Christian Counselor Directory Blog

This riveting recollection of her life in a small town, and growing up in a poverty-stricken, dysfunctional family, is the story of Dr. Rosella Collins-Puoch. She experienced childhood abuse – emotional, psychological, physical, and sexual – that could have resulted in a lifetime of unresolved, destructive mental illness and drug addiction. Courageous determination propelled her escape from an abusive, dead-end existence. By God's grace, she could find her voice and live.

Her story is of an emotionally and psychologically abusive father who visited the family intermittently and made promises that he never kept. Although spiritual and industrious, her mother lacked the necessary parenting knowledge and skills to protect her due to her own unresolved, traumatic history. At age six, she began experiencing various forms of abuse. At age 15, she was allowed to marry a man, more than twice her age, who subjected her to a proverbial torture chamber.

The choice to forgive helped heal the wounds she sustained. Triumphantly, her life blueprint changed from victim to survivor. Her journey demonstrates that it does not matter how her life started; it matters how she chose to finish it!

My memoir is available on:

Amazon; Barnesandnobles.com; and other book outlets

It is the inevitable by-product of living in a technologically-dependent, socially-connected, and minute-managed world that peace and calm get left in the wake. Texts, emails and cell-phone calls fly in faster and more frequently than a speeding bullet. It seems there is hardly a moment in the day when we’re not busy managing the demands of work, family and our increasingly larger social world that no longer can be shut out of our lives even for a few minutes. We can no longer close the door behind us and expect that the world will be left outside. Though staying connected is important, it is no more valuable than time alone to calm our thoughts and our bodies, to restore energy and peace, and to reduce the ravages of stress. And, you have a right to a few minutes to yourself! You can decide to make time alone an equal priority. Try this 15-minute a day refresher:
First: Establish a quiet place in your home. Use a candle, a cross, icon or other meaningful symbol for focus. Pick a book of short devotional thoughts or spiritual / Scriptural readings. Decide if you want to sit or kneel and prepare your place accordingly with a pillow, mat or stool. When it is time, go to your quiet place and wait silently for a moment; breathe…relax…gently focus or close your eyes. After awhile read your devotion then be quiet again and let the thoughts settle in….pray….don’t leave quickly, but quietly move back into your day.
1. 5 minutes in the morning: How you begin your day is most important! Almost every important religious tradition speaks to the necessity of starting the day correctly. After one of the busiest days recorded in Jesus’ ministry, the next morning the disciples found him out alone, having risen early to pray. Get up just 5 minutes earlier and spend it in quietude and you will come to see what a difference it will make!
2. 5 minutes at lunch: If at home, go to your quiet place again or find some place at work where you can retreat for just 5 minutes. Go there around noon and shut out all thoughts of work. Sit quietly, eyes closed, and body relaxed. Breathe gently and just think about your breath. Recall, if you wish, the truths of your early morning devotion. Keep your thoughts away from work, problems, or “to-do”s. For a few minutes, just be at peace. End with a simple prayer of thanksgiving and then resume your day’s activities.
3. 5 minutes to end the day: As the day ends, return for just a few moments to your quiet place. After your few moments of relaxing, focusing and breathing you may want to give thanks as you recall the day just past. Briefly examine your conscience and pray, clearing it of all that disturbs you.
Try using this 15-minute a day refresher for a month and see if your sense of peace and calm have increased and stress decreased. You’re worth it!

Author: Patti Hatton, MA, LPC

Through a fellowship with The Hope & Healing Center and Institute, located on the campus of St. Martin’s Episcopal Church, Houston, Patti Hatton, MA, LPC developed a growth and enrichment program for marriages which counsels couples on the basis of the greatest commandment: love God first, with all your heart, soul and mind, then love yourself, and love others as you have learned to love yourself. Highway to the Heart provides encouragement about living life with purpose and ongoing dialog about relationships.

About the Author:

Dr. Corley is a Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor (LPC-S) in Missouri and Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC) in Kansas. He specializes in marriage counseling and trauma recovery. This is an excerpt from his series called Framework for Family.

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When you read the Old Testament, what do you see?


If you see a series of hodgepodge stories thrown together that are hard to make sense of, you are not alone. For a majority of my Christian life I struggled with the Old Testament. I had trouble wrapping my brain around what God wanted me to see, and how the stories of the patriarchs applied to me at all. But the truth is, their stories are full of profound moments. Moments that God uses to accomplish His plan of redemption for you, me, and the entire world. These moments are full of sadness and heart ache, joy and peace, and success and failure. Each moment designed by God to make the reader, or listener, contemplate and think about what God is doing and how He is doing it.


One of my favorite aspects of the Old Testament is the stories where God uses family to display his vision for the future of humanity. He does this consistently throughout the tumultuous and topsy turvy lives of every family. Like an artist painting a picture. Or a director filming a movie. Each family’s journey tells a story, frame by frame, scene by scene. And each story shows God’s vision in its own unique way. This vision, which is the redemption and reconciliation of the world, is proven at each and every pivotal moment. One of the most infamous moments is found in Genesis 22. And it is a strange tale. A tale of sacrifice, loyalty, and faith. In it, God tells Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac. To literally kill him on an alter. Isaac is the heir apparent and recipient of God's own promise to redeem the world. So not only is it seemingly wrong in that God is requesting murder. Something he's previously condemned. It also looks like He's going back on his promise to bless the world through Isaac. And so it's natural to think, "What in the heck is going on, and can God really be trusted to do what He says He's going to do?"


To the untrained eye, the above question is answered with a resounding, "No." But wait, it gets stranger. Abraham gathers Isaac, two servants, and his gear, and sets out to accomplish the task. No questions asked! So much for the importance of family, and so much for a loving God who cares for all His children! But before we condemn Abraham for being a fool and God for being a liar, a little back story is needed. Because Abraham is no stranger to God asking him to do strange things. In fact, up to this point in Abraham's journey, we have seen Abraham become prosperous by being obedient to God's strange requests. And we have seen him get into trouble by not following God's plan. Simply put, when Abraham does things God's way, he prospers his life and the lives of those around him. And when Abraham does things his way, he falters.


In Genesis 12, Abraham's journey starts out successful because he listened to God's request and left his family of origin. In contrast, the journey hits rocky ground when Abraham fails to ask God what he should do during a famine. Fear of starvation, a legitimate concern by most peoples standards, caused Abraham to make a decision without God. And so he takes matters into his own hands and moves the family to Egypt. This mis-step leads to deceit, danger, and disaster for Abraham's family, particularly his wife Sarah. And more importantly it puts God's promise of salvation for humanity at un-necessary risk. Because God had already promised to bless the nations through Abraham and Sarah's descendants in verses 2 and 3. But more on this moment later. Because you don't want to miss the principle that Abraham's story is teaching you right now. The Principle of Sacrifice. According to Thomas Constable,


“God called on Abraham to make five great sacrifices: his native country, his extended family, his nephew Lot, his son Ishmael, and his son Isaac. Each sacrifice involved something naturally dear to Abraham, but each resulted in greater blessings from God.”

The Principle of Sacrifice is important to understand, even if you've been walking with the Lord for a while and you know the principle well. Or maybe you know it, and haven't quite had it described to you in this way. For me personally, it is one of the scariest principles you must acknowledge and apply. It is important you know it well so that you can know what the will of God is in your life. Because your sacrifices are going to be inextricably linked to God's plan for you. Ultimately, God will require you to give up things you hold dear in order to bless your life and/or the lives of those around you. Paul says it best in Romans 12:1-2,


Therefore I exhort you, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a sacrifice—alive, holy, and pleasing to God—which is your reasonable service. Do not be conformed to this present world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may test and approve what is the will of God—what is good and well-pleasing and perfect.

If your first thought is, "Um, no thank you." Don't fret, that makes you human. Furthermore, don't worry, God is not careless with his requests or His tests. He knows how painful they can be. And so He presents them at the right time and in the right way. Which means you can trust the details of your personal sacrifices to Him. For instance, the sacrifice of Isaac was Abraham's final test in his series of five great sacrifices. Abraham trusted God with Isaac's life because he had stepped out in faith in previous sacrifices. All of which included family relationships that were dear to him. After all Abraham had been through, he knew God possessed the supernatural power to bring Isaac back from the dead. Isaac himself had been conceived miraculously and Abraham knew the power to give life resided with God. Hebrews 11:19 gives us the insight we need.


By faith Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac. He had received the promises, yet he was ready to offer up his only son. God had told him, “Through Isaac descendants will carry on your name,” and he reasoned that God could even raise him from the dead, and in a sense he received him back from there.

Here's the short and skinny. In your relationships, trust is earned, not given. And earning trust takes time. It takes periodic acts of faith where risk of safety and security are on the line. Which takes faith in the person, persons, or Person you are in relationship with. And every relationship in your life contains levels of trust. Do you trust your spouse? Do you trust your children? Do you trust your boss or those who you do ministry with? Why or why not? If the answer is "no", it may be because you have stepped out in good faith and been burned. If the answer is "yes", then the relationship has been rewarded by stepping out in good faith and having that person come through for you. This is The Principle of Faith Equals Trust.


The Principle of Sacrifice -- God will require you to give up things you hold dear in order to bless your life and the lives of those around you.
The Principle of Faith Equals Trust: All relationships require acts of faith, big and small, which multiply trust and increase connection in that relationship.

In these chapters you're focusing on your relationship to God. Do you trust God? If not, why? What happened? Did you get burned? Before moving forward in your relationship with God you will need to answer these questions. Because if you do not trust Him, your relationship can only go so deep. And if your relationship with God does not get consistently deeper. You will become stagnant in your faith. Imagine if Abraham did not have a relationship with God, then he would not have trusted God to do what He did in any of his moments. I believe there must have been hundreds if not thousands of times that God and Abraham spoke with one another. Each time an opportunity for God to build trust with Abraham.


Go back to Genesis and read each moment where Abraham is required to make a sacrifice. Do these seem like random one-off conversations between two strangers to you? No, they do not. In fact, Abraham recognizes God and God speaks to Abraham as if they know one another intimately. God and Abraham are connected on a deep relational level. And if Abraham did not trust God, then stepping out in faith becomes unreasonable. But if you live by the framework, and you develop a trusting relationship with God built on faith. What is reasonable to you will change. Because you have seen God accomplish great and wonderful things when you step out in faith. And your faith will increase, multiplying moment after moment. Increasing each time you place your trust in God and step out in faith in your relationship with Him.


Now, I don't want you to get the wrong idea. God is not calling you to literally sacrifice your teenager on the alter. No matter how much you may wish for it! So listen carefully. This is one of the most important takeaways for your understanding the principles above. God will challenge your trust in him by asking you to step out in faith during your moments. And the more you trust Him, the more He will ask from you. Faith and trust will compound on one another via your relationship with God to bless your life and the lives of those around you. Your spouse, your children, your coworkers, and your ministry. And it all starts by building trust in your relationship with God through faith. That is how God works. And this makes it even more important that we keep an adequate check and balance on the things we think God is asking us to sacrifice. So if God has brought you to a moment and you are confused about what to do next. Check three things.


Check the Bible. Is what God is asking you to do consistent with the commands you see in Scripture?

Check with God. Pray about what God would have you to do and ask for him to bring clarity to your situation.
Check with your spouse and at least one pastor, counselor, or mentor. You don't do faith alone. You have a spouse and a church community for a reason. Use them to help guide your decisions. You'll be glad you did.

Making big decisions should always be brought before our important relationships for a thorough analysis. This is because we cannot always trust our own hearts and minds to lead us down the right path. Emotions are great teachers, but poor leaders. The prophet Jeremiah says it this way, "The heart is deceptive above all things, who can understand it?" And so we must live with the fact that our thoughts and emotions cannot always be trusted. Because we don't want to take our family to Egypt when the Lord wants us to stay put.


This all looks contradictory. Because I am asking you to trust God in order to increase your faith. And these things are, in essence, wrapped up in your thoughts and emotions. Which introduces our next section perfectly. Because your psychology, the way you think and feel, matters to God. Your thoughts and your emotions play a pivotal role in your relationship with Him. Therefore, before you sacrifice your "Isaac" on the alter, read the next two chapters on thoughts and emotions, and their role in your relationship with God.

I will be teaching three workshops at an upcoming singles event at New Seasons church in Paulding County.

What is Codependency and How Does it Affect Relationships?

Read full blog here: https://www.florecerfamilycounseling.com/post/what-is-codependency-and-how-does-it-affect-relationships

ALSO IN SPANISH https://www.florecerfamilycounseling.com/post/qu%C3%A9-es-la-codependencia-y-c%C3%B3mo-afecta-las-relaciones?lang=es

Codependency is a term that often goes unnoticed in relationships until its effects become overwhelming. It describes a relationship dynamic where one partner excessively depends on the other for emotional and psychological needs, leading to an imbalance that can harm both individuals involved. Whether you're in a romantic relationship, a friendship, or even a professional setting, understanding codependency is crucial for maintaining healthy and fulfilling connections.

At Florecer Family Counseling, we recognize the complexities of relationships and the challenges that come with them. Whether you're seeking couples counseling, marriage counseling, anxiety therapy, depression therapy, Christian counseling, or therapy for Hispanics, we're here to help. Our goal is to support you in nurturing healthy relationships, improving your mental well-being, and guiding you through life's challenges.

In this blog we address:
Who Discovered Codependency
What is Codependency in Relationships?
Why is Codependency Unhealthy?
Where Does Codependency Come From?
When is Codependency a Problem?
How Codependency Affects Relationships
What are Some Common Codependency Issues?

Go to link to continue reading.

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome in Christian Faith: A Journey of Trust and Growth

Imposter syndrome is a common issue. It affects about 70% of adults in many areas of life. It is a constant feeling of being inadequate despite success. In professional settings, individuals might attribute their achievements to luck rather than skill. For students, it could mean feeling undeserving of academic accomplishments. In personal relationships, one might feel unworthy of love or friendship.


For Christians, imposter syndrome takes on a unique spiritual dimension. It can manifest as doubt in one's faith, worthiness of God's love, or ability to serve in the church. This doubt can stem from various sources:

CONTINUE READING
https://www.florecerfamilycounseling.com/post/overcoming-imposter-syndrome-in-christian-faith-a-journey-of-trust-and-growth

ALSO IN SPANISH
https://www.florecerfamilycounseling.com/post/c%C3%B3mo-superar-el-s%C3%ADndrome-del-impostor-en-la-fe-cristiana-un-camino-de-confianza-y-crecimiento?lang=es

Christian Counselor, Clifton Fuller, recently published his second book about the narcissistic personality which is available on Amazon. It's entitled, "The Narcissist: When Dreams Become Nightmares." It discusses the deception of an NPD, the conmen they are, and how to recognize their warning signs. From 'closet narcissists' to 'malignant' (dangerous) narcissists, their behaviors must be honestly observed for our own protection.

Whereas Fuller's first book ("The Marriage Vampire") was written for Christian women and has many scriptures that warn Christians about narcissism, the second book takes a more clinical approach, sharing the different types of NPDs and why we must approach them in very different ways.

Find out more by visiting https://www.cliftonfuller.com/books and other publications by FullerPublishing.com

Victory Over The Enemy
February 2, 2012 by ritabowman

Psalm 18:1-3

1. I will love thee, O LORD, my strength.
2. The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength,
in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.
3. I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised:
so shall I be saved from mine enemies.”

