Christian Counselor Directory Blog

Let him go. Die to the self and hurt like hell once. Endure his narcissism, and it’s death by a thousand cuts, hurting forever. Both paths sting, but which one do you choose? I’ve been there, and I can tell you—the path of no longer tolerating narcissistic abuse is the one that heals your health and saves your soul. Chronic stress from putting up with toxic relationships does nothing for you or anyone else.

It’s time to get real: grab a couples counselor, do the individual work, set boundaries, and take some distance. You owe it to yourself and the people who love you to stop enduring it. Tolerance isn’t love, I promise—it just enables their behaviour. Let’s talk about why breaking free from narcissistic abuse is crucial for your body, soul, and life. #NarcissisticAbuse #TraumaHealing #GutHealthMatters

The Pain of Staying vs. the Pain of Leaving

Staying with a narcissistic partner feels like a slow bleed. Every snide comment, every gaslight, every dismissal of your feelings—it’s a cut that adds up, leaving you anxious, drained, and doubting yourself. I’ve seen it in my own life and with clients: that constant “Am I enough?” loop is soul-crushing. But here’s the truth—leaving hurts like hell, too. Letting go means facing the pain of losing what you hoped the relationship could be. It’s raw, it’s scary, but it’s a one-time hurt that opens the door to healing. Staying? That’s endless suffering, and it’s killing your health. The choice is yours, but only one path leads to freedom.

Chronic stress from tolerating narcissistic abuse doesn’t just break your heart—it breaks your body. The gut-brain connection shows how emotional trauma fuels physical issues like irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), inflammatory bowel disease (IBD), leaky gut, or even gastric cancer risks. That constant fight-or-flight mode floods your system with cortisol, disrupting your gut bacteria and triggering inflammation. Bloating, food sensitivities, or autoimmune flare-ups? They’re your body’s cry for help. I’ve felt this, watching my health crumble under narcissistic abuse, and I’ve seen it in clients, too. Your body can’t thrive when your soul’s stuck in survival mode.

Why Tolerance Isn’t Love

You might think tolerating their behaviour is love, but it’s not—it’s enabling. Every time you let their gaslighting, blame, or dismissal slide, you’re teaching them it’s okay to hurt you. And it’s not just you paying the price—it’s your health, your peace, and even the people who care about you. Chronic tolerance keeps you trapped in codependency, feeding their narcissism while draining your spirit. I promise, love doesn’t mean enduring pain. Love means choosing yourself, setting boundaries, and demanding respect. You’re worth more than a thousand cuts.
For spiritual businesswomen, this resonates more deeply. Your God-given mission is to embody health and ease, but CPTSD from narcissistic abuse keeps you stuck—feeling like you’ve gotta be perfect, fearing judgment, and ignoring your own needs. I’ve had to unlearn this to show up authentically in my work. Healing these wounds is sacred, God-centered work that lets your soul shine.

Steps to Break Free and Heal

You don’t have to stay stuck in this pain. Healing from narcissistic abuse and CPTSD starts with choosing yourself.

Here’s how to begin:

Face the Truth: Acknowledge their narcissistic patterns—gaslighting, shaming, dismissing your needs. Seeing it clearly is your first step to freedom. Learn more about narcissistic abuse.

Listen to Your Body: Gut issues, skin flare-ups, or chronic illness?

They’re signals. Work with a naturopath or nutritionist for gut-healing foods or stress-relief practices. Healthline’s gut health guide is a solid start.

Do the Work: Individual therapy or couples counselling can help you process trauma. Therapies like EMDR release pain stored in your body.

Set Boundaries: Say No to Toxic Behaviour. Boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re survival. Check out how to set boundaries.

Take Distance: Space gives you clarity. Whether it’s a break or a breakup, prioritize your peace.

Embody Your Mission: Spiritual entrepreneur, your health is your ministry. Prioritize rest, nutrition, and movement to align with your purpose.

Choose Healing, Choose You

Letting go of a narcissistic partner hurts, but enduring their abuse hurts forever. You don’t have to keep tolerating the pain that’s breaking your body and soul. I’ve walked this path, healing my gut and heart from codependency’s scars, and I’ve guided clients through it too. Your chronic illness or anxiety isn’t your fault—it’s a call to wake up and choose yourself. Take one step today: trust your instincts, set a boundary, or reach out for support. Share your story below or DM me—we’re in this together. Let’s spread awareness about narcissistic abuse, CPTSD, and gut health, empowering each other to heal. You’re worth it, and your soul’s ready to thrive. 🌟 #NarcissisticAbuse #CPTSD #GutHealthMatters #TraumaHealing

The discovery of an affair is one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. Cheating is often thought of purely as a physical affair, but emotional infidelity can be just as damaging, if not more so. At Leadership Empowerment and Psychological Services, LLC (LEAPS Inc.), our trained professionals assist individuals and couples in Orlando and Tampa in understanding, handling, and recovering from emotional and sexual affairs using evidence-based, culturally sensitive therapy.
This article discusses significant distinctions between emotional and physical infidelity, the psychological and relational implications of each, and how working with a couples counselor, marriage therapist, or therapist who specializes in trauma may be able to promote trust and wellness again.
Infidelity Defined: Emotional Vs. Physical
The conventional definition of betrayal is the violation of interpersonal trust; however, this definition appears incomplete in terms of understanding what cheating and infidelity embody. But really, what is cheating anyway? It can be very subjective, depending on individual and social perception.
What is Emotional Infidelity?
Emotional Cheating. While having sexual relations with a person other than the one you just had dinner with is far more discreet, it doesn't necessarily make cheating any less prevalent. Emotional infidelity is what happens when the intimacy in the relationship is given to someone who is not a part of the dynamic. Emotional affairs have several standard features:
• Excessive texting, calling, or messaging


• Confiding in someone more than your partner


• Hiding communication from your partner


• Comparing the third party favorably to your spouse


• Emotional reliance on someone outside the relationship
According to a study published in The Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, nearly 60% of individuals in committed relationships reported forming deep emotional connections with someone other than their partner, suggesting that emotional affairs are more common and more ambiguous than many assume.
What is Physical Infidelity?
Physical infidelity, on the other hand, typically involves sexual contact or intimacy with someone outside the relationship. This may include:
• Kissing


• Sexual touching


• Sexual intercourse


• Ongoing physical relationships outside the primary partnership
Here, I think it is more clear-cut and less culturally specific. Physical cheating is more universally accepted as something that has crossed relationship boundaries.

What Emotional and Physical Cheating Does to Your Relationships
Although both types of betrayal can result in feelings of betrayal, shame, anger, and grief, they tend to present differently in couples therapy or individual counseling.
The Psychological Effects of Emotional Cheating
Emotional affairs can be even more damaging to the emotional structure of the relationship. The consequences most frequently reported are:
• Erosion of trust and intimacy


• Feelings of inadequacy or emotional abandonment


• Anxiety, depression, or PTSD-like symptoms


• Increased relationship conflict and confusion
Unlike the physical act of cheating, emotional adultery is characterized by repeated mental comparisons, which wreak havoc on the betrayed partner’s self-esteem. For individuals in Orlando or Tampa experiencing this issue, modalities such as Attachment-Based Family Therapy or Emotionally Focused Therapy can address the underlying causes and heal the emotional injury.
Physical Infidelity’s Psychological and Physical Consequences
Physical cheating often brings immediate emotional distress, but it can also result in:
• Sexual health concerns (e.g., STIs)


• Heightened levels of anger, jealousy, and resentment


• Immediate breakdown of trust


• Public embarrassment if exposed
Partners that are impacted by physical infidelity may want to consider trauma-focused therapies such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) if they experience symptoms of PTSD or intrusive thoughts will continue to benefit.

Sliding Into Emotional Affairs Is Common
Friendship can veer into emotional territory when boundaries are unclear. Studies by Dr. Shirley Glass, a psychologist and an infidelity expert, have shown that emotional affairs are the forerunners of physical affairs, at least that's how the person having the affair portrays it.
• Time spent together increases


• Partners begin hiding the relationship


• The emotional connection surpasses the intimacy in the primary relationship.
In our work at LEAPS Inc., we often help clients establish healthy relational boundaries, identify emotional vulnerabilities, and explore patterns that contributed to the infidelity, without blame or shame.

Signs You or Your Partner May Be Experiencing Emotional Infidelity
Here are some warning signs that emotional infidelity may be occurring:
• You’re texting or messaging someone more than your partner


• You hide details of the friendship from your partner


• You fantasize about being with the other person


• You feel emotionally closer to them than to your spouse


• You become defensive or secretive about your interactions
The sooner these patterns can be identified, the more chances couples have to intervene, ideally with marriage counseling or relationship therapy, before a connection gets sexual or does significant emotional damage.
Why Cheating Doesn’t Have to Kill a Relationship
Many couples, even if they believe that it’s impossible for them, do not break up over infidelity, be it of the sexual or emotional variety. Some find that the affair gives way to explicit, honest conversations, renewed commitment, and healing.
At Leadership Empowerment and Psychological Services, LLC, we counsel many couples who decide to recover from a betrayal. Using healing techniques such as:
• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for restoring attachment


• Internal Family Systems (IFS) for addressing inner conflicts


• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) for aligning values and behaviors
Therapy can help both partners understand why the betrayal occurred, what they need to rebuild, and how to forgive each other or themselves.
Role of Therapeutic Process in Recovery from Infidelity
Whether it’s emotional or sexual, infidelity leaves wounds that alone would take work to heal. It’s the safety and scaffolding of therapy that help with pain processing, intention clarification, and the gradual restoration of trust.
What Marriage Counseling Can Do:
• Help couples identify unmet emotional needs


• Re-establish communication and boundaries


• Guide forgiveness (if desired)


• Explore deeper patterns and attachment styles


• Provide actionable tools to prevent future betrayals
Therapies such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) can also reduce the emotional reactivity that often follows the discovery of an affair.
For Individuals
If you're the betrayed or betraying partner, individual therapy can help address:
• Guilt, shame, or anger


• Self-esteem issues


• Childhood or attachment traumas


• Compulsive behaviors


• Symptoms of depression or anxiety
Narrative therapy, psychoanalysis therapy, and trauma-focused therapy can help examine oneself more deeply.
Infidelity: The Power of Faith and Culture in the Experience of Betrayal
For others, it’s their spiritual values or cultural pressures that shape the way infidelity is understood and addressed. At LEAPS Inc., clinicians offer culturally sensitive (and, when applicable, Christian-informed) processing to respect the client's spiritual beliefs and values.
We recognize that for every client in Orlando, Tampa, or elsewhere, there are diverse views and values regarding marriage, gender roles, and forgiveness.
One Night of Trauma and Infidelity affects so many others!
If the finding or uncovering of infidelity causes panic, flashbacks, nightmares, or emotional numbness, you may have what is known as relationship trauma. This isn’t uncommon, especially among clients who have a history of:
• Childhood neglect or abuse


• Past betrayal in adult relationships


• Abandonment fears
Therapeutic modalities such as EMDR, IFS, or Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) are highly effective in addressing the trauma aspects of betrayal and re-establishing emotional safety.
Orlando and Tampa: Accessing Relationship Help Locally
If you’re located in Orlando or Tampa, Leadership Empowerment and Psychological Services, LLC offers in-person and virtual therapy to help you navigate the complexities of infidelity and relationship repair.
Our licensed mental health professionals offer a wide range of services, including:
• Couples therapy


• Marriage counseling


• Family therapy


• Individual growth and self-empowerment
We also provide an eclectic selection of therapeutic methods, including Adlerian Therapy and Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT), tailored to your personal needs on each day.

