anxiety might have unconscious thoughts like…
I will always be a worrier.
Life is unsafe and scary.
Anxiety helps me cope with problems.
I’ll never be able to calm down.
Something must be wrong with me.

4. Identify CORE BELIEFS
Unconscious thoughts affect everything you do. They influence your thoughts, feelings, decisions and actions. Why? Because they form the foundational system of beliefs by which you live.
They are called CORE BELIEFS. For instance, someone living with the core belief that anxiety is the way to cope with problems, experiences a mind automatically filled with anxious thoughts and feelings when something happens.
An event could even be neutral but those of us with anxiety will interpret it as being negative and dangerous. While someone else operating from a different set of beliefs might interpret the event as a positive opportunity.

5. Accept and change LIMITING BELIEFS
Core beliefs become LIMITING BELIEFS when you trust and act on them. Hanging on to the core belief, for instance, that life is unsafe and scary, holds you back in life. Fear and anxiety control your thoughts, feelings, decisions and actions.
The key to reducing limiting beliefs that cause anxiety is to allow and accept them. Be aware of your limiting beliefs and decide to do something about the ones that cause anxious thoughts.
Remember: You don’t have to believe everything your mind tells you!

You always have a choice to change negative thoughts and limiting beliefs into positive thoughts and empowering beliefs.

Here’s how…

Replace old beliefs with new beliefs. For instance, someone with the old belief, “I will never be able to calm down,” could change it to the new belief, “I can calm down. I can do what it takes to calm down.”
Repeat the new belief to yourself every day! Even several times a day. Make it a habit. This will start to reprogram your mind and create new neural pathways in your brain.
You can reprogram your mind and become anxiety free!

I hope you can follow these 5 steps to become aware of your limiting beliefs, change them to new empowering beliefs and to repeat them often. Take this path to become anxiety free.

However, if you are truly struggling with anxiety that keep you nervous and troubled, watch my FREE 10 minute video on How to Stop Anxiety (https://janekcoaching.com/schedule-a-call/) to learn the exact 3 steps you can take to Become Anxiety Free.

Jane Kennard PhD, CPC is a Canadian born anxiety coach whose desire is to help women become anxiety free. Her purpose is to support women struggling with anxiety, overwhelm and worry and help them experience anxiety free living. She lives in Texas with her husband and Bishon pup, Toby. Find out more and sign up for a free consultation here.

Attending church regularly, praying, Bible-reading, and devotionals are worthwhile activities, but activity alone does not make a relationship.

Kingdom Blueprint takes a deep dive into what it looks like to be called into a relationship with the Living God--and how to allow that relationship to transform our relationships with ourselves and others.

Relationships explore how to
See and embrace God's invitation to relationship
Overcome resistance to the invitation
Stop sabotaging relationship with God and others
Accept God's invitation to enter into our true selves
Sit in the presence of God
Actively participate in intentional spiritual formation and transformation
Use seven disciplines to orient yourself to the presence of God

Alright, mama—let’s get real for a minute. How many times have you said yes to something (you didn’t really want to do) just to avoid feeling guilty? Yup, same. But here's the thing—saying no doesn’t have to feel like you’re stepping on someone’s toes or sending out a breakup text. Nope! You can protect your time and energy without all the guilt or awkwardness.

Saying no can be tough, especially when you're juggling relationships, family, and life’s never-ending demands. But guess what? There’s a secret sauce to saying no nicely that’ll leave you feeling empowered and keep your relationships intact. Whether you’re turning down a PTA project, rejecting an invite, or just trying to carve out some me-time without offending anyone, I’m here to help you master the graceful (and totally doable) art of saying no—without feeling like a jerk.

Let’s dive in and learn how you can say no without sacrificing your sanity or your relationships.

Why You NEED to Learn How to Say No

Listen, I know you want to be there for everyone. But trying to keep all those plates spinning is going to lead you straight to Burnout City—and nobody wants that. Here’s the truth: when you say yes to everything, you’re actually saying no to yourself. And trust me, saying no every now and then is the best form of self-care you can give yourself.

Learning how to say no is like reclaiming your power. When you start setting those boundaries, you’re protecting your peace and energy. You’ll be more present when you do say yes because it won’t come with all that resentment and exhaustion.

What Happens When You Don’t Say No? (Spoiler: It’s Not Good)

Ever found yourself knee-deep in something you wish you could bail on? Maybe it’s volunteering for that bake sale you never had time for, or attending that social event that’s draining your already-limited energy. Here’s what happens when you don’t say no: you stretch yourself too thin, and eventually, you’ll snap. And mama, that’s no good for you or anyone else.

When you’re always saying yes, you’re giving up the time you need for yourself. Eventually, resentment sneaks in (and we all know that’s a recipe for disaster). Your relationships suffer, your mental health takes a hit, and worst of all, you start to lose you. Saying no allows you to say YES to things that fill your cup instead of emptying it.

The Art of Assertiveness (AKA Standing Your Ground Without Being Mean)

Saying no doesn’t mean you’re suddenly going to become the “mean mom” (don’t worry, you won’t!). It’s all about being assertive—which is basically just a fancy way of saying you’re confident in expressing your needs. And guess what? You can do it kindly without being aggressive or cold.

Think of assertiveness like this: It’s about setting the tone, drawing your boundaries in the sand, and letting people know what you need, all while keeping things cool, calm, and respectful. No drama, no attitude—just clear communication. You’re saying, “This is what I can handle, and I’m sticking to it.” It’s that simple.

You’re allowed to say no—and when you do it confidently, people respect you more for it. The truth is, people often take their cues from you. When you approach something with confidence and calmness, they’ll pick up on that and respond accordingly. They may even admire you for being clear and firm about what works for you.

The key here is balance. Assertiveness isn’t about being harsh or cold; it’s about valuing yourself enough to speak up. It’s about finding that sweet spot between being overly passive (saying yes to everything and drowning in commitments) and being too aggressive (snapping and shutting people down). Instead, assertiveness is your power tool for saying no in a way that respects both you and the other person. You can say no to that extra task, the social invitation, or the favor, and still keep the relationship intact. It’s about honesty, and honesty—when paired with kindness—is always a win.