God wants us to be mature and free. We can trust God and depend on His promises. “I will deliver you from the hand of the wicked, and I will redeem you from the grip of the terrible.” Jeremiah 15:21

Step One:
Before we can have victory over an enemy, we must first identify the true enemy. It is difficult for an immature Christian to recognize the enemy in day to day life situations. God compares our spiritual maturity with physical maturity so we can understand.

Just as children mature in stages, so do we as Christians. Just as new born babies cannot eat or digest solid food, sit up, turn over, crawl, walk, talk, etc., every stage of development occurs as an infant matures. As the body matures, their abilities increase until one day the infant becomes a toddler who is able to interact with his/her world on a completely different level than he/she was as an infant. Then “suddenly” this child is no longer a toddler, the child is now able to meet more challenges of development with a little more maturity, but still not wise enough to make important decisions. They still need parents to provide, care for and protect them.

God compares our immature state as a Christian, to young children, lacking wisdom to make good decisions, easily influenced by others and unable to recognize the spiritual battle before us.
In this immature state we don’t always see the enemy’s role, and understand his attacks in life’s problems and day to day situations. This lack of understanding causes pain, confusion and many times some just “give up”, which leads to other spiritual problems for a Christian. You know – the domino effect, one problem (ignored or unsolved leads to another problem, which leads to another and so on).

God wants us to grow up in our knowledge of Him, be mature Christians and “No longer children, being tossed to and fro.” (easily influenced)

Ephesians 4:13-15
13 “Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:
14That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;
15But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:”

Step Two Spiritual Warfare: Who is the Enemy? With whom do we wrestle in the following verses?

In 2 Corinthians 10:3-5
For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh: For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty in God for the pulling down of strong holds; Casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ”.

Ephesians.6:12 “ We do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.”

Step Three - God has given us a foundation which provides protection and deliverance from satan and his fallen angels. [Ephesians 6:13-18]

Put on the whole Armor of God!
Helmet of Salvation
Breastplate of Righteousness
Belt of Truth buckled around your waist
Shield of Faith
Sword of the Spirit (Word of God)
Shoes of the gospel of peace

What examples can you give of how satan opposes us and is committed to doing everything within his power to keep us from realizing “who we are and what we have” in Christ. (Eph. 6:12)

Step Five- Galatians 5:1tells us to “Stand Fast” in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.”

As long as Satan can confuse us and blind us with his lies we cannot see that those chains have been broken. We are FREE in Christ, but if Satan can deceive us into believing we are not free, we won’t experience the freedom we have inherited through Christ Jesus.

God Bless you in your travels today. Remember, We are on this Journey together, and will continue to be until HE comes. Then we will have reached our final destination and will be HOME in Heaven with our precious SAVIOR for eternity.
By God’s Grace
Rita Bowman

Grieving a loss? You don't have to do it alone. Our grief educational workshop offers a safe and supportive space to learn about grief, share experiences, and connect with others.

Join us every 3rd Monday evening form 7pm-8pm via Zoom. $10 suggested donation, pay-what-you-can options available too.

www.creeksidetherapeutics.com

The Anchor of Hope Counseling Support Group offers a sanctuary for individuals coping with depression, providing a compassionate and nurturing environment for shared healing and personal growth. We are committed to fostering resilience, understanding, and wellness through community support, educational workshops, and evidence-based practices. We aim to empower each member with the tools and confidence needed for managing their mental health, promoting a journey of recovery anchored in hope and solidarity.

This 12-week program begins Dec 9 from 5 p.m. to 6:30 p.m. The cost is $35 per session or $420 for the full program. Financing is available. To register, call 443-860-6870 or email elishaslee@counselingmail.com.

The holiday season is supposed to be full of food, festivities, friends and family. But all too often holidays aren't what we hope they would be. As a family therapist Eva Imber-Black has noted “Families’ greatest strength and their most painful vulnerabilities are in the air at holiday time. Things that happen during the holidays will all become an indelible part of family history.

Family rituals. Family rituals such as coming home for the holiday define family life. They are patterned ways of relating to one another. Rituals focus interactions and clarify both individual differences and emotional connections among family members and friends.

When they work rituals provide family members with a sensible longing that reinforces family connections, values, and ethnic traditions. When they go bad, family members may feel isolated, lonely, and depressed as though they were in the midst of strangers. (King Solomon indicates that we must have heart-to heart relationships with family that are based on boundaries and sincerity - Prov 27:10b) Rituals that bring families closer are:

Flexible. Traditions must be flexible enough to allow members to respond to family changes and to allow some spontaneity.
Voluntary. When practiced out of duty alone, a tradition can become a meaningless obligation rather than a joy.
Balanced. Rituals should reflect all the needs of all family members and not just the interests of a few. For instance, when children grow up and marry, they have two homes to visit for the holidays not just one.
Honest. Families may try to avoid painful memories like the death of a loved one by adopting a business-as-usual attitude to holidays, but holiday gatherings can be a special time for family members to come together and deal openly with feelings.
Enduring. death divorce or natural disasters can disrupt family to distance. Although it may seem easier to let rituals falter and die, they can provide real sustenance and become even more meaningful during trying times.

When rituals are both rooted in the past and adopted to present needs, they can provide families with an ongoing sense of continuity and change. Remember that John Gray said that tradition is the living faith of people who have passed on and traditionalism is the dead faith of people that are still living.
Family changes: Families like the individuals in them grow and change families gain members by birth or marriage, lose them through death, divorce, or distance. Family members’ priorities may change as they mature and develop identities apart from the family. The impact of change on families is usually most evident during the holidays.

When faced with change families must find a new map for plotting holiday get togethers. The simplicity of childhood holidays gives way to new considerations, who to include, whose house for celebrations, etc. The strain of trying to please everyone can override the joy and deeper meaning of the holiday. No matter when the changes occur, the way they're handled at this time of year may affect the family ever after. For that reason, most therapists advise caution initiating change on special occasions.

Chances are your family isn't perfect. If you accept this and alter expectations accordingly, you may find there's still no place like home for the holidays.
Holiday Conflicts - at holiday times tensions can run high. Although fighting is a normal part of family life it's more common in holidays because...
Issues abound. One topic conversation leads to another and unsolved issues surface.
Attacks turn personal. Discussions too easily become heated attacks on personalities.
Stereotyping occurs. Problems are exasperated by black and white thinking or either or thinking.
Others joined the fray. Disputes spread as family members take sides.
Try to contain family tensions so they don’t ruin your holidays families need this time to enjoy special events together. Remember, family relationships are more important than petty arguments. Accept your differences and keep your sense of good cheer.
Happy family holidays:
Be tolerant. Extra doses of patience, acceptance and humor during this time of forced togetherness is the key to enjoyable family holidays.
Adjust your expectations. What the urge to idealize the holidays. With modest realistic expectations you're more likely to enjoy yourself and your family.
Keep holiday rituals flexible. Draw a distinction between the holidays as institutions and what they mean to you and your family. Examine family traditions each year; Dispensed with those parts of your celebrations that don't work and preserve what means the most. Create new rituals that reflect family changes.
Make plans. Don't leave holiday celebrations to chance. Let loved ones know what your plans, intentions and expectations are.
Take care of yourself. Traveling disturbs normal routines. Eating and exercise regularly and try to get some time alone.
Don't regress! Returning to your childhood home often reactivates childhood feelings and fears. It’s important to maintain your boundaries – physical, emotional, and intellectual you may even want to consider staying in a hotel rather than your childhood bed.

In the journey of life, each of us reaches intersections that command pivotal decisions—choices that shape our future trajectory. For those who have experienced trauma, these crossroads can be fraught with additional layers of complexity and emotion. From a Christian perspective, understanding the influence of trauma on major life decisions is not just about self-awareness; it’s about recognizing the sovereignty of God in our healing and the decisions we face.

The Shadow of Trauma on Decision-Making

Trauma, by its nature, leaves a mark on our psyche, influencing how we view the world, ourselves, and our choices. It can induce a hyper-vigilant state where decision-making becomes a battleground of fear and confusion. For the Christian, this can mean a struggle to discern God’s voice amidst the clamor of past pain.

In the aftermath of trauma, major life decisions regarding career, relationships, or even faith can feel insurmountable. The fear of repeating past mistakes or new harm can lead to decision paralysis, a state where fear, rather than faith, becomes the guiding force.

The Christian Response to Trauma

In addressing trauma, it is essential to recognize that healing is both a psychological and a spiritual journey. The Bible does not shy away from the realities of pain and suffering. Psalms are filled with cries of anguish, yet they remind us of God’s presence and faithfulness in our darkest hours (Psalm 23:4).

1. Seeking God amid Pain—Intimacy with God can be a fortress in the healing journey. Prayer, meditation on the Scriptures, and participation in community worship can provide comfort and guidance. Seeking God’s wisdom in decisions allows us to surrender our fears, trusting that His plans are to prosper and not to harm (Jeremiah 29:11).

2. The Role of Community - Trauma can often isolate us, making the body of Christ an essential element in healing. A supportive faith community can offer understanding, empathy, accountability, and wisdom that aids in sound decision-making.

3. Walking in Faith, Not Fear - Scriptures encourage us not to be anxious about anything but to present our requests to God (Philippians 4:6). Making decisions post-trauma involves stepping out in faith, often before fears have entirely subsided. In this step of faith, we can witness God turning our mess into a message.

4. The Process of Renewal—Romans 12:2 discusses the transformation that comes from renewing our minds, a critical aspect of healing from trauma. Reframing our thoughts and focusing on God’s truth, we can view our decisions and circumstances with renewed hope and clarity.

The Testimony in Recovery

For Christians, trauma is not the end of the story. It’s often in our brokenness that God’s strength shines brightest. Many biblical figures, such as Joseph, David, and Paul, experienced significant trauma, yet God used their stories for greater purposes. Sharing how we’ve seen God work in our healing can become a powerful testimony that encourages others and glorifies God.

Moving Forward with Grace

As we navigate the aftereffects of trauma, making decisions with certainty can seem like a distant reality. Yet, embracing God’s grace for ourselves and relying on His guidance can free us from the chains of past pain. Each choice becomes an opportunity to experience God’s faithfulness anew.

The impact of trauma on life decisions is significant, but so is the power of Christ’s redemption. As we walk this healing journey, let us cling to the promise that God works for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

In conclusion, navigating major life decisions in the wake of trauma is a profound challenge, yet it presents an equally profound opportunity for spiritual growth and renewal. Through seeking God’s presence, relying on the wisdom of the Christian community, and walking in faith rather than fear, we can face these crossroads not as victims of our past but as victors in Christ.

American Association for Marriage and Family Therapist Marriage Preparation Program: A Marriage Maintenance Perspective

The “out of the box” program I have chosen to highlight, and review is one commonly used by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapist (AAMFT). The text for this brochure was written by Jeffry H. Larson, Ph.D. I have integrated the key concepts of the conceived program into this week’s discussion reading and video presentations.

Program Content and Staff Commitment

The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) has developed a program entitled Marriage Preparation. According to Larson (n.d.). “Social scientists and clinicians have found two dozen or so specific factors that predict future marital satisfaction. These factors can be viewed as forming a triangle-a model known as the marriage triangle” (para. 3). The three factors in the triangle are constructed around three key factors: (a) individual traits, (b) couple traits and (c) personal and relational contexts. It is imperative for the counseling staff involved in the premarital counseling process to have a clear framework, goals and objectives to increase the likelihood of the premarital counseling success. According to Clinton and Trent (2009), premarital counseling is highly recommended so that the prospective husband and wife can gain clarity regarding their “expectations, habits, flaws, beliefs, and values” (p. 236) and to purposefully identify marital assumptions and perceptions held by the couple with a view to minimizing future potential conflict.

Delivery Format

Individual traits include the individuals’ personalities associated with any consideration for marriage as well as an examination of the state of their emotional health. For example, a couple’s level of flexibility and adaptability to various life situations and circumstances should be assessed by the practitioner. In addition, the therapist should endeavor to determine the positive factors such as integrity and self-esteem discerned during the assessment process. Negative factors such as impulsive behaviors or irrational decision making should be identified during the skill development phase of the program. It is also important to establish couples’ worldviews on marriage. What are their core beliefs and values on marriage? Are there possible deep-rooted issues and elevated levels of dysfunction stemming from their family origin? As such, some review of the couple’s interpersonal communication skills is also highly recommend (Clinton & Trent, 2009; Larson, n.d.).

Second, couple traits include the ability of the couple to engage in meaningful and effective couple communication. Effective communication is an integral component of building a team-oriented perspective of marriage. It also serves as a vehicle towards building oneness in the marriage relationship and more effective conflict resolution skills (Larson, n.d). Another critical component of the couple traits is determining how long and how well the couples know each other. According to Clinton and Trent (2009), during the assessment interview some of the suggested questions related to the degree of acquaintance should include: “How did you meet? What do you love about each other?” (p. 237).

Third, personal and relationship contexts include family background characteristics. It is important to establish from both parties if they were previous marriages or any existing children or specific plans about having children. Clinton and Trent (2009) suggest that interview questions on specifics plans in relations to children, parenting styles theological histories, finances and money management, friendship and boundary demarcations, extended familial relationships and the quality of an individual's parents' marriage should all be discussed (Clinton & Trent, 2009; Larson, n.d).

Participants’ Commitment

Participants’ commitment can be compartmentalized into two phases. First, it is important to delineate and understand the premarital factors discussed above. The second phase is based on seeking to assess the three factors outlined above in oneself as well as in the relationship with one’s future spouse. This can be accomplished most effectively by having couples complete a comprehensive Premarital Assessment Questionnaire (PAQ). Best outcomes are obtained when couples are encouraged to gain a meaningful interpretation of the questionnaire’s results with their partner (Larson, n.d).

Strengths and Weaknesses

Three high-quality Premarital Assessment Questionnaires (PAQs) provide couples with useful feedback on their strengths and weaknesses. The three areas of focus are: (a) Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding and Study (FOCCUS), (b) Relationship Evaluation (RELATE) and (c) Premarital Preparation and Relationship Enhancement (PREPARE). It takes approximately one hour to complete the PAQs. Upon completion, the couple receives a detailed written report “about individual traits, couple traits, and contexts of your relationship” (Larson, n.d., para. 7) The strengths and weaknesses in the defined categories outlined above are highlighted.

RELATE can be completed online and provides a self-interpretive report, enabling you to analyze and interpret the results. FOCCUS and PREPARE are used with the assistance of a premarital counselor or clergy person trained in using these instruments. The cost of taking these PAQs is relatively inexpensive ($10 - $30 per couple). All contain questions for people considering remarriage, as well. The accuracy of the results depends on the honesty and insight of the partners when they answered the questions. (Larson, n.d., para. 7)

The fundamental goal of the PAQs is to heighten awareness and discussion between couples. It also serves to: (a) discover the individual strengths and weaknesses of the couple and (b) evaluate their readiness for marriage. Ideally, these goals should be met prior to marriage. The PAQs aim to encourage awareness and couple discussion of strengths and weaknesses and readiness for marriage. The results from the PAQs are used to cultivate discussions between partners to more systematically work on developing individual strengths and overcoming weaknesses. This is important to do because of weaknesses that exist before marriage. which remain unattended, usually develop into bigger problems following marriage. In addition, since couples during the premarital stage of their relationship tend to be more emotionally engaged and committed to their relationship, it is arguably the optimum time to have, what could be at times, potentially sensitive discussions (Larson, n.d.).