Cheating Doesn’t Necessarily Signal the End
Both emotional and sexual infidelity are egregious violations of trust, but it doesn’t have to spell the end of a relationship or, therefore, the erosion of your mental health. The right way, with science-based support that is empathetic, people and couples are indeed learning how to reconcile and heal, and as a result, grow and build lives again.
LEAPS Inc. is a resource available to assist you on your journey toward emotional and relational health, whether you need assistance in healing from betrayal, trauma, or simply gaining clarity.
Ready to Heal? Contact LEAPS Inc. Today
Rebuild with Purpose
Adultery hurts, but you don’t have to go through it alone. At Leadership Empowerment and Psychological Services, LLC, in Orlando and Tampa, our therapists are ready to assist you in your time of need with personalized, respectful, and professional care.
Contact us today at www.leapsinc.com to schedule your confidential consultation.

“What do I do? What do I say? How do I say it? How should I look? How do I pull this off? What’s he gonna think of me? I gotta do this for everyone else. I can’t screw up. I’m so freaking anxious.” Sound familiar? These words are like a soundtrack stuck on repeat when you’re tangled up in codependency with a narcissist. They creep into every part of your life—your thoughts, your choices, your sense of who you are. And if you’re also dealing with gut issues or skin flare-ups from all that chronic stress? Yeah, that’s your body screaming for you to wake up. Healing from narcissistic abuse and complex trauma (CPTSD) is tough, but so worth it for your soul and your health. If you’re a spiritual businesswoman, your God-given mission starts with feeling good in your skin—let’s talk about how to get there.

Codependency’s Grip and Its Toll

Being with a narcissistic partner can make you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells. You’re always wondering, What will they think? How do I avoid messing this up? That codependent mindset has you bending over backward to please them, leaving you frozen, fawning, or just plain checked out. I’ve been there, and I’ve seen it in so many clients—your confidence gets chipped away, and you start doubting everything about yourself. It’s exhausting, and it’s not just your heart that takes the hit.

That constant stress? It’s wreaking havoc on your body. The gut-brain connection is no joke—science shows chronic emotional trauma can lead to gut problems like IBS, leaky gut, candida, or even scarier stuff like stomach cancer. All that fight-or-flight energy releases cortisol, disrupting your gut bacteria and triggering inflammation. Bloating, food sensitivities, or skin issues like eczema? They’re not random—they’re your body waving a red flag. I’ve lived this myself, watching my gut health tank under the weight of narcissistic abuse, and I’ve seen the same in clients. Your body’s begging for freedom.

Spiritual Businesswomen: Your Body Is Your Mission

If you’re a spiritual entrepreneur, you know your God-given purpose flows through your body first. You’re called to embody health, ease, and light, but CPTSD from narcissistic abuse can keep you stuck—doubting your worth, fearing mistakes, and feeling like you’ve gotta perform perfectly in life and business. That anxious voice asking, How do I appear? What will they think?—It’s stealing your peace and your health. I get it; I’ve had to unlearn those patterns to show up authentically in my own work. Healing these wounds isn’t just personal—it’s sacred, God-centered work that lets you shine.

Steps to Break Free and Heal

You don’t have to stay stuck in this cycle. Healing narcissistic abuse and CPTSD is about waking up to the truth and choosing you. Here’s how to start:

Face the Truth: Call out the narcissistic patterns—gaslighting, shaming, dismissing your needs. Seeing them clearly is the first step to breaking free.

Listen to Your Body: Those gut issues or skin flare-ups? They’re telling you something. Work with a doctor or nutritionist to support your gut with anti-inflammatory foods, probiotics, or stress-relief practices.

Trust Yourself Again: Start small—journal or sit quietly to hear your own voice without that defensive chatter. You don’t need to second-guess everything.

Set Boundaries: Say no to toxic vibes. You don’t have to please everyone, and that’s okay. Boundaries are your superpower.

Get Support: Trauma-informed therapy like EMDR or somatic experiencing can help release the pain stored in your body. You don’t have to do this alone.

Embody Your Calling: Spiritual businesswoman, your health is your ministry. Prioritize rest, nutrition, and movement to align your body and soul with your purpose.

Your Soul and Body Deserve Freedom

You’re not meant to stay anxious, sick, or small. Healing from narcissistic abuse and CPTSD is about reclaiming your God-given right to feel whole—body and soul. I’ve walked this road, healing my own gut and heart from codependency’s scars, and I’ve guided clients through it too. Your chronic symptoms aren’t your fault, but they’re a call to wake up and choose yourself.

Take one step today: trust your gut (literally), set a boundary, or reach out for support. Share your story in the comments or DM me—we’re in this together. Let’s spread awareness about narcissistic abuse, CPTSD, and gut health, empowering each other to thrive. You’ve got this, and your soul’s ready to shine. #NarcissisticAbuse #CPTSD #TraumaHealing #GutHealthMatters #SpiritualEntrepreneur

It’s gut-wrenching to admit that the person you love is breaking your soul and body, piece by piece. The truth is, when you’re caught in a relationship with a narcissistic partner, their hurtful patterns can erode your confidence, self-worth, and emotional well-being over time. It’s tough to face because, deep down, you might feel you can’t live without them. But waking up to the reality of narcissistic abuse is the first step toward healing, not just for your heart, but for your physical health too. Narcissistic abuse doesn’t just wound your spirit; it can manifest as chronic illness, from gut issues to deeper systemic problems. Recognizing these patterns is key to reclaiming your life. Here, I’ll share five critical signs of narcissistic abuse, their impact on your soul and body, and why healing is your birthright. Share this to raise awareness and help others spot these red flags.

They Make You Feel Inherently Flawed

Over time, a narcissistic partner trains you to believe something is fundamentally wrong with you. Through relentless condemnation and toxic shaming, they frame your normal human mistakes as a “character disease.” This leaves you drowning in toxic shame, feeling defective just for being human. I’ve seen this in my own journey and with clients—how this projection chips away at your self-worth. Their criticism isn’t about you; it’s their way of dodging their own inner pain. Key takeaway: Your mistakes don’t define you. They’re not the catastrophe they make them out to be. You are enough, and their projection isn’t the truth. #EmotionalAbuse #SelfWorth

Constant Criticism of Everything You Do

No matter how hard you try, nothing is ever good enough. Your actions—big or small—are met with criticism, blame, or frustration when they don’t align with their expectations. Instead of communicating needs clearly, they weaponize your efforts, leaving you feeling small and inadequate. This constant critique isn’t love; it’s control. Healthy partners lift you up and communicate with respect, not condemnation. Key takeaway: You deserve a relationship where your efforts are valued, not torn apart. Respect is the bare minimum.

Gaslighting Your Reality

Gaslighting is one of the cruellest tools of narcissistic abuse. They manipulate you into doubting your thoughts, feelings, and reality, dismissing your emotions as “wrong” or “overdramatic.” Over time, you start questioning your truth, feeling invalidated and lost. I know this pain intimately—it’s like your soul is being erased. Healthy feedback honours your feelings while offering perspective, not erasure. Key takeaway: Trust your instincts. Check in with yourself to find clarity without defensiveness. Your feelings are valid, and no one gets to rewrite your truth. #Gaslighting #EmotionalManipulation

Refusing to Apologize

When a narcissistic partner hurts you, they rarely offer a genuine apology. Instead, you get cold excuses or outright denial, leaving your pain unseen and unheard. This lack of remorse breaks your heart over time, making you feel invisible. I’ve felt this sting and seen it in others—how it chips away at your spirit. You deserve someone who owns their mistakes with empathy. Key takeaway: Genuine accountability matters. You deserve to be seen, heard, and cared for in your pain. #NarcissisticBehavior #SelfLove

Avoiding Accountability at All Costs

Narcissists dodge responsibility like it’s their job. They dismiss your pain, sweep it under the rug, or shift the conversation to avoid facing the harm they’ve caused. This evasion leaves you carrying the weight of their actions, eroding your trust in yourself. Accountability is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship—it shows maturity and a willingness to grow. Key takeaway: You deserve a partner who faces their mistakes and works to repair the relationship, not someone who buries your pain. #ToxicPartners #BreakTheCycle

The Long-Term Toll on Your Soul and Body

Over time, these behaviours do more than bruise your heart—they break your body too. The chronic stress of narcissistic abuse can manifest as physical illness, particularly gut health issues, through the gut-brain connection. Research links prolonged emotional trauma to conditions like irritable bowel syndrome, leaky gut, and even cancer.

Here’s what happens:
You believe something’s wrong with you, internalizing their toxic shame.
You distrust your actions, second-guessing every move.
You gaslight yourself, dismissing your feelings as invalid.
You ignore your heart’s truth, believing your opinions don’t matter.
You lose your identity, unsure of who you are anymore.
This dissociation and self-abandonment don’t just crush your spirit—they disrupt your body’s balance, leading to chronic inflammation and disease. I’ve lived this, watching my gut health suffer under the weight of narcissistic abuse, and I’ve seen it in clients too. Healing starts with waking up to these patterns and choosing yourself.

Your Path to Healing

You don’t have to stay broken. Healing begins when you acknowledge the truth of your partner’s hurtful behaviours and refuse to tolerate them. You deserve emotional safety, respect, and a life free from shame. Start by trusting your instincts, setting boundaries, and seeking support—whether through therapy, loved ones, or communities like this one. Your body and soul deserve to thrive. Share your story below or reach out for support. Let’s raise awareness and rebuild together.

Article by Tracey Nguyen, Holistic Nurse and Psychotherapist

Navigating a toxic marriage marked by narcissistic abuse can leave deep emotional and physical scars, often manifesting as chronic health issues like gut disease. The pain of narcissistic abuse—gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and neglect—can trap you in a cycle of denial, dissociation, and self-abandonment, rooted in childhood wounds. This blog post explores the warning signs of narcissistic abuse, the toll it takes on your mental and physical health, and actionable steps to reclaim your emotional safety and well-being.

The Reality of Narcissistic Abuse in Marriage

Narcissistic abuse in a marriage often stems from a partner with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or narcissistic traits. These individuals prioritize their needs, leaving you feeling dismissed, invalidated, or manipulated. The hope of a loving, fulfilling relationship can blind you to the reality of their harmful patterns. You may cling to the fantasy of what could be, ignoring the pain they inflict repeatedly. This denial is a coping mechanism, often tied to unresolved trauma from childhood, such as neglect or emotional wounds from a parent.
Women, in particular, may internalize this pain, dismissing their own needs to preserve the dream of a perfect partnership. This self-abandonment leads to deep depression, anxiety, and a loss of identity. The constant gaslighting—where your reality is questioned or distorted—erodes your self-trust, leaving you questioning your emotions and worth. Over time, this emotional turmoil takes a physical toll, particularly on gut health, through the gut-brain connection.

Warning Signs of a Toxic, Narcissistic Marriage

Recognizing the signs of narcissistic abuse is the first step toward healing. Here are key red flags to watch for:

Gaslighting: Your partner denies your experiences or emotions, making you doubt your reality. Phrases like “You’re too sensitive” or “That never happened” are common.

Emotional Manipulation: They use guilt, shame, or blame to control you, leaving you feeling responsible for their emotions or actions.

Neglect and Dismissal: Your needs, feelings, or opinions are ignored or belittled, making you feel invisible.

Control and Domination: They dictate your choices, from how you dress to who you spend time with, stripping away your autonomy.

Cycle of Idealization and Devaluation: They shower you with affection initially, only to later criticize or devalue you, creating emotional whiplash.

Isolation: They distance you from friends, family, or support systems, increasing your dependence on them.

Chronic Blame: You’re blamed for their unhappiness or mistakes, fostering a sense of unworthiness.

These behaviours create a toxic environment where you may feel like a “dissociated puppet,” submissive and voiceless, disconnected from your true self.