How to Say No Without the Awkwardness: Communication 101
Okay, so you’re ready to say no, but how do you do it without feeling like you’re letting someone down or coming off as rude? It’s all in how you communicate. Let’s break it down:

1. Be Honest but Brief (and Skip the Novel-Sized Explanation)
Here’s the thing—most people don’t need a long, drawn-out explanation when you’re saying no. In fact, over-explaining can sometimes make things more awkward. For example, you don’t need to go into detail about your laundry list of reasons why you can’t do something. A simple, “I’d love to help, but I’m not able to commit right now” works like a charm. It’s honest, respectful, and best of all—it leaves no room for guilt.

The truth is people appreciate when you’re upfront. Being honest shows you’re genuine, and they’ll respect your boundaries more. And bonus: You’re not left scrambling to come up with excuses or get caught up in a web of unnecessary explanations.

2. Use “I” Statements to Keep it Personal, Not Blamey
One of the best ways to soften a no is by framing it in terms of your own needs. Using “I” statements is a simple yet powerful tool. Saying things like, “I’m feeling overwhelmed and need to take a breather” or “I don’t have the capacity to take this on right now” focuses on your feelings and circumstances, instead of making the other person feel at fault for asking.

Compare these two examples:

“You always ask me to do too much!” (Aggressive, right?)

“I’m really stretched thin right now, and I need to focus on other priorities.” (So much kinder!)

The key here is ownership. When you focus on your limits and needs, it’s clear that your no isn’t personal—it’s about managing your own well-being.

3. The Power of the “No, But...” Approach
If you’re worried about saying no completely and want to keep the door open for future possibilities, the “No, But...” strategy works wonders. Let’s say a friend invites you to a last-minute brunch, but your Sunday morning is already booked with errands and a rare moment of relaxation. Instead of feeling pressured, you can say, “I can’t make it this Sunday, but how about next weekend instead?”

This approach shows that you’re still interested in maintaining the relationship, but you’re prioritizing your time in a way that works for you. It softens the blow of a no and gives both you and the other person an alternative to look forward to.

Here’s how it could work in other situations:

At work: “I’m swamped with deadlines right now, but I’d be happy to review the project next week.”

With a friend: “I’m not up for a big night out, but I’d love to catch up over coffee soon.”

With family: “I can’t host the holiday dinner this year, but I can help with the planning and decorations.”

4. Use Humor to Lighten the Mood
Sometimes, when things get tense or awkward, a little humor can go a long way. If saying no feels uncomfortable, injecting a bit of lightheartedness can make it feel less heavy for both you and the person asking. For example, if someone asks you to do something that’s just not feasible, you could say something like, “I’d love to, but I’m already trying to figure out how to clone myself to get through this week!” It keeps the mood friendly while still delivering your no.

Of course, this tactic only works if humor feels natural for you and the relationship. If the vibe is more formal, stick with a polite decline. But don’t be afraid to let a little personality shine through—saying no doesn’t have to feel like a legal proceeding!

5. Be Consistent and Firm (Without Wavering or Backtracking)
When you say no, stand by it. Often, the guilt that follows makes us second-guess ourselves, and before we know it, we’re adding qualifiers like, “Well, maybe I can make it work…” No, mama, hold your ground! Being consistent is key. If you say no but start to backtrack, it sends mixed signals and weakens your boundary.

Example: A friend asks you to volunteer for the school bake sale, and you’ve already got too much on your plate. You say no politely, but then start wavering with something like, “Well, I suppose I could make a few cupcakes…” Suddenly, you’re right back to feeling overcommitted. Instead, stick to your original no and keep it firm. “I wish I could help, but I’ve got too much going on this week. I’ll have to pass this time.”

It’s about being kind but standing your ground. You deserve to protect your energy.

6. Timing Is Everything
Believe it or not, when you say no can matter just as much as how you say it. If possible, deliver your no sooner rather than later—dragging it out only adds to the awkwardness. If you know you can’t commit to something, don’t wait until the last minute to let the person know. For example, if someone asks for your help next week but you already know your schedule is jam-packed, it’s better to give a polite no early on: “I won’t be able to help next week, but I wanted to let you know now so you can find someone else.”

Being timely not only keeps things smooth and respectful, but it also shows you’re considering the other person’s needs by giving them ample notice.

7. Acknowledge the Other Person’s Feelings, but Stay Focused on Your No
Sometimes, the hardest part of saying no is worrying about how the other person will react. While you want to acknowledge their feelings, remember that you don’t need to bend your boundaries to protect them from disappointment. Saying something like, “I understand this might be tough to hear, but I can’t commit to this right now” shows empathy without sacrificing your own needs. It’s okay to recognize that your no might not be what they wanted to hear, but that doesn’t mean you need to change your answer.

Setting Boundaries with Confidence

Boundaries are your best friend. They’re not about pushing people away; they’re about protecting your energy. When you set clear boundaries, you’re telling the world, “Hey, this is what I can handle, and I’m sticking to it.” Boundaries are essential for your mental health and your relationships, and the more you practice them, the easier they become.

It’s okay to say, “I need some time for myself,” or “I can’t make it to that event.” You’re allowed to protect your peace, and trust me, the people who respect you will respect those boundaries too.

Here are a few more ways to frame your no:
“I’d love to help, but I’ve got too much on my plate right now.” This keeps things honest and clear without over-explaining.

“I appreciate the invite, but I need a quiet night in to recharge.” Saying no to social events is totally valid, especially when you’re prioritizing self-care.

“I can’t take on anything else this week, but let me know how it goes!” It’s a great way to show support without stretching yourself thin.

“I’m flattered you asked, but I have to say no this time.” A polite decline that shows you appreciate being included, but you’re still standing by your limits.

“I have too many commitments right now to give this my full attention.” This emphasizes that your no is about protecting the quality of your time and energy, not about rejecting the person.

The bottom line: You don’t need to justify or apologize for protecting your boundaries. The right people will understand that saying no is a form of self-respect, not rejection.

Saying ‘No’ Without Guilt or Apology

Now, here’s the real kicker: the guilt. I know it’s there—the little voice telling you that saying no is selfish or rude. But guess what? That voice is wrong. Taking care of yourself and setting limits isn’t selfish; it’s survival. The more you say no to things that don’t align with your needs, the more you’re saying yes to the things that truly matter—your health, your sanity, and your happiness.

Let’s say goodbye to guilt once and for all. The more you practice saying no, the easier it becomes. And here’s a secret: you’ll actually feel better knowing you’re taking care of yourself first.