Program Application

There are three important keys necessary to move from the application of the Personal Assessment Questionnaire (PAQ) to personal and couple improvement: (a) Identifying the specific areas of concern found in the PAQ results and celebrating the strengths perhaps like healthy personal and family backgrounds, (b) deciding what are the primary contributors to problems in the relationship. For example, poor listening skills, ambivalence to marriage or feeling a sense of familial and partner pressure to get married and (c) identifying the relevant resources needed to help improve any weaknesses discovered during the assessment process. Some possible resources may include “reading self-help books, listening to audio or video tapes, attending a communication skills training group, or premarital counseling” (Larson, n.d., para. 8).

Likelihood of Success

Relationship success in marriage is contingent on a plethora of critical factors. Vernick (2013) sheds light on some of the essentials that she posits are necessary for a thriving marital relationship namely: mutuality (mutual partner contributions to relationship care and maintenance); reciprocity (shared power and responsibilities in the relationship) and freedom (being allowed to be authentic in your marriage relationship). Arguably such couple traits increase the likelihood of marital success. Likewise, Weeks and Hoff (2005) advance a triangular model, not dissimilar to that proposed by the AAMFT, which incorporates three components namely: commitment, intimacy and passion. Commitment is a cold cognitive component, intimacy is the warm and emotional component and passion is the hot “forming the motivational leg of the triangle” (Weeks & Hoff, 2005, p. 24). According to Larson (n.d):

A PAQ may also be helpful in discovering that further assessment or counseling is needed. For example, if an individual's PAQ results show that she or he is depressed, anxious, or has low self-esteem, a more thorough mental health assessment may be recommended, possibly including therapy. The person's improvement in mood and self-esteem will naturally increase the chances of being happily married. (para. 9)

In summary, the AAMFT’s Preparation Program incorporates several salient features geared towards developing the skills training necessary for positive outcomes in marriage preparation. In this discussion, I have sought to highlight some of its key elements including: the program content and staff commitment required, its format for effective delivery, the level of participant commitment needed, the programs key strengths and weaknesses, its application style and the key elements that could determine its likelihood of success.

References

Clinton, T., & Trent, J. (2009). The quick-reference guide to marriage & family counseling. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic.

Larson, J. H. (n.d.). Marriage preparation. Retrieved from https://www.aamft.org/iMIS15/AAMFT/Content/consumer_updates/marriage_preparation.aspx

Vernick, L. (2013). The emotionally destructive marriage: How to find your voice & reclaim your hope. Colorado Springs, CO: Waterbrook.

Weeks, G. R., & Hof, L. (2005). Integrative solutions: Treating common problems in couples’ therapy. New York, NY: Brunner & Mazel.

Hey mama, does the idea of making one more decision make you want to crawl back under the covers? The nonstop choices we have to make—big ones, small ones, and the endless in-between—can leave us feeling like our minds have simply checked out. And it’s no wonder. Between managing the house, caring for kids, and keeping up with everyone’s needs, it’s as if our mental energy gets zapped from morning to night.

If you’re feeling this way, it’s not because you’re doing anything wrong. It’s because motherhood is hard, and the pressure to make endless decisions, often perfectly, is exhausting. So let’s talk about what mom decision fatigue is, why it hits us so hard, and how we can take that mental load down a notch.

P.S. If you’re new here, you might be wondering, who is this person acting like they know? Hi, it’s me—mom of four, and I’ve been through it all, from mental overload to the bone-deep exhaustion. I’ve had my share of days where I just wanted to pause all the “what’s next” questions. So trust me, I get it, and I’m here to help you find some calm in the chaos. Let’s dive in.

What Is Mom Decision Fatigue?
Mom decision fatigue is what happens when you feel like you’re running on empty from making decision after decision. It’s that “I just can’t decide” feeling, even about simple stuff, because your brain is done with thinking. And while all moms experience some level of mental exhaustion, decision fatigue becomes real when you’re juggling everyone’s needs and constantly making calls on things like what’s for dinner, scheduling, and yes, even big life choices.

The Weight of Constant Choices
Motherhood is a marathon of choices. When we’re not deciding what to cook or whether we should sign up for the latest after-school activity, we’re juggling our own work, the household, and our relationships. All that deciding can lead to overwhelm and burnout, making even simple choices seem impossible.

If your mental load feels like it’s weighing you down, you’re not alone. And if you’re struggling with that nagging need to get it just right, check out The Pressure to Be the Perfect Mom: How to Embrace Being Good Enough for tips on releasing that perfectionism.

Signs You’re Dealing with Decision Fatigue
How do you know if you’re caught in the cycle of decision fatigue? Here are a few tell-tale signs that your mental energy may be running low:

Procrastination on Small Choices
When you’re so drained that even tiny decisions feel monumental, it’s a strong sign you’re dealing with decision fatigue. Suddenly, picking a show to watch, deciding on a snack, or choosing what to make for dinner becomes exhausting. These small choices usually require minimal effort, but when you’re burnt out, even thinking about them can feel like one choice too many. You’re not being lazy or indecisive—it’s just your brain asking for a break.

Feeling Overwhelmed by Simple Tasks
Tasks that used to be quick and easy now seem like a mountain to climb. Folding laundry, prepping school lunches, or tackling a basic errand may feel like it requires way more energy than you can give. It’s like each task holds a hidden weight, and rather than taking action, your brain hits pause. Sound familiar? You’re not alone—decision fatigue makes even the smallest tasks feel like big asks because your mental reserves are running on empty.

Irritability and Emotional Exhaustion
Ever notice yourself snapping over something minor or feeling waves of frustration out of nowhere? When your mental bandwidth is maxed out, it often shows up in your emotions. Little things that wouldn’t normally bother you become the tipping point, and you may find yourself more emotional, irritable, or just worn out. It’s as if your tolerance for stress shrinks, and it’s not your fault—it’s your brain’s way of saying, “I’ve had enough!”

Avoidance or Decision Paralysis
Sometimes, decision fatigue shows up as avoidance or an overwhelming feeling of paralysis. You might find yourself putting off decisions that need to be made—like booking appointments, handling emails, or even making a simple phone call. It’s not that you don’t know what to do, but that your mind is so worn out it can’t handle another choice right now. Instead, you might avoid the decision entirely, hoping it’ll become easier tomorrow (spoiler alert: it usually doesn’t).

If these signs feel all too familiar, know that you’re not alone. Decision fatigue is part of the “too much” that comes with modern motherhood, and it doesn’t mean you’re failing or that something is wrong with you. It just means you’re human, doing the best you can. The good news is, there are ways to ease this load and reclaim some much-needed mental space.

How to Ease Mom Decision Fatigue
Let’s talk solutions, because while it may not be possible to skip the decision-making, we can definitely make it easier. These strategies will help lighten the mental load, freeing up space for you to breathe and actually enjoy the moments that matter.

1. Simplify Your Routines to Remove Unnecessary Choices
Routines can be a sanity saver for moms. When you know what’s coming and don’t have to decide in the moment, your mind gets a little break. Mornings are a perfect example—if you can create a flow that feels good, you’ll find that “what’s next” doesn’t seem so hard to tackle.

Simplify Your Mornings
Building a simple morning routine can be life-changing, especially when you’re burnt out. And don’t worry; it doesn’t have to be a strict, all-or-nothing process. Just having a few key things in place can make mornings feel less chaotic. For more on creating an approachable morning routine, check out How to Create a Simple Morning Routine That Works for Burnt-Out Moms.

2. Set Boundaries to Protect Your Mental Space
Saying “no” can feel hard—especially when it’s to something you think you “should” do. But boundaries are the real MVP when it comes to lightening your load. The truth? You don’t have to make every decision or do it all. Setting boundaries lets you focus on what actually matters, which can help calm your mind.

Practice Saying No Without Guilt
Start small by practicing saying no to things that drain you. If an extra activity or commitment feels like too much, let it go. Creating space isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. Need a guide on saying no? How to Set Boundaries and Find Peace: A Guide to Saying No Politely and Maintaining Healthy Relationships has practical ways to start.

3. Use Simple Systems to Cut Down on Choices
No need to dive into elaborate organization methods here; small, simple systems can ease the choice overload without adding complexity to your life. Think about the areas that usually trip you up—like meals or getting out the door. Then put a small system in place to remove some of those micro-decisions.

Meal Planning (Without the Overwhelm): Even a rough meal plan for the week can save you daily decisions on what to eat. Nothing fancy needed—just jot down a few go-to meals.

Clothing Choices: Set out your outfit the night before, or pick one for each day at the start of the week. Every decision you remove frees up a little more mental space.

4. Let Go of “Perfect” and Trust Yourself
When every decision feels monumental, it’s often because we’re putting too much pressure on ourselves. It’s okay to choose “good enough.” Embrace imperfection and know that every decision doesn’t have to be the “best” one.

It might be helpful to think of each choice as an experiment instead of a definitive answer. This mindset shift can make decisions feel less loaded and more like learning moments.

Finding Energy and Peace Amidst Decision Fatigue
When decision fatigue hits hard, self-care is one of the best ways to refuel. Give yourself permission to step away from the constant mental load, even if it’s only for a few minutes. Take a breather, journal, or just close your eyes and sit in quiet. Even small pauses can make a difference.

And if you’re looking to add more small moments of joy and self-connection, try exploring What Are Glimmers? Small Moments of Joy to Lighten Your Day as a Mom to find ways to reclaim little pockets of happiness amidst the daily hustle.

Ready to Ditch Decision Fatigue and Simplify Your Mental Load?
If you’re feeling worn out by the constant decision-making, know this: you don’t have to keep doing it all alone. Decision fatigue is real, and the mental load of motherhood can feel heavy. But there are ways to make it lighter and bring back some ease to your daily life. Let’s recap the key takeaways from today:

Recognize the Signs: When small choices feel monumental, when simple tasks feel like too much, or when irritability sneaks in, it’s time to give yourself grace and acknowledge that decision fatigue is playing a role.

Simplify Routines and Choices: Creating streamlined routines around meals, mornings, and daily tasks takes some of the thinking off your plate and gives you breathing room.

Set Boundaries to Protect Your Energy: Saying “no” or creating space around things that drain you can help lighten the mental load and preserve your energy for what really matters.

Embrace Imperfection: Let go of the pressure to make perfect choices. Choosing “good enough” can be a freeing and powerful way to reduce decision-making stress.

But here’s the thing: knowing these strategies is one thing; putting them into practice is another. That’s where coaching comes in.

If you’re ready to turn these insights into real, lasting changes, I’m here to help…
If you’re finding yourself exhausted by the constant mental juggling act of motherhood, you’re not alone. As a mom of four and someone who’s walked this path, I know just how heavy the daily decisions can feel, from small choices to the big ones. It’s easy to get overwhelmed, wondering if you’re doing enough or if you’re handling things “right.” But here’s a bit of relief: motherhood doesn’t have to mean carrying every choice and task alone, and it definitely doesn’t have to mean perfection.

That’s why I became a mom life coach. In our sessions, I work with moms like you to lighten that mental load, let go of the “shoulds,” and find an approach to daily life that feels supportive, realistic, and just right for you. If you’re ready to feel more calm, more present, and more in tune with what matters most, we’ll tackle it together with practical, down-to-earth strategies that work with your unique life.

In our sessions, we’ll go beyond the basics to get at the heart of what’s causing your decision fatigue. Together, we’ll work on practical, personalized strategies tailored to your unique life and goals, so that you can free up more mental energy, gain clarity, and find a rhythm that truly feels manageable. Here’s how we can tackle decision fatigue together:

Create Custom Routines That Work for You: We’ll look at your daily patterns and build routines that make your life easier—not more rigid. Imagine a morning routine that feels calming, or a simplified meal plan that doesn’t require daily decision-making.

Learn Boundaries and Time-Saving Techniques: We’ll work on learning to say “no” without guilt, identifying time-wasting traps, and creating boundaries around your mental space. Together, we’ll create “buffer” times for decompression that feel doable and nourishing.

Develop Realistic Self-Care Habits for Recharging: Forget the all-or-nothing self-care approach. We’ll find ways for you to recharge in small, realistic ways that fit into your daily life, even with a full schedule and family needs to juggle.

Reframe and Let Go of Perfectionism: If fear of making the wrong choice is fueling your fatigue, we’ll work on releasing that pressure. We’ll build your confidence to make choices that feel right without the weight of “getting it perfect.”

You deserve to feel more present, less stressed, and more at ease in the choices you make each day. If you’re ready to step into a version of motherhood that feels lighter and more aligned with what you truly need, let’s work together to make it happen.

Imagine what it would be like to wake up feeling a bit more energized, knowing you have a toolkit that helps you face the day with more peace and less overwhelm. Ready to find that balance? I’d love to support you on this journey.

Here’s to simplifying, reclaiming your headspace, and finding joy in the little moments. Let’s connect and get started.

-Kelly Mynatt, MA, BCBA, Mom Life Coach

Hey Mama, Feeling Like You’ve Lost Yourself? You’re Not Alone

Let’s be real—becoming a mom changes everything. Suddenly, your entire world revolves around making sure everyone else is taken care of, and somewhere in the middle of that, you’ve probably lost touch with yourself. It’s like you woke up one day and realized, “Wait...who am I beyond all the diapers, school runs, and snack requests?”

If you’ve ever caught yourself feeling like you’ve disappeared into the role of “mom,” know this: you’re not alone, and it doesn’t have to stay that way. There’s a way to rediscover who you are, find joy in the things you love, and feel more like you again. Ready to start? Let’s dig in together.

Why Feeling Lost as a Mom Is Totally Normal

Let’s just say it—motherhood is intense. The moment you become a mom, life changes in ways you can’t really prepare for. Suddenly, your time, energy, and focus are all directed toward caring for someone else. You’re managing nap schedules, grocery lists, school pickups, and all the things—and somewhere in the middle of that chaos, it’s easy to lose sight of who you are beyond the “mom” role.

But here’s the thing: you’re not the first mom to feel this way, and you certainly won’t be the last. So, if you’re feeling like you’ve lost a little (or a lot) of yourself since having kids, know this: it’s completely normal.

The Mental Load of Motherhood Is Real

One of the big reasons moms feel lost is because of what we call the “mental load.” You know, the invisible list of everything you’re responsible for? From remembering your kid’s favorite snacks to keeping track of doctor’s appointments, school events, and making sure everyone has clean clothes—it’s a lot. And when you’re constantly juggling this mental checklist, it’s easy for your own needs and identity to get lost in the shuffle.

And let’s not forget the pressure. Society has created this ideal of the “perfect mom”—the one who manages to do it all without breaking a sweat. But trying to live up to that image is exhausting and unrealistic. The reality is, motherhood is messy, and it’s okay if you don’t have it all figured out.

You’re Evolving, Not Losing Yourself

Another thing to remember is that motherhood doesn’t erase who you are—it just adds new layers to your identity. The person you were before kids is still in there, but now, you’ve evolved into someone who’s balancing a lot more. You’ve learned how to care for others in ways you probably never imagined, and that’s something to be proud of. However, it’s also important to make sure that “mom” isn’t the only part of your identity.

You’re still a person with dreams, interests, and passions outside of raising your kids. And while those things might get buried sometimes, they don’t disappear. The goal isn’t to go back to who you were before kids—it’s about rediscovering who you are now, with all the wisdom and experience you’ve gained as a mom.