The Gut-Brain Connection: How Narcissistic Abuse Impacts Physical Health
The emotional stress of narcissistic abuse doesn’t just harm your mental health—it can wreak havoc on your physical body, particularly your gut.

The gut-brain axis, a bidirectional communication system between your brain and digestive system, explains why chronic stress and emotional trauma can manifest as gut health diseases. Conditions like irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), leaky gut, or inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) are increasingly linked to prolonged stress and trauma.

When you’re in a toxic marriage, the constant state of fight-or-flight triggers the release of stress hormones like cortisol, which disrupts gut microbiota balance, increases inflammation, and weakens digestion. Dissociation—a coping mechanism where you disconnect from your emotions or body—further exacerbates this. Over time, suppressed emotions and chronic stress can lead to physical symptoms like bloating, abdominal pain, or food sensitivities, which may feel like they “came out of nowhere.” In reality, these conditions have been brewing for years, fueled by the emotional toll of narcissistic abuse.

Research shows that chronic stress alters gut bacteria, compromising the gut lining and contributing to systemic inflammation. This inflammation can trigger or worsen conditions like depression, anxiety, and autoimmune disorders, creating a vicious cycle. For those in toxic relationships, the body becomes a battleground, with gut health serving as a barometer of emotional distress.

Breaking Free: Steps to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse

Healing from narcissistic abuse and its physical consequences requires courage, self-awareness, and intentional action.

Here’s how to begin:

Acknowledge the Reality: Accept that the person causing you pain is unlikely to change. Recognizing their abusive patterns—without clinging to the fantasy of a better future—frees you from denial.

Prioritize Emotional Safety: You deserve a relationship where you feel seen, heard, and valued. Emotional safety is non-negotiable. Seek support from a therapist or trusted loved ones to rebuild your sense of self.

Reconnect with Your Body: Chronic dissociation disconnects you from your emotions and physical sensations. Practices like mindfulness, yoga, or journaling can help you tune into your body and process suppressed emotions.

Support Gut Health: Address physical symptoms by prioritizing gut health. Eat a nutrient-dense diet rich in fibre, probiotics, and anti-inflammatory foods like leafy greens, fatty fish, and fermented foods. Consult a healthcare provider for personalized guidance.

Set Boundaries: Establish firm boundaries with your partner or, if necessary, consider leaving the relationship. A therapist specializing in narcissistic abuse can help you navigate this process.

Seek Professional Help: Trauma-focused therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), Complex Trauma-focused therapies with somatic-focused, nervous system, with narcissistic abuse recovery can help you process complex trauma and rebuild self-esteem and health issues.

Practice Self-Compassion: Healing is a journey. Be gentle with yourself as you unlearn self-abandonment and reclaim your worth.

The Path to Divine Health and Emotional Freedom
Healing from narcissistic abuse is not just about escaping a toxic marriage—it’s about reclaiming your birthright to emotional and physical well-being. You don’t have to tolerate pain or abuse to achieve your dreams. By acknowledging the reality of your situation, setting boundaries, and addressing the gut-brain connection, you can break free from the cycle of dissociation and self-neglect.
The journey to recovery may feel daunting, but every step toward emotional safety and self-awareness is a step toward divine health. Your body and soul deserve to thrive

In the whirlwind of our daily lives, finding stillness and peace can often seem like an unreachable dream. As Christians, we yearn for a deeper connection with God amidst the noise, seeking clarity and serenity in His presence. This is where the intersection of Christian faith and mindfulness practices offers a profound pathway to nurturing our spiritual health and deepening our relationship with God. Engaging in Christian-based mindfulness techniques doesn’t just fit within our worldview; it enriches it, drawing us closer to God and the peace that surpasses understanding.

The Christian Approach to Mindfulness

Christian mindfulness is about being fully present in the moment with an open heart to God's presence and guidance. It is a deliberate act of focusing our mind and spirit on God's goodness and surrendering our worries to Him. This practice does not conflict with Christian beliefs but rather complements our prayer life, offering a structured way to calm our minds and listen more closely to what God is trying to tell us.

Techniques to Deepen Your Spiritual Connection

Scripture Meditation: Begin your day by meditating on a specific scripture. Let the words sink into your heart and mind, pondering over how you can apply its lessons throughout your day. This form of meditation invites the Holy Spirit to speak through God's Word, transforming and guiding us in our daily walk with Christ.

Gratitude Journaling: Keep a journal where you can daily list things you’re grateful for. This simple act can profoundly shift your focus from life’s challenges to its blessings, fostering a heart of gratitude that recognizes God’s hand in even the smallest details of life.

Breath Prayer: Inhale deeply while internally saying, “Lord Jesus Christ,” and exhale with, "Have mercy on me.” This ancient Christian practice can help bring about a sense of God’s peace and presence, especially in moments of stress or distraction.

Nature Walks: Use walks in nature as a time to reflect on God's creation and find peace in the beauty of the world He has made. This not only offers physical exercise but also spiritual refreshment, reminding us of the Creator who cares for all creation.

Examen Prayer: At the end of the day, reflect on the moments for which you are most grateful and those you found challenging. Ask God to reveal His presence in those times and seek His guidance for the day ahead. This Ignatian spirituality practice helps discern God’s direction and presence in our daily lives.

Quiet Time for Listening: Dedicate a part of your day to sit in silence before God, allowing His Spirit to speak to you. In these moments of stillness, we often find clarity and comfort that can guide us through life’s complexities.

Bringing Mindfulness into Your Daily Routine

Incorporating these practices into your daily life need not be overwhelming. Start with a few minutes each day, choosing the practice that speaks most to your heart. The key is consistency and allowing yourself to grow in mindfulness over time. These moments of stillness and reflection can become a cherished part of your day, a sacred time to connect with God deeply.

Are you ready to deepen your spiritual journey and experience the transformative power of mindfulness within a Christian context? Begin today and may your path be illuminated by God’s unwavering light and love.

FearFaithTrusting God
Fear is a powerful and natural emotion. Defined as an unpleasant feeling caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat, fear serves an important role in our survival. As a verb, to fear means to be afraid of potential harm, whether physical or psychological. There are moments when fear is not only understandable but necessary—like when an out-of-control car speeds toward us, when someone who has hurt us in the past unexpectedly appears, or when we receive a concerning medical diagnosis. These are legitimate reasons to feel fear.

Understanding Fear as a Biological Response
Biologically, fear is a primal emotional response. Our amygdala, a part of the brain, alerts us to potential dangers by triggering this emotion, often without any conscious planning. Its job is to keep us safe by preparing our body to react to threats. However, when fear becomes constant or overwhelming, it stops being a helpful warning and instead becomes a burden that can hinder our well-being.

Introducing Faith as the Antidote
In contrast to fear, there is faith. Faith is defined as having complete trust or confidence in someone or something. We often place our faith in family, jobs, or promises made by others. Yet, when we rely on things that are temporary or uncertain, disappointment can follow. True faith, as described in the Bible, goes beyond mere hope or wishful thinking. Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” This verse reveals that faith is an active, confident trust in what cannot be seen or fully understood.

Faith in Action: Trusting God Over Fear
Faith is essential for a relationship with God. It is not just an abstract idea but a genuine trust that leads to action. When we place our faith in God—who is everlasting and unchanging—we find a source of strength and peace that fear cannot provide. Jesus Christ, the living Word made flesh, embodies this faithfulness and invites us to trust in Him even when circumstances seem uncertain or frightening.

Choosing faith over fear does not mean ignoring reality or pretending that challenges do not exist. Instead, it means acknowledging our fears but deciding to trust in God’s promises and character. It means stepping forward with confidence, knowing that our faith is grounded in something eternal.

Faith-Filled Affirmations

From Isaiah 41:10 — "Fear not, for I am with you..."

I will not fear, because my God is with me wherever I go.

I am upheld by God's righteous right hand — I will not fall.

Even in weakness, I am strengthened by the One who promises never to leave me.

From Hebrews 11:1 — "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for..."

I walk by faith and not by sight — my hope is rooted in God’s promises.

Even when I cannot see the way forward, I believe that God is already working it out.

My faith is active, alive, and anchored in a God who never fails.

From 2 Timothy 1:7 — "For God has not given us a spirit of fear..."

I have been given a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind.

Fear has no place in me — I am bold, wise, and deeply loved.

I carry the courage of Christ within me; I do not shrink back from my calling.


Marti’s Message

In a world filled with uncertainty, fear can feel overwhelming. Yet, by embracing faith, we can find hope, courage, and reassurance. When fear threatens to paralyze us, faith empowers us to move forward, trusting that God is with us every step of the way.

I recently heard a pastor say that Scripture tells us over 365 times not to fear. For example, Isaiah 41:10 states, “fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you.” Second Timothy 1:7 reads,” God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love, and a sound mind.” One of my favorite songs is Fear Is a Liar by Zach Williams. The beginning of the song is about all of the negative words that people may say to us and as a result we begin to doubt who we really are. But, the song ends with this statement, “Fear is a liar.”

Let’s use our wise minds and do not let our emotions take over. Let’s examine the facts and then make the wise choice of who to believe; the liar or the Truth.


Contact Us for Support

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the weight of expectations, battling fear in your decisions, or simply trying to hold it all together—you're not alone. Whether you're navigating motherhood, womanhood, or the unknowns of young adulthood, our faith-based counseling is here to walk beside you. Reach out today and take your next step in faith and freedom.

In the intricate dance of parenting, managing discipline is perhaps one of the most challenging steps. As parents, the ultimate goal is to guide our children towards becoming responsible, compassionate adults. However, in a family that feels emotionally grounded and connected, discipline should be approached differently — not as a punitive measure but as a positive, teaching moment. This blog explores effective strategies for maintaining discipline through positivity in a way that respects both you and your children.

Understanding Positive Discipline

Positive discipline is a philosophy that encourages children and teens to learn from their actions in a supportive and caring environment. It’s about helping them understand the consequences of their actions in a manner that promotes self-control and decision-making skills without breaking their spirit or sense of self-worth.

Establish Clear Values and Rules

1. Set Clear Expectations:
It's crucial to define what behaviors are acceptable and what aren’t in your family. This clarity helps children and teens feel secure because they know what is expected of them. Moreover, rules are easier to enforce when everyone understands them.

2. Consistency is Key:
Once the rules are set, apply them consistently. Consistency helps reinforce learning and reduces confusion about what is allowed and what is not.

Improve Communication Skills

1. Practice Active Listening:
Give your full attention when your children are speaking, and make sure to acknowledge their feelings. This shows that their opinions are valued and helps you understand their perspective, which can guide how you implement discipline.

2. Use Empathetic Language:
Instead of correction through criticism, try to empathize. Use statements that start with "I understand," or "It seems like," to express understanding and care about their feelings.

Focus on Teaching Rather Than Punishing

1. Encourage Problem-Solving:
Whenever a problem arises, engage your child in finding a solution. This approach not only resolves the current issue but also equips them with problem-solving skills for the future.

2. Reinforce the Good:
Make it a habit to notice and commend positive behaviors just as much, if not more, than correcting negative ones. Positive reinforcement makes children feel rewarded and encourages them to continue those behaviors.

Lead by Example

1. Model the Behavior You Want to See:
Children learn a lot by observation. By handling your own mistakes gracefully, maintaining patience, and offering kindness even in difficult situations, you set a powerful example for your children.

2. Apologize When Necessary:
Showing your children that everyone, even parents, can make mistakes and that it’s important to apologize, demonstrates humility and respect.

Provide Opportunities for Growth

1. Set Age-Appropriate Challenges:
Give your children tasks that challenge their abilities and help them grow. Whether it’s a simple chore for a younger child or a more complex responsibility for a teenager, these challenges can boost self-esteem and promote a healthy sense of independence.