When “No” Feels Complicated: Dealing with Pushback

Let’s face it—sometimes, saying no doesn’t end with a simple, “Okay, I understand.” In reality, people might push back or try to change your mind, and that’s when it gets a little more complicated. But here’s the thing: standing firm in your boundaries is crucial for your well-being. And often, pushback has more to do with the other person than with your no.

Why Do People Push Back?
They’re Not Used to Hearing No from You
If you’ve always been the one to say yes—whether it’s taking on extra tasks, lending a hand, or just always being available—people get accustomed to it. So, the first time you set a boundary, it can catch them off guard. They may not know how to react because they’re used to you bending over backward. But guess what? That’s their issue, not yours. Their surprise doesn’t mean your no isn’t valid.

They’re Prioritizing Their Own Needs Over Yours
Some people push back because they’re thinking about how your no affects them—their plans, their workload, or their convenience. It’s natural for people to react this way, but it’s important to remember that you’re not responsible for their expectations. Your needs are just as important. If they guilt-trip you or push harder, stay firm. Acknowledge their feelings but stand by your decision. For example, “I understand this is important to you, but I’m still unable to commit.”

They Don’t Realize They’re Crossing a Boundary
Sometimes, people aren’t even aware that they’re overstepping. They might be so used to leaning on you that they don’t see your yes as something that might drain you. When you set a boundary, it may feel like a sudden shift to them. If this happens, you can offer a gentle reminder: “I know I usually help with this, but I need to take a step back for my own well-being.” Over time, they’ll get the message.

They’re Trying to Test Your Limits
Let’s be real: some people don’t like hearing no because it challenges the dynamic they’ve come to expect. These individuals might push back to see if you’ll crack. They may guilt-trip you with phrases like, “But I really need you,” or “You always do this for me.” It’s critical to hold your ground in these moments. You can say something like, “I hear you, but I’m still not able to help right now.” It’s calm, clear, and keeps you in control.

Preparing Yourself for Pushback
Knowing that pushback is a possibility is half the battle. Here are some ways to prepare yourself and deal with it effectively:

Stay Calm and Collected
When people push back, it’s easy to feel flustered or even guilty. But here’s the secret: keep your response short and steady. Repeat your original no without wavering. For example, “I understand where you’re coming from, but I still can’t commit to that right now.” You don’t need to get defensive or apologize. Just stay calm and firm.

Don’t Over-Explain
There’s a temptation to start justifying your no, but resist the urge to go down that path. Over-explaining opens the door for more pushback because it gives the other person something to argue against. The more you explain, the more they may try to poke holes in your reasoning. A simple, clear no is more powerful: “I can’t take that on right now, but I appreciate you thinking of me.”

Hold Your Ground with Empathy
It’s possible to say no while still acknowledging the other person’s feelings. This doesn’t mean you’re backing down—it means you’re showing empathy while maintaining your boundaries. Something like, “I get that this might be hard to hear, but I’ve made my decision and it’s what’s best for me right now” lets them know you care, but you’re still standing firm.

Prepare for Reactions
People react in all kinds of ways when faced with a no. Some might try to guilt-trip you, others might act hurt, and a few might get defensive. The key is not to take their reactions personally. Their feelings aren’t your responsibility, and it’s okay if they need time to adjust to the new dynamic. Keep reminding yourself: you are allowed to say no. You don’t owe anyone an immediate yes.

Know That It Gets Easier

The more you practice saying no, the easier it gets—and the less pushback you’ll face over time. People who push back are often testing whether you really mean it. If you hold your ground consistently, they’ll learn to respect your boundaries. Eventually, the pushback will diminish, and people will come to understand that when you say no, you mean it.

Conclusion: It’s Time to Take Your Power Back

It’s time to stop feeling bad about saying no. You deserve to prioritize yourself and protect your energy. Saying no doesn’t mean you’re letting anyone down—it means you’re showing up in a healthier, more balanced way.

Ready to master the art of saying no without feeling guilty? I’m here to help. Together, we’ll work on setting boundaries, protecting your peace, and finding that sweet spot where you can be a total rockstar at life without burning yourself out.

Schedule your free consultation today, and let’s start creating the balance you deserve!

-Kelly, MA, BCBA, Mom Life Coach

By Bridgette Morris, Christian Therapist and Creator of the SNAP! Method - #1 tool to deal with narcissitc people with a faith-based mindset

If you’ve found yourself entangled with a narcissistic parent, partner, or colleague, you know how disorienting and painful it can be. It’s easy to feel conflicted, stuck, and utterly unsure of what steps to take next. The internal struggle is real, and it’s deeply rooted in something called cognitive dissonance—a term that might sound clinical but describes a very human experience of mental and emotional conflict. In these moments, faith isn’t just a comfort; it’s a critical compass guiding you through the storm.

Understanding Cognitive Dissonance in Narcissistic Relationships
Cognitive dissonance occurs when your mind struggles to reconcile two conflicting beliefs or values. Imagine loving someone deeply, but constantly being hurt by their manipulative behavior. You know something is wrong, but you cling to the hope that things will change, or that their actions aren’t as harmful as they seem. This is cognitive dissonance at play—your brain is trying to make sense of two opposing realities: the love and the harm.

For many, this dissonance creates a paralyzing state of confusion and self-doubt. You start questioning your own perceptions, wondering if you’re overreacting or misunderstanding the situation. It’s a mental tug-of-war that leaves you feeling drained and trapped.

The Role of Faith in Navigating Narcissistic Manipulation
As Christians, our faith is the bedrock that holds us steady when everything else feels shaky. But when you’re dealing with a narcissist, it’s easy to lose sight of that foundation. The narcissist’s manipulations can be so subtle, so insidious, that they make you doubt your own beliefs and values.

This is where faith becomes more than a comfort—it becomes your anchor. By leaning into your faith, you can begin to see through the narcissist’s tactics. You’re reminded of your worth in God’s eyes, a worth that no amount of manipulation can diminish. Faith helps you discern the truth from the lies, giving you the strength to stand firm in your values.

The SNAP! Method: Leaning into Faith to Impact Change
Dealing with a narcissist isn’t just about survival; it’s about reclaiming your power and living a life of peace and purpose. That’s why I developed the SNAP! Method—a structured, faith-based approach that allows you to lean into your faith during moments of manipulation, empowering you to create real, lasting change.