It’s Okay to Miss “You”

It’s also completely okay to miss your old life sometimes. Missing your pre-kid freedom, your hobbies, or even just having time to sit down and think doesn’t make you a bad mom—it makes you human. In fact, it’s a sign that you need to reconnect with yourself, which is exactly what this journey is all about.

Feeling lost after becoming a mom is a normal part of the transition into this new chapter of your life. The key is giving yourself permission to take up space again—to find the balance between being a great mom and being the you that you miss.

How Motherhood Shifts Your Identity—And Why It’s Okay

From “Who I Was” to “Who I Am Now”

When you become a mom, life changes in ways that no one can really prepare you for. Suddenly, you go from having your own routines, goals, and interests to being completely immersed in your kids’ lives. It’s no wonder you sometimes feel like the old you has been replaced by...well, someone who hasn’t had a hot cup of coffee in years!

But here’s the good news: just because you’re a mom now doesn’t mean you’ve lost the person you were before. In fact, she’s still in there—she just might be a little buried under the chaos (and maybe some Goldfish crackers). The trick is learning how to dig her out.

Reconnect with What Brings You Joy—Even If It’s Just for 10 Minutes

Remember What Made You Feel Like You Before Kids?
Think back to the days before your life revolved around nap schedules and dishes. What did you love doing? Reading? Painting? Dancing like no one was watching? Whatever it was, it made you feel like you, and that’s exactly what we need to tap back into.

Bringing That Joy Back—No Matter How Busy Life Gets

Now, I know what you’re thinking—“Who has time for that anymore?” But here’s the thing: it doesn’t have to be a huge time commitment. You don’t need a whole day to yourself (though wouldn’t that be amazing?). Even carving out 10 minutes can make a difference. Love reading? Start with a chapter at night. Miss getting creative? Grab some markers and doodle while the kids are coloring. It’s about taking those small steps to reignite the things that make you feel like you again.

Set Boundaries—And No, You Don’t Need to Feel Guilty About It

Why Boundaries Are a Mom’s Best Friend
Here’s a little secret: you don’t have to do it all. Seriously. Part of reclaiming your identity is learning how to protect your time and energy, which means saying no sometimes. And before you feel guilty about it—let me tell you, it’s not selfish. It’s necessary.

How to Start Setting Small, Guilt-Free Boundaries

Boundaries don’t have to be big, dramatic lines in the sand. Start small—like carving out 20 minutes of quiet time in the evening or telling your partner you need an hour on Saturday morning to recharge. The more you practice, the easier it gets. Trust me, once you start saying “no” to the things that drain you, you’ll have so much more room for the things that lift you up.

Make Time for Self-Reflection—You Deserve It

Why Checking In with Yourself Is Key to Finding You Again
It’s hard to rediscover who you are if you never give yourself a minute to think about it. Taking time for self-reflection isn’t just a luxury; it’s a way to figure out what you actually need and want. So grab a cup of tea (or wine, no judgment), and ask yourself: What’s been missing from my life? What would make me feel more like me again?

Easy Ways to Build Self-Reflection Into Your Day

Self-reflection doesn’t mean you need to journal for hours (unless that’s your thing!). It can be as simple as taking 5 minutes before bed to jot down your thoughts, or just having a quiet moment in the shower (those shower thoughts are magic, aren’t they?). The more you check in with yourself, the clearer your path to reclaiming your identity will become.

Key Takeaways for Moms Ready to Rediscover Their Identity

Feeling lost is normal: Motherhood changes you, but it doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself.

Reconnect with joy: Start bringing small moments of happiness back into your routine, even if it’s just for 10 minutes.

Set boundaries: Protect your time and energy without guilt. You deserve space for yourself.

Self-reflection matters: Take time to check in with yourself and rediscover what lights you up.

Ready to Reclaim Your Identity?
If you’re feeling lost in the chaos of motherhood, I’m here to help.

Together, we’ll work on practical steps to reconnect with who you are beyond the role of “mom” and create space for the things that light you up.

It’s time to rediscover you—connect with me and let’s see what we can do together!

~Kelly, MA, BCBA, Mom Life Coach

What Does the Term “Worldview” Mean?

A worldview is a conceptual framework of how an individual perceives the world and is shaped by the individual core beliefs, values and cultural experiences which ultimately guide their behavior (Esqueda, 2014). According to Duckham and Schreiber (2016), “Worldviews are mediated by beliefs, and specifically by what one believes is true (ontology). One’s ontology leads to specific ways of going about knowing and perceiving the world (epistemology)” (p. 57). How individuals perceive truth and go about confirming their perception of truth has changed dramatically through the course of history (Duckham & Schreiber, 2016). Perceptual bifurcations as to what constitutes truth has resulted during the evolution of postmodernism, from the previously widely held ideology of modernism, resulting in paradigm shifts in believe systems (Kuhn, 1970).

A historical paradigm shift has occurred over time leading to the development of the scientific worldview. Heineman, Tyson and Pieper (2002) posit three paradigms that can be integrated within social contexts like in the case of a marital relationship namely: (a) logical empiricism which is based on an assumption that there is truth that can be uncovered, (b) relativism (or constructivism) which assumes that all truth is based on contextualization and (c) heuristics, which is described as “ways of perceiving, knowing, and solving problems” (p. 15). The nuance of critical realism features prominently, and has been incorporated, in the construct of the scientific worldview based on one’s personal perception of what constitutes realism. According to Duckham and Schreiber (2016) critical realism is defined as, “The real what exists in the world, the actual is what is knowable, and the empirical is what has been scientifically described” (p. 57).

The Secular Worldview versus The Biblical Worldview

Another prominent paradigm that exists is the secular worldview. According to Beeke (2015) secularism originates, “From the Latin word saecula, meaning this present age, or the fashion of the world around us” (p. 274). Hill (2015) introduced an interesting relationship between secularization and secularism, noting that secularization is a process that leads to adherence to the secular worldview. According to Hill (2015), secularism is “a state of affairs and a state of mind in which the realities of life are considered to be without spiritual significance” (p. 311). At its corpus, secularism (sometimes referred to as humanism) engenders a cultural milieu and mind-set that excludes religion and any doctrine of faith. As such, the institution of marriage would be governed by human desires and wishes as opposed to the biblical narrative of inerrant Scripture.

A biblical worldview is essential for followers of Jesus Christ to effectively live out their Christian faith (Dockery, 2007; Sire, 2009). At the corpus of shaping my biblical worldview is my Judeo-Christian faith. The Jewish worldview held the belief that there were two ages of redemption. The ages were segregated into the former age and the latter age. The former age was expected with special intervention by God within a period of history and the latter age was the final period and ending of God’s struggle against hostile forces (Scott, 1995). My Christian faith is rooted on three fundamental pillars as well: monotheism, the covenant, and God’s grace superseding the law (Scott, 1995).

My Personal Biblical Worldview of Marriage

My biblical worldview of marriage was framed from the construct that marriage is a covenant relationship as opposed to the commonly held secular worldview that marriage is simply a contractual relational agreement entered into by two persons. Willard (1998) captures the essence of how one’s belief system shapes one’s biblical worldview, “We always live up to our beliefs – or down to them, [sic] as the case may be. Nothing else is possible. It is the nature of belief” (p. 307). There are different schools of thought on marriage based on one’s biblical theology, specifically based on how one interprets what the bible has to say about marriage. Fundamental to the shaping of my biblical worldview of marriage are the doctrines of Creation and the Trinity (Genesis 1:26- 30), the fall of humanity (Genesis 3:5-7), the redemption of humankind through the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ (Hebrews 9:15; Titus 2: 14; Revelation 1:5-6), the establishment of a new heaven and earth (Isaiah 65:17; Isaiah 66:22; Revelation 21:1) and the biblical narratives that support these doctrines.

Based on my belief in Trinitarian theology, I believe the husband and wife were created in the image and likeness of God (Genesis 1:26). As such, I posit that we are spirit beings with a soul (mind, will and emotions) embodied in a physical body which will at death return to dust. My biblical worldview has been further shaped by my belief that the family was the first institution created by God when He took one of Adam’s ribs and made Eve is wife (Genesis 2:21-23). I believe that a husband first responsibility is to his wife, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24, King James Version) and a wife’s first responsibility is to her husband: “but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:20b).

From Theory to Christian Practical Application

In conclusion, my biblical worldview has been shaped by my relationship with the Trinity. However, a revelation of the power to live the Christian life through intimacy with the Holy Spirit has been a major contributor. Based on this relationship, I have learned how to be dependent on Him as opposed to my flesh. As such, experiential theology has, and continues to, guide my martial relationship through a daily life of payer, study of God’s Word and worship. I rely heavily on God’s grace, wisdom, and the Fruit of the Spirit (James 4:6; 2 Corinthians 8:7; Proverbs 1:7; Proverbs 4:6-7; Galatians 5:22-26) to guide my marriage and my life in general. I also subscribe to the view that the husband is the priest of his home and has a responsibility to love his wife as Christ loves the Church (Ephesians 5:25-33) and not to provoke our children t wrath, “but to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Galatians 6:4b). It is impossible to explicate the full extent of my biblical worldview of marriage in this discussion. However, I have used the biblical narrative to highlight some of the key features that have impacted my marriage and life over the past 28 years and helped shape my biblical worldview of marriage. Lastly, there are a plethora of worldviews that have evolved, and paradigm shifts that take have taken place, particularly in today’s postmodern culture, yet I unreservedly submit God’s Word will stand the test time regardless of continuously evolving worldviews or paradigm shifts.

References

Beeke, J. R. (2015). How to battle hostility and secularism. Puritan Reformed Journal, 7(1), 269-284.

Dockery, D. S. (2007). Renewing minds: Serving church and society through Christian higher education. Nashville, TN: B & H Academic.

Duckham, B. C. & Schreiber, J. C. (2016). Bridging worldviews through phenomenology. Social Work and Christianity, 43(4), 55-67.

Esqueda, O. J. (2014). Biblical worldview: The Christian higher education foundation for learning. Christian Higher Education, 13(2), 91-100.

Heineman-Pieper, J., Tyson, K. & Pieper, M. H. (2002). Doing good science without sacrificing good values: Why the heuristic paradigm is the best choice. Families in Society, 83(1), 15-28.

Hill, J. L. (2015). Secularization: A New Testament Perspective. Evangelical Review of Theology, 39(4), 311-323.

Kuhn, T. S. (1970). The structure of scientific revolutions: Chicago, IL: University of Chicago Press.

Scott, J. (1995). Jewish backgrounds of the New Testament. Grand Rapids: Baker Academic.

Sire, J. W. (2009). The universe next door: A Basic worldview catalog (4th ed.). Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic.

Willard, D. (1998). The divine conspiracy. New York, NY: HarperOne.

TCC Reflection Studies -> Grace -> Ephesians 2:1-10

Below is a "Reflection Study". I provide these to clients in session when they are wanting to work on a specific faith concern. We create them in-house. Enjoy!

1 "And you were dead in the trespasses and sins
2 in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—
3 among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.
4 But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us,
5 even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—
6 and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus,
7 so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.
8 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,
9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast.
10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

Reflection Questions on Ephesians 2:1-10:

1. Verse 1-3 (Dead in Sin):
A. What fears or anxieties arise for you when you reflect on your past or current struggles with sin?

B. How does acknowledging that all of us were "dead in transgressions" make you feel about your own spiritual journey?


C. Do you find yourself overly focused on your failures or mistakes? If so, why do you think that is?

2. Verse 4-5 (Made Alive in Christ):
A. How does it feel to read that God made you alive with Christ while you were still dead in sin? What does this say about God’s view of you?

B. What worries do you have about God’s love or forgiveness that make you feel anxious about your salvation?


C. When you hear the phrase, “It is by grace you have been saved,” what emotions or doubts come up for you?


D. How do you reconcile God's rich mercy with the times you fall short?

3. Verse 6-7 (Raised with Christ):
A. How does the idea of being "raised up with Christ" shift your perspective on your identity and worth in God’s eyes?

B. Do you struggle to believe that God’s grace is enough to cover your sins? What might be contributing to that struggle?

C. How does your anxiety about sin affect your relationship with God on a daily basis?

4. Verse 8-9 (Salvation by Grace through Faith)
A. What concerns or doubts arise when you consider that salvation is a gift from God, not something you can earn through good behavior or works?

B. How does anxiety about “being caught sinning” impact your trust in God’s grace?

C. In moments when you feel overwhelmed by fear of judgment, how can the truth that salvation is "the gift of God" bring peace to your heart?

D. What would change for you if you accepted that nothing you do can add to or take away from the grace God has already given you?

5. Verse 10 (Created for Good Works):
How does understanding that God has prepared good works for you help ease anxiety about needing to “prove” your worth?

A. When you think about the "good works" God has planned for you, does it bring excitement or pressure? How can you trust God to lead you in these works without feeling overwhelmed?


B. How can you find balance between striving for spiritual growth and resting in God’s grace, especially when anxiety tempts you to do more to earn His love?

THEREPEUTIC FOCUS
1. Identify Core Fears: What specific fears are driving your anxiety about being "good enough" for God?

2. Explore Self-Worth: How does your view of yourself align with what God says about you in this passage?

3. Grace vs. Perfectionism: In what ways do you feel that perfection is required for God's acceptance? How can embracing grace change this perspective?

4. Safety in God's Grace: How can meditating on God’s mercy and grace calm your fears about judgment or failure?

COPING STRATEGY
Meditation on Grace: Practice daily reminders that you are saved by grace, not by works. When anxious thoughts arise about sin or salvation, pause to repeat Ephesians 2:8 to yourself: "It is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God."

Ah, motherhood—the beautiful, exhausting, ever-complicated job that you didn’t exactly get a full description of when you signed up. Sure, there were the basics: feed them, love them, make sure they wear shoes in public. But what about everything else? Like the endless to-do list that lives in your brain, the mental catalog of every family member’s needs, and the sheer amount of logistics management that goes into daily life. That’s what we call the “invisible load.” And if you’re feeling completely wiped out most days, this invisible load is likely why.

Let’s be real: the invisible load isn’t something you can cross off a list. It’s more like an endless, looping list of all the things you remember at 2 a.m. but wish you didn’t. It’s the reason you can mentally scroll through every item in your fridge but can’t remember the last time you had ten minutes to yourself. So, if you’re constantly on the brink of burnout, you’re not alone—and it’s not “all in your head.” Let’s unpack what this invisible load is and, more importantly, how you can start making it a little less, well, invisible.

What Is the Invisible Load?

The “invisible load” is basically all the behind-the-scenes work that goes into running your family’s life. It’s the unseen tasks that no one talks about but can’t live without. Think of it as the software that keeps the whole family operation running smoothly, except you’re the one doing all the processing—and it’s totally draining your battery.

From remembering who needs a lunch packed to keeping track of birthdays to silently monitoring everyone’s mood to make sure no one is about to explode—you’re managing a million tiny details that are easy to miss but hard to let go of. And here’s the kicker: most people don’t see this work because it’s not about physical tasks. It’s about the mental gymnastics you do to keep life functioning. You’re not just “thinking ahead”; you’re practically running an emotional control center for everyone in the house.

Signs You’re Carrying an Invisible Load

So, how do you know if you’re carrying the invisible load? Here are some telltale signs:

You’re the Go-To for Everything:

Can’t find the socks? Need to know where that one green crayon went? You’re the default search engine for all lost items. Somehow, it’s assumed you have a mental catalog of every item in the house.