2. Be Patient and Give Encouragement:
Every child is unique and will progress at their own pace. Constant encouragement and patience are vital to building their confidence and helping them improve.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

In navigating the complexities of parenting, having the right support can make all the difference. Whether you're dealing with behavioral challenges, seeking better communication techniques, or just need someone to guide you through the parenting journey, we are here to help.

Schedule Your Session Now: Don’t wait for the situation at home to become more stressful.

Take the first step towards a positive, harmonious family environment. You don’t have to do it alone.

Is obsessive thinking keeping you up at night? Maybe you wake up at 3 am and you keep thinking the same thoughts over and over and imagining the worst-case scenario.

You might experience…
Uncontrollable anxiety…
Your stomach in knots…
Your heart pounding…
Your body shaking…
You might even feel stupid or silly for being so anxious.
Wondering…
What’s wrong with me?
Why can’t I just calm down?
Will this ever stop?
If that’s you, you’re not alone. I was all of these.

There was a time when I was obsessed with anxious thoughts. I was drowning in worry and fear. My thinking was dominated by fearful “what if’s” about the future. I was a basket case of tense energy unable to stop frantic thoughts.

All I wanted was to calm down, be able to sleep, and get control of myself. I wanted to be able to think clearly rather than being overwhelmed with scary images of what could happen.
I needed to stop my obsessive thinking. I needed to get clear about what was really happening.
With help, I was able to calm down and think clearly.

Here’s what I discovered….
My obsessive thinking was driven by the assumptions I was making about what might happen.
That’s right….my thoughts were focused on what might happen…not reality!
ASSUMPTIONS were killing me!

What is an assumption?

Simply put, an assumption is something that we accept as true or as likely to happen without proof.

Where Assumptions Come From

Assumptions or prejudgments develop throughout our lives. Childhood experiences shape unconscious ideas and conclusions about everything. Throughout our early development and into adulthood we absorb thinking patterns modeled by significant others.

How Assumptions Act

Assumptions act as “filters” for everything that happens. These “filters” pop up automatically in our thinking and cause anxiety. Based on a lifetime of developing assumptions, our minds jump to conclusions that actually have no basis in reality.

It’s about spontaneous, involuntary thoughts that jump into our heads causing worry and fear.
We make assumptions about all kinds of things. We automatically accept assumptions as true when they’ve not been tested by reality. This results in worry and overwhelm.

What assumptions are you making right now? How are these assumptions making you anxious?

How to Let Go of Assumptions Causing Anxiety

1. Ask yourself: How true is this assumption really? Is this really likely to happen? Take time to become aware of thoughts automatically surfacing in your mind. Then reflect on these questions honestly and carefully.

Getting clear and practical about the situation you’re anxious about provides new perspectives. Taking a “matter-of-fact” approach generates a sensible, authentic thought pattern. It helps you think logically and calms you down.

2. Create a blank space in your thinking. Pausing to reflect on what’s really true in a worrisome situation, produces a void or empty space. Hold the empty space. Avoid allowing more assumptions to crowd your mind.

Keeping an open mind is difficult. It means consistently throwing out automatic, harmful thoughts. It means patience and offering kindness to yourself as you do the work of keeping an open mind until real evidence shows up. Then you can make a rational decision. Now it’s not an imagined answer rooted in your anxiety. It is a decision based on the facts.

That is how you can stop obsessive thinking. That is one technique I used to do it and you can do it too.

Several months ago, a woman overwhelmed with anxiety about a situation in her family contacted me. She could not stop thinking about the problems. She was losing sleep and unable to function.

We talked about the thoughts that were troubling her. As she sorted out what was really true in her confused thoughts, she began to feel lighter and calmer. She gained clarity about what was really going on.

I hope you can follow these tips and reduce your anxiety.
But if you are truly struggling with obsessive thoughts keeping you up at night, imagining worst-case scenarios, and you can’t get it to stop, watch my Free 10 Minute Video on How to Stop Anxiety at https://janekcoaching.com/how-to-stop-anxiety/. Schedule a FREE 30-minute consultation at https://janekcoaching.com/schedule-a-call/

Post by Jillian Meher, LPC

Dealing with people who engage in manipulative behavior can be extremely difficult. The interaction can leave you feeling guilty, angry, frustrated, and stuck. Sometimes you don’t even know you’re being manipulated until after the fact!

Here are a few common manipulation tactics and how to respond to them appropriately and assertively.

-A question disguised as a statement

Manipulation is all about remaining in control. Asking a question could mean a loss of control if the answer is not what the manipulative person wants to hear. So, people who are manipulative don’t like asking direct questions.

To avoid asking questions, manipulative people sometimes disguise questions as statements. This might sound like, “I’m wondering why you didn’t stop by yesterday,” “I wish you would do the laundry once in a while,” or “I suppose you’re not going to invite me.”

How to respond:

Train your ear to recognize the difference between actual questions and statements. Only answer questions! Repeat the last few words of the statement back to the person in the form of a question. For example, if they say, “I suppose you’re too busy to help me clean out the garage next weekend,” your response can be, “Are you asking me to help you clean out your garage next weekend?” This will give you the opportunity to then say either yes or no.

-Making a personal statement and pretending it’s someone else’s

Again, this tactic is an effort not to lose control in the conversation. By attributing a statement to someone else, the manipulative person can avoid taking responsibility for their opinion. For example, “Everyone thinks you should move closer to us,” or “They said you would be better off going to community college.”

How to respond:

Ask, “Who is everyone?” or “Who are they?” You can also ask the manipulator to take responsibility for their own opinion by asking, “What do you think?” or “What is your point of view?”

-The silent treatment

In order to remain in or regain control, manipulative people might stop talking to you entirely. This is likely an effort to see how long it is before you crack!

How to respond:

Put the ball in the manipulator’s court by saying, “Let me know when you’re ready to talk,” and leave it at that. If you “crack” by begging them to talk to you or giving in to their demands, the manipulative person will use this tactic with you over and over again.

Dealing with manipulative people can be very tricky and draining. But if you stick to your boundaries and respond assertively to their tactics, your confidence in interacting with manipulative people will grow in no time.

Some people believe that fathers don't really contribute that much to a child's rearing. This is a large myth and research backs up the importance of father in a child's life. In this first part I will talk about how dad contributes to the child's development. In our second part I will talk about the stages of development and fatherhood and how that relates to leadership with staff as they develop.

The Father’s Contribution during Early Childhood
Be a back up to Mom.
Be involved with the child so that she can form a bonded relationship with someone other than Mom.
Be available to the child so that he can move away from Mom and establish himself as a separate person. At around four years, start taking the child out of orbit around Mom.
Provide an outlet for the child’s anger and frustration with Mom.
Lay the groundwork for development of the child’s sexual identity.
Be a source of safety and security.
Lay a foundation for interaction in future years.
Provide a parenting model for the child.


The Father’s Contribution during the Elementary School Years

Encourage the child to see herself as a productive individual.
Help the child develop competence in a variety of skill areas.
Foster healthy self-confidence in the child.
Help the child learn to contain and control his personality and emotions, especially anger.
Provide a safe environment for exploration and for learning both cognitive and social skills.
By active leadership in the family, free the child to be a child.
Clarify sexual identity for the child. Model what a son is to become and what a daughter is not to become.
Provide a parenting model for the child.


The Father’s Contribution during Adolescence

Teach the child how to relate triadically (to two other people at the same time).
Be a source of competition and modeling for a son as he grows toward manhood.
Affirm a daughter’s femininity and her growth toward womanhood.
Be available to resolve any leftover issues from the earlier stages of development.
Make his inner strength and stability available to the child, providing a counterbalance to the roller coaster of adolescence.
Model a good marriage relationship.
Present a unified authority with the mother to prevent the child from “splitting.”
Provide a blessing as the child moves into adulthood.
Provide a parenting model for the child. Provide mentoring.



Father Influence and Leadership


The Nurturing Leader; This is a leader who has new people that are training and learning the job while he sets limits with them. He also helps them with grace and care to learn the actual tasks of the job as well as the relationships involved


The Lawgiver Leader: This is the leader who sets down rules and expectations as well as defining jobs and helping the more permanent or problematic employee get on the right path. Having already provided bonding and connection this leader has the freedom to set boundaries with staff.


The Warrior-Protector Leader: Helping staff by fighting for them and against things that are problematic is very much a part of this leaders job. This leader also encourages and promotes initiative and the proper use of power in the work situation.


See Making Peace With Your Father by David Stoop, PhD

Post by Janet Henry, MA, LAC

Imagine yourself having to give a presentation at work, you stayed up most of the night rehearsing what you’re going to say. You have been preparing for weeks, and you hope to receive that job well done from your boss finally. You’re standing outside the door and peer in, seeing all the faces in the room in anticipation of what’s about to be presented, and you start feeling something. You start sweating, feel your heart racing a little faster, and are hit with a sudden bout of fear! What is going on right now, you think to yourself, I know this information inside and out?! Performance Anxiety may cause this…

What is Performance Anxiety?
It is an excessive worry or fear that can affect your ability to perform a given task, whether personal or professional, that may drum up physical symptoms and emotional distress. A type of anxiety that may present itself in anticipation of or during performing something like a work task (like a speech), a sports competition, or even a musical performance, similar to stage fright. It can also stem from not meeting self-imposed or external expectations, being judged by others, or familial pressures.

Common Symptoms of Performance Anxiety

-Intense nervousness

-Fear

-Worry about not meeting expectations (self or others) and/or failure

-Shaky voice, sweating, trembling, or a rapid heartbeat

-Dry mouth, nausea, dizziness, blurry vision

These symptoms can meaningfully affect one’s ability to perform, leading to either avoidance of the situation that may trigger anxiety or even leading to panic attacks. Some examples can be public speaking, test anxiety, stage fright, or sexual performance anxiety. While most people may just experience mild nervousness, others may have incapacitating anxiety that may hinder them from pursuing their passions, goals, and the purpose God has created us for.

Possible Causes of Performance Anxiety

-People-pleasing behaviors: fear that you may fail to meet others’ expectations in a particular situation, which leads to performance anxiety

-Family stressors: can lead to anxious thoughts/feelings, primarily if seeking approval from family members and establishing self-worth

-Self-doubt: can affect someone who may not be confident in their ability to meet societal standards, which can result in a self-fulfilling prophecy

-Past trials: negative experiences or reactions in past instances where you did try but it was received with criticism from others

-Social anxiety: you may get overwhelmed in social settings (office meeting/party/ church events) or completing a task before others

Coping Tools to Treat Performance Anxiety

-Breathing exercises: when you start to experience those common symptoms, just breathe! To help you calm down, your brain needs oxygen. Breathe in through your nose, and exhale slowly through your mouth, but go slow: inhale for 4 seconds, pause for another 4 seconds, and exhale slowly for 6 seconds. Do this for about 3-5 minutes.

-Try shaking it off: literally move your body around to help release some of that tension, hop around, flail your arms, move your head left to right

-Exercise: when you exercise, it releases endorphins, which help to override your stress response (a jog or walk).

-Meditation: It helps you to focus on the present, incorporates breathwork, and helps to ground yourself. Yes, your mind may wander but try to focus more intently on your body and breaths. We suggest practicing daily for about 15 minutes.

When we worry, it’s easy to imagine the worst-case scenario, but remember, what can happen isn’t the same as what will happen. The Bible is a great source of wisdom and direction. We find guidance in II Timothy 1:7: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (NKJV). We are meant to have a sound mind. My hope is that these tips help guide you to regain your power and become a more confident and grounded self. If you need a helping hand to journey alongside you for support, don’t hesitate to reach out. You got this!