Here’s how the SNAP! Method works:

Stop: The first step is to pause. When you’re caught in the whirlwind of a narcissist’s manipulations, the best thing you can do is take a step back. This isn’t about giving up; it’s about giving yourself the space to think clearly.

Notice: Pay attention to what’s really happening. Notice the patterns of manipulation, the subtle ways the narcissist tries to control or belittle you. This step is crucial because it allows you to separate your emotions from the narcissist’s tactics.

Ask: Here’s where faith comes in. Ask yourself how your faith informs this situation. What would Christ advise you to do? What does scripture say about your worth and how you should be treated? By grounding yourself in your faith, you can make decisions that align with your values rather than the narcissist’s agenda.

Pivot: Finally, take action. But not just any action—action that’s rooted in your faith and values. This might mean setting boundaries, seeking professional help, or even walking away. Whatever it is, it’s a pivot toward a life of peace, away from the chaos the narcissist thrives on.

The SNAP! Method isn’t just a tool; it’s a lifeline. It’s a way to take control of your life, not by fighting fire with fire, but by leaning into the strength and wisdom that comes from your faith.

Moving Forward with Confidence and Faith
Narcissism is a tough opponent, but it’s not invincible. With the right tools and a strong foundation in faith, you can navigate even the most challenging relationships. Cognitive dissonance and emotional manipulation don’t have to control your life. By understanding these dynamics and using the SNAP! Method, you can reclaim your power and start living the life God intended for you—a life filled with peace, purpose, and unwavering faith.

I’m Bridgette Morris, with over 20 years of experience in helping individuals break free from the grip of narcissism. I’ve authored a book on the subject and founded the Healing Life Institute, where my team of five dedicated professionals all approach narcissism from a faith-based lens. Together, we’re committed to guiding you through true healing and lasting transformation.

Let’s start this journey together.

My Theological Construct of Marriage

I submit that one’s personal theology, core values, beliefs and ultimate understanding of biblical doctrine all buttress one’s framework of marriage. Several questions arise regarding one’s value system, one’s belief system, socialization, cultural exposure which serve to shape the lens by which couples view the world. As such, to avoid repetitive issues, problems and conflict in marriage, there must be some level of unity with respect to the philosophy and/or biblical theology of the marriage couple (Genesis 2:24; I Corinthians 11:11; Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). Elwell (2001) clearly outlines the similar relationship between theology and philosophy, “Since theology and philosophy both engage in critical analysis of the meaning of terms, follow a strict process of observation and reasoning to reach conclusions, and traditionally sought to formulate a consistent worldview, philosophy and theology are overlapping disciplines (Elwell p. 1163). In this regard, the Bible explicitly states, “Hear this word that the Lord hath spoken against you, O children of Israel, against the whole family which I brought up from the land of Egypt, saying, You only have I known of all the families of the earth: therefore I will punish you for all your iniquities. Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:1-3, King James Version). To better explicate the relational functioning of marriage from a theological perspective let us first examine marriage in the context of creation.

The Creation of Humanity

Seeking to understand the relationship of humanity to God, from a perspective of image and likeness, is an extremely complex issue. As such, any serious attempt to understand what it means to be made in the image of God is centered on the premise of the doctrines of humanity and creation. Several biblical passages speak of the image of God. The best-known is probably Geneses 1:26-27. Verse 26 is God’s statement of intention; it includes the terms (tselem) and (demuth), translated respectively, “image” and “likeness” (Erickson, 1998, p. 519). While the content of the divine image remains a matter of debate, its significance as a marker for human distinctiveness within creation is a matter of broad theological consensus. The problem is that such an assessment of the “imago dei” seems altogether out of keeping with its place in the Bible (McFarland, 2005, p. 1). To establish a sound theology of marriage, one must seek to establish a relationship between humanity and the “likeness” and “image “of God. In terms of creation, what distinguishes man from any other creature? Man is not only a creature, but he is also a person. And to be a person means to have a kind of independence- not absolute but relative. According to Baker (1991), “The idea of the image of God means that humanity has a unique relation to God. There is something about God that is also true of human beings but not true of animals” (p. 36). Implicitly, God created humanity with free will. In the marital context, there is a strong relational functioning that enables the ability to understand and establish covenant, set goals, establish families, make life-changing decisions.

The Fall of Man

So early was the decision -making ability granted to humanity that it led to “the Fall” of man. At the corpus of the decisions made by Adam and Eve were yielding to temptation and disobedience. According to Elwell (2001), “That humanity by creation uniquely bears the image of God is a fundamental biblical doctrine- as is also that this image is sullied by sin and that it is restored by divine salvation” (p. 591). The discourse of deception created by Satan gives a clear preview of his guile.

Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, “Has God indeed said, ‘You shall not eat of every tree of the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden; but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die.’ ” Then the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was[a]pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. (Genesis 3:1-6, New King James Version)

Adam and Eve’s disobedience resulted in the fall of humankind, led to man’s spiritual separation from God and broke covenant with God. According to Hoekema (1986), the statement “God created man in his own image” intends to do more than just describe man’s spiritual and moral integrity, but rather humankind was “created was to mirror God and to represent God” (p. 66). Elwell (2001) further establishes a theological framework in support of my earlier statement on the related doctrines. He notes: “Hebrew-Christian theology frames the doctrine of the imago in the setting of divine creation and redemption” (p. 591). As such, the reader should begin to observe a common threat not only of humanity link to God’s image and likeness, but also to the theological constructs of creation, the fall and now redemption.

The Redemption Plan of God

The Son of God, who as the divine Word is the expression of the will and power of God, is not only the agent of creation by whom all things were brought into being and providential sustainer of the universe as a historical continuum (Col. 1:15-17; Heb. 1:2), but also the redeemer in and through whom all God’s purposes of creation are established and brought to fulfillment. In 2 Corinthians 4:3-6, the Apostle Paul links Christ as the “imago dei” with the glory-Christology evident throughout the New Testament.