Your To-Do List is a Never-Ending Scroll:

You’re constantly adding things—book the dentist, remember teacher gifts, update the family calendar—and never really checking them off because, surprise, more stuff just keeps piling on.

3 a.m. Wake-Up Calls (Courtesy of Your Brain):

You’re suddenly awake at odd hours, mentally rehashing what you forgot to do yesterday and pre-planning for tomorrow. It’s like having a little alarm in your brain that goes off whenever you finally get a chance to rest.

You’re Always a Little Tired (Even After You “Rest”):

Even after a full night’s sleep (or what counts as one), you’re still tired. It’s not a physical tiredness—it’s that drained feeling that comes from having too much on your mind all the time. The invisible load weighs on you in ways a nap can’t fix.

If any of these sound familiar, congratulations—you’re officially carrying an invisible load. But don’t worry; now that we’ve put a name to it, we can start tackling it.

The Common Types of “Invisible” Tasks Moms Handle

There’s no one-size-fits-all version of the invisible load, but most of us have a few categories that we handle day in and day out. Let’s break them down:

Household Management:

Keeping the house running is a feat, even if you have help. The mental checklist for everything from laundry to bills to the recycling schedule often lives squarely in your head. And let’s not even start on meal planning—it’s like a never-ending episode of Chopped, but with picky eaters and zero prep time.

Emotional Labor:

You’re not just responsible for your own feelings, you’re the emotional thermostat for everyone in the house. You notice when one of the kids seems sad, when your partner’s stressed, and when you’re dangerously close to snapping (again). Your job is to keep everyone balanced, calm, and comforted—even if it means putting your own needs on the backburner.

Social Calendar Keeping:

Birthday parties, dentist appointments, school events, family gatherings—it’s all somehow coordinated and remembered by you. You’re not just a mom; you’re practically a part-time event planner, minus the paycheck.

These invisible tasks aren’t just chores; they’re mental and emotional energy drains that add up over time. Recognizing what kinds of invisible tasks you’re managing is the first step to reducing them—and maybe even sharing the load.

Why Is the Invisible Load So Exhausting?

Carrying the invisible load isn’t just about doing a lot of stuff—it’s about thinking about doing a lot of stuff. And all that mental juggling has a real impact on your energy and mental well-being. Think of it as decision fatigue. From the moment you wake up until you finally collapse into bed, you’re not just managing your day—you’re making hundreds of tiny decisions, calculations, and adjustments.

Research even shows that this kind of ongoing mental load can lead to stress and burnout over time. You’re not only thinking about what’s happening now, but you’re also planning ahead, anticipating issues, and managing emotions—all on autopilot. No wonder you feel wiped out, even after a “break.” The invisible load doesn’t stop just because you’re sitting down—it’s always running in the background like an app you can’t close.

Tips for Lightening the Load Without Letting Everything Fall Apart

Alright, now for the part you’re probably waiting for—how to make this load a little lighter. Spoiler alert: the goal here isn’t to get rid of every single mental task. Some of it is part of life, and some of it is just plain necessary. But there are ways to ease up and share the burden, so it’s not all falling on you.

Delegate Like a Boss

First up, delegation. And before you roll your eyes, hear me out. Delegating doesn’t mean just assigning tasks—it’s about sharing the mental load, too. Kids, even young ones, can handle some responsibility. And as for your partner? They may need a nudge, but they’re more than capable of stepping in.

Consider getting everyone on board with age-appropriate responsibilities. Young kids can help with simple things like setting the table or tidying up, while older kids can take on chores that actually free up your mental space. If it feels awkward at first, just remind yourself that you’re teaching them life skills—and that by lightening your load, you’re making more room for quality time together.

Let Go of Perfection

Let’s be honest, sometimes the biggest reason we can’t let go of a task is because we want it done a certain way (aka, the “right” way). But embracing a “good enough” mindset can do wonders for your sanity. The world won’t end if the laundry isn’t folded Marie Kondo-style, or if your kid’s lunch doesn’t look Pinterest-perfect.

Start by giving yourself permission to let some things slide. Embrace mismatched socks, or that store-bought birthday cake. Allowing a little imperfection is a small but powerful way to take some pressure off your plate and keep your energy for things that truly matter.

Use Tools for Mental Load Relief

You don’t need to carry everything in your brain—technology can be your friend here. Consider using family calendar apps, meal-planning apps, or even good old-fashioned lists to get those endless to-dos out of your head and into a system. Even a shared digital calendar can help everyone see what’s happening and eliminate at least a few of those “What’s for dinner?” or “What are we doing this weekend?” questions.

Automating or simplifying repetitive tasks can work wonders too. Meal-prep hacks, chore charts, or setting up auto-pay for bills can make a huge difference in what you’re mentally keeping track of each day.

Say “No” More Often

Saying “no” can feel a little uncomfortable, but it’s one of the best ways to protect your energy. The next time someone asks you to volunteer for yet another school event, plan a family gathering, or take on a new project, give yourself a pause. If you’re already stretched thin, it’s okay to say no or to ask for help. Remind yourself that by saying no, you’re actually creating space for things that matter most to you.

Creating a “Mental Load” Balance in Your Relationship

This one’s big, because the invisible load often becomes an unspoken issue in relationships. If you feel like the bulk of mental labor falls on you, it’s time to have an honest conversation with your partner about it. And the goal here isn’t to assign blame—it’s to work together as a team.

Start by explaining what the invisible load looks like for you. Sometimes, partners don’t even realize the extent of what you’re juggling. Then, talk about ways to split or share tasks more equitably. Maybe one of you handles meal planning while the other manages the kids’ schedules. Or, you might agree to alternate certain responsibilities week by week. The important thing is to make the invisible load visible, so it’s something you can both work on together.

How to Lighten the Invisible Load of Motherhood: Key Takeaways

If there’s one thing to remember, it’s that the invisible load doesn’t have to be your invisible burden. Here are the main points to help you lighten the load:

1. Recognize the Load: Understand that it’s not “just you.” The mental and emotional labor you’re carrying is real, and acknowledging it is the first step to making changes.

2. Share the Responsibility: Delegate tasks and responsibilities, not just physically but mentally. You don’t have to carry the whole operation in your head alone—everyone in the family can pitch in.

3. Embrace Imperfection: Give yourself permission to let go of the “perfect mom” myth. Allowing some things to be “good enough” frees up energy for what truly matters.

4. Use Tools and Systems: Leverage family calendars, apps, and chore charts to help offload repetitive mental tasks and keep everyone on the same page.

5. Communicate with Your Partner: Open up about the invisible load. By bringing it to light, you give your partner a chance to step in and help make things more manageable.

6. Practice Self-Compassion: Remember, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, and it’s okay to need support. Your well-being is crucial, both for you and for your family.

Carrying the invisible load is something no one should have to do alone. If you’re feeling burnt out or stuck, I’m here to help you find strategies that make life feel lighter, more organized, and full of joy again. Through my coaching services, we’ll work together to uncover what truly works for you, so you can reclaim your energy, find balance, and rediscover your identity in motherhood.

Ready to make some meaningful changes? Reach out for a free consultation, and let’s start this journey together.

With Love and Real-Life Imperfection,

Kelly, MA, BCBA, Mom Life Coach

Saving your Marriage before it Starts: Robert Sternberg's Triangular Model of Love

The triangular model of love, as explained by Sternberg, invokes considerable thought and reflection. According to Parrott and Parrott (2006) “Consummate love results from the full combination of love’s three components: passion, intimacy, and commitment. Consummate love is the goal toward which every marriage strives” (p. 43). In other words, the model can be perceived as having fundamental building blocks, ingredients, or constituents, if found to be lacking, resulting in instability.

The Apostle Paul, in his epistle to the church at Corinth, took great pains to emphasize the need to exercise love in the execution of the ministry gifts. Paul notes, “And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing” (Scofield, p. 1526). Given the foregoing insights, how might one best frame love? From a purely definitive perspective, the Oxford reference dictionary gives one some additional building blocks. Consummate love is defined as, “A type of love characterized by erotic passion, commitment, and intimacy. See under love. [From Latin consummate, consummatum to perfect, from con with + summus the highest, from summa a sum]” (Oxford University Press, 2013).

The consummate nature of love is further supported by Worthington’s (2005) thesis on what constitutes a hope-focused approach to marriage. The author asserts,
Changes in the field of couple’s therapy suggest that more attention is being paid to the emotional climate of troubled couples. In keeping with this trend, feedback on practitioners’ use of hope-focused marriage counseling suggests that most have found my emphasis of love and forgiveness to be most helpful (xxxi).

Evidently, triangular can be extrapolated to diverse situations such as discipleship ministry and marital therapy. Needless to say, Sternberg’s model can by no means be considered flawless, but certainly gives some meaningful insight from which to construct an approach to consummate love.
The Gospel Model to a healthy, vibrant love that will stand the test of time and trials
Jesus in his teaching s to His disciples also emphasized the foundational nature of love in the Christian Walk. He commanded us to love our enemies (Matt 5:44, Luke 6:27). In John 15:12, Jesus uses the metaphor of the vine and the branches to vividly illustrated the interdependence of love to humanity,

This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I loved you” Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends, Ye are my friends, if ye do whatever I command you (p. 1412-1413).

In summary, based on these referenced biblical truths, it becomes abundantly evident why both Jesus and Sternberg provide perspectives that fuse secular and Christian worldviews on consummate love.

References

Oxford reference (2013). Retrieved March 28, 2013, from http://www.oxfordreference.com/view/10.1093/oi/authority.20110803095634413.

Parrott, L. & Parrott, L. (2006). Saving your marriage before it starts. Grand Rapids: Zondervan.
Scofield, G. I. (1917). The Scofield reference bible. New York: Oxford University Press.

You love your teenager, but let’s face it—sometimes it feels like you’re trying to bond with an alien from another planet. One day, they’re chatty and sweet, and the next, you’re getting nothing but grunts and eye-rolls. If you’re feeling disconnected, don’t worry—you’re not alone. Let’s dive into why it’s so hard to connect with your teen and what you can do about it.

WHY CONNECTING WITH YOUR TEENAGER IS SO DIFFICULT

Remember when your kid actually wanted to talk to you? Yeah, those were the days. But now that they’re older, things feel… different. And by “different,” I mean wildly confusing. The truth is, teenagers are navigating a complex mix of emotions, hormones, and newfound independence, which makes connecting with them a little like trying to tune a radio station in the middle of a thunderstorm.

Here’s what’s going on behind the scenes:

• HORMONES GALORE: Puberty isn’t just tough on them—it’s tough on everyone. If your once-happy child now has the emotional range of a moody TV drama character, you can thank their hormones for that.
• BRAIN UNDER CONSTRUCTION: Did you know that the teenage brain is still developing? No wonder it feels like you’re talking to a completely different person some days. Their emotional regulation, decision-making, and even social skills are all in flux.
• SEEKING INDEPENDENCE: One minute they need you, the next they want nothing to do with you. Teens are figuring out how to be independent, which often means pulling away from the people they love most (that’s you!).
• SOCIAL PRESSURE: On top of everything else, they’re trying to navigate friendships, school drama, and social media. Your attempts at connection can sometimes feel like just another pressure for them.

HOW DISCONNECTION AFFECTS YOUR RELATIONSHIP

It’s frustrating when you’re trying to connect and they shut you out. And honestly, it can hurt. You might start questioning your own parenting skills, or worse, feeling like you’ve somehow failed. But disconnection isn’t a sign that your relationship is doomed; it’s just a natural phase.

Still, if left unaddressed, this gap can widen, leading to:

• COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWNS: Conversations become strained, with a lot of “How was your day?” met with “Fine.” Or worse—no answer at all.
• INCREASED CONFLICT: The less connected you feel, the more tension builds. What starts as a harmless disagreement can quickly snowball into shouting matches.
• EMOTIONAL DISTANCE: Over time, you may find that emotional closeness dwindles, and you’re left feeling like strangers living under the same roof.

But fear not—there are ways to rebuild connection, even when it feels like you’re speaking different languages.

STRATEGIES FOR CONNECTING WITH YOUR TEENAGER

1. DON’T FORCE IT (EVEN IF YOU REALLY WANT TO)
I know, you want to pull your teenager aside and have a heart-to-heart, but the last thing they want is a forced conversation. Let them come to you when they’re ready. Being available and patient is more effective than trying to force a connection. Trust me, nothing sends a teen running for the hills faster than “We need to talk.”
2. MEET THEM WHERE THEY ARE (YES, EVEN IF IT’S AWKWARD)
Connecting with your teen might mean meeting them halfway—literally. If they’re into video games or social media, learn a bit about what they enjoy. Even if it feels like you’re speaking a foreign language, showing interest in their world can open up lines of communication. And who knows? Maybe you’ll end up bonding over Minecraft (hey, stranger things have happened).
3. PICK YOUR BATTLES
Not every eye-roll or “whatever” is worth a showdown. Pick your battles wisely. If you engage in a power struggle over every little thing, you’ll quickly wear them—and yourself—out. Instead, let the small stuff slide and focus on the important issues, like their emotional well-being or schoolwork.
4. LISTEN (LIKE, REALLY LISTEN)
It’s tempting to jump in with advice (we’ve all done it), but sometimes, your teen just wants to be heard. Try asking open-ended questions and letting them vent without judgment or offering solutions. For example, instead of saying, “You should really study more,” try, “What do you think would help you feel less stressed about school?” Spoiler alert: you may be surprised how much more they open up when they’re not being told what to do.
5. SPEND TIME TOGETHER (WITHOUT EXPECTING A HEART-TO-HEART)
Sometimes the best bonding happens when you’re not focused on bonding at all. Go for a drive, cook a meal together, or watch a movie. These shared moments can build connection without the pressure of having to talk. Your teen might just surprise you by opening up when you least expect it.
6. DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY
Here’s the hard truth: When your teenager shuts you out, it’s not about you. They’re figuring out who they are, and pulling away is part of that process. So when they snap at you for asking a simple question, try not to take it to heart. Easier said than done, right? But remember, they still need you—probably more than they’re letting on.

PRACTICAL TIPS FOR REBUILDING CONNECTION

• KEEP IT LIGHT: Sometimes humor is the best way to break through the walls. A funny comment or shared inside joke can remind them that you’re not just “the parent,” but someone who gets them (or at least tries to).
• SHOW UP CONSISTENTLY: Even if they don’t always engage, just being there—whether it’s at dinner, during homework time, or at their soccer game—lets them know you care.
• FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE: Compliment them when they do something right, even if it’s as simple as cleaning their room (hey, it’s rare enough to celebrate!). Positive reinforcement goes a long way.
• LET THEM MAKE MISTAKES: Part of being a teenager is making bad decisions. Unless it’s dangerous, let them figure things out on their own sometimes. It’s tough, but those mistakes are where they learn the most.

WHEN TO SEEK HELP

If you feel like the disconnection is too deep to handle on your own, consider reaching out for support. Family counseling can provide a neutral space to work through these struggles and rebuild your relationship. There’s no shame in asking for help—if anything, it shows your teenager that relationships are worth fighting for.

CONCLUSION

Let’s be real—connecting with your teenager can feel like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube with your eyes closed. It’s frustrating, confusing, and sometimes downright impossible. But remember, this is a phase, not a permanent state. With patience, understanding, and a lot of deep breaths, you can bridge the gap and rebuild that connection.