Written by Cindy Picht, MA, LPC
How a Research-Based Couples Assessment Can Reveal What You’re Missing

“My partner says we communicate great, but I feel totally misunderstood.”​
​
We hear this a lot.
One of our counselors, Gerard DeMatteo, LPC, recently trained a group of pastors, therapists,
and lay leaders to facilitate a powerful relationship tool called PREPARE/ENRICH. This tool
has helped thousands of couples (including many at Light the Way) get clarity about where
they are and how to grow stronger together.

What Is PREPARE/ENRICH?
PREPARE is for dating or engaged couples.​
ENRICH is for couples who are already married.​
​
Both are online assessments that measure how you and your partner respond in key
relationship areas, such as communication, conflict resolution, money, sex, roles, and
spiritual beliefs.​
​
Couples take the assessment separately. Then, they meet with a trained facilitator who helps
them understand where they agree, where they disagree, and where they might have
misunderstood each other altogether.​
​
The power of this tool is that it gives you both something objective to look at. It’s not just
one person’s opinion anymore. It’s right there—in black and white.
A Real-Life Example
I’ve used PREPARE/ENRICH with couples since the early 2000s. Gerard was certified in
1995, and the tool has been around since 1980. It’s grounded in decades of research.​
​
Over the years, I’ve seen incredible things happen:​
- Couples who didn’t think they had any significant issues suddenly understood each other
in a whole new way​
- Engaged couples who realized they were heading in different directions—and lovingly
chose not to marry​
- Couples who felt stuck for years finally have the language to say what they’re really feeling​
​

I’d estimate that over 90% of the couples I’ve walked through PREPARE/ENRICH who chose
to marry are still together today.
What You’ll Get
When you take the assessment, here’s what to expect:​
- A comprehensive report of your strengths and growth areas that the facilitator
receives –
-An abridged report for you
-6–8 structured sessions with a trained counselor​
- Skills and exercises to help you grow in:​
- Communication​
- Conflict resolution​
- Understanding personality differences​
- Intimacy and shared values​
- Homework that deepens your connection between sessions​
​
It’s not just a quiz—it’s a map. And your counselor walks with you through every
step.
Why Use a Counselor?
PREPARE/ENRICH is a great tool, but it becomes even more powerful when you process it
with someone who’s trained to spot deeper patterns and help you work through them.​
​
At Light the Way, many of our therapists—Cindy, Gerard, Janet, and Esther—are certified in
PREPARE/ENRICH, as are our licensed Marriage and Family therapists.
Ready to See Where You Stand?
Whether you’ve been together for a few months or a few decades, PREPARE/ENRICH can
give you a clear view of where you’re thriving and where there’s room to grow.​
​
📞 Call 201-444-8103 ext. #1 to schedule a consultation.​
Let’s put it in black and white—and grow from there.

Discover Hope and Healing Through Biblical Counseling Books
Explore a powerful collection of Christian counseling resources designed to guide you through life’s challenges with faith and wisdom. From finding purpose and overcoming addiction to navigating grief, renewing your mind, and preparing for eternity—each book offers biblical insight, practical steps, and compassionate encouragement for every stage of life, including a special guide for teens.

Understanding Generalized Anxiety and What You Can Do About It
A few years ago, I worked with a client who constantly worried about his family—how they would make it in life, and what he needed to do to help. We explored what was in his control and what wasn’t. Together, we created practical strategies to help him manage his responsibilities and ease the mental burden.
The GAD-7 Tool
I asked him to complete a short assessment called the GAD-7, which helps identify symptoms of anxiety. When he read his results, the lightbulb went off. “I had no idea this had a name,” he said, relieved to finally make sense of what he’d been feeling.
GAD stands for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and the “7” refers to the number of core symptoms it screens for (plus one bonus question about daily functioning).
The tool asks how often you've been bothered by the following symptoms in the past two weeks. Write down your answers using this scale:
• 0 – Not at all
• 1 – Several days
• 2 – More than half the days
• 3 – Nearly every day
Want to try it?
Here are the questions. Write down your answers on a separate piece of paper.
1. Feeling nervous, anxious, or on edge.
2. Not being able to stop or control worrying.
3. Worrying too much about different things.
4. Trouble relaxing.
5. Being so restless that it is hard to sit still.
6. Becoming easily annoyed or irritable.
7. Feeling afraid as if something awful might happen.
8. How difficult have these problems made it for you to do your work, take care of things at home, or get along with other people? The choices here are: not difficult at all, somewhat difficult, very difficult, or extremely difficult.
Check your results
If you scored a few 1s, 2s, or 3s, it’s worth paying attention. If you notice a pattern or feel like your worries are interfering with daily life, working with a therapist can help you get clarity and relief.
What to do right now
At Light the Way, we use tools and insights from experts like Amen Clinics to understand better how anxiety affects your brain and body. One area often involved in anxiety is the Basal Ganglia—a part of the brain that can become overactive when you feel worried, tense, or afraid of the worst-case scenario.
While you don’t need to know neuroscience, it helps to know that there are natural, science-based ways to help calm this part of your brain.
Here are some suggestions you can start right now to help calm your Basal Ganglia:
• Exercise daily – Even a 30-minute walk can calm your nervous system.
• Listen to calming music – Slow, instrumental music can ease tension.
• Try ANT Therapy – That stands for Automatic Negative Thoughts. Notice your negative self-talk and challenge it with truth. The negative thought can also be stated in a more positive way
• Cut back on caffeine and alcohol – Both can overstimulate your system.
• Try meditation or prayer – Choose a practice that aligns with your values.
• Practice assertiveness – Anxiety often increases when we don’t speak up for ourselves.
Next Steps
If you discovered you may be living with anxiety, and you want to lessen it, pick one tool from the list above and commit to it daily for 1–2 weeks. See how you feel. Then, try adding another.
Consistency is more important than intensity. Small, steady steps can bring lasting relief.

It’s one of life’s deepest joys to raise a child—to pour yourself into them, teach them what is right, model compassion, selflessness, and generosity, and hope they grow to reflect those values in their own lives. Many parents do just that. They serve their families tirelessly, give without hesitation, and raise their children with hearts full of love and sacrifice. But sometimes, despite all of this, a child grows up and chooses a different path. This is one of the hardest truths for a parent to face: when an adult child strays from the values they were taught, it can feel like a personal failure. A painful question begins to whisper in the heart: Where did I go wrong? Let me offer you this comfort—perhaps you did nothing wrong at all.

Giving and Serving Is Never Wasted

Love given is never wasted. Service modeled is never lost. You may not see the results today or even in your lifetime, but the seeds you planted matter. They matter because they were planted in love, and love never returns void. Your example, your sacrifice, your consistency—they speak volumes, even if your child seems to have tuned them out. Scripture reminds us in Galatians 6:9,
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Keep doing good. Keep living out the example. The harvest may not come in your timing—but that doesn’t mean it won’t come.

Every human being is a mix of nature and nurture. While we as parents can shape, teach, and guide, we cannot override our children’s free will or their unique temperaments. Some personalities are naturally bent toward service; they thrive on helping others and find joy in lifting up those around them. Others may lean toward self-interest, not because they weren’t loved properly, but because their wiring or experiences drew them that way. We can influence, but we cannot control.

You Gave What You Were Meant to Give

If you served your children with humility, kindness, and love, you fulfilled your calling. You gave them the best foundation you could. Whether or not they build on that foundation is ultimately their responsibility.

And remember even the most faithful gardener can’t force a seed to sprout. You tended the soil. You watered with patience. You shielded with prayer. You nurtured the roots. If your child chooses another direction, that doesn't invalidate the gardener’s work—it simply shows that every soul takes its own journey.

Proverbs 22:6 encourages us with this truth: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”The word “old” reminds us that sometimes the fruit takes time. What was planted in their youth may return to them in maturity. Their current choices don’t erase the impact of early training. They just haven’t come back to it yet.

Not All Mature at the Same Time

It’s also important to know that the story isn't over. Just because your child is not walking in the way you hoped today doesn't mean that they never will. Many adults grow into the values they once ignored. Life has a way of reshaping hearts and reawakening dormant seeds of truth. Not all fruit ripens at the same time. Some of the most compassionate, service-minded adults once resisted every ounce of wisdom they were given. And yet, something clicked later in life. A crisis. A moment of clarity. A realization of all their parents quietly did for them. Don’t give up hope. You never know what turning point may come.

You’re Still Their Example

Even now, you continue to teach—not always with words, but with your enduring grace. When you resist bitterness, when you continue to love without conditions, when you keep living your values without resentment or despair, you’re still serving your child. You’re showing them that giving isn’t reward. It’s about love. And that’s the truest gift of all.

Love Looks Forward

To every parent who is grieving the gap between their values and their child’s choices: be at peace. You are not defined by your child’s path. You are defined by your own. Your giving was not a waste. Your serving was not in vain. And your love still matters—more than you know.

Stay faithful to who you are. Keep loving. Keep serving. And trust that even the most wayward hearts are not beyond the reach of grace.

What are intensive sessions?
Intensive sessions are extended therapy sessions. They allow individuals, families, or couples to meet beyond the standard 45-50 minute session time. Extended sessions can last anywhere from 90 minutes to 4 hours at a time over 1-3 days. These sessions may be scheduled semi-regularly, on a bi-weekly or monthly cadence. Other individuals find benefit in meeting for only one extended session or multiple days in a row. Many individuals who participate in intensives with us discover a quicker route to healing & transformation.
There is no right or wrong length of time, as we do not take a one-size-fits-all approach. We will partner with you in order to determine the best approach and make sure you are comfortable every step of the way. We use a Holistic and Christ-centered therapy approach in extended sessions. Often referring to what God, the creator of the Universe, says about you in order to reframe the negative self-talk in your mind.
Where are your intensive sessions located?

In person or virtual. Our intensive outpatient weekend therapy serves clients in sunny Ventura, California. Accessible to people in the vicinity of Santa Monica, Malibu, Calabasas, Santa Barbara, Ojai & surrounding areas. We also offer these services via confidential & secure video for people located throughout California, Florida & South Carolina. You only need to be in one of these states for the intensive session. If travel is an option for you, it may be worth considering a retreat-style intensive session with us.
How can intensive sessions help?

Our rapid relief therapy sessions assist individuals in moving through aspects that seem to be holding them back or hindering the progress they wish to make. The typical therapy session can leave some people feeling stuck and overwhelmed with having to come back week after week for little progress. Many of my clients tell me they only start feeling “warmed up" around the 30-minute mark in session. They feel like a breakthrough is ready to happen, only to be moved to close out for the session to end on time. Another week goes by with mounting personal issues and a limited capacity to handle them all. They have the space to process the week, which can be a blessing, but in reality, is also very limiting. So much more work can be done, which is why we have found that moving outside the limits of time constraints leads to lasting change. You were meant for more; you can feel it, but you aren’t sure which direction to go. We are happy to walk alongside you while you work toward your goals.
We have intensive clients who find that meeting for maintenance sessions on a regular or semi-regular cadence can be beneficial. While others prefer to maintain work with their regular therapists before and after our intensives together. As we discussed earlier, there really is no right or wrong way to engage in intensive sessions. Our goal is to provide the space you need to knock down barriers, connect to the purpose God has for your life, and experience improved emotional well-being. Dramatic change can happen over a weekend, something years of therapy often can not achieve.

What kind of issues are addressed in intensive therapy sessions?
We address an array of issues that may be present in your life. These may include, but are not limited to, historical or current traumas, limiting self-beliefs, anxiety, depression, relationship & communication issues. We work with adult individuals, families with minor & adult children & couples.