But even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing, whose minds the god of this age has blinded, who do not believe, lest the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine on them. For we do not preach ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord, and ourselves your bondservants for Jesus’ sake. For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. (2 Corinthians 4:3-6, New King James Version)

I posit that the fulness of God’s redemptive process cannot be fully comprehended in the absence a revelation of God’s atonement. According to Hughes (1989) “The whole purpose of the incarnation was our redemption. The person of Christ receives its full meaning from the work of Christ” (p. 342). The Bible vividly makes the work of the Cross a very passionate experience. “And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross” (Philippians 4:6, New King James Version). In the marriage context, God’s agape love becomes the model to which married couples should aspire (Ephesians 5:21-25). According to Parrott and Parrott (2006), “Consummate love results from the full combination of love’s three components: passion, intimacy, and commitment. Consummate love is the goal toward which every marriage strives” (p. 43). In summary, relational functioning in a marriage may perhaps best be sustained through consummate and unconditional love, oneness and unity in both the natural and spiritual, an intentionally willingness to fidelity, commitment, sacrifice, forgiveness and submission to the divine will of God. Hamilton and Cunningham (2000) affirm the conciliatory view of marriage. He notes that “Jesus came to set in motion the healing God had promised when Adam and Eve shared the great tragedy of the Garden. He came to end the painful consequences of a broken and sinful world, including the rift between men and women” (p. 111).

References

Baker, W. H. (1991). The Image of God. Chicago: Moody Press.

Elwell, A. W. (2001). Evangelical dictionary of theology. Grand Rapids: Baker Academic.

Erickson, M. J. (1998). Christian theology. Grand Rapids: Baker Academic.

Hamilton, D. & Cunningham, J. R. L. (2000). Why not women? A fresh look at scripture on women in missions, ministry, and leadership. Washington, Seattle: YWAM Publishing.

Hoekema, A. A. (1986). Created in God’s image. Grand Rapids: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Company.

Hughes, P. E. (1989). The true image. Grand Rapids: W. B. Eerdmans Publishing Company.

McFarland, I. A. (2005). The divine image. Minneapolis: Augsburg Fortress Press.

Parrott, L. & Parrott, L. (2006). Saving your marriage before it starts. Grand Rapids: Zondervan

Most people experience less leisure and more daily stress as they juggle work and career, family, and friends. In spite of life’s demands, there are some simple, effective steps that can be taken to ease up on daily pressures. Here are 16 ways to reduce stress during the workday. Choose those that work best for you and practice them often. Why? Because your health (physical, mental, spiritual) is much more important to your joy than material things. Here’s to your heath!

1. Begin the day with a brief prayer and meditation: Rather than jumping out of bed and rushing to start your day, take a few minutes – from five to 20 – to pray, meditate, read a short inspiring passage, think peaceful thoughts, appreciate God’s gift of a new, fresh day. Beginning this way gives you a sense of peace that will manifest itself all day.
2. Apply the wisdom of Paul to your daily living: “Whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable…think about such things” (Philippians 4:8 NIV). Those words are a reminder to think positively. During the day when you face a crisis, think challenge. When you face an obstacle, think opportunity. Approaching any stressful event positively will boost your energy.
3. Remember, you get to make mistakes: “Many people start sinking into despair or scolding themselves unmercifully after making a mistake,” observes Charlotte Davis Kasl, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of Finding Joy. “The important thing to remember is that everyone makes mistakes…so ease up on yourself.”
4. Create peaceful images in your mind: Several times during your workday, pause briefly to create a peaceful image in your mind. For example, picture yourself gently canoeing on a calm, still lake with the sun shining brilliantly. Or imagine yourself sitting quietly on a hillside where you are completely surrounded by beautiful wildflowers.
5. Practice hospitality: Maintain an open-door policy in your heart for everyone you will encounter during the day. Greet everyone with a smile. This will make others feel good about being with you.
6. Observe your breathing: When we are relaxed our breathing is slow and even. However, when we are anxious or upset we tend to breathe irregularly. Pay attention to your breathing. As soon as you notice yourself becoming stressed say to yourself, “Stop.” As you breathe out, smile. As you do this let your shoulders drop and relax your hands. Repeat this technique several times.
7. Take a brisk walk: Experts note that exercise is effective in burning off the excess adrenaline that fuels feelings of anxiety and stress. Exercise also releases endorphins—the body’s natural chemicals that block anxiety and pain. So take a brisk walk over lunch hour. During office hours, even a brisk walk down the hallway or up a flight of stairs can help.
8. Change your lunch environment: Get out of the office and enjoy your noon meal in a park. Use this time to be with nature. At least once or twice a week, eat by yourself in silence. Eat slowly. Be thankful for your meal. Enjoy yourself.
9. Walk in someone else’s shoes: Try to see a conflict or difference of opinion from another person’s point of view. In most cases, you’ll find your anger slipping away.
10. Beware about what you drink: The caffeinated drinks you drink throughout the day can be a mental-health nightmare. Too much caffeine can cause shaky hands, restlessness, and irritability—all of which increase stressful feelings. Try eliminating it from your routine. If you can’t do it all at once, then cut down or do it gradually.
11. Concentrate on the task at hand, not the outcome: This is another way of learning to be less than perfect. If you find yourself fretting about a project, speak gently to yourself, saying: “Here I go again worrying about the future. I’ll just give this my best now.” Then do that. Remember to leave the future in God’s hands.
12. Just say “No”: Yes, it’s okay to say NO! You don’t have to accept every project, every invitation to become involved, every opportunity to attend a meeting. Accept what you need to do and what you want to do, but say “No, thank you” to other requests for your time. People will manage if you say no.
13. Make a peace pact with yourself: As soon as you begin to feel angry, hostile, cynical, skeptical, irritable, or impatient, repeat a word that can offset the negative energy. Some examples include peace, love, hope, faith, joy, patience, etc.
14. Relive a happy memory: Tap into the power of your memories. In a time of stress, look back and remember a pleasant experience of satisfying moment.
15. Let there be music: The right music can take you from a highly tense state to a relaxed state in a very short time. The right music is generally instrumental rather than vocal. Many people find the sounds of nature combined with musical harmonies to be very relaxing.
16. Don’t bring work problems home: This one is going to be difficult for many, especially in this electronic age. But, do your best. Leave your cares behind at the office. You will feel better, and you will return to work refreshed, energetic, and more creative. A few tips: At the end of the workday sit quietly and consciously make the transition from work to home. When you pull into the driveway, park on the street, or about to leave your home office space, take a minute to orient yourself to being with your family members or to entering your home. Try changing out of your work clothes when you get home. This simple act might help you to make a smoother transition into your next “role.’”
17. Share your stressors with a good friend. Bringing your real self to good connections with its problems and needs can do much to relieve the monkey on your back. Bonding and safe attachment with others who can listen and really hear you can do much to help with peace in your heart,

I created an online course and companion handbook to help Christian Couples LEARN how to be married. Often, Christian couples haven't had an example of a successful marriage. This training will help couples LEARN the basics of a Christian marriage. They can learn in the comfort of their home watching videos together and doing the homework assignments from the companion workbook that is downloadable with the course.