Everyone has struggles in life, and counseling is a powerful tool to realize health and wholeness in their life. It’s never too late to start, and a problem is never too small to not benefit from counseling.

a. The names of people used in articles and stories on this website are entirely fictional and do not represent any real individuals or experiences.
b. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or deceased, is purely coincidental.
c. The purpose of using fictional names and stories is to provide examples and illustrate situations in a hypothetical context for informational or educational purposes.

UNDERSTANDING AND OVERCOMING INTIMACY ISSUES IN MARRIAGE

INTRODUCTION

Marriage is a beautiful journey… until it’s not. There are few things more awkward than realizing that the person you vowed to share everything with feels like a distant roommate. Intimacy issues are more common than you think, but they don’t have to be the death of connection. Let’s dive into why this happens and—more importantly—how you can fix it.

WHAT ARE INTIMACY ISSUES IN MARRIAGE?

So, what exactly are “intimacy issues”? It’s not just about physical affection (although that’s part of it). We’re talking about emotional closeness, vulnerability, and the general feeling that you’re still each other’s person. If you’ve ever felt like you’re both living parallel lives under the same roof, you know exactly what I mean.

Here’s how intimacy struggles usually show up:

• Emotional disconnection: When you can barely muster a “How was your day?” (Hint: You’re not the only one who dreads it sometimes.)
• Physical intimacy problems: The “cuddle drought” you both tiptoe around but never quite address.
• Communication roadblocks: Trying to open up emotionally but it feels like you’re just banging your head against the metaphorical wall.

Of course, these issues don’t just pop up out of nowhere. Life, with all its wonderful messiness, has a way of getting in the way.

COMMON CAUSES OF INTIMACY ISSUES

1. LIFE STRESSORS
You know how life keeps throwing one thing after another at you? Work, kids, bills… it’s all a glorious cocktail of stress that makes wanting to connect with your partner feel like just another item on your never-ending to-do list. For instance, poor Jim* drags himself home after a day of soul-crushing meetings only to find that—surprise!—he doesn’t feel like talking to anyone, least of all his wife, Sarah*.
2. EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE
Remember all that stuff from childhood you thought you’d “dealt with”? Yeah, not so much. Unresolved issues can pop up in your marriage like an unwelcome guest at a party. Erin*, for example, grew up in a family where nobody talked about feelings. So, of course, now when her husband, Adam*, tries to talk about theirs, she freezes up like a deer in headlights.
3. DIFFERENT COMMUNICATION STYLES
Ah, communication—the thing everyone says is important but no one really knows how to do. One of you talks in metaphors and subtle hints while the other is all about directness. It’s like trying to navigate a conversation in two different languages. When neither of you is understood, frustration (and more distance) builds.
4. PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL TRAUMA
Trauma has a knack for planting roots in your most personal spaces—your marriage included. For example, after a traumatic childbirth experience, Emma* feels emotionally and physically distant from her husband, Kevin*. Neither of them quite knows how to bridge the gap, but pretending it’s not there isn’t helping either.

HOW INTIMACY ISSUES AFFECT MARRIAGE

If you let intimacy issues fester, they’ll eventually start infecting the entire relationship.

Here’s what happens:

• More fights: Those little annoyances (“Why can’t you ever put the cap on the toothpaste?”) suddenly turn into full-blown wars.
• Feeling alone: It’s possible to feel lonely sitting right next to someone, and if the intimacy tank is running on fumes, you will.
• Looking elsewhere: I won’t sugarcoat it—emotional and physical disconnection can sometimes make people look for connection outside the marriage.

But here’s the kicker: You can fix this. It’s not easy, but it’s totally doable.

OVERCOMING INTIMACY ISSUES IN MARRIAGE

1. TALK ABOUT IT—EVEN IF IT’S PAINFUL
You know that awkward, gut-churning moment when you know you need to talk about something, but you’d rather eat a bowl of nails? Yeah, that’s the moment. The only way to fix intimacy issues is to talk about them. Set aside time when neither of you is exhausted (I know, easier said than done) and actually listen. Use “I” statements, like “I feel distant when we don’t spend time together,” rather than “You never do anything romantic anymore” (because nothing says romance like thinly veiled accusations).
2. CARVE OUT TIME FOR EACH OTHER
No, seriously. I don’t care how busy you are—put your phones down, send the kids to bed (or to the neighbor’s if necessary), and reconnect. Jordan* and Leah*, for instance, started setting aside 15 minutes before bed just to talk (no phones allowed). Was it awkward at first? Sure. But eventually, they started feeling like partners again instead of cohabitants.
3. CONSIDER COUNSELING BEFORE YOU HIT ROCK BOTTOM
Look, no one’s saying you can’t solve this on your own… but if it’s been months (or years) of the same struggles, what have you got to lose by seeing a professional? Relationship counseling helps couples unravel years of miscommunication, baggage, and “you never told me that’s what you needed!” moments. There’s no shame in asking for help before your marriage becomes the subject of a Nicholas Sparks novel gone wrong.
4. EASE BACK INTO PHYSICAL INTIMACY
Let’s be honest: jumping straight into the deep end of physical intimacy after months (or years) of distance feels awkward at best, terrifying at worst. So, start small. Hugs, hand-holding, sitting next to each other on the couch. Stacy* and Matt* found that even small gestures of affection—like holding hands on their evening walk—eventually paved the way for more intimacy. And no, it doesn’t have to be sexy right away. Give it time.
5. DO SOME PERSONAL WORK
Sometimes, intimacy struggles aren’t just about the relationship. If you’re carrying unresolved insecurities, traumas, or just a general lack of self-worth, it’s hard to connect with someone else. Working on your own mental well-being makes you a better partner (and, frankly, a better person for yourself). Therapy, mindfulness, or even just talking it out with a trusted friend can help you move forward.

PRACTICAL STEPS TO REKINDLE INTIMACY

• Create Little Rituals: Something as simple as sharing your morning coffee or taking a short walk after dinner can bring you closer.
• Say Thank You (Like, Out Loud): Gratitude goes a long way, even if it’s just for mundane things like taking out the trash.
• Try Something New Together: If the old stuff isn’t working, why not inject some excitement by doing something completely out of your comfort zone? Cooking class, anyone? You’d be surprised what trying something new can spark.
• Be Patient—With Yourself and Each Other: Rebuilding intimacy takes time, and there will be days when it feels impossible. That’s okay. Keep showing up.

WHEN TO SEEK HELP

If your attempts to fix intimacy issues feel like hitting a brick wall, it might be time for professional help. Couples counseling offers a neutral space to work through deep-rooted issues and rebuild emotional and physical connection. Remember, it’s not about “fixing” each other; it’s about rediscovering your partnership.

CONCLUSION

Marriage is hard. (There, I said it.) Intimacy issues make it even harder, but they’re not a death sentence. With communication, commitment, and a lot of awkward conversations, you can rediscover the closeness you once had. And remember:

Everyone has struggles in life, and counseling is a powerful tool to realize health and wholeness in their life. It’s never too late to start, and a problem is never too small to not benefit from counseling.

a. The names of people used in articles and stories on this website are entirely fictional and do not represent any real individuals or experiences.
b. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or deceased, is purely coincidental.
c. The purpose of using fictional names and stories is to provide examples and illustrate situations in a hypothetical context for informational or educational purposes.

A few weeks ago I attended a beautiful Christian wedding. The pastor did a great job because his message actually informed the couple that even though their celebration together on this day surrounded by family and friends was creating beautiful memories, they might experience some disappointing moments and those moments could possibly happen very quickly after the ceremony ended. He encouraged them not be caught off guard in those disappointing moments but to know this is normal and in these disappointments they should take a deep breath, seek wisdom and guidance and even ask the Lord in prayer to help them.

What wisdom! I'm afraid we've given couples a Hallmark version of marriage where there are no problems and everything turns out gloriously every single moment. We don't do newlyweds any favors to suggest that marriage is without disappointing moments and includes many times of working through tough hurts.

What you might not know is that the number one emotion that causes couples to be disconnected is disappointment. It is wise to inform couples that disappointment will come, but this doesn't mean that these disappointing interactions are deal breakers. Disappointment is simply an opportunity for couples to learn how to solve problems and to grow together in victory.

Many couples I work with are shocked to hear about the power of disappointment and how normal it is for married couples to be disappointed in their marriage. Couples witness others in church and other groups who never look disappointed. They wonder what is wrong with them, why they aren't thriving in their marriage.

Christian couples need to learn how to be married! Many couples never saw good examples of marriage and for the most part are expecting things "to just work out." For this reason I created a course they can work through watching videos and doing assignments from a workbook so they can have a better understanding of navigating marriage and improving the marriage relationship. Committing to improving their marriage with this training will definitely help couples create new habits, learn more about each other and marriage and escape being stuck in a disappointing marriage.

Is your mind filled with anxiety?
Maybe you’re suffering from sleepless nights and feeling nervous and upset all day…
Worrying all the time…
Imagining the worst-case scenario…
Maybe having an anxiety free mind sounds impossible.
Maybe you think anxiety is helpful and necessary.
That it helps you solve your problems.
But if you’re honest, what you really want is to relax and calm down.
You want to be free of anxiety.
It is truly possible to become anxiety free – no matter what your situation is.
A few years ago, I was an anxious mess. A family situation had me in knots. I hardly ate, couldn’t sleep, and was consumed with worry all day. In the midst of my miser

Here’s what I discovered…

1. DON’T BELIEVE EVERY THING your mind tells you!
It’s true! Thoughts are just thoughts! You don’t need to trust every one of them. Not all thoughts are equal.

2. Become AWARE of your thoughts.
This means pausing long enough to become mindful of the thoughts rolling around in your mind. Take a break from your whirlwind of thoughts. Stop long enough to sort out your thoughts and feelings. Identify the ones causing your anxiety.

3. ASK YOURSELF: Where do these thoughts come from?
This is a reflective process that takes a bit of time but helps you understand the root of your thoughts. Thoughts come from a lifetime of experiences that have formed impressions or unconscious ideas about how life works and your place in the world. For example, individuals with anxiety might have unconscious thoughts like…
I will always be a worrier.
Life is unsafe and scary.
Anxiety helps me cope with problems.
I’ll never be able to calm down.
Something must be wrong with me.

4. Identify CORE BELIEFS
Unconscious thoughts affect everything you do. They influence your thoughts, feelings, decisions and actions. Why? Because they form the foundational system of beliefs by which you live.
They are called CORE BELIEFS. For instance, someone living with the core belief that anxiety is the way to cope with problems, experiences a mind automatically filled with anxious thoughts and feelings when something happens.
An event could even be neutral but those of us with anxiety will interpret it as being negative and dangerous. While someone else operating from a different set of beliefs might interpret the event as a positive opportunity.

5. Accept and change LIMITING BELIEFS
Core beliefs become LIMITING BELIEFS when you trust and act on them. Hanging on to the core belief, for instance, that life is unsafe and scary, holds you back in life. Fear and anxiety control your thoughts, feelings, decisions and actions.
The key to reducing limiting beliefs that cause anxiety is to allow and accept them. Be aware of your limiting beliefs and decide to do something about the ones that cause anxious thoughts.
Remember: You don’t have to believe everything your mind tells you!

You always have a choice to change negative thoughts and limiting beliefs into positive thoughts and empowering beliefs.

Here’s how…

Replace old beliefs with new beliefs. For instance, someone with the old belief, “I will never be able to calm down,” could change it to the new belief, “I can calm down. I can do what it takes to calm down.”
Repeat the new belief to yourself every day! Even several times a day. Make it a habit. This will start to reprogram your mind and create new neural pathways in your brain.
You can reprogram your mind and become anxiety free!

I hope you can follow these 5 steps to become aware of your limiting beliefs, change them to new empowering beliefs and to repeat them often. Take this path to become anxiety free.

However, if you are truly struggling with anxiety that keep you nervous and troubled, watch my FREE 10 minute video on How to Stop Anxiety (https://janekcoaching.com/schedule-a-call/) to learn the exact 3 steps you can take to Become Anxiety Free.

Jane Kennard PhD, CPC is a Canadian born anxiety coach whose desire is to help women become anxiety free. Her purpose is to support women struggling with anxiety, overwhelm and worry and help them experience anxiety free living. She lives in Texas with her husband and Bishon pup, Toby. Find out more and sign up for a free consultation here.

Attending church regularly, praying, Bible-reading, and devotionals are worthwhile activities, but activity alone does not make a relationship.

Kingdom Blueprint takes a deep dive into what it looks like to be called into a relationship with the Living God--and how to allow that relationship to transform our relationships with ourselves and others.

Relationships explore how to
See and embrace God's invitation to relationship
Overcome resistance to the invitation
Stop sabotaging relationship with God and others
Accept God's invitation to enter into our true selves
Sit in the presence of God
Actively participate in intentional spiritual formation and transformation
Use seven disciplines to orient yourself to the presence of God

Alright, mama—let’s get real for a minute. How many times have you said yes to something (you didn’t really want to do) just to avoid feeling guilty? Yup, same. But here's the thing—saying no doesn’t have to feel like you’re stepping on someone’s toes or sending out a breakup text. Nope! You can protect your time and energy without all the guilt or awkwardness.

Saying no can be tough, especially when you're juggling relationships, family, and life’s never-ending demands. But guess what? There’s a secret sauce to saying no nicely that’ll leave you feeling empowered and keep your relationships intact. Whether you’re turning down a PTA project, rejecting an invite, or just trying to carve out some me-time without offending anyone, I’m here to help you master the graceful (and totally doable) art of saying no—without feeling like a jerk.

Let’s dive in and learn how you can say no without sacrificing your sanity or your relationships.

Why You NEED to Learn How to Say No

Listen, I know you want to be there for everyone. But trying to keep all those plates spinning is going to lead you straight to Burnout City—and nobody wants that. Here’s the truth: when you say yes to everything, you’re actually saying no to yourself. And trust me, saying no every now and then is the best form of self-care you can give yourself.

Learning how to say no is like reclaiming your power. When you start setting those boundaries, you’re protecting your peace and energy. You’ll be more present when you do say yes because it won’t come with all that resentment and exhaustion.

What Happens When You Don’t Say No? (Spoiler: It’s Not Good)

Ever found yourself knee-deep in something you wish you could bail on? Maybe it’s volunteering for that bake sale you never had time for, or attending that social event that’s draining your already-limited energy. Here’s what happens when you don’t say no: you stretch yourself too thin, and eventually, you’ll snap. And mama, that’s no good for you or anyone else.

When you’re always saying yes, you’re giving up the time you need for yourself. Eventually, resentment sneaks in (and we all know that’s a recipe for disaster). Your relationships suffer, your mental health takes a hit, and worst of all, you start to lose you. Saying no allows you to say YES to things that fill your cup instead of emptying it.

The Art of Assertiveness (AKA Standing Your Ground Without Being Mean)

Saying no doesn’t mean you’re suddenly going to become the “mean mom” (don’t worry, you won’t!). It’s all about being assertive—which is basically just a fancy way of saying you’re confident in expressing your needs. And guess what? You can do it kindly without being aggressive or cold.

Think of assertiveness like this: It’s about setting the tone, drawing your boundaries in the sand, and letting people know what you need, all while keeping things cool, calm, and respectful. No drama, no attitude—just clear communication. You’re saying, “This is what I can handle, and I’m sticking to it.” It’s that simple.

You’re allowed to say no—and when you do it confidently, people respect you more for it. The truth is, people often take their cues from you. When you approach something with confidence and calmness, they’ll pick up on that and respond accordingly. They may even admire you for being clear and firm about what works for you.