How does it work?
The first step is to reach out for a consult in order to determine if working together would be beneficial. We will set up a 15-20 minute call & you will have the opportunity to ask any questions or get clarification on aspects of what we offer. It is important that you are stable & not in active crisis in order to get the most out of our sessions together. After the consult we schedule an intake session where we meet by phone or video for 45-60 minutes in order to formulate goals & a plan for our intensive session. We will determine meeting date & length of time. In order to encourage a commitment to yourself, a 50% deposit will be required at time of booking & refunds are not provided.
Who are intensive not right for?
It is important for all of us to understand there are some limits to intensive sessions. Individuals in active crisis, experiencing suicidality or who are in active addictions would not be candidates. Couples who do not have the same goals for therapy, who are not sure they want to stay in the marriage or if there is an ongoing affair would not benefit from our intensive therapy format. If you fins yourself needing urgent support please reach out to 988 via call or text.

I have had my fair share of suffering in life, as I assume you also have if you've decided to read this, and I would like to say that I "evolved" in my understanding of the purpose of suffering and how God truly gets the glory when I'm going through the worst moments of my life.


One particular scripture comes to mind:


"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." Romans 5:3-5


This scripture always reminds me that the suffering we endure isn't for nothing, but is very much so purposeful. In the moment, we feel that it's unfair to endure what we're up against, but from God's perspective, it's the best way for us to grow in particular areas because we are here (on this earth) for HIM not OURSELVES.


Ouch.. I know that probably stung a bit, but one thing you'll hear from me is the truth, but it will always be clothed in care because that's exactly how God communicates with me and would want His truth to be delivered.


We are promised an abundant life and prosperity, but we are also promised trials, tribulations, and inconveniences. God never designed this life for us to receive one side of things and erase the other. BOTH work in contingent with each other to achieve God's perfect will, and to bring us to Himself.


That's why our suffering glorifies Him. Because we grow in many areas and we learn to seek His aid in everything. There is no growth without suffering.


So if you have suffered any trauma or are currently suffering through something, I want to encourage you begin offering that suffering to God and asking for His strength to endure what you're facing. It may be helpful to ask God these questions:


1. What is the purpose of this particular situation I'm suffering through?

2. What are You revealing about me or others in this situation?

3. What are the lessons I need to learn through this?

4. How should I change my thinking about this situation to align more with Your will?


Not only does these questions cause you to go deeper in understanding more about God's plans for you in the midst of your suffering, but it also opens up the opportunity for you to build true intimacy with Him.


I pray this encourages you in your life's journey.

**If you're a woman in Florida or Illinois looking for more direction to start your growth and healing journey, please visit my website to schedule a consultation and discuss more details!


Your Sister in Christ,


Dominique S. Russell, MA, LCPC

May is a month that comes in full bloom.

The days stretch longer. Blossoms spill onto sidewalks. The air fills with the scent of possibility—and for many, a rush of emotion. School years wind down, graduation gowns are steamed and ready, and families gather to celebrate milestones large and small. For some, it’s a time of deep joy, pride, or relief. For others, it may bring a quieter ache—longing for what hasn’t come, mourning what’s been lost, or feeling left out of celebrations altogether.

In my work with women, couples, and families, I often hear how the “big feelings” of this month stir things up. You might find yourself feeling multiple things at once: proud and depleted, joyful and tender, hopeful and overwhelmed. You may be gearing up for “swimsuit season” with a new sense of confidence—or facing body image struggles that whisper old, unkind stories. Mother’s Day may be a treasured time to celebrate beloved women in your life—or a tender reminder of absence, grief, or complex relationships.

Whatever is present for you this month, I want to offer this simple truth:
Your feelings are valid. They matter. And they are worthy of gentle attention.

The Emotional Landscape of May

If you’re feeling a bit emotionally scrambled this month, you’re not alone. May tends to hold a mix of:

Celebratory Moments:

A sense of renewal as the weather shifts
Graduations, proms, and “move-up” ceremonies
A fresh start in health or wellness routines
Mother’s Day celebrations with loved ones


Tender or Complicated Emotions:

Grief for a mother, child, or dream not yet fulfilled
Loneliness or exclusion from seasonal milestones
Pressure around body image or comparison
Emotional whiplash from everyone else's "highlight reels"


Scripture reminds us in Romans 12:15:
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.”
Sometimes, we’re doing both at the same time.


Making Space for Your Truth

We often feel pressure to “match” the emotional tone around us. To smile when we’re hurting. To push down grief in the face of someone else’s joy. But our emotional world is sacred ground. You are allowed to name what’s real for you, even when it doesn’t fit the mood of the month.

Here are a few questions for gentle reflection:

What’s blooming in me right now—and what’s still tender or raw?
Are there emotions I’ve been pushing aside that need a moment of acknowledgment?
What’s one expectation (mine or someone else’s) I can release this month?
Where might I need to offer myself more compassion or room for joy?

Try journaling these questions, bringing them into prayer, or just being present with them on a quiet walk.


Simple Ways to Care for Yourself in Every Mood

You don’t have to fix your feelings—you can simply care for them. Here are a few small ways to honor whatever you're carrying this month:


If You're Celebrating...

Take time to savor—write down the moment or share it with a friend.
Ground yourself with gratitude, but don’t guilt yourself for your joy.
Reach out to someone who may need encouragement—it helps deepen your celebration.


If You're Grieving, Tender, or Feeling Disconnected...

Light a candle for what you've lost or long for.
Write a letter—to God, to your future self, or even to someone you’ve lost.
Create your own mini-ritual: a walk, a favorite meal, a private moment of remembrance.
Take a social media break if scrolling amplifies comparison or grief.


For Everyone...

Let your body lead: rest when tired, stretch when stiff, and move when you feel stuck.
Reconnect with God, not through striving but through stillness.
Nourish your soul with something that brings quiet joy: a song, a book, or a cup of tea in the sun.
Make time to connect with those who see you and embrace you fully as you are.


Closing Thought

May is a garden. Some parts are bursting with color. Others are just beginning to grow. Some may still feel hidden, waiting for the right time to bloom. Wherever you are in the landscape of this month, know this:

You are allowed to feel what you feel. You are worthy of gentleness and joy. And you are not alone.

Join us for a free, in-person session at New Life Church in Henderson, Texas, as part of the Exchanged Life Series. This session will explore the journey of grief and loss through a biblical lens, offering grace-based insights, emotional validation, and Christ-centered hope. Whether you are grieving a loved one, a relationship, or a difficult life transition, you’ll be encouraged and supported as we uncover how God meets us in our pain.

Register here👉 www.christian-counseling.org/grief-class

When we hear the word “burnout,” most of us think of long hours, overbooked calendars, and sheer exhaustion. But what if burnout isn’t just about how much we do?

What if it’s about how deeply we care—and how deeply we feel betrayed when our care is not honored?

For many, burnout doesn’t stem from doing too much. It stems from giving too much to environments that don’t see them, don’t support them, and don’t align with their core values. This isn’t just tiredness—it’s heartbreak. It’s emotional betrayal.

The Deeper Truth Behind Burnout

We’ve been taught to link burnout solely to output—too much work, not enough rest. But people don’t burn out from passion. They burn out when the places they give their passion to don’t give back.

When you show up with dedication, empathy, and loyalty to a job, a company, or a mission—and in return, you’re met with indifference, unrealistic demands, or toxic culture—that’s betrayal. You trusted the system with your energy, and that trust was broken.

The Silent Symptoms of Betrayal-Based Burnout

Unlike traditional burnout that feels like fatigue, betrayal-based burnout carries a different weight. You may notice:

Emotional disconnection – You stop caring about the things you used to love.
Resentment – A quiet anger builds as you feel unseen or taken for granted.
Cynicism – You start questioning the point of your work or your purpose.
Loss of identity – You wonder who you are when your values are constantly compromised.

This isn’t just a sign you need a vacation. It’s a sign your emotional safety has been violated.

When Values and Systems Clash

We all have a deep need to live in alignment with our values—whether that’s compassion, justice, creativity, or authenticity. When we’re in systems that require us to:

Stay silent about injustice
Put profits over people
Numb our emotions to survive
Be productive over being human

—we experience internal dissonance. The result? A spiritual, emotional, and even physical breakdown. That’s what many are mislabeling as “just burnout.”

Healing Starts with Naming the Betrayal

You can’t heal what you won’t name. And if you’re in a place of burnout that no amount of rest seems to fix, it may be time to ask:

What part of me has been betrayed here?
Where have I silenced my truth to stay safe or employed?
What values am I sacrificing, and at what cost?

Naming the emotional betrayal helps reclaim your power. It puts the responsibility back on systems—not just individuals—to cultivate environments where trust, humanity, and well-being are honored.

Steps Toward Recovery and Reconnection

To begin healing from betrayal-based burnout, consider these trauma-informed steps:

Reconnect with Your Voice

Start journaling your unmet needs and silenced thoughts. What truths have you buried to survive?
Honor Your Boundaries

Learn to say no, reclaim rest, and recognize that your worth is not tied to productivity.
Find Value-Aligned Community

Healing accelerates when you’re seen, heard, and supported by people who share your values.
Practice Radical Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself for staying too long in systems that didn’t serve you. You did what you needed to survive.

Give Yourself Permission to Choose Again

Whether it’s changing roles, shifting careers, or redefining your goals—remember, you are allowed to change your mind when your soul is no longer in agreement.

Final Thoughts: This Isn’t Weakness—It’s Wisdom

Burnout is not a flaw in you. It’s a signal from your body, mind, and soul that something isn’t working. And when that something is emotional betrayal, the healing requires more than time off. It requires truth-telling, soul-tending, and systemic change.

So the next time you feel burnout creeping in, pause and ask yourself:

Is this really about the hours I’m working… or the parts of me I’m abandoning to keep working?

Meta Description:

Discover the hidden reason behind burnout. It’s not always about doing too much—it’s about emotional betrayal when your values are ignored. Learn how to heal from value-based burnout.

Our relationship with God—what we believe about His love, presence, and trustworthiness—often draws from more than just theology. The foundation for how we understand love, safety, and connection is often shaped by our earliest human relationships. For some, those early experiences were warm and supportive. For others, they may have been marked by unpredictability, neglect, or pain.
When childhood involves adversity, some people find that these experiences negatively influence how they relate to God later in life. Others, raised in difficult environments, feel deeply connected to a loving and protective God. Others fall somewhere in between, still exploring how their past experiences and their spiritual life intersect. There’s no one right way to relate to God—but the intersection of trauma and faith is a topic worth exploring, both in therapy and in research. By asking questions rather than offering answers, we can begin to understand how early experiences may (or may not) influence a person’s spiritual journey.

Your Voice Matters: Invitation to Participate in Research
I’m conducting a study to better understand the relationship between childhood trauma, post-traumatic outcomes, and attachment to God. The study aims to explore how people’s early life experiences might shape their relationship with God.
If you’re 18 or older, have experienced at least one adverse childhood experience (ACE), and believe in a higher power, I would be grateful for your participation. Your perspective could offer valuable insights into how faith and trauma intersect, and how this connection can inform spiritual care in the mental health field.

https://northwestupsych.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_7QgxS4FgCDtpFFI

Thank you for considering this opportunity to share your story. Please feel free to pass this along to others who may be interested.