Dr. Trudy has over 18,000 hours experience in the counseling room. Realizing couples need this help because of the costs of marriage counseling and marriage intensive programs, she created this alternative option for couples to receive help for their marriages.

Couples can D-I-Y in the comfort of their homes with the guidance of Dr. Trudy. Dr. Trudy's heart is to help Christian couples start over and be trained about having a Christian marriage.

Hey mama! Feeling like you're stuck on a never-ending hamster wheel of diapers, snacks, and trying to remember the last time you had a full conversation with another adult? Trust me, you’re not alone. Motherhood is one wild ride, and it’s easy to feel lost in the chaos. So, let’s take a breath and dive into something that might just change your day—self-worth affirmations.

Hi there! I’m Kelly, a mom of four and someone who's been through the trenches of motherhood just like you. With a master's degree in counseling and board certification as a behavior analyst, I've spent over 15 years helping moms find their footing and rediscover their joy. I know firsthand how tough it can be to juggle all the demands without losing your identity. But here's the thing: you deserve to feel amazing about yourself, and I'm here to guide you back to that happy place!

The Struggle with Self-Worth

Let’s get real for a second—how often do you put yourself at the bottom of your to-do list? It’s so easy to do when everyone else seems to need you 24/7. Society makes us think we should be perfect at everything: super mom, perfect partner, career woman. It’s exhausting! And somewhere along the way, we forget that we are worthy of love and respect, even if we didn’t tick every box on that never-ending list today.

Why Self-Worth Affirmations Matter

Affirmations are like little love notes you give yourself. They’re reminders of who you are and all that you’re capable of. I remember working with a mom who was barely holding it together. She started using affirmations and slowly, like finding that first cup of coffee in the morning, she began to see herself in a new light. It’s all about changing the script in your head from "I can’t do this" to "I’ve got this."

Top 10 Self-Worth Affirmations for Overwhelmed Moms

1. I am the heart of my family, and I deserve love and care.
You’re the glue that holds everything together, mama. Take a moment to remind yourself of your vital role.

2. I am more than enough, even on the days I feel less than perfect.
Those crumbs on the floor can wait. You’re doing your best, and that’s more than enough.

3. My needs are important, and I’m allowed to meet them.
It’s not selfish to take time for yourself. It’s essential.

4.I choose to see the beauty in my daily chaos.
Sure, there’s mess, but there’s also magic in the madness.

5. I trust my instincts and the decisions I make for my family.
You know what’s best for your kids, so trust that gut feeling!

6. I am proud of the mom I am today and the one I am becoming.
Every challenge makes you stronger and more incredible.

7. I deserve moments of peace and quiet.
It’s okay to crave silence and solitude now and then. You’ve earned it.

8. I embrace my journey, including the highs and the lows.
Life isn’t perfect, and neither is motherhood. That’s okay.

9. I am grateful for my resilience and ability to adapt.
You’re stronger than you know and capable of handling anything thrown your way.

10. I am worthy of joy and laughter, even in tough times.
Don’t forget to smile and find joy in little things, even when things get rough.

Creating Your Own Affirmations

Want to make these affirmations truly yours? Here’s how you can create personal ones that hit home:

Reflect on Your Challenges:
What’s bugging you most right now? Turn it around with a positive spin.

Use the Present Tense:
Speak as if it’s already happening. "I am" is powerful!

Keep It Simple:
Short and sweet works best. You’ll remember them easier.

Practical Tips for Using Affirmations

Incorporating affirmations into your day can be as simple as sipping your coffee. Here’s how:

Morning Mantra: Say them while you brush your teeth or make your morning brew.

Sticky Notes Everywhere: Post them on your fridge, bathroom mirror, or even in your car.

Phone Alerts: Set reminders throughout the day with affirmations to keep you going.

Overcoming Common Challenges

If you find yourself rolling your eyes at affirmations, hang in there! Here’s what you can do:

Give It Time: Change doesn’t happen overnight. Stick with it.

Believe in Your Words: Say them with conviction, even if you don’t feel it yet.

Consistency Is Key: Make affirmations a part of your daily routine, like breakfast.

Conclusion

Remember, mama, you are more than just a checklist of chores and tasks. Your worth isn’t tied to how perfectly you manage your household or whether you can bake Pinterest-worthy cupcakes. It’s about the love, strength, and resilience you bring to your family every single day.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and stuck, coaching can be a game-changer. Imagine having someone in your corner who gets it—someone who’s been there and can help you navigate this crazy ride called motherhood. My coaching services are designed to help you reconnect with yourself, build your self-worth, and find joy in the everyday moments. Together, we'll work on practical strategies and personalized affirmations that will empower you to shine bright.

You deserve to feel confident and happy, and I’m here to support you on this journey. Let’s chat about how we can make that happen!

FAQs About Affirmations for Self-Worth

What are self-worth affirmations?
Self-worth affirmations are positive statements that help you remember your value and encourage a positive mindset.

How often should I use affirmations?
Try using them daily, in the morning, and any time you need a confidence boost.

Can affirmations really boost self-esteem?
Absolutely! By reinforcing positive beliefs, affirmations can help shift your mindset over time.

What if I don’t believe in my affirmations?
That’s okay! Start with what feels true to you and gradually work up to more aspirational affirmations.

How can I encourage my mom friends to use affirmations?
Share your journey with them, invite them to try it with you, and celebrate the small wins together.

With Love and a Whole Lot of Imperfection,

Kelly, MA, BCBA, Mom Life Coach

Imagine this: You’re trying to finish an important work email, your toddler is tugging at your leg demanding a snack, the laundry is piling up, and you just realized you forgot to defrost tonight’s dinner. Sound familiar? If you’re nodding your head, you might be experiencing what many of us know as mom burnout.

Hi there! I’m Kelly, a mom of four amazing (and let’s be honest, sometimes exhausting) kids, with a master’s degree in counseling and over 15 years of experience working with wonderful moms like you. I’ve been in the trenches, juggling school drop-offs, work deadlines, and everything in between. That’s why I’m passionate about helping other moms recognize and overcome the symptoms of burnout.