The key here is balance. Assertiveness isn’t about being harsh or cold; it’s about valuing yourself enough to speak up. It’s about finding that sweet spot between being overly passive (saying yes to everything and drowning in commitments) and being too aggressive (snapping and shutting people down). Instead, assertiveness is your power tool for saying no in a way that respects both you and the other person. You can say no to that extra task, the social invitation, or the favor, and still keep the relationship intact. It’s about honesty, and honesty—when paired with kindness—is always a win.

How to Say No Without the Awkwardness: Communication 101
Okay, so you’re ready to say no, but how do you do it without feeling like you’re letting someone down or coming off as rude? It’s all in how you communicate. Let’s break it down:

1. Be Honest but Brief (and Skip the Novel-Sized Explanation)
Here’s the thing—most people don’t need a long, drawn-out explanation when you’re saying no. In fact, over-explaining can sometimes make things more awkward. For example, you don’t need to go into detail about your laundry list of reasons why you can’t do something. A simple, “I’d love to help, but I’m not able to commit right now” works like a charm. It’s honest, respectful, and best of all—it leaves no room for guilt.

The truth is people appreciate when you’re upfront. Being honest shows you’re genuine, and they’ll respect your boundaries more. And bonus: You’re not left scrambling to come up with excuses or get caught up in a web of unnecessary explanations.

2. Use “I” Statements to Keep it Personal, Not Blamey
One of the best ways to soften a no is by framing it in terms of your own needs. Using “I” statements is a simple yet powerful tool. Saying things like, “I’m feeling overwhelmed and need to take a breather” or “I don’t have the capacity to take this on right now” focuses on your feelings and circumstances, instead of making the other person feel at fault for asking.

Compare these two examples:

“You always ask me to do too much!” (Aggressive, right?)

“I’m really stretched thin right now, and I need to focus on other priorities.” (So much kinder!)

The key here is ownership. When you focus on your limits and needs, it’s clear that your no isn’t personal—it’s about managing your own well-being.

3. The Power of the “No, But...” Approach
If you’re worried about saying no completely and want to keep the door open for future possibilities, the “No, But...” strategy works wonders. Let’s say a friend invites you to a last-minute brunch, but your Sunday morning is already booked with errands and a rare moment of relaxation. Instead of feeling pressured, you can say, “I can’t make it this Sunday, but how about next weekend instead?”

This approach shows that you’re still interested in maintaining the relationship, but you’re prioritizing your time in a way that works for you. It softens the blow of a no and gives both you and the other person an alternative to look forward to.

Here’s how it could work in other situations:

At work: “I’m swamped with deadlines right now, but I’d be happy to review the project next week.”

With a friend: “I’m not up for a big night out, but I’d love to catch up over coffee soon.”

With family: “I can’t host the holiday dinner this year, but I can help with the planning and decorations.”

4. Use Humor to Lighten the Mood
Sometimes, when things get tense or awkward, a little humor can go a long way. If saying no feels uncomfortable, injecting a bit of lightheartedness can make it feel less heavy for both you and the person asking. For example, if someone asks you to do something that’s just not feasible, you could say something like, “I’d love to, but I’m already trying to figure out how to clone myself to get through this week!” It keeps the mood friendly while still delivering your no.

Of course, this tactic only works if humor feels natural for you and the relationship. If the vibe is more formal, stick with a polite decline. But don’t be afraid to let a little personality shine through—saying no doesn’t have to feel like a legal proceeding!

5. Be Consistent and Firm (Without Wavering or Backtracking)
When you say no, stand by it. Often, the guilt that follows makes us second-guess ourselves, and before we know it, we’re adding qualifiers like, “Well, maybe I can make it work…” No, mama, hold your ground! Being consistent is key. If you say no but start to backtrack, it sends mixed signals and weakens your boundary.

Example: A friend asks you to volunteer for the school bake sale, and you’ve already got too much on your plate. You say no politely, but then start wavering with something like, “Well, I suppose I could make a few cupcakes…” Suddenly, you’re right back to feeling overcommitted. Instead, stick to your original no and keep it firm. “I wish I could help, but I’ve got too much going on this week. I’ll have to pass this time.”

It’s about being kind but standing your ground. You deserve to protect your energy.

6. Timing Is Everything
Believe it or not, when you say no can matter just as much as how you say it. If possible, deliver your no sooner rather than later—dragging it out only adds to the awkwardness. If you know you can’t commit to something, don’t wait until the last minute to let the person know. For example, if someone asks for your help next week but you already know your schedule is jam-packed, it’s better to give a polite no early on: “I won’t be able to help next week, but I wanted to let you know now so you can find someone else.”

Being timely not only keeps things smooth and respectful, but it also shows you’re considering the other person’s needs by giving them ample notice.

7. Acknowledge the Other Person’s Feelings, but Stay Focused on Your No
Sometimes, the hardest part of saying no is worrying about how the other person will react. While you want to acknowledge their feelings, remember that you don’t need to bend your boundaries to protect them from disappointment. Saying something like, “I understand this might be tough to hear, but I can’t commit to this right now” shows empathy without sacrificing your own needs. It’s okay to recognize that your no might not be what they wanted to hear, but that doesn’t mean you need to change your answer.

Setting Boundaries with Confidence

Boundaries are your best friend. They’re not about pushing people away; they’re about protecting your energy. When you set clear boundaries, you’re telling the world, “Hey, this is what I can handle, and I’m sticking to it.” Boundaries are essential for your mental health and your relationships, and the more you practice them, the easier they become.

It’s okay to say, “I need some time for myself,” or “I can’t make it to that event.” You’re allowed to protect your peace, and trust me, the people who respect you will respect those boundaries too.

Here are a few more ways to frame your no:
“I’d love to help, but I’ve got too much on my plate right now.” This keeps things honest and clear without over-explaining.

“I appreciate the invite, but I need a quiet night in to recharge.” Saying no to social events is totally valid, especially when you’re prioritizing self-care.

“I can’t take on anything else this week, but let me know how it goes!” It’s a great way to show support without stretching yourself thin.

“I’m flattered you asked, but I have to say no this time.” A polite decline that shows you appreciate being included, but you’re still standing by your limits.

“I have too many commitments right now to give this my full attention.” This emphasizes that your no is about protecting the quality of your time and energy, not about rejecting the person.

The bottom line: You don’t need to justify or apologize for protecting your boundaries. The right people will understand that saying no is a form of self-respect, not rejection.

Saying ‘No’ Without Guilt or Apology

Now, here’s the real kicker: the guilt. I know it’s there—the little voice telling you that saying no is selfish or rude. But guess what? That voice is wrong. Taking care of yourself and setting limits isn’t selfish; it’s survival. The more you say no to things that don’t align with your needs, the more you’re saying yes to the things that truly matter—your health, your sanity, and your happiness.

Let’s say goodbye to guilt once and for all. The more you practice saying no, the easier it becomes. And here’s a secret: you’ll actually feel better knowing you’re taking care of yourself first.

When “No” Feels Complicated: Dealing with Pushback

Let’s face it—sometimes, saying no doesn’t end with a simple, “Okay, I understand.” In reality, people might push back or try to change your mind, and that’s when it gets a little more complicated. But here’s the thing: standing firm in your boundaries is crucial for your well-being. And often, pushback has more to do with the other person than with your no.

Why Do People Push Back?
They’re Not Used to Hearing No from You
If you’ve always been the one to say yes—whether it’s taking on extra tasks, lending a hand, or just always being available—people get accustomed to it. So, the first time you set a boundary, it can catch them off guard. They may not know how to react because they’re used to you bending over backward. But guess what? That’s their issue, not yours. Their surprise doesn’t mean your no isn’t valid.

They’re Prioritizing Their Own Needs Over Yours
Some people push back because they’re thinking about how your no affects them—their plans, their workload, or their convenience. It’s natural for people to react this way, but it’s important to remember that you’re not responsible for their expectations. Your needs are just as important. If they guilt-trip you or push harder, stay firm. Acknowledge their feelings but stand by your decision. For example, “I understand this is important to you, but I’m still unable to commit.”

They Don’t Realize They’re Crossing a Boundary
Sometimes, people aren’t even aware that they’re overstepping. They might be so used to leaning on you that they don’t see your yes as something that might drain you. When you set a boundary, it may feel like a sudden shift to them. If this happens, you can offer a gentle reminder: “I know I usually help with this, but I need to take a step back for my own well-being.” Over time, they’ll get the message.

They’re Trying to Test Your Limits
Let’s be real: some people don’t like hearing no because it challenges the dynamic they’ve come to expect. These individuals might push back to see if you’ll crack. They may guilt-trip you with phrases like, “But I really need you,” or “You always do this for me.” It’s critical to hold your ground in these moments. You can say something like, “I hear you, but I’m still not able to help right now.” It’s calm, clear, and keeps you in control.

Preparing Yourself for Pushback
Knowing that pushback is a possibility is half the battle. Here are some ways to prepare yourself and deal with it effectively:

Stay Calm and Collected
When people push back, it’s easy to feel flustered or even guilty. But here’s the secret: keep your response short and steady. Repeat your original no without wavering. For example, “I understand where you’re coming from, but I still can’t commit to that right now.” You don’t need to get defensive or apologize. Just stay calm and firm.

Don’t Over-Explain
There’s a temptation to start justifying your no, but resist the urge to go down that path. Over-explaining opens the door for more pushback because it gives the other person something to argue against. The more you explain, the more they may try to poke holes in your reasoning. A simple, clear no is more powerful: “I can’t take that on right now, but I appreciate you thinking of me.”

Hold Your Ground with Empathy
It’s possible to say no while still acknowledging the other person’s feelings. This doesn’t mean you’re backing down—it means you’re showing empathy while maintaining your boundaries. Something like, “I get that this might be hard to hear, but I’ve made my decision and it’s what’s best for me right now” lets them know you care, but you’re still standing firm.

Prepare for Reactions
People react in all kinds of ways when faced with a no. Some might try to guilt-trip you, others might act hurt, and a few might get defensive. The key is not to take their reactions personally. Their feelings aren’t your responsibility, and it’s okay if they need time to adjust to the new dynamic. Keep reminding yourself: you are allowed to say no. You don’t owe anyone an immediate yes.

Know That It Gets Easier

The more you practice saying no, the easier it gets—and the less pushback you’ll face over time. People who push back are often testing whether you really mean it. If you hold your ground consistently, they’ll learn to respect your boundaries. Eventually, the pushback will diminish, and people will come to understand that when you say no, you mean it.

Conclusion: It’s Time to Take Your Power Back

It’s time to stop feeling bad about saying no. You deserve to prioritize yourself and protect your energy. Saying no doesn’t mean you’re letting anyone down—it means you’re showing up in a healthier, more balanced way.

Ready to master the art of saying no without feeling guilty? I’m here to help. Together, we’ll work on setting boundaries, protecting your peace, and finding that sweet spot where you can be a total rockstar at life without burning yourself out.

Schedule your free consultation today, and let’s start creating the balance you deserve!

-Kelly, MA, BCBA, Mom Life Coach

Racing heart. Tight chest. Sweating. Lightheaded. Can’t breathe. You might even start to wonder if this is a heart attack. You may begin to think there is no way stress or anxiety could be causing such intense physical symptoms. In this blog you will learn what exactly is a panic attack, what to do to prevent this from happening and how to get through one.

What is a Panic Attack?

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Illness (DSM-5) is where diagnostic criteria for all mental illnesses can be found. The most updated version (5) describes a panic attack as the following:

An abrupt surge of intense fear or intense discomfort that reaches a peak within minutes and during which time four or more of the following symptoms occur:

Palpitations, pounding heart, or accelerated heart rate
Sweating
Trembling or shaking
Sensations of shortness of breath or smothering
Feeling of choking
Chest pain or discomfort
Nausea or abdominal distress
Feeling dizzy, unsteady, lightheaded, or faint
Derealization (feelings of unreality) or depersonalization (being detached from oneself)
Fear of losing control or “going crazy”
Fear of dying
Paresthesias (numbness or tingling sensation)
Chills or heat sensations.

It is easy to see why a panic attack can be confused for a heart attack.

How to Prevent a Panic Attack

Most panic attacks occur due to a build-up of toxic stress that is being ignored instead of addressed and managed. I provide further information on toxic stress and stress management strategies in this article, which I highly recommend. I continue to emphasize the importance of noticing what you are thinking about as you begin to manage stress and thus prevent panic attacks. Our thoughts, feelings and behaviors are closely intertwined and this will give you valuable information as to what you are ruminating on but not dealing with.

Think of feelings of anxiety like an alarm, trying to get your attention. If the alarm is ignored, it may result in a panic attack so that you are forced to pay attention to the issue.
For example, if you were wearing a coat, and you began to sweat, you would take the perspiration as a cue that your body wanted you to remove your coat. Our signs of anxiety are also trying to get our attention to make a change.

Take a second to think about how your body tells you you are stressed or anxious. Do you start to have an upset stomach? Do your palms sweat? Do you hold your breath or clench your jaw?

If you cannot identify this, it indicates you are not paying attention to your body signals, which have been trying to alert you that a panic attack is coming. There is no shame. Most of us have not been taught to pay attention to our emotional cues. But you can change this. Practice cueing into your body and listening when it is trying to tell you something. Once you notice your body cues for stress/anxiety, you can use this guide to manage your stress and prevent panic attacks.

Many people have panic attacks at night or struggle with anxiety-induced insomnia because it is the only time in the day when they cannot ignore the anxiety. It comes on full force because our brain is finally trying to be still to sleep. If this is you, this is a perfect indication that you have unmanaged stress that has been trying to get your attention.

Give yourself time before bed to put away your devices (this includes the TV) and write down what is on your mind, what is bothering you and what you don’t want to forget about tomorrow. Your brain will be glad it doesn’t have to ruminate because you have written it down and won’t forget. Remember, our brains are trying to help us.

What to do if You are Having a Panic Attack?

Do your best to slow your breathing. The more you practice diaphragmatic breathing, the better it will work during a panic attack. Diaphragmatic breathing is breathing slowly in your nose while you push out your stomach like inflating a balloon, hold it for a moment, and breathe out slowly through your nose or mouth while your stomach deflates.
Tell yourself you are safe and you are okay. Our bodies are wired for survival. If we can at least minimize the fear of death and remind ourselves this is a panic attack that will pass, our brains will regulate faster.
Use your 5 senses to ground yourself in the present. Smell is our strongest sense so if you can focus on a smell do that. Keep an essential oil or candle nearby, this will help tremendously. You can Splash cold water on your face or hold an ice cube to initiate the sense of touch. Notice and focus on a detail in your environment; a leaf, flower, kitchen tile, letters on your keyboard to initiate the sense of sight, etc.


Next Steps

While panic attacks are common, regular occurrence is an indicator that you need additional support.

Panic attacks put a tremendous amount of stress on your entire nervous system. This will in turn impact your digestive system, your sleep among many other aspects of your life. I would highly recommend that if you have had a panic attack, you should consider getting professional support. While you can work to prevent and decrease the length of panic attacks, you may need additional support managing the level of stress you are under. I’ve been saying this a lot lately, therapy doesn’t have to last forever. It may only take 5 sessions for you to understand the root of your symptoms, practice tools to regulate your nervous system and prevent panic attacks.

As always, I am here to support you in either finding a therapist in your area, or working with you if you are in the state of Arizona.