Anxiety isn’t just a passing feeling; it’s a real, often relentless battleground where our thoughts, emotions, and faith collide. It can be a daily struggle fought behind smiles and silent prayers, a private war that no one ever sees.
Anxiety doesn't ask for permission before it storms in. It attacks without warning, weaving fearful "what-ifs" into the mind and weighing the heart down with invisible burdens. It convinces you that you're alone in the fight, that you're not strong enough, and peace is out of reach.
BUT THAT IS NOT THE TRUTH.
The truth is God is with you and loves you, and He is here to help you if you let Him.
Anxiety is a battleground because it wages war in three crucial areas:
1. The Mind: The Battlefield of Thoughts
Anxiety often begins with racing thoughts—ruminating over worst-case scenarios, overanalyzing conversations, and anticipating failures that haven’t happened (and may never happen).
In this mental battleground, anxious thoughts are like enemy forces planting seeds of fear and doubt. The mind loops through fears in an endless cycle, making it difficult to focus, work, or rest.
Yet, the mind can also be where victory begins. Scripture tells us in Romans 12:2 to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Taking every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5) is not just good advice; it is a spiritual weapon. When we challenge fearful thoughts with truth, we begin reclaiming territory that anxiety has tried to steal.
2. The Heart: The Battlefield of Emotions
Anxiety is not just logical, it is deeply emotional. It stirs up dread, sadness, anger, and sometimes even guilt. It makes the heart feel heavy, overwhelmed by the enormity of life's uncertainties.
In the emotional realm, anxiety fights to strip away hope and joy. It tempts you to retreat, to shut down, or to lash out.
But the heart, too, is guarded and strengthened by something greater. Proverbs 4:23 reminds us, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."
By turning to prayer, community, and intentional self-care, we fortify the heart against the siege of anxiety.
3. The Spirit: The Battlefield of Faith
Perhaps the most subtle and painful battleground is in the spirit. Anxiety whispers lies about God’s nearness and goodness. "Where is He now?" it asks. "Does He really care?"
But faith answers back louder.
It clings to the truth that God is closer than our breath, that His promises are not invalidated by our emotions. FEELINGS ARE NOT FACT.
In 2 Timothy 1:7, we’re reminded: "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
Even when the battle feels overwhelming, God’s presence is unwavering. The fight against anxiety is not fought alone. We have a Defender who goes before us and stands with us.
Finding Strength on the Battleground
If anxiety feels like a constant war, take heart, you’re not weak for fighting. You’re courageous for standing your ground every day. And the truth is, victory is not found in striving harder; it is found in surrender.
Surrender doesn't mean giving in to anxiety; it means handing the battle over to the One who has already overcome the world.
Through prayer, renewing our minds with truth, connecting with supportive community, seeking professional help when needed, and remembering that the struggle is real, but so is God.
Anxiety may be a battleground, but you are not defeated.
You are seen.
You are loved.
And you are stronger than you feel right now.
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." — Exodus 14:14 (NLT)
#anxirty #mental health #battleground #caterpillarcounselingllc

Discover the incredible power of faith and resilience at our enlightening webinar, *Women of Faith – Overcoming Adversity*. This captivating event brings together a diverse group of inspiring women who share their personal journeys of overcoming life's challenges through faith and perseverance. Whether you're seeking motivation, guidance, or a sense of community, our webinar offers valuable insights and strategies to help you navigate your own path to triumph. Reserve your spot and join us for an uplifting experience that will empower your spirit and inspire your journey.

Gratitude: A Divine Design for Wholeness
It's easy to overlook the simple yet transformative power of gratitude. Beyond being a polite response, gratitude is a profound spiritual practice that aligns our hearts with God's will and brings about peace.
The Biblical Foundation of Gratitude
The Bible tells us the importance of thankfulness. In 1 Thessalonians 5:16–18, Paul writes, "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." This passage reminds us that gratitude isn't contingent on our circumstances but is a continual place we are to live in.
The Psalms are filled with calls to be thankful. Psalm 100:4 encourages us to "Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name." This demonstrates that gratitude is not just a response to blessings but a gateway into deeper communion with God.
The Science Behind Gratitude
Modern research corroborates what Scripture has long taught: gratitude has benefits for our mental, emotional, and physical health.
• Mental Health: Research has shown that practicing gratitude can lead to increased happiness and a reduction in depression.
• Physical Health: Grateful individuals often experience better sleep, lower blood pressure, and improved heart health. dralamountain.org
• Social Connections: Expressing gratitude can strengthen relationships, fostering a sense of community and belonging.
These findings reveal that gratitude is more than a spiritual discipline; it's a holistic practice that nurtures every aspect of our being.
How to Have Gratitude in Daily Life
• Gratitude Journaling: Each day, jot down three things you're thankful for. This practice shifts focus from what's lacking to what's abundant.
• Prayer and Meditation: Begin and end your day by thanking God for His blessings, both big and small.
• Acts of Kindness: Express appreciation to others through kind words or deeds, reflecting God's love in tangible ways.
So, what are you grateful for today?? God is listening, and so is your brain. 😊

According to a 2023 Gallup survey, 47% of Americans identify as “religious”, and 33% as “spiritual”. And a 2003 report issued by the National Library of Medicine reported that members of the clergy, across religious and denominational lines, were contacted by persons with mental health issues in higher proportions (23.5%) than were psychiatrists and general medical practitioners (16.7% each).

A 2023 article in the American Psychological Association publication Monitor on Psychology asserts: “Myriad studies show that religious or spiritual involvement improves mental health and can be useful in coping with trauma.” The article also suggests that when clergy don’t know enough about psychology and clinicians not enough about spirituality, they can inadvertently do harm to those who seek their help. Therefore, how religious leaders, who are generally untrained or under-trained in clinical psychology, respond to such persons may require careful discernment to ensure that it helps and does not unintentionally harm. Likewise, it is also incumbent on mental health clinicians to possess a good working knowledge of how spirituality can be embedded into clients’ narratives about self, others, and the world.

On the clinical side, I have sometimes stumbled in this regard. For instance, I used to blanketly impart to my clients the virtues of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, a theory grounded in Western “bootstrap” individualism in which one is supposed to achieve what Maslow called “Self-Actualization”: by devoting their life to ascending the pyramid via achievement and individual growth until, if fortunate, one makes it all the way to the top (a pinnacle that even Maslow admitted few ever reach). Maslow, it turns out, co-opted his model from the Blackfoot Nation term niita ‘pitapi, which means “someone who is completely developed, or who has arrived.” Blackfoot spirituality perceives niita ‘pitapi as a birthright and not something to be gained through individual effort. Blackfoot culture, like that of many other indigenous communities throughout the world, is collectivist rather than individualistic, and grounded in mutual cooperation and sharing of resources. To paraphrase a Blackfoot saying, the wealthiest person in the community is the one with the least material possessions, because they gave most of them away to others who needed them more.

When we don’t properly understand a client’s particular cultural and spiritual background and if it is not like that of Western culture, espousing Maslow’s Pyramid as a self-help tool can be an afront. This is where we as clinicians have the obligation to become spiritually and culturally informed.

Those who serve their religious communities have a similar obligation. As I sat in church one recent Sunday morning, the music director introduced a worship song. “If this song does not grip your heart,” she said, “I don’t know if you’re a Christian.” The song, living up to her promise was indeed gripping and inspirational. Later our pastor, in his sermon, spoke on how, if you can’t push past your guilt, grief, pain and brokenness in order to embrace the idea that God has His hand on your life, then you, as a believer, must change your way of thinking.

Those messages brought me back to a young client I’d seen a few days earlier. Just 24 hours prior, their spouse had died suddenly and unexpectedly. My client was understandably still in shock and disbelief. “I feel numb,” they said. “I don’t know why I can’t cry right now, although sometimes I spontaneously have been. I just don’t know what I feel.”

As Sunday services continued, I thought to myself, what if any emotions would my client (also a Christian) be able to feel were they sitting with me at that moment? What would they be thinking about God and eternal life, and how would they perceive the comments that if they weren’t feeling “gripped” by the song then they might not be a Christian, that if they can’t at that point cast aside their devastation and feel the spirit of God, then they must change their mindset?

To be clear, I do not question the good intentions of the music director and the pastor any more than I question my own good intentions when I preached Maslow. Their mission is to inspire and equip the congregation to get closer to God and spread the Good News of Jesus Christ. The problem, however, is that too often such messages are geared toward people in relatively good mental health. But for persons struggling with depression, grief and loss, trauma, and other issues, such words can cut like a knife and increase distress rather than soothe it.

Let’s take trauma for example. Research shows that traumatic experiences, such as sexual assault, alter the synaptic functions in the brain, particularly what is called fear circuitry to where the victim can experience distressing nightmares, hyper-arousal and hypervigilance, avoidance of certain places, people and activities, and even flashbacks (where they actually relive the event as if it were happening all over again in real time). Trauma is existential: it challenges our erstwhile narratives of self, other people, and the world. This can alter, either temporarily or permanently, our concept of how our God or higher power loves us, protects us, and nurtures us. It may even challenge our belief altogether.

This is not a sign of weak faith. Fr. Francis P. Duffy, the iconic chaplain of the 69th New York Infantry Regiment (165th U.S. Infantry), served valiantly with his men in the trenches of World War I, regularly venturing into No Man’s Land to minister to wounded and dying soldiers and assisting stretcher bearers in bringing the casualties back to aid stations. While he was never known to have suffered what was then called “shell shock” (now PTSD), on at least one occasion he was reported to have sobbed uncontrollably upon finding the body of a soldier he’d mentored.

So how can we bridge the gap between religion and mental health, especially now when so many people need hope, assurance, and healing? I suggest that clinicians and clergy begin to more proactively reach out to one other for better mutual understanding, to exchange clinical and spiritual insights, and to collaborate in serving our clients and congregants. Here’s how we might do this:

1. Establish connections with ministers, priests, rabbis, imams, and other religious leaders, to discuss our common interest in helping those we serve to heal and to live a more balanced and satisfying life.

2. Cross-refer with them, when indicated.

3. Learn as much as we can about our own religion and other religions, particularly those that are most prevalent within our catchment areas. And make ourselves available to educate clergy members on the basic neuropsychology of depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, trauma, and other mental health conditions.

4. Adopt a faith-based component to our services, and promote it in our social media, websites, and other communication platforms.

Imagine the possibilities that might arise from such a synergy between psychology and spirituality in helping our clients to overcome their challenges.

Marriages are a union of two unique individuals with separate interests, goals, and perspectives. While merging lives is a beautiful and intimate experience, maintaining individuality and personal space within this union is critical. This balance can be achieved through establishing certain boundaries. Here are seven important boundaries that every marriage needs to ensure a healthy and respectful relationship.

1. Emotional Boundaries

One of the most crucial boundaries to set in a marriage is emotional ones. These are essential to protect your emotional health and maintain a sense of individuality. Emotional boundaries serve as an understanding between partners on how to handle each other's feelings.

Respect each other's feelings: It's vital to acknowledge that your partner's feelings are just as valid as yours. This means refraining from dismissing or invalidating their emotions, even if they differ from yours.

Allow space for individual emotions: Each person has the right to feel different emotions, even at the same situation or event. It's important not to impose your feelings on your partner.

Communicate openly about emotional needs: Transparency about emotional requirements allows both partners to understand what they need from each other.

Remember, setting emotional boundaries doesn't mean shutting off emotionally from your spouse; instead, it involves communicating openly about your feelings and respecting one another's emotional needs.

2. Physical Boundaries

Physical boundaries are not limited to issues of intimacy but also include personal space and comfort levels in various scenarios.

Personal Space: Every individual has their comfort levels when it comes to physical touch and personal space, which should be respected by the spouse.

Non-Sexual Touch: Non-sexual touch like holding hands, hugging etc., can be equally important as sexual intimacy in building connection.

Intimacy Level: Conversations about comfort levels regarding intimacy should be ongoing in any marriage.

3. Digital Boundaries

In the age of social media and constant digital connection, setting digital boundaries is also significant.

Privacy: Respecting each other's digital privacy is as important as physical privacy. For instance, it is inappropriate to read your partner's messages or emails without their consent.