In this blog post, we’re going to dive into the 10 clear signs of mom burnout and practical ways to tackle them. Because let’s face it – you deserve to feel happy, healthy, and fulfilled. So, grab a cup of coffee (or tea), find a cozy spot, and let’s get started!

Understanding Mom Burnout: What It Is and Why It Matters

Mom burnout is more than just feeling tired—it's a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion caused by the relentless demands of motherhood. Whether you're a stay-at-home mom, working mom, or somewhere in between, the pressures of juggling family responsibilities, work, and personal needs can take a significant toll. Understanding what mom burnout is and recognizing its symptoms are crucial steps toward reclaiming your well-being.

When left unaddressed, burnout can impact not only your health but also your relationships and overall quality of life. By identifying the signs early and implementing strategies to manage stress, you can break free from the burnout cycle and find a healthier, more balanced approach to motherhood.

Top Indicators of Mom Burnout: Recognize These 10 Key Signs

1. Constant Fatigue
Feeling exhausted all the time, even after a full night's sleep? This isn’t just about being tired—it's a sign your body is overworked and your mind is overwhelmed. When you’re constantly on the go with little time to rest, fatigue can creep in and become a constant companion.

Quick Tip: Try setting a consistent bedtime, sneak in short naps when possible, and don’t hesitate to ask for help to lighten your load. (P.S. please do not feel guilt for taking naps…it took me YEARS to ‘allow’ myself to do this and that is such a waste of self-love).

2. Irritability and Mood Swings
Finding yourself snapping at your kids or partner over minor things? Mood swings and irritability are common signs of burnout. The stress and lack of downtime can make you feel like you’re on edge, leading to emotional outbursts.

Quick Tip: Practice mindfulness or deep-breathing exercises to help manage your emotions. Even a few minutes a day can make a significant difference.

3. Feeling Overwhelmed
Does your to-do list feel never-ending? Feeling overwhelmed is a major indicator of burnout. When every task seems monumental and you’re struggling to keep up, it’s a clear sign that you’re stretched too thin.

Quick Tip: Ever heard of brain dumping? It has been a LIFE SAVER for me. Break tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. Prioritize what truly needs to be done and don't be afraid to delegate or let go of less critical tasks.

4. Lack of Interest in Activities
Remember those hobbies and activities you used to love? If they no longer bring you joy or you can’t find the motivation to engage in them, this could be a sign of burnout. Losing interest in things that once made you happy is your mind's way of signaling that it’s overwhelmed.

Quick Tip: Schedule time for yourself, even if it’s just 10 minutes a day. Rediscover old hobbies or explore new ones that make you feel good.

5. Physical Symptoms
Burnout doesn’t just affect your mind—it takes a toll on your body too. Common physical symptoms include headaches, muscle tension, and frequent illnesses. Your body is trying to tell you that it needs a break.

Quick Tip: Incorporate regular exercise into your routine, maintain a balanced diet, and ensure you’re staying hydrated. Simple self-care practices can significantly improve how you feel physically.

6. Difficulty Concentrating
Struggling to focus on tasks or forgetting important details more often than usual? Difficulty concentrating is a hallmark sign of burnout. When your brain is overloaded with stress, it becomes harder to focus and retain information.

Quick Tip: Take regular breaks to give your mind a rest, practice brain exercises like puzzles or reading, and reduce multitasking to improve focus.

7. Feeling Numb or Detatched
Do you feel emotionally numb or disconnected from your loved ones? Burnout can cause you to shut down emotionally as a coping mechanism, making it hard to connect with your feelings and those around you.

Quick Tip: Engage in activities that foster emotional connection, such as meaningful conversations with loved ones, practicing gratitude journaling, or seeking professional help if needed.

8. Increased Cynicism or Resentment
Have you noticed a growing sense of cynicism or resentment towards your parenting role or family responsibilities? Feeling negative or bitter about your daily tasks is a strong indicator of burnout.

Quick Tip: Focus on the positive aspects of your life (this will take a lot of practice and consistency), set realistic expectations for yourself, and consider joining a supportive community or mom group to share experiences and find encouragement.

9. Decreased Performance
Are you finding it harder to complete tasks or feeling less productive than usual? Burnout can significantly impact your efficiency and performance, making it difficult to keep up with daily responsibilities.

Quick Tip: Set achievable goals, establish a consistent routine, and celebrate small victories to boost your sense of accomplishment and motivation.

10. Isolation
Do you find yourself withdrawing from social interactions and feeling isolated? Burnout often leads to social withdrawal as you try to conserve energy and cope with overwhelming stress.

Quick Tip: Make an effort to reach out to friends, join mom groups or online communities, and schedule regular social activities to stay connected and supported.

Navigating Burnout in Moms: What’s Next??

Did you check off most, if not all, of the signs of burnout? Take a deep breath, Mama. Feeling overwhelmed is more common than you think. You’re in good company—we’ve all been there. Now, let’s talk solutions!

1. Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings
You’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed. Many moms experience burnout, and it’s okay to admit it. Take a deep breath and recognize that your feelings are valid.

2. Prioritize Self-Care
Remember the oxygen mask analogy on airplanes? You need to take care of yourself first before helping others. Prioritize self-care—whether it’s a quiet cup of tea, a walk, or a few minutes of meditation. You deserve it.

3. Seek Support
Reach out to fellow moms, friends, or family members. Share your feelings and ask for help. Sometimes, just talking to someone who understands can make a world of difference.

4. Embrace Imperfection
You don’t have to be a supermom. It’s okay if the laundry piles up or if you order takeout for dinner. Embrace imperfection—it’s part of being human.

5. Consider Professional Guidance
As a mom life coach, I’m here for you. Let’s work together to create a personalized plan. Whether it’s setting boundaries, rediscovering your passions, or finding joy in small moments, coaching can make a difference.

Conclusion: Mom Burnout Solutions and Reclaiming JOY

Mama, if you’ve nodded along to most of these signs, you’re not alone. Burnout isn’t a badge of honor—it’s a wake-up call. So, what’s the key takeaway?

Acknowledge It: Constant fatigue, irritability, and feeling overwhelmed? Recognize these signs as your body’s SOS.

Self-Care Matters: Prioritize yourself guilt-free. Set bedtime routines, sneak in naps, and ask for help. Remember, self-love isn’t selfish.