Maggie McCane, LCSW

www.rehobothtucson.com
hello@rehobothtucson.com
520-222-9735

Let me start by assuring you, you are not alone.

Studies show that most children are first exposed to pornography between the ages of 10-12 years old, but I have heard as young as 8 years old. How are they possibly viewing adult content so young? “Protect Young Minds” has some great information and resources for parents and in this article, they find, most of the time, it is an accident.


This article, by “Covent Eyes,” makes a bold statement, “According to recent studies, 95% of teens now have access to a portable X-rated theater—i.e. a smartphone.” The truth is, pornography, adult content, adult chat rooms are not monitored, and are more graphic and depict even illegal activity. It is for these reasons I urge parents to begin monitoring internet/app use as soon as they give their child a device and to begin discussing private parts, hormonal changes, sexual urges and safety much younger. Let me share some statistics from this article to convince you why:

90% of teens and 96% of young adults are either encouraging, accepting, or neutral when they talk about porn with their friends.
83% of boys and 57% of girls are exposed to group sex online.
32% of boys and 18% of girls are exposed to bestiality online.
15% of boys and 9% of girls have seen child pornography online.
71% of teens have done something to hide their online activity from their parents.
20% of 16-year-olds and 30% of 17-year-olds have received a sext.
39% of boys and 23% of girls have seen sexual bondage online.


We need to be discussing these topics with our teenagers and taking precautions with their internet use, or they are going to learn from sources we do not want them learning from.

What do we do as parents to help our teens if they are watching porn?

Step number one is to manage your own emotions and feelings about having these types of conversations with your teenager. If you are uncomfortable, awkward, or can’t talk about these things openly, your teen is going to notice that and interpret you are not someone they can talk to about this, no matter what you say. You and your spouse/partner can practice what you want to say, you can say it in a mirror, you can meet with a friend and practice with them. But if you or the other parent cannot confidently have this conversation about your teen’s porn use, I recommend finding a very trusted adult to help you. It needs to be communicated to the teenager that the adult can handle this conversation on pornography use, and whatever the teen may need to share. If the teenager is interpreting they can’t speak freely about their pornography use, they won’t.

Step number two is to come to your teen with a demeanor that you are trying to understand. There can be no blaming, shaming, anger, disgust surrounding this conversation about pornography. (If you have already responded in such a way, I encourage you to go back and own that with your teen and tell them you want to be more understanding moving forward). Now, by no means am I condoning pornography use. An entirely different article would be needed to discuss the harm of pornography. But our teen has a brain that is not fully developed. We need to understand what need they are trying to meet by watching pornography. Some conversation prompts could be:

I really want to understand your choice to watch pornography.

Do you notice if you are watching porn when you are feeling bored, depressed, angry?

Help me understand how you feel before and after you watch pornography.

Step number three is to validate the normalcy of sexual interest for a teenager. Sexual feelings, questions and urges are totally normal. We need to normalize teenage sexuality before we can talk about ways to manage sexual interests appropriately. We need to ensure the child knows that we know way more than they do about healthy sexuality and we would prefer they come to us with questions (or our other trusted adult).

Step number four is then to reach solutions. If they are using pornography because they are bored, depressed, angry, etc, let’s brainstorm other ways to manage these feelings. If they are using pornography because they have questions and are curious, let’s answer those questions, come up with a system for them to ask us questions in the future. For example, they can text us “banana” which means they have questions that need to be answered privately. There are also resources made for teens to help answer questions on healthy teen sexuality appropriately:

Educational videos for teens, parents, and younger children: https://amaze.org/us/?topic=puberty

“It's Perfectly Normal” by Robie Harris

Step Number five is setting up accountability. If this is the first time you have put restrictions on electronic use, this will be hard and your teen is not going to like this at all. I would recommend just being honest and again, not shaming/blaming. “You know, mom and dad should have done this a long time ago, I’m sorry we are having to change things now. Even though it may feel like it, we are not trying to punish you. We just want to keep you safe from the dangers online that we didn’t realize existed.”

How to set up restrictions on an iphone:

Go to settings > screen time > content & privacy restrictions > itunes & app store purchases

Click “always require” under “require passwords” and “don’t allow” for “installing apps” and “in-app purchases.”

Go to “allowed apps & features” and toggle OFF “safari, mail, siri and dictation.”

Go to “store, web, siri & game center content” and click the settings for each one that are appropriate.

Go to “web content” and click “only approved websites.”

Under “siri” click “don’t allow” for both categories.

Once all of your settings are on as listed above, go to “content & privacy restrictions” and toggle this ON and then you will be prompted to create a passcode. Keep this passcode private from your child/teen because this will be how you change any of the restrictions.

You can also add “app limits” for all of the apps on the device.


What if I need more help as the parent?

Rehoboth Therapy & Wellness is available and ready to help you and your teen navigate the murky waters of pornography use, healthy teenage sexuality and difficult conversations. We work with those ages 14 and up to ensure both the parents and the teenager feel safe to address their concerns or their struggles.

While many teens watch pornography, we can help your teen be one of the few that don’t, keeping them on a path toward their goals, free of unhealthy distractions!

Book a free consultation with us here, we can’t wait to work with you!


Additional Resources:

Resource to help children ages 3-12 with navigating the internet in English and Spanish: https://www.defendyoungminds.com/books

Christian Family Resources (you need to scroll down a little): https://www.covenanteyes.com/e-books/#family-protection

By Bridgette Morris, Christian Therapist and Creator of the SNAP! Method - #1 tool to deal with narcissitc people with a faith-based mindset

If you’ve found yourself entangled with a narcissistic parent, partner, or colleague, you know how disorienting and painful it can be. It’s easy to feel conflicted, stuck, and utterly unsure of what steps to take next. The internal struggle is real, and it’s deeply rooted in something called cognitive dissonance—a term that might sound clinical but describes a very human experience of mental and emotional conflict. In these moments, faith isn’t just a comfort; it’s a critical compass guiding you through the storm.

Understanding Cognitive Dissonance in Narcissistic Relationships
Cognitive dissonance occurs when your mind struggles to reconcile two conflicting beliefs or values. Imagine loving someone deeply, but constantly being hurt by their manipulative behavior. You know something is wrong, but you cling to the hope that things will change, or that their actions aren’t as harmful as they seem. This is cognitive dissonance at play—your brain is trying to make sense of two opposing realities: the love and the harm.

For many, this dissonance creates a paralyzing state of confusion and self-doubt. You start questioning your own perceptions, wondering if you’re overreacting or misunderstanding the situation. It’s a mental tug-of-war that leaves you feeling drained and trapped.

The Role of Faith in Navigating Narcissistic Manipulation
As Christians, our faith is the bedrock that holds us steady when everything else feels shaky. But when you’re dealing with a narcissist, it’s easy to lose sight of that foundation. The narcissist’s manipulations can be so subtle, so insidious, that they make you doubt your own beliefs and values.

This is where faith becomes more than a comfort—it becomes your anchor. By leaning into your faith, you can begin to see through the narcissist’s tactics. You’re reminded of your worth in God’s eyes, a worth that no amount of manipulation can diminish. Faith helps you discern the truth from the lies, giving you the strength to stand firm in your values.

The SNAP! Method: Leaning into Faith to Impact Change
Dealing with a narcissist isn’t just about survival; it’s about reclaiming your power and living a life of peace and purpose. That’s why I developed the SNAP! Method—a structured, faith-based approach that allows you to lean into your faith during moments of manipulation, empowering you to create real, lasting change.

Here’s how the SNAP! Method works:

Stop: The first step is to pause. When you’re caught in the whirlwind of a narcissist’s manipulations, the best thing you can do is take a step back. This isn’t about giving up; it’s about giving yourself the space to think clearly.

Notice: Pay attention to what’s really happening. Notice the patterns of manipulation, the subtle ways the narcissist tries to control or belittle you. This step is crucial because it allows you to separate your emotions from the narcissist’s tactics.

Ask: Here’s where faith comes in. Ask yourself how your faith informs this situation. What would Christ advise you to do? What does scripture say about your worth and how you should be treated? By grounding yourself in your faith, you can make decisions that align with your values rather than the narcissist’s agenda.

Pivot: Finally, take action. But not just any action—action that’s rooted in your faith and values. This might mean setting boundaries, seeking professional help, or even walking away. Whatever it is, it’s a pivot toward a life of peace, away from the chaos the narcissist thrives on.

The SNAP! Method isn’t just a tool; it’s a lifeline. It’s a way to take control of your life, not by fighting fire with fire, but by leaning into the strength and wisdom that comes from your faith.

Moving Forward with Confidence and Faith
Narcissism is a tough opponent, but it’s not invincible. With the right tools and a strong foundation in faith, you can navigate even the most challenging relationships. Cognitive dissonance and emotional manipulation don’t have to control your life. By understanding these dynamics and using the SNAP! Method, you can reclaim your power and start living the life God intended for you—a life filled with peace, purpose, and unwavering faith.

I’m Bridgette Morris, with over 20 years of experience in helping individuals break free from the grip of narcissism. I’ve authored a book on the subject and founded the Healing Life Institute, where my team of five dedicated professionals all approach narcissism from a faith-based lens. Together, we’re committed to guiding you through true healing and lasting transformation.

Let’s start this journey together.

My Theological Construct of Marriage

I submit that one’s personal theology, core values, beliefs and ultimate understanding of biblical doctrine all buttress one’s framework of marriage. Several questions arise regarding one’s value system, one’s belief system, socialization, cultural exposure which serve to shape the lens by which couples view the world. As such, to avoid repetitive issues, problems and conflict in marriage, there must be some level of unity with respect to the philosophy and/or biblical theology of the marriage couple (Genesis 2:24; I Corinthians 11:11; Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). Elwell (2001) clearly outlines the similar relationship between theology and philosophy, “Since theology and philosophy both engage in critical analysis of the meaning of terms, follow a strict process of observation and reasoning to reach conclusions, and traditionally sought to formulate a consistent worldview, philosophy and theology are overlapping disciplines (Elwell p. 1163). In this regard, the Bible explicitly states, “Hear this word that the Lord hath spoken against you, O children of Israel, against the whole family which I brought up from the land of Egypt, saying, You only have I known of all the families of the earth: therefore I will punish you for all your iniquities. Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:1-3, King James Version). To better explicate the relational functioning of marriage from a theological perspective let us first examine marriage in the context of creation.

The Creation of Humanity

Seeking to understand the relationship of humanity to God, from a perspective of image and likeness, is an extremely complex issue. As such, any serious attempt to understand what it means to be made in the image of God is centered on the premise of the doctrines of humanity and creation. Several biblical passages speak of the image of God. The best-known is probably Geneses 1:26-27. Verse 26 is God’s statement of intention; it includes the terms (tselem) and (demuth), translated respectively, “image” and “likeness” (Erickson, 1998, p. 519). While the content of the divine image remains a matter of debate, its significance as a marker for human distinctiveness within creation is a matter of broad theological consensus. The problem is that such an assessment of the “imago dei” seems altogether out of keeping with its place in the Bible (McFarland, 2005, p. 1). To establish a sound theology of marriage, one must seek to establish a relationship between humanity and the “likeness” and “image “of God. In terms of creation, what distinguishes man from any other creature? Man is not only a creature, but he is also a person. And to be a person means to have a kind of independence- not absolute but relative. According to Baker (1991), “The idea of the image of God means that humanity has a unique relation to God. There is something about God that is also true of human beings but not true of animals” (p. 36). Implicitly, God created humanity with free will. In the marital context, there is a strong relational functioning that enables the ability to understand and establish covenant, set goals, establish families, make life-changing decisions.

The Fall of Man

So early was the decision -making ability granted to humanity that it led to “the Fall” of man. At the corpus of the decisions made by Adam and Eve were yielding to temptation and disobedience. According to Elwell (2001), “That humanity by creation uniquely bears the image of God is a fundamental biblical doctrine- as is also that this image is sullied by sin and that it is restored by divine salvation” (p. 591). The discourse of deception created by Satan gives a clear preview of his guile.

Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, “Has God indeed said, ‘You shall not eat of every tree of the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden; but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die.’ ” Then the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was[a]pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. (Genesis 3:1-6, New King James Version)

Adam and Eve’s disobedience resulted in the fall of humankind, led to man’s spiritual separation from God and broke covenant with God. According to Hoekema (1986), the statement “God created man in his own image” intends to do more than just describe man’s spiritual and moral integrity, but rather humankind was “created was to mirror God and to represent God” (p. 66). Elwell (2001) further establishes a theological framework in support of my earlier statement on the related doctrines. He notes: “Hebrew-Christian theology frames the doctrine of the imago in the setting of divine creation and redemption” (p. 591). As such, the reader should begin to observe a common threat not only of humanity link to God’s image and likeness, but also to the theological constructs of creation, the fall and now redemption.

The Redemption Plan of God

The Son of God, who as the divine Word is the expression of the will and power of God, is not only the agent of creation by whom all things were brought into being and providential sustainer of the universe as a historical continuum (Col. 1:15-17; Heb. 1:2), but also the redeemer in and through whom all God’s purposes of creation are established and brought to fulfillment. In 2 Corinthians 4:3-6, the Apostle Paul links Christ as the “imago dei” with the glory-Christology evident throughout the New Testament.

But even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing, whose minds the god of this age has blinded, who do not believe, lest the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine on them. For we do not preach ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord, and ourselves your bondservants for Jesus’ sake. For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. (2 Corinthians 4:3-6, New King James Version)

I posit that the fulness of God’s redemptive process cannot be fully comprehended in the absence a revelation of God’s atonement. According to Hughes (1989) “The whole purpose of the incarnation was our redemption. The person of Christ receives its full meaning from the work of Christ” (p. 342). The Bible vividly makes the work of the Cross a very passionate experience. “And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross” (Philippians 4:6, New King James Version). In the marriage context, God’s agape love becomes the model to which married couples should aspire (Ephesians 5:21-25). According to Parrott and Parrott (2006), “Consummate love results from the full combination of love’s three components: passion, intimacy, and commitment. Consummate love is the goal toward which every marriage strives” (p. 43). In summary, relational functioning in a marriage may perhaps best be sustained through consummate and unconditional love, oneness and unity in both the natural and spiritual, an intentionally willingness to fidelity, commitment, sacrifice, forgiveness and submission to the divine will of God. Hamilton and Cunningham (2000) affirm the conciliatory view of marriage. He notes that “Jesus came to set in motion the healing God had promised when Adam and Eve shared the great tragedy of the Garden. He came to end the painful consequences of a broken and sinful world, including the rift between men and women” (p. 111).

References

Baker, W. H. (1991). The Image of God. Chicago: Moody Press.

Elwell, A. W. (2001). Evangelical dictionary of theology. Grand Rapids: Baker Academic.

Erickson, M. J. (1998). Christian theology. Grand Rapids: Baker Academic.

Hamilton, D. & Cunningham, J. R. L. (2000). Why not women? A fresh look at scripture on women in missions, ministry, and leadership. Washington, Seattle: YWAM Publishing.

Hoekema, A. A. (1986). Created in God’s image. Grand Rapids: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Company.

Hughes, P. E. (1989). The true image. Grand Rapids: W. B. Eerdmans Publishing Company.

McFarland, I. A. (2005). The divine image. Minneapolis: Augsburg Fortress Press.

Parrott, L. & Parrott, L. (2006). Saving your marriage before it starts. Grand Rapids: Zondervan