Online Interaction: Discussing comfort levels for online interactions with others, the content shared and hours spent on digital platforms can prevent disagreements later.

4. Time Boundaries

Time is a precious commodity and how it's spent within a marriage is key to maintaining balance.

Individual Time: Each partner should have time to pursue their interests or simply be alone.

Couple Time: Set aside regular time for activities that you both enjoy.

5. Social Boundaries

Social boundaries refer to interactions with family, friends, colleagues and other social circles.

Family Interactions: It's important to negotiate how much time you spend with each partner's family.

Friendships: Both partners should have the freedom to maintain individual friendships while also respecting the relationship.

6. Financial Boundaries

Money can often become a contentious issue in marriages if not handled properly.

Budgeting: Regular discussions on budgeting and expenditure are crucial in managing financial stress in a marriage.

7. Environmental Boundaries

These include decisions about your shared environment like home organization or lifestyle choices such as choosing eco-friendly alternatives like bamboo straws.

Financial Boundaries in Marriage

One of the most common sources of conflict in marriages is finances. From differing views on spending to keeping secrets about personal debts, financial issues can create wedges in even the strongest relationships. Establishing clear financial boundaries is a vital part of maintaining a healthy marriage.

Open Communication About Finances

Couples should make it a habit to discuss their financial situation regularly. Such conversations might include income, debts, savings, and individual spending habits. Open communication about finances can prevent misunderstandings and conflicts later on.

Discuss your individual money philosophies and try to reach a mutual understanding.

Be honest about any debts or liabilities you may have.

Share your financial goals and work together to achieve them.

Joint Decision-Making on Major Purchases

Major purchases or investments should always be a joint decision. This boundary ensures that both parties feel valued and involved in the family's financial health.

Set an agreed-upon amount for what constitutes a "major purchase." This could be anything from $100 to $1000, depending on your financial situation.

Always consult each other before making such purchases.

Discuss potential investments together and agree on an investment strategy.

Separate or Joint Accounts

Decide whether you want to combine all your finances into joint accounts, keep everything separate, or have a mixture of both. There is no one-size-fits-all answer; it depends on your personal preferences and what works best for your relationship.

Consider having joint accounts for shared expenses such as rent/mortgage, utilities, groceries while having separate accounts for personal expenditure.

Having some level of financial autonomy can contribute positively to individual self-esteem and relationship harmony.

Budgeting Together

Creating a budget together helps ensure that everyone's needs are met within the constraints of what you can afford. It can also help prevent disagreements about money.

Sit down together and outline your income and expenses.

Prioritize spending based on your collective needs and wants.

Regularly review your budget to adjust for changes in income or expenditure.

Transparency About Financial History

All marriages are built on trust, which includes being honest about your financial history. If you have substantial debts or bad credit, it's important to let your partner know before these issues affect your joint finances.

Balancing Equality and Fairness

Ideally, both partners should contribute equally towards shared expenses. However, when there is a significant income disparity between partners, a fair approach may not be an equal one.

For instance, rather than splitting expenses 50/50, consider each contributing a percentage of their income.

Discuss and agree on what feels most comfortable and fair for you both.

Remember that communication is key in setting financial boundaries. Always keep an open mind and be ready to compromise when necessary. Incorporating the use of household items such as bamboo straws into your budgeting can also contribute to reducing costs while promoting sustainable living – more evidence that successful budgeting needs creative thinking too!

Sisters, do you need a little space to focus and take care of YOU? Join us at Immeasurably More Counseling, Coaching, and Consulting (IMC3) for Center &Soar Hours, a 2-hour virtual co-working session designed for busy women who want intentional, purposeful time to tackle their to-do list.

📌 Use this time however YOU need:
✔ Plan meals or shop your grocery list
✔ Schedule appointments or take care of errands
✔ Work out, meditate, or read a great book
✔ Study for an exam or work on a pitch
✔ Attend to personal care or call a friend

This is your time to focus and flourish in a supportive, no-pressure community. Start with an optional check-in, dive into your tasks, and close with a 5-minute wrap-up.

When: 9:45 AM – 11:45 AM (ET) on Mondays
Where: Register for the meeting link by copying and pasting this link into your browser [https://bit.ly/4htPyMG].

Share with a friend who might want to join, and let’s honor God with our time!

Breaking Strongholds: Overcoming Spiritual Barriers in Christ
In our Christian walk, we often encounter spiritual strongholds—deep-seated patterns of thinking, habits, or struggles that keep us from fully experiencing God’s power and freedom. These strongholds can be rooted in fear, pride, doubt, addiction, or past wounds, and they hinder our spiritual growth. But the good news is that through Christ, we have the power to break free.
What Are Strongholds?
The Bible speaks of strongholds as mental and spiritual fortresses that oppose God’s truth. In 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, Paul reminds us:
"For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God."
Strongholds can be lies we believe, unhealthy behaviors we repeat, or fears that keep us bound. They distort our perception of God, ourselves, and others.
Recognizing Strongholds in Our Lives
Some common strongholds include:
• Fear and Anxiety – Believing the lie that God won’t take care of us.
• Unforgiveness – Holding onto past hurts instead of releasing them to God.
• Addiction – Seeking comfort in substances, entertainment, or other distractions instead of Christ.
• Pride – Relying on our strength rather than surrendering to God’s will.
How to Tear Down Strongholds
1. Identify the Lies
Strongholds often begin with deception. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any lies that have taken root in your mind. Are you believing that you are unworthy of love? That God doesn’t hear your prayers? That you can’t change?
2. Replace Lies with God’s Truth
The Word of God is our weapon. In John 8:32, Jesus says, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Replace negative thoughts with God’s promises. Meditate on verses like Philippians 4:13 (“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”) and Romans 8:1 (“There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”).
3. Pray and Declare Victory
Spiritual battles require spiritual weapons. Pray fervently, asking God to break every chain in your life. Declare His Word over your struggles.
4. Walk in Obedience
Breaking strongholds isn’t just about praying—it’s about action. If a stronghold is tied to sin, repent and turn from it. If it’s linked to fear, step out in faith.
5. Seek Accountability
Sometimes, strongholds are too big to tear down alone. Find a trusted mentor, pastor, or Christian friend who can pray with you and offer encouragement.
The Power of Freedom in Christ
When we surrender our strongholds to Jesus, He replaces bondage with freedom, despair with hope, and fear with peace. No stronghold is too big for God’s power. Through faith, prayer, and His Word, we can walk in the victory He has already won for us!
Are there any strongholds you need to break today? Bring them before the Lord, and let His truth set you free.
If you’re feeling unbalanced in any of these areas, I am here to help. Reach out today for a complimentary 15-minute phone consultation. (772-446-1922), or check out my website at https://caterpillarcounseling.webflow.io/therapy
Be blessed,
Dawn Taylor

Mike, an Army veteran needs healing. The emotional scars from combat often manifest as negative thought patterns that can contribute to anxiety, OCD, and various addictions, such as nicotine, alcohol, and unhealthy relationships with food and sex. However, Mike’s journey illustrates that overcoming these challenges is possible through intentional strategies and support.



1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

One of the first steps Mike took to combat his negative mindset was engaging in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). This evidence-based approach helps individuals identify and challenge distorted thinking patterns. Through sessions with his therapist, Mike learned to recognize automatic negative thoughts, such as “I am worthless” or “I’ll never be happy again.”



By actively questioning these thoughts and replacing them with more realistic and positive affirmations, Mike began to reframe his perspective. For instance, he shifted from thinking, “I will always struggle with addiction,” to “I am learning to manage my triggers one day at a time.” This shift in thinking not only alleviated his anxiety but also empowered him to confront his behaviors, helping him regain control over his life.



2. Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART)

In addition to traditional therapies, Mike discovered Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART), a relatively new modality designed to help individuals process and heal from trauma quickly. ART focuses on altering the negative images and feelings associated with traumatic experiences, enabling clients to integrate and release the emotional pain tied to those memories.



During his ART sessions, Mike was guided through visualization techniques where he could create new, positive images to replace the distressing ones associated with his trauma. For example, he was encouraged to visualize the traumatic event and then modify it by changing specific elements—like replacing the sights or sounds with something calming and reassuring.



This process helps desensitize individuals to the trauma, allowing them to confront painful memories without the overwhelming emotional response typically associated with them. Mike found this approach particularly effective in addressing the flashbacks and intrusive thoughts that often plagued him. By altering the way he visualized his experiences, Mike could begin to reclaim his narrative, transforming his trauma from something that controlled him into a story of resilience and strength.



3. Mindfulness and Meditation

In addition to therapy, Mike discovered the power of mindfulness and meditation. Initially skeptical, he began practicing mindfulness exercises after being encouraged by his counselor. By focusing on the present moment and learning to observe his thoughts without judgment, Mike found that he could create a buffer against the overwhelming anxiety that often triggered his compulsions.



Incorporating mindfulness into his daily routine—whether through guided meditations, deep breathing exercises, or simply taking quiet moments to reflect—helped Mike cultivate a sense of calm. This practice allowed him to distance himself from negative thoughts and cravings, fostering a more balanced emotional state.



4. Physical Activity

Mike also realized the importance of physical health in overcoming his negative mindset. Regular exercise became a crucial outlet for managing stress and anxiety. Whether it was lifting weights at the gym, going for a run, or practicing yoga, movement helped Mike release pent-up energy and boost his mood.



Research has shown that exercise increases the production of endorphins, the body’s natural mood lifters. For Mike, the endorphin rush provided a sense of accomplishment and a natural high that gradually reduced his reliance on substances like nicotine and alcohol. Moreover, the discipline required in maintaining a fitness routine helped him build resilience and focus, counteracting negative thought patterns.



5. Support Groups

Finding community support was another significant aspect of Mike’s recovery. He joined several support groups specifically designed for veterans facing similar challenges. Sharing his experiences with peers who understood his struggles created a sense of belonging and validation. Hearing others’ stories also reminded him that he wasn’t alone in his fight against addiction and mental health issues.



In these groups, Mike learned valuable coping strategies and developed friendships that provided encouragement during tough times. Knowing that others were rooting for his success made a world of difference, as he was able to draw strength from their shared experiences and insights.



6. Spiritual Growth and Faith

Perhaps the most profound aspect of Mike’s journey was the rekindling of his faith. During his struggles, he often felt distant from God, but through counseling and the support of his church community, he began to explore his relationship with Christ again.



Reading Scripture, particularly verses that emphasized God’s love and forgiveness, such as Isaiah 41:10, “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God,” provided Mike with reassurance and hope. Prayer became a powerful tool for him to release his worries and fears to God, fostering a sense of peace and grounding that countered his anxiety.



7. Establishing Healthy Routines

Mike learned that structure and routine were critical in combating his negative mindset. He established a daily schedule that included time for work, exercise, support group meetings, prayer, and self-care. By creating predictable patterns in his life, he reduced the uncertainty that often led to anxiety and compulsive behaviors.

Routine also allowed him to set and achieve small goals, whether it was reading a book, preparing healthy meals, or attending a recovery meeting. Each accomplishment built his confidence, reinforcing a positive mindset and diminishing the power of negative thoughts.

Final Thoughts

Mike’s journey illustrates that overcoming a negative mindset is not a solitary endeavor; it requires a multifaceted approach. Through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Accelerated Resolution Therapy, mindfulness practices, physical activity, community support, spiritual growth, and establishing healthy routines, he was able to reclaim control over his thoughts and behaviors.

By understanding that healing is a process that takes time and effort, Mike has learned to view challenges as opportunities for growth rather than insurmountable obstacles. His story serves as a powerful reminder that, with the right support and strategies, it is possible to overcome the shadows of the past and embrace a brighter future filled with hope and healing.