Brain Dump Your Tasks: That never-ending to-do list? Break it down. Prioritize. Delegate. Let go of non-essentials.

Rediscover Joy: Hobbies collecting dust? Revisit them. Even 10 minutes a day can reignite your spark.

Listen to Your Body: Headaches, muscle tension, and frequent illnesses? Your body’s pleading for a break.

Focus, Mama: Difficulty concentrating? Take breaks, solve puzzles, and declutter your mind.

Connect Emotionally: Feeling numb? Engage in meaningful conversations. Journal. Seek professional help.

Flip the Script: Cynicism and resentment? Shift focus. Find the silver linings. Join a supportive community.

Prioritize Well-Being: Decreased performance? It’s okay. Prioritize well-being over perfection.

Remember, you’re not just a mom—you’re a whole universe of strength and love. Reach out, seek support, and consider professional guidance. You’ve got this….and I am here with you!!

With Love and a Whole Lot of Imperfection,
Kelly

If you have ever experienced any of the following, you have had a career crisis:
• Losing your job
• Being fired
• Burning out
• Not wanting to do your job for one more day
• Redefined job or seismic shift in career. (Staff quits/Kids go away to college)

A career crisis can be caused either by someone else (being laid off) or by your own feelings (burning out).

Common Causes of Career Crises
There are many reasons why people experience career crises. Here are a few:
• Corporate downsizing
• Burnout
• Relocating for your spouse’s career
• Being fired
• Making the wrong career move
• Corporate politics
• Not fitting in
• Lost calling

Why a Career Crisis Is So Devastating
A career crisis is almost always devastating because it can impact your life in so many ways. Here are a few examples:
1. Money: Losing your income with no warning can be financially devastating.
2. Status: If your job gives you status or a professional identity, you may feel devastated without it.
3. Surprise: If the job loss happens without warning, you will probably feel shocked.
4. Self-esteem: You may feel embarrassed by what has happened.
5. Feeling alone: You are likely to lose friends and companions when you no longer work in the same place.
6. Feeling out of synch: Your regular routine may be disrupted.
7. Confusion: If the crisis happens because of burnout or for reasons inside yourself, you may feel confused about what to do next.
8. Effect on others: If people around you depend on your income and need you to be predictable, they may react negatively to your crisis.

9. Loss of Identity: Many times a career will help define who you are as a person especially if you see it as a calling. “ 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.” – Ecclesiastes 3:12 – 13. The loss can create a lack of interest, satisfaction and enjoyment in life.

Career Crisis: Who It Hurts the Most
A career crisis hurts you because it is devastating to your ego. The hurt tends to be greater when one gets a sense of identity and self-esteem from his or her job title, status, and income.
A crisis hurts your family because they must experience the emotional fallout that follows a crisis. Your family may also experience a feeling of lost self-esteem and status, especially if you were fired or laid off.

The Flashback Effect
A major loss like this sometimes can cause you to reach back into the past and reactivate unfinished business from a major loss, or a crisis from an earlier time.
For example, when Sharon was terminated after seven months at her dream job, she became very depressed. While depression is a normal reaction to such a loss, Sharon was reacting to losing her job and the similar feelings she had when she flunked out of a top university 12 years earlier. When she finally saw a therapist after a few weeks of depression following the job loss, she saw that she had never fully resolved her feelings about failing in college.

Here are some other points about recovery:
1. The process of recovering from a career crisis will happen on its own schedule. It can’t be rushed.
2. Every person responds to a career crisis differently. There is no right way to respond or to deal with it.
3. Depending on the circumstances, processing a career crisis can take years.
4. Build and use a support system. People need other people when they are experiencing such a crisis. A group of people who have experienced similar losses is especially helpful.
5. It is a good idea to find support outside of your family and friends. Even the most supportive may grow tired of hearing about your situation, or you may find yourself censoring your behavior to avoid alienating them. However, you still need help and a place to let your feelings out.
How to Help Someone in a Career Crisis
Here are a few ideas for being helpful to people going through career crises:

1. People need support when they are having a career crisis, even though they may seem to push you away.
2. Ask how you can help.
3. Don’t give advice unless asked. Listen, listen, and listen some more!
4. Check in regularly with the crisis victim; let him or her know you’re there.
5. Remind the crisis victim of what a good person he or she is, even without the identity and status that the job provided.
6. Sometimes a career crisis sends a person into a serious depression for which help is needed. If you sense danger, urge the crisis victim to seek help.

How to Turn a Crisis into a Victory

Here are some suggestions for turning a career crisis into a victory:

1. Give yourself time to heal. If recovery is rushed or interrupted, the crisis victim will not fully heal and a victory is not possible.
2. Remind yourself as often as necessary that your pain will end and you will eventually feel happy again.
3. Avoid jumping into something new on the rebound; let yourself experience all the stages of grief.
4. Accept that many people will not understand the depth of your grief. They will not understand why this is so difficult for you, and they will say stupid things.
5. Use the opportunity to stop and consider other options.
6. Explore what meaning your feelings have for you. If we pay attention to them, our feelings can lead us places we would otherwise never visit.
7. Keep a journal of your experiences. Make it your intention to see what there is to be learned from this experience.
8. A loss such as a career crisis can be viewed as both a door-closer and a door-opener. Start thinking about what you are learning and gaining from this experience.
9. Create a ceremony of letting go. Yours will be as unique as your experience.
10. Despite some people's misunderstanding do find people that are safe to share with where you can talk about your feelings and beliefs.

The Career Crisis Recovery Exercise
Write out your answers to the following questions. This self-help exercise can help you process your feelings about what has happened to you.
1. Describe what happened when your career crisis happened.
2. Describe the job or career. Where did you work? What was it like? Who did you work with? What do you miss the most? What do you not miss at all?
3. Describe your feelings about the loss of the job or career to others.
4. What has the impact of this crisis been on your life? What else have you lost because of your career crisis?
5. What barriers stop you from moving on?
6. What are 10 things you can do starting today to continue the recovery process?

Please pass this newsletter along to a friend.

Suggested Reading

Cloud, Henry, Necessary Endings: The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward Harper Business, 2011

William Bridges, Job Shift: How To Prosper In A Workplace Without Jobs. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley, 1994.

Barry Glassner, Career Crash: The New Crisis—and Who Survives. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1994.

Ayala Pines and Elliot Aronson, Career Burnout: Causes and Cures. New York: The Free Press, 1